Serving Up Grace at the Thanksgiving Table

This is a tough time of year for so many families. I speak from experience. During a season that is meant to be full of JOY and PEACE and GRATITUDE, we are often confronted with family hurts and aggravations that are difficult to take on with any measure of grace, much less with full grace. We tolerate the difficult personalities, rather than face our own need to forgive and extend mercies and unconditional love.

My family lost three members in the last year. Two of them were difficult people, and even in their passing it has been tough to forgive for some of the rest of us in the family. It has made me think about this year in a different light. Our family gatherings these days are small clusters all over the place. The days of the big family “Hell-abrations”, as I have been known to call them, are gone. (Oh come on, you laughed… you know exactly what I’m talking about.

It’s alright, though. Families change and grow, and ours certainly has too. As babies are born and the oldest generation passes, there are changes to family gatherings that are natural. Still, difficulties need to be confronted, at least long enough to share a meal once or twice a year.

“Don’t pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults — unless, of course, you want the same treatment. Don’t condemn those who are down; that hardness can boomerang. Be easy on people; you’ll find life a lot easier. Give away your life; you’ll find life given back, but not merely given back — given back with bonus and blessing. Giving, not getting, is the way. Generosity begets generosity.” ~Luke 6:37-38 {MSG}

This year the gathering at the table I’m hosting is bound to be smaller. I’m pondering how to set a table full of grace because there are still struggles among my tribe.

It’s in my nature to be in constant battle with most of the things in that verse above. Be easy on people, right? What would happen if we invited the ones that get on our nerves? What if we let those who aren’t ready to forgive have the time they need to get there, instead of demanding they do? I want to create a space that people want to come to and stay a while, regardless of what else may be going on in the family. Pride is not the beast I want served at my table.

My grandmother Harriet managed to do it, so I know I have that gene deep down somewhere. Everyone showed up for her, because she made it easy to show up. She was not demanding. She welcomed the prodigals right along with prodigies, and she never made them feel less than the family that they were.

I want to be that hostess. I want people to come to my table and not feel as though they must meet an obligation to be there. I want them to come because they love to come. I want them to know there is grace at my table. Why? Because generosity begets generosity… and we can all use a little more of that.

And I can tell by the way you’re searching,
For something you can’t even name.
That you haven’t been able to come to the table,
Simply glad that you came.

And when you feel like this try to imagine,
That we’re all like frail boats on the sea.
Just scanning the night for that great guiding light,
Announcing the jubilee.

~Mary Chapin Carpenter

Sasha Johns is the wife to one amazing chiropractor and mom and teacher to three little, well adjusted kids. She longs to help women live a healthier life both physically and spiritually, by reminding them that they are “fearfully and wonderfully made”. She is a regular contributor to Middle Places