Let me start by saying that me and my daughters step-mom have both always had hair shorter than our ears, mine often being very very short. My daughter has always wanted short hair and has attempted to cut it off twice. We have to hide the scissors. Her dad refuses to let her cut it short, saying that she is his little girl and should have long hair. Eventually it will have to be her choice. (I think she should be able to NOW) I already let her pick out her clothes so why shouldn't she be able to decide how she wants her hair? I would be glad not to have it in her face or have to struggle with putting it up every day. What age did you let your kids decide how they want their hair? She just wants to look like her mommies. .
Dad will get over it. I got my daughters hair cut in a short stacked bob when she was 2 and she and I LOVED it. Dad was not happy,...but it's not his hair and he doesn't have to comb it or wash it, so he really has no say in the matter. I don't know what it is when dads and their little girls hair, but it's silly that they hold such emotional attachment to something that is not even theirs.
Cut it and let him pout...he'll still love his little girl and he'll get over it.
5 years old is plenty old enough to have some input on hair style...little girls look adorable in short hair and especially during the summer it is easy to take care of. My daughter had really long hair and she wanted to get it cut...granted we didnt do it super short, but above her shoulders...made it easy to take care of for summer and now she is learning to brush and wash her own hair. It is nice for me too as i was the one putting in ponies and styling all the time. I can assume the dad doesnt style her hair everyday? So why would he care so much?? The nice thing is that hair grows back so she can make the choice if she wants to keep it short. Maybe have him and her look through books to find a sytle that they both like.
Dad needs to get over it. Get her hair cut that way she wants it. Its hair -- its harmless.
I think that you and step-mom should take her, together, to get her hair cut. Dad is going to have to learn early on that when it comes to girls, they get no say in the hair or clothes (unless they're trying to go out looking like a hooker!). Besides, five is plenty old enough to pick your hairstyle.
I went through this with my daughter and her dad, my ex. I felt that it was her hair and she should decide. My son, who is younger than her decides to have like a military type cut. She should be able to decide as well.
I took my daughter and got her hair cut. She loved it. But she said "Dad will hate it and say I am not pretty". I then called him and warned him that she cut her hair. He was not happy, but I told him how worried she was and that he just better LIKE it!!!!!
She is 10 now and still decides on her hair cut. Her dad will never think that girls should have long hair, but thats too bad.
Let your daughter cut her hair. It will grow back and maybe she will decide she likes it long. Maybe not, In the end it should be her decision. Good Luck
I was 12 before my mom finally gave in to me begging to get my hair cut. my dad said there was no way that i could have my hair cut. i always had hair down to my butt.. very thick and curly. i was so happy to get it cut (to the middle of my back)! my neice just got her hair cut and she is 5 also. she was so exceited that she was able to donate her hair to the locks of love. plus now that its at her shoulders she doesn't like it as much and wants to grow it out. i would suggest that you go half way, make her and dad happy. shorter than what it is but not too short as to make dad mad. he does still have a say in what goes on with his daughter. if she was older and dad wasn't a part of her life very much then i would agree that he doesn't get a say, but that's not sounding like the case.
i go threw this with my 12 yr old son, he has a lay down mohawk, its to his jaw line on top and shaved on the bottom and he is dying to dye it green but his dad says no. he only see's his dad maybe for an hour or two a month, but he still has the pull over my son by wanting to grant dad's wishes also. (dad threatens if its green you will not be allowed in my house again) me on the other hand say he doesn't see dad very much to have a say so and its only hair.. it will wash out. plus if we would let him do it he would get it out of his system and let it be normal again (and i wouldn't have to keep hearing about it) or if he wanted it green then so be it, a hat will always cover it.
my point in that is dad's do have a say so and kids to want to please both parents even if it is something the child wants alot. plus you do need to respect both's wishes, you wouldn't want him to do something for her that you were completely against. so i would suggest compromise on the length of her hair... even though its only hair! maybe once her dad see's it looks cute and gets use to it being shorter then next time you can go shorter.
My daughter is almost 7 and has had a invertedbob haircut most of her life. Chin length and it's ADORBALE! We've tried to grow it out once as she wanted long hair and hated it, hated the snarles, the putting it up everyday etc.
If your daughter wants short hair, cut it! It's her hair she obviously knows what she wants.
Being that I'm the mom and have a daughter I generally make most or all of the decisions when it comes to my daughter's hair, clothing, etc. I definately take into consideration what my daughter wants. As far as my daughter's dad when he was in her life I didn't let him get much say as he wasn't dealing with it on a day to day basis like I was.
Go cut her hair and tell dad it isn't 1950 anymore girls don't have to have long hair, wear dresses etc.
I think you and her step-mom should make a girl's day and go get her hair cut. She's more than old enough to make this decision, and if dad doesn't like it, too bad. Hair grows back. Tell him to get over it.
My daughter had her hair cut short when she was five, her choice. It was really short and everyone thought she was a boy. It broke my heart, but kept my mouth shut. After a year of thinking it was no big deal, she decided to grow it out. Her hair is extremely fine and curly. Not a great combo for a little girl learning how to wash and brush it on her own. Now, she wants it in her face as much as possible, won't wear a ponytail or put it in a clip or anything. She is a tomboy through and through, but with shoulder length plus hair. This summer , now that she's almost 10, she told me that she's thinking about cutting it short again because she says it sticks to her neck and bothers her when she's playing soccer. Every girl on her team had long hair in a ponytail.
