When my son starts with the whiny voice thing, I whine right back to him. At first, he hates it and gets really mad - because I'm taking his weapon - but if I keep at it, and get a little silly with it, pretty soon he crack up and we both end up laughing.
It's a great little trick I learned from a very wise mother long before I was a mother. I used to do it when my nieces (now in their late 20's!) went through that whiny stage. My sil still laughs at how well it worked and what a family joke it became. NO ONE could out whine ME! Lol.
The trick is not to get sarcastic (mean), and to keep at it until they crack. Some kids are SO entrenched they will throw a tantrum before they give it up. They hate it that you've taken away their secret weapon. Don't give up! It can be a great little joke between the two of you, and help your daughter let go of the whinies.
I definitely feel your pain. The most effective thing I have found is to "not hear" what she is saying. Sometimes I just completely ignore it and other times I'll just say, "I hear a noise, but I don't know what it is." We have had the discussion of what a whiny voice is. When she realizes she's not going to get what she wants by whining, it typically puts a quick end to it.
We had/have this problem too. I highly recommend a book called 1-2-3 Magic. It is a great program that has worked really well for us not only to stop the whining and other behaviors but it also has helped put a program in place to start and encourage good behavior. Now most of the time all I have to do is hold up one or two fingers and the whining stops! It really is Magic!!!
I think that is the best way to handle it... not respond.
But of course at first you need to tell her why you won't be responding.
I have an infant myself, but my younger nephews are over all the time and I was a nanny for years and my trick was in the beginning I would tell them when you whine I can't hear you...
When you stop whining I will answer your question or help you out, or whatever it was they were going on about.
So when they would start up I would just stay silent and do my thing. From time to time I would say "I can't hear you"
Of course this does take a bit of time and patience but soon they catch on.
Same goes for temper tantrums. I would say you can have a fit in your room but not near me. So please come back when you are done. Sometimes I would even pick them up and put them in there room and let them know they were free to leave when they were done. That they weren't in trouble or anything like that. Just that they can't throw fits out of their rooms.
Once they see they don't get the responses from you, they do change their ways. It isn't an over night fix, but it sure does and did work for me.
i practically raised my neice with my mom when i was younger and when her mom and dad would come home late at night she would become really whiny or when they would bring her over to be babysat all up untill they would leave she would just constantly whine at them. I believe it was because they would finnaly give in to her just to make her stop and go play, but as soon as they would leave the whinning would stop because my mom and I would not put up with it we would say no whinning and if she continued we would ignore her (to an extent, depending on the need of course) until she stopped talking in that whinny voice. Just be consistant and it most likely just a stage so have patience and jsut keep repeating your self or ignoreing her until she gets the picture, which will happen sooner or later.
I believe in positive talk -- so say "please talk in your big girl voice". First, sit down and talk about why she can't whine and what you are going to say and do. I think it helps to show them what they sound like when they whine and why we shouldn't do it. With most things I count to 3 and then there is a consequence if not done by Count 3. The other option is to ignore her until she talks to you correctly, but remember to tell her thank you when she does.
Are you sure that your daughter understands what whining is? At that age we often tell them not to do things, like whine, but they don't really know what whining is so they cannot stop. She will still whine once she knows what it is, but it is easier to address it.
My friend's parents had an effective approach to whining. There was a set punishment for whining like no tv for a day. If the kid said, "Mooom" or anything else in a whiny voice she would immediately tell them they whined and they were grounded from the tv for a day (I really can't remember what the actual punishment was) and would then ask them what they wanted. None of the kids were whiners after that system was put in place. There were no warnings at all. The minute a whine came out of one of their mouths the punishment was enforced.
Thanks for asking this question, as we're going through the same thing. With my daughter, if my answer to her request is going to be 'yes', then I tell her to ask the question again in a different way, and then I praise her using polite words and tone of voice-- I think that has helped.
It doesn't work if the answer is going to be 'no', so I'm going to try the whine-back-at-her until she gives up approach!
Tell her "I can't understand you. You need to use your big girl voice." Then act as if you don't understand the whine, even if you do. Model a big-girl voice whenever you talk to her (don't use the little high-pitched voice we all like to use around kids anymore). She will still whine at least some, but she will also learn that to get what she wants she needs to talk clearly without whining.
And don't worry - most kids go through this stage and she'll grow out of it eventually.
My daughter is in a whiny stage also. Also throws fits. We tell her we can't understand her when she is whining, and she needs to ask us when she can ask nicely. Sometimes we tell her she can whine all she wants, but she needs to go to her room to do it. Same with the fits. She can cry all she wants, in her room. She is not being punished, we just tell her we don't want to hear it. She is free to go in and come out when she is done. When she comes out we just ask her if she is ready to be nice and talk nicely.
Whine back at her...seriously most kids HATE it and when they say stop or quit then you reply if you don't whine at me then I won't either.
Worked with my 3 anyway even the one who is learning delayed hated it.
this is an age thing..I am on my second one with this..one girla nd now a boy. We removed them. It is really hard for me at the end of the day but I take a breath and then pick them up and put them on the couch in the living room. Then I say: when you can talk to me calmly (or whatever) then come join us.
Love and Logic for the Early Years
Also, when she isn't whining...point that out. say: I like how you asked for the .... the way you said that was very sweet. I noticed you asked for that with a please.
Try...I know it is sooooo hard...to figure out what she most often whines about and "fix" that. So like if it is always 4 pm while you are preparing dinner, get her to help set the table and other tasks to earn allowance. Or give her 3 pretzels (he age) and make her count them out. then say she can have three more when dinner is served and no sooner. Set a routine and then reply: It is what it is and don't get upset. she is learning to manipulate and whining works..most parents just shove a cracker in the child's hand or buy the toy to shut them up...when tat only trains them to whine more...because they got a reaction.
Sara has hit the nail on the head! Your daughter is trying to get your attention in some way. I learned that if I stop and treat my child just like I would another adult (with respect and a willingness to try to fix the problem or at least listen for a moment), they learn that all they need to do is ask. The whining is usually because they need something (something to do, eat, sleep, whatever). It was always bad when they were in overload and trying to cope. By responding to them and showing them ways to solve their problem (the cracker before dinner, for example)we have helped our children recognize that they don't need to whine to fix things. For example, if we were at the park or a family party and my son would get whiny and want to go home (making us all miserable), I would help him find a quiet spot (maybe my lap or the stroller) and we would relax while I continued to visit. Eventually he learned he just needed his space and would do it on his own. This strategy has worked well for other things like food, entertainment etc.....sometimes they just need to know that you are there for them. Good Luck!!
I say, very sweetly and sincerely, "I am sorry. I can't understand you when you talk in a whiny voice. Could you talk in a big girl voice please?" I ignore the whiny voice and then respond whole-heartedly and immediately when a big girl voice is used. I also say, "I am so glad you decided to use your big girl voice! It sounds so nice!"