Does anyone out there have any techniques to curtail whining? My 3 year old daugther is a very good girl but lately she is a whining maching. Everything that comes out of her mouth is in a whiny voice. I always say no whining but that doesnt seem to help. Is it better to not respond when she whines? Any suggestions would be very welcome.
"I can't hear you," when she's whining. As soon as she doesn't whine, enthusiastically respond. Record her whining. Play it back to her. Whine to her and ask her how she prefers you to talk to her.
Hi Annie, same problem here with our 3yo girl. I basically keep doing what I am doing and tell her in a regular tone that I will not listen to her until she is talking like a big girl. My husband caves so I tell him to leave the room when she is like this. I can tune it out no problem when I listen to it day in and day out. It has since improved but not completely gone. Baby Steps. Good luck.
I like Britta's response, however you can take it a step further. 3 yr olds desperately want your attention constantly, so when she starts to whine ignore her. Don't speak to her, walk away or turn your back. If she keeps up the whining (I assume it's when she is asking you for something as my little girl who is 4 now did) look her in the eye and very calmly tell her that when she can ask you the right way, she can have what she is asking for. I make my kids say, "Can I have (blank) please?" It doesn't take long for the whining to diminish. Notice I didn't say it stops. Kids forget, and the whining peeks it's annoying little head up once in a while, but a quick reminder that they don't get what they want until they ask correctly takes care of it. Ok, after posting my response, it happened! My sweet 4 yr old girl whined that she was hungry and thirsty. I ignored her...she persisted...I still ignored her...she still persisted...I told her that when she can ask the right way for something to eat and drink, I will be glad to fix her a snack. She wanted nothing to do with that. I sat down to watch the news and kept ignoring her theatrics to get my attention. Next thing I knew, she was snuggled up with her blanket and napping on "the big chair." I suspect when she wakes up and is ready for lunch, she will ask nicely. Just thought I would share my first hand experience of the day.
I definitely agree with the others. My daughter used to do that and heck even now she has started up again and she is 6. If you tell them you aren't listening they will think about why not. I used to tape record, then I video recorded her whining. We also would talk back in a whiny voice alot and she got tired of it. It takes a little time but eventually they seem to get upset and feel embarassed so it will end. Just be patient and hang in there. #1-Dont give in to her whining if she does it everytime she asks for something. Good Luck.
I always tell my kids "I'm sorry - I can't understand you when you're whining. You'll have to come back and talk with me when you can do it without whining." If my oldest (8) tells me she's not whining, I talk to her the same way she's talking to me so she can hear how she sounds.
Ignore her. Just walk off when she whines. Both of my kids had to learn the hard way I won't respond unless they ask nicely without whining, even then sometimes the answer has to be no.
Warn her once with "I will not listen when you whine, if you need something please talk to me in your normal voice"...if she continues, walk away. Once she figures out she will get nowhere with the whining it will stop. It is a normal phase and as long as you aren't giving into her when she whines she will get the hint sooner then later. My seven year old will whine still on occassion and I just say "I cannot help you if you whine"..and she stops right away, hee hee.
It is much better to not respond! :)
Save the "no" for safety issues. Tell her that big girls don't whine, and when she finds her big girl voice you'll see what you can do for her. Then, when she's whining, go about your business and ignore what she's saying until she uses a proper tone of voice.
My 3-year old whines a lot too. If she is whining b/c she wants something, then we tell her she has to ask in a normal or regular voice before she will get it. Sometimes it takes her 3 tries to get it. I think she gets the point, but I don't know if this lessens the overall whining we still get from her. Would love to know how others eliminate the whining altogether!
Hi Annie,
I have 3 girls, 4,3 & 5 mo. The two older girls always whine, but especially the 3yro. It was getting so bad that she whined when she said everything! Well I was getting frustrated so I started saying, "I'm sorry, I can't hear you when you whine." And I would not respond to what she was saying until she could talk to me in a normal voice. Now she still whines, because I don't think I can completely cut that out but she knows as soon as I say I can't understand you she completely changes her voice. I also make sure she says "Mom, can I please have a glass of milk" or whatever." I also try to make a big deal of it when she says it right. I smile and say YES! of course you can have a glass of milk thank you for asking so nicely and she loves the positive attention (because she gets so much negative attention sometimes! Terrible 2/3's!) I hope that helps. Good luck with your girls!
I went through a similar thing with one of my daughters several years ago when she was three. What worked for us was a very simple sticker chart that we kept on the fridge. It was just a piece of paper upon which I had written "I can be happy!" We explained to her that whining and fussing about things didn't make anyone happy, including her, and told her that every time she asked for something nicely, or talked in a happy, nice way, she would get to choose a sticker to put on her chart. It worked like a charm! This might not work for all kids, but it's worth a shot.
