First off, let me say that I have a good life. I love it. My husband works a lot of hours every week so I can stay at home with our 2 year old son. And I appreciate that and I try to show him how much every day. But, sometimes I just don't feel like he appreciates me. Every holiday that comes around is just another day around here. I don't even get a homemade card. I don't really want a gift. I would love the homemade card. But, not even for my birthday did my husband get me a card or have my son make me a card. It hurts my feelings. To me, those things are important. I'd like to be able to look back one day and see all the things my son made me for my birthday, Mother's Day, etc. As of right now, I have nothing. I know my husband works a lot, but he does have some alone time with my son to color me a picture or make me a card. Is this asking for too much?
You need to tell him that he is hurting your feelings by not getting you a card/gift for your birthday. Also, tell him that he is not setting a good example for your son on how to treat his mother/future wife. In fact, you should help him make a Mother's Day card for you to give you. He'll be so proud of himself.
Again - tell him he is hurting your feelings. He'll never know that you feel this way if you don't tell him.
Last night I told my husband what I want for Mother's Day. This way, he'll get me what I want and we will both be happy. You can try telling your hubby "I want XYZ for Mother's day from you and the baby" and where to go and get it. Nothing like an outright hint! Then if he doesn't get it for you - ask him why not and tell him that you are hurt. And that you deserve a gift for being a wonderful mom. Just be aware that you will have to pound this in for a while to come... Good luck - and happy Mother's Day!!
Is not asking too much at all. The only support I can offer is that in about 2 more years you'll get tons of cards and pictures from your son. I just had a birthday and my 5 yr old daughter and 7 yr old son made me cards, pictures and letters. Wanna know what my hubby got me? Nothing. We did go on a trip that I wanted to go on, but I still would've liked a card or flowers from him. In the meantime, work with your son on making cards for other people for birthdays and stuff so he learns how. Next time your bday rolls around and your son is 3, tell him it's going to be your birthday, ask him if he wants some time to draw or make something and I bet he'll do it all by himself! My 5 year old daughter even asked my hubby if he would help her make a brownie mix for me and he said he "didn't feel like it right now"!
Everyone wants to be appreciated and I don't blame you one bit. Working to support you so you can stay at home is a nice thing but it is also something that needs to be done. Did he come from a family that didn't celebrate Birthday's and Holiday's maybe he just doesn't know it is expected not that it excuses him or makes not even giving you a card from your son right? You might just have to show him what it is like to celebrate. I am sorry you didn't get a Birthday card maybe you will get a Mother's Day Card. Happy Birthday whenever it was and HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY too.
Kay
Wow, this is bash Hubby day........did/does his Dad do that for his Mom? Do you do this for him? If the answer is yes, then he is just being insensitive. If you weren't there, he would have to pay a lot in daycare and house cleaning for what you do. A gift now and then isn't going to kill him.......I wouldn't say anything, I would sit down with my son today and help him make you a pretty Mothers Day card.......then show it to the hubby........if he doesn't get the idea, and yes, tell him what you want.........flowers, a plant, gift card whatever, then it's time to sit down and have a serious talk....
Happy Mothers Day.....and take care.
I agree with JC. You need to communicate to your husband that it is important that he have your son make a card for holidays so that you can feel appreciated. Unless you tell him then he is not going to know, and you are just going to continue to feel unappreciated.
The only thing that could be asking too much is if you're asking him to read your mind. While it seems inconsiderate, possibly selfish, and not necessarily the norm, he might truly have no idea that you feel hurt and upset by not receiving gifts or cards or acknowledgement. Just tell him how you feel. Tell him you'd really appreciate him taking a little time to do something for Mother's Day, your birthday, etc. He might just really not know that you want something. Maybe his family didn't celebrate these things when he was younger. Appreciate yourself and your contribution to your son. Regarding how underappreciated you feel, tell him how you feel and what you want. After all, he is just a man. If he needs instructions, he's not likely to ask for them :)
No, it's not too much...if you've told him that's what you'd appreciate. If not, he doesn't read minds. I would comment on it in passing. See if that's enough to plant the see for Mother's Day.
Tell him. Men don't read minds and they don't know what you want unless you tell him. Maybe his family doesn't do holidays, maybe this is the way it was in his house growing up. Make sure you tell him how it makes you feel and I bet you will get some amazing results.
I agree that your husband is being a bit thoughtless here. Anyone who knows how women work KNOWS that we like flowers, chocolates, etc. I mean, it's that stuff that commercials are made of?
I have moved on past the subtleties in my house. I TELL them what I'd like for Mother's Day...it's never a diamond necklace it's always very simple requests. However I figure if I have an "expectation" to get something, than the least I can do is help my DH out and give him some ideas!
I think we'd all loved to be married to "that guy" who knows the perfect gift, takes time to shop, or buys supplies for the kids to make homemade cards and gifts for us... obviously some men must do that. But other's don't. I don't think it's because they don't care. I think they think..."it's crap" or "she knows I love her"...
