I suggest that you and your husband get counseling quickly. Please contact me for suggestions.
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WOW!! i have to say that i am so touched by all of the responses i have received!! It really helps to know that complete strangers can care so much!! Thank you all for all of the wonderful words of wisdom. I would like to elaborate a little on the situation because when i wrote the request i did not think i would get many responses but a few of you have asked a couple of things. When i REUNITED with my husband (we met way back in elementary school and i had a huge crush on him!!!), He was fresh out of police academy and a proud rookie of a local police department!! He was also an accordion player for a very famous tejano (tex mex) band back in the early 90’s (he was young when he played with them)!! He was very, very, responsible and had all of his marbles in order to a T!! I fell head over heels for him because we met while i was very ill and in and out of the ER!! Our very first date believe it or not was in the ER!! He met me there after a long night of work, right after his shift and stayed with me until i was released!! He made sure i was VERY WELL taken care EVER SINCE!! I was unable to eat and had lost a massive amount of weight, i owe it to a severe amount of stress and depression being as i was trying to handle a full time job, full time school, and still be the partying 20 something that i felt i was supposed to be!! Also, i was dating a married man (i didnt know and when i found out, i just hit rock bottom). So…my husband came and literally saved my life!! We have so much in common so naturally, we became best friends before lovers and that is what admired most about him!! Anyway, Like i mentioned above, he was very responsible with his money and credit and just about everything else. He didnt live lavishly like most men his age did, he lived comfortably but not lavishly. Granted he still lived at home, i understood because that is just part of the Hispanic Culture, sad to say. We are expected to live at home until we marry. At the time, His mother lived with my BIL (the other one who pays the bills). He had recently gone through a divorce and was raising two children on his own, one that was his and one that belonged to his ex wife that he had raised from birth, she had decided to just leave and move miles away and left both children with him. He is also a police officer with a crazy schedule so, the MIL moved in with him to help out with the children, this is when she stopped working. Now, i understand my BIL situation, single dad, hard working…no mother figure, so natrually, my MIL felt she had to take over. Well, about a year ago, my BIL decided that his children were old enough to decide whether they wanted to be with him or their mother and they chose their mother who lives in another state. Since he did not have the kids anymore and he was still a single man, he decided that it was time for his mom to move out and be on her own and give him his privacy. In order for this to happen, he and my husband agreed that they would HELP her pay the bills until she found work and was back on her feet again. She did have a part time job for awhile and it seemed to work out okay at the time being. However, she decided to quit that job and look for one with a little more pay. That was fine by me, i had faith that she would do just that. Since all of this was pre pregnancy and marraige, i didnt mind because i was working and between my husband and i, we did very well for our age. We had planned a big wedding and were to be wed this July. My pregnancy was a sweet surprise!! Since my job was in marketing and i had to be doing a lot of lifting, i decided to quit when i found out i was pregnant. All of this was STILL fine because we had a plan and i assumed that my MIL was still in search of another job. Instead, here we are 9 months later and she has made NO ATTEMPT!! NONE!! Every now and then she will work a week or two as a temp but what she does with THAT money, who knows!! She had landed a decent job a while back and she quit because THEY WOULD NOT LET HER TALK ON HER CELL PHONE!!! OMG!!! That is very understandable especially at a place of employment!! You are there to WORK NOT GAB!!! She CLAIMED that it was because all three of her sons are in a dangerous career field (two officers and one emt firefighter)and if something happens to them she needs to be able to get a hold of!! Seriously??? Wow, i was LIVID!!! I honestly think during the time she did not work that she just got plain lazy and too dependent on her sons!!! Now, she is too used to not having to lift a finger!!! The eldest BIL refuses to contribute to her living expenses, while i agree with him, i also disagree because, HE is the one who USES HER FOR EVERYTHING!!! He calls her over at the drop of a hat to take care of his daughter or HIS MIL who is 90 and cannot be at home alone, and there goes MIL to his rescue!! He is the MAIN ONE with hard feelings towards her yet he uses her every chance he gets then refuses to contribute!!! I have made a compromise to my husband that IF we get a house by some miracle, i will agree to move her in just to accomodate for that expense. I dont want to do that but it is better than the latter and to keep having to dish out for her expenses and ours!! That is IF we get a house though. Right now, we live in one of his dads houses and just pay him rent. I dont mind the living situation but i would love a bigger place for the three of us. His father has NO IDEA that he and his brother are supporting his mother, but if he did, he too would be rather furious!! There is NOTHING wrong with her!! She claimed once that her knees were bothering her and she could not stand long periods of time so that is why she quit THAT PARTICULAR job that was paying her well, and the very next day was out at garage sales and lolligaggin all day!! That is all she does!!! I had mentioned my FIL and his new wife because i admire them for their ambition and hard work!! My father in law has suffered a heart attack in the past and was in poor health for while but still continued to work and began to take good care of himself and now has a clean bill of health and still insists on working!! He did what he had to do and his wife, MY MIL AT HEART!!, is the same way!! She will work if you had to wheel her in on a hospital bed!!! She does not believe in laziness and is NEVER SITTING DOWN DOING NOTHING!! I dont want to stir up any trouble with my in laws because i dont want to look like the bad person but i am at my witts end!! I see how they bash my BIL ex wife for just walking out and leaving my BIL after wiping him out and i dont want to be compared to that! I have talked to my sisters (i have four older)and a couple of them agree with me but the one dearest to my heart(she raised me since i was 3) says that i should be thankful that my husband has the heart to help his mother while she is still around because some day when she is no longer here, my husband any BIL will look back and know that they were there for her. I love my sister dearly but i just dont agree. My birth father for example claims to be disabled and does not work along with his wife who is also disabled. They both receive dissability and smoke like freight trains!! They are also raising my stepmothers grandaughter whom they have raised since birth. (mind you my father never made an attempt to help my sister and BIL with me during this time) Half of the time, they dont have groceries, or light or water due to smoking up their checks and my sisters go to the rescue!! I DO NOT!!! i help when i can with what i can but i DO NOT RUSH to his aide nor have i EVER went without to help them!!! My husband says that the reason i do not understand his situation with his mom is because i have hard feelings towards my father and do not have the bond that he has with his mom. But even if my sister and BIL needed my support every month the way she needs his, i would not do it if i couldnt!! And my bond with them is a stong one being that they raised me!! Also, they would help themselves out as much as they could before asking for that kind of help!! So, there is the elaborate story. I am sorry it is so long but actually it helps to let all of this out!! I am grateful for all of the advice and the counseling referrals you all have made, i will definitely take everyone’s advice into consideration!! Thank You once again and keep the responses coming,i need all that i can get!! I will update soon!! God Bless to you all!!