Why not schedule a massage or day at the spa on Mother's Day so you don't have to see her? You can plan a lunch the day before to celebrate and see her so then you can get the day off as you desire and not have to see her. If that's out of your budget, then see and entertain her on Saturday and explain that your 'gift' is sleeping in and just getting the day off. I think her desire is that you pay her some attention and acknowledge that she too is a mother who dedicated a lot to her children during her life, no matter how annoying an manipulative she is.
I would do like this..........Hey mom I'm taking the girls to the beach at 11am if you would like to come along we would love to have you ; if not then we will be home around 3 and we will get ready to take you out to dinner by 5. I love you good-bye
how about him doing "your" mother's day on a different day? for example : YOUR mother's day is on saturday (he takes the kids to the beach to give you a quiet home), and he - and ONLY he - spends the "traditional" mother's day w/his mom? of course, if he wants to make it a bit more bearable for him, he can take the kids w/him then, too! grandkids can almost always soften even the most demanding/critical of hearts!
mother's day is a day for kids to honor their mother's/grandmother's...nothing says that the spouse HAS to be involved, right? if your mom is still alive & it's a good relationship, can you go to see her on mother's day? that way, hubby can smooth your 'non appearance' with, "Tracie's with her mom today"...or if she's no longer here, "Tracie went to the cemetary today", etc...you get the picture.
good luck to you, mama!
Wow - is your mom in the picture? Even with only 1 mom and you, your poor husband is probably exhausted by even thinking of this!
Give your MIL a time and a plan - something like, "We'll do our Mother's Day stuff with OUR KIDS during the day. In the evening, we'll come take you to dinner." There is NO NEED for a Mother's Day visit to take all day! Spend dinner with her, smiling and being pleasant, then GO HOME.
If you get calls from other relatives, about this or anything else involving her, tell them politely that the subject is between your husband and his mom, and that neither of you will discuss it with anyone else. Don't exhaust yourselves trying to explain and/or justify. It's truly no one else's business.
Good luck! :)
Could ya send HER to the spa instead? I know it really is expensive, but giving her a spa day might yield the returns you want, then daddy can do the (relatively free) beach day with the kids while you enjoy a (completely free) day to read a book and drink tea and use the computer uninterrupted as long as you want.
I vote for you doing mother's day a day earlier or at least on a different day. let him visit his mom by himself.
You know, a lot of mothers of adults with busy schedules and kids are very happy just to receive a card and/or a phone call or some flowers on Mothers day. It seems to me her expectations need to be altered and you and your husband need to get good at not accepting undeserved guilt. She has another child and distance should not keep your husbands sister from sending a card. As for the whole of your MIL's family ganging up on you, it's nothing that an unlisted phone number won't fix - who needs them if they are just going to heap on the insanity.
My Mom tried to lay a guilt trip on me a few years ago (I can't even remember over what) and I told her I have always done what was expected of me to the best of my ability - I got good grades through school and collage, got a career, got married, bought a house, had a child, etc. I have earned the right several times over to do things my way, and if anyone doesn't like it - tough. Granted my Mom is not usually big in the drama department, but she respects my point of view. Sometimes acting like an adult and being an adult is not enough - you have to make a stand and claim your rights as an adult even if MIL has a fit over it.
I agree with TA....its healthy to establish boundaries with people, even mothers. You need to do what is best for you and your household....and as I often remind myself..you are not responsible for others feelings and are not obligated to do something just to appease someone else!
Good luck!!
AHH!!!!!!! PSST GIRL,JUST PICK UP THE PHONE DIAL HER # AND TELL HER HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!!!!!!! let ur hubby take the kids to the beach, his JOB IS TO PLEASE U NOW!!!!!!!! dont let her guilt factor bother u and ur hubby..UR A MOTHER AND U NEED UR GIFT ON THAT SPECIAL DAY!!!! IT'S NOT MANDATORY TO SPEND THE WHOLE DAY WITH HIS MOM!!!!!! wheres ur mom in all of this?
Wow! I SO appreciate everyone’s great ideas! My hubby decided to give me a spa treatment on Saturday and while I’m there he’s going to bring our little ones and take his mom out to an inexpensive lunch & give her her gift. Then Sunday will be a quiet day at home for me while he takes the kids out for the day.
I completely agree with all of you about setting boundaries and standing up to his mom. Believe me, that is not the problem! Hubby has no problem telling his meddling, controlling mother where to stick it. Our main concern was for his ailing grandparents and not wanting to cause them any undue stress via their daughter’s drama. Honestly, once they pass away, there will be no more Mother’s Day issue.
Thank you all so much for taking the time to help me with this. Here’s hoping MIL’s lunch with her son & granddaughters is enough to keep her from making everyone in the family completely miserable - wish us luck!