A big part of me wishes she'd just do what the other girls do and put it in a ponytail but I'm also SO PROUD of her that she can think for herself and our family supports her in whatever she thinks is the right thing for her. Kids do have to develop their own self-image and identity and believe me, by 5 they are already well on their way. (I think many girls by 2-3 are already thinking, I'll wear this and I won't wear that.)
If the dad is willing to listen you could share all these posts with him and see if he understands better. It doesn't sound like he wants her to suffer or do anything dangerous. But he needs to grow up and support rather than control his daughter. The important trust and communication building goes on now so that when she's 13 deep down she knows who will be there for her and not just out for their own self interests. I understand the gals who suggested that you and the step mom take her for her haircut, but I wouldn't just count him out completely (unless he's really not ready to let go of his own fantasy.) Find some way for him to affirm to his daughter that he will support her as long as her choices are not too foolish or dangerous. Good luck and enjoy! The years pass too quickly! Melissa
If you decide to be the dictator parent and don't take his feelings into consideration, be prepared for him to do the same. Maybe try to compromise.
We had this same "battle" in our house and we came to an agreement that it would be cut to her shoulders. She was happy it was "shorter" and Dad was happy because it was still a bit "long".
Good Luck...
Sue
Wow, your husband sure knows how to pick his battles! Any three year old will tell you that a five year old who has never been able to choose her hairstyle is being emotionally abused.
How do you limit the one choice that a child CAN make that doesn't have long term consequences ("no - you cannot cut off your arm dear..."). Your husband is being a bozo.
Take her yourself to the hair salon and get her a beautiful, short hair cut. Then let HIM have all of his feelings instead of making your daughter have to be the one who stuffs her feelings daily.
The sad part about this is that once she cuts her hair now, she will most likely never grow it out again. Won't he be glad? WHAT a bozo!
I'd say Dad has been outvoted.
My daughter is one so I haven't gotten to this yet but when I was young my parents allowed me to make choices such as this once I displayed an understanding of consequences. For me this was around four. I got my ears pierced and all was well. The same went for my older sister who actually decided to cut her hair short and get her ears pierced and again, all was well. However, my neighbor and best friend was not allowed to make decisions for herself until she was 16 and to this day she remembers that such a restriction was put on her and she resents it (very much) to this day and she is now 24. She should get over it but she hasn't. Just something for dad to think about. Furthermore, it is her hair, she obviously understands what cutting her hair means and it does grow back if she hates having short hair. I think dad needs to become enlightened and stop thinking about what he wants and more of what his little girl wants. It isn't like short hair is permanent.
I think she should be able to make this choice now! She's old enough to know - within reason how she would like her hair. Let him start dealing with it. Say that's fine she can keep it long, but your going to learn how to style it (Braids, pony's etc....) and let him do it everyday. He'll get tired of it! Is it long enough that she could donate it to Locks of Love - maybe you could get her information on that and she can approach dad with I want to donate my hair - how can he say no to that! She's doing a positive thing for someone else while getting the hairstyle she wants!
I have boys and hair is still not a battle I choose. One likes a buzz cut and I tell him just not so short that his skin shows and he could get sunburnt on his head. The other likes it so long and has such fine hair that it looks ridiculous. The grandparents tell me "You're the parent," cut his hair, but I just figure there are too many bigger battles. Maybe if you tell her dad that she might resent him over this and it may affect their relationship it might sway him. It also sounds like he's being unusually controlling. Is he controlling in other aspects of her life? Is there something else going on that he feels like he needs to take charge of this issue? This heat would be the perfect time for her to get a short hair cut! Maybe that might also persuade him. Good luck!
We are having the exact issue here! My daughter just turned 5 and wants short hair, but my husband says "no."
When she was about 3, her hair was past the middle of her back and he kept saying we couldn't cut it. I finally just took her and got it cut about shoulder length without telling him. She loved it, but kept saying "My dad is gonna be so mad." He wasn't happy, but didn't show her that he was mad.
Since then I have let her hair grow again, but she has been asking to have it short like mine a lot again lately. She says it is hot and in her face all the time. I told him I wouldn't get it cut as short as mine, but somewhere in between. He still says no too.
I think I'll have him read these responses and see if that makes him see that he is being selfish. I don't want to do it again without his consent, but it is rediculous that he won't let her make the decision (within reason).
I really wouln't have it cut super short, cause I've seen little girls who get mistaken for boys and that would be tough too. A compromise would make sense if we could get the dads to give a little!
Good luck!
I would say, talk about it with your husband. Ask him why he feels so strongly and expess your point of view. Let him know that you value his opinion, you're just not sure you agree. Have an open, honest, no arguing discussion about why you each feel the way you do. Then, I think you may be able to come to an agreement (whose ever side you choose).
I also have a 5 year old daughter and we have been letting her pick her hair style since she was around 4. She does an great job at it. She always wants it short (a bob under her ears) in the summer and then lets it grow out a little for winter.