To Boob, or Not to Boob: Breast Augmentation and Me

Breast augmentation wasn’t something I ever seriously considered until after I started having kids. Before then, my small bust size fit my body well, but even then, I put a lot of pressure on myself to keep my waist small, and tummy flat so that I would have a proportionally balanced figure.

Since having the Herd, I literally have no bust… As in, I don’t really even need to wear a bra. I’m in good physical shape from running, and keeping up with the kids, but even though my stomach is decently defined, not having any bust line at all makes it look like I have a tummy pooch or a belly when really my stomach is flat. No amount of working out and eating right can fix that.

While I’m not an overly vain person – I’m really not! – motherhood took most of that away while in the throes of just trying to make it from one midnight feeding to the next – I still like to look nice and have my clothes fit well. And to not look like a 12-year-old boy in a swimsuit. I want to be able to buy the pretty bras, dang it. I’ve realized too, that nowadays I’m putting even more pressure on myself to keep my stomach in unrealistic conditions.

So I finally made the decision to go forward with it.

Normally I’m a confident person, and comfortable with myself, but so far I’ve been unable to resolve this frustration by any other method. However, I have had several reservations about go through with it.

For one, will it affect my daughters in any way when they know I’ve had this surgery? Will they think they should change their bodies to look a certain way or for a certain socially acceptable ideal? Or will they think that I’m ever looking at their bodies critically? I want them to feel completely secure in themselves, and with what God gave them. The Princess is old enough to notice what I have done when I come home from surgery… And LLL will also know one day when she’s older.

Second, will my boys think I’m doing this to please their father (which I’m not… He’s always made me feel very attractive), or that women should change themselves to meet a certain mold? They will definitely notice the change in me. Anyone who has ever met me will notice.

I can’t exactly figure out how I want to explain this to them? I’m thinking of telling them that having children changed my body in lots of ways, just like it changed my heart by growing it four times as big as it was before I had them. And that the doctor is going to help fix some of the changes that happened to my body.

Another crazy thing I’m worried about is that hugging them will feel different to all of us. Yes, it’s still my arms wrapping them up in love, but will I be able to feel them as well as I do now when they snuggle up with me at bedtime? Will they like the way my new hugs feel with something between us that wasn’t there before? I know that sounds silly… But hugs and snuggling are important to me.

I keep wondering if LLL will feel hurt or unloved when I can’t just pick her up all of the time like I do now. And that leads me to another concern; I feel guilty for voluntarily putting myself out of commission in some of my jobs as a mother to have this surgey, when so many moms are put out of commission by things they can’t control.

My hope is that later, my kids will view this as me taking care of myself. Because it’s important for Moms and caregivers to do things that make themselves feel their best.

As usual, I’m probably over-thinking things, but this really is a big decision in my eyes for several reasons.

Many moms have written about being proud of their post-baby bodies, and I commend them. I really, really do. But I think that doing what you can to feel your absolute best is also important. So I’m choosing to do what I think will make me feel even better about my body.

Part of me is scared to post this. I know some will judge me as being selfish or ridiculous. But I feel like NOT taking care of my self mentally and physically is more selfish and ridiculous, because it can lead to resentment.

I will be updating with my thoughts and experiences following the surgery! But what do you think? Would you, could you go through with plastic surgery if you KNEW it would make you feel better about yourself?

Jessica Azar is a wife and mother of the Herd. She blogs about life as a SAHM of four small kids, their misadventures, running and living with Bipolar Disorder at Herd Management. She also loves to read and drink single-malt Scotch Whisky.