We had this same problem with my husband's daughter a couple of years ago at about the same age. The thing I think was most helpful for us is everytime she started her whining, we would stop her dead in her tracks and tell her that we don't understand whine and if she wants or needs something she will have to speak normally. If she continued to whine, we just ignored it. I think the key is to stop her, speak over her until she learns that it is not acceptable
My son did that too. I just reminded him every time he used a whiny voice that I couldn't help him until he used his big boy voice. It didn't take long. If he's seriously whining about something he's upset about, I just tell him I can't hear him until he uses his big boy voice. Now I hardly have to remind him at all!
Hi,
Two things bother me more than others and that is whining and disrespect. I understand what you are talking about! I do child care and have taught preschool. What I found helpful when a child is whining is, I say..."I don't speak whine." Then I proceed to explain how I want it asked and worked with them. If that doesn't work, I say "I don't speak whine, how do you ask me not speaking whine?" and work with them again. After that if they do it again, then I do not respond. Most of the time they get it. However some children need to have more coaching. I do the same thing with manners. I usually ask, how do you ask me using your manners? It takes time and a lot of patients.
Hope you find some great advice.
Blessings,
Shannon
My daughter went through this as well so I know how annoying it can be. The thing that I found worked the best was to act like I couldn't understand what she was saying. I would keep saying "what?" every time she wined but in a very sincere way. I would even get down on her level so I was looking her in the eye and say, "I'm sorry honey, I can't understand what you are saying when you talk like that, can you try again?" Then when she said it without wining, I would repeat what she said in a normal voice for confirmation (even though I knew all along what she was saying). Once she confirmed my understanding, I would then answer or respond to her like I normally would. The process is the point here. It begins to take so long for them to get their point, want or need across that she will quickly drop the whining to avoid the process.
My daughter is 5 now and still pulls out the winey voice every once and a while and this still works on her. I basically can't hear or understand anything said in a whiny voice.
Good Luck!
Interesting how everyone is saying pretty much the same thing. We use the I can't understand you when you are whinning technique as well, My phrase is "I'm so sorry sweetheart I can't understand what you are saying" I also say "Say please, please." I use please with her as well so she hears it often. Add one more piece for us when she is just having a rough time because she is tired and grumpy--or just because, it usually ends up she will cry when the whinning isn't working so I tell her I love her and that it is okay to cry when she is frustrated, go on up to your bed and have your cry out and we can talk when you are ready.
I saw a friend do this at her house and thought that really works? turns out it does.
She comes back down almost immediately most days, once in a while she cries a bit first then we snuggle and she asks nicely for what she was wanting (if she even remembers what it was lol)
Dear Annie,
the best way to deal with whining is to not give the child what he or she wants unless it is asked for appropriately. Just saying No Whining is not enough - you have to also not give in to what she wants - so if she's whining for you to give her something -don't give it to her, no matter what. When she comes back later and asks for it in a proper voice, then you can give it to her. It takes a lot of patience and practice, though. It can be hugely annoying, but you just need to keep repeating that she has to ask in a proper tone of voice and NOT GIVE IN!! Good luck!!
take care, Susan
As annoying as her whining is, she might not realize that she is whining. You might want to try playing a game where you use your voice in different ways: talking in a high voice, a low voice, a nasal voice... Once she's able to identify the sounds she's making, you can try asking her to use a different tone of voice when you hear her whining. Sometimes the best way to stop an unwanted behavior is to reinforce her positive behavior, so be sure to compliment her when she speaks without whining. Good luck :)
I have been an early childhood teacher for 17 years and have had to deal with that a ton in the classroom setting and help many parents along the way with that problem. I usually try to show kids what different tones of voice sound like and tell them that whining hurts my ears and sounds yucky. I say, "you need to use your big girl voice when you talk to me (or people)" and I do not acknowledge the content of the whining until it is repeated in an appropriate voice that is not the cranky voice. When a child is actually cranky about something, you can say, "it sounds like you are cranky or upset. What can I do to help?" When the whining seems to be the only way a child talks, they need to know how annoying it is to be around. Good Luck!
It may sound silly, but when my kids whine, I whine right back. In the whiniest voice I can muster, I say that I can't understand people when they whine. They have to stop whining before I can understand them. Usually my daughter laughs and uses her normal tone of voice. On occasions, she's gotten upset and told ME to stop whining. It shows them that I don't respond to whining because I "can't understand" what they're saying, and also shows them how incredibly annoying whining can be. They still get whiny sometimes, especially when tired or hungry, but it usually ends fast. Good luck!