Talk to your husband tonight. Give him a glass of wine and say, "I really would like xxx this Mother's Day. Having Johnny make me a card too would really make my day." Don't linger. Don't accuse him of the past issues. Just give him a chance to "surprise" you.
I hope you have a wonderful Mother's Day!
Have you ever asked him to do this? He can't read your mind and doesn't realize you care.
I agree with many - you have to just talk to him. Men need direction and clear direction at that. It may very well be that simple. I agree talk to him about it and let him know that it is important to you - then if he doesn't do it you might have another issue. Good luck and Happy Mother's Day!
You're going to have to spell it out to him in detail. My husband has really slacked off, and I told him he had become really thoughtless -that the more I do the less he seems to care. You have to make it very easy for them most of the time. I send mine links of things I want; tell him exactly what I would like him to help the kids with,etc. It still irks the hell out of me though -especially given the lengths I've gone to in the past to make his holidays and occasions special. I don't do that anymore though -he gets things and cards and stuff from the kids, but I don't sweat it. It only makes me angry to do so much and for him to do so little. SO -spell it out! If he still doesn't do anything, then you have some deeper problems! Also -make it clear to him that it's not the amount of money spent -it truly is the thought that counts here! It's thought and effort and the fact that they considered us.
Try and talk to him. Tell him how you feel.
Some men are just clueless. Clueless and dense.
Tell him... you don't feel appreciated....
Does he even give you compliments?
No matter how much a man works, they sometimes are just one track minded... so tell him how you feel. He may not realize.
You are not asking too much.
You just want to be appreciated... and noticed.
I get like that sometimes too... I tell my Husband. He has a Mom that never expected anything & never said anything... so he "thought" women just don't "need" those things. DUH! I told him his Mom is a martyr... but most women just like some appreciation and are human.
all the best,
Susan
I haven't read the other responses.....yet.
Personally, I'm a really bad gift giver and seldom send cards. I like to do things perfectly, and I get discouraged when I only have time for a quick message. I'd rather call the person and speak directly with them.
But, that's my preference. My husband is the opposite. He's a much better gift giver and puts a lot of thought and effort into birthdays, Mother's Day, Christmas.
I have to ask him what he wants and how to best celebrate his day because how he likes things and how I like things are completely different.
He feels very unappreciated (we're both working parents), but he doesn't see that I put my love and appreciation into doing things for him such as laundry, giving him a few hours to take a bike ride, picking out the kids' clothes the night before so it's not an issue in the morning.
I think you'll just need to tell him how important those keepsakes are to you for the future. I am extremely sentimental and have kept every card, every note, every gift my husband has gotten for me in 10+ years together. He could care less - just differences in personalities.
Good luck and Happy Mother's Day
I can't answer from a married perspective, but single/divorced parents have this same dilema!!!!
However - you can probably use my solution. I have a really good friend (For you do you have a sister, mom, neighbor, other SAHM with the same dilema etc) who "stepped" up and was in charge of making sure my daughter made me cards and stuff for all the appropriate holidays. Now that my daughter is older, my friend takes her shopping and lets my daughter pick out my gift.
Once your son is in school you will get a TON of cards for every occassion (I have arbor day and earth day cards since pre-school!!!!!). The gift thing may always have to be someone else that takes your son.
I know that you are disappointed that your husband doesn't do this (and appears unwilling, for whatever reason). However, isn't the end result that your son gets to participate in giving you a gift? So, in a way, it doesn't matter WHO helps him. He gets to feel good to celebrate you and he gets to build a bond with yet another adult who loves him and can teach him stuff.
My husband is clueless, too. I just have helped our kids make things for me. Even for my bday, Christmas, etc, we go to the store and they find things they want to get for me. I close my eyes and they put it in our cart and pretend I don't know what it is. I think helping your son do it is better than having nothing get done.
Sharon
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A mother who wants a home-made card -- Hallelujah!
If I were a husband/father I might assume that women wanted diamonds or nothing and so maybe your husband just figures a card wouldn't measure up. Seriously tho, if I see one more hideous/manipulative/greedy commercial trying to convince the country that the way to show your wife or mother you love her is to throw money at her, I will scream. As it is, I take every opportunity to explain my annoyance to all my boys and am very clear that what I want and what I pray the majority of women want is:
Their love...I want kisses and hugs and random declarations and art work made just for me.
Their respect...I want them to think about how their actions affect others
Their gratitude...I want them to notice the little things I do and say thank you voluntarily.
Their help...I want them to put their toys away and to clear the table.
Their diligence...I want them to try hard at everything they do.
I guess what I am saying is...If I did not tell them (all of them...hubby too), they might just do nothing (daily or on Mother's Day).
i feel you. exactly the same here. but i don't want a homemade card. i want a day to be for myself and my girls but i never seem to get it. he says i must know how much they love me.
i do.
but i want this day to be all about me and my girls.
and our anniversary is a day after.
got a call from one of my moms today who said i swear to you you tell him he better do something nice or else.
so i called him at work and told him what my mama said. he laughed.
yup, laughed. he thought i was being cute.
i feel hurt that day and then i move on.
he just doesn't have it in him, and totally doesn't know what to do or get.