Real Life Instagram Filter Names
I embraced turning 40. I felt stronger, happier, more content in my own skin than I had at any other point in my life. My marriage was strong, my friendships established. I had accepted my flaws and my pants size… well, maybe not “accepted” my pants size, but I definitely worried about it much less that I had in previous years. I owned 40…
For about a week and a half. And then…
- 40 and 1 month brought with it bronchitis.
- 40 and 2 months dragged along bronchitis… again.
- 40 and 4 months came with a sinus infection.
- 40 and 8 months introduced a bulging disc.
- And 40 and 9 months kicked off with back surgery.
But let’s not forget the multitude of small things that came with turning 40:
- Gray hairs in my eyebrows (My freaking eyebrows!?)
- Parentheses taking up residence on either side of my mouth
- Sagging butt cheeks
- Needing to eat three pieces of grass and one raw almond in order to lose weight
- Working out for hours just to maintain my weight, or on some days, gain a little
- My nose seemed to have grown
- My roots got a little darker
- And I swear I look like a man in every picture I’ve taken
Needless to say, 40 could pretty much suck it. (Insert double bird here for good measure.) However, there has been one saving grace during this year of aging less than gracefully… filters
If it weren’t for the extensive selection of filters offered by Instagram and iPhoto there wouldn’t be a single photo of me from September of 2014 to the present. But if I’m being honest (which I am because you can do that when you’re 40+) I do have a bone to pick with these photo filters, and it can be summed up by asking a single question: Who the hell named them?
First, there’s the Trendy Baby Names Filters: Dexter, Brooklyn, Edison, and Sadie
Next, we have the Places I’d Like to Visit Filters: Nashville, Valencia, Moon, and Juno
And let’s not forget the Is That Even A Word Filters: Amaro, Clarendon, Hefe, and Perpetua
I mean really, photo apps? At 40+ I seem to have a diminished tolerance for bullshit. So in the name of keeping it real, I give you…
Real Life Instagram Filter Names
Stayed up until 2 a.m. pinning recipes I’ll never make.
The dog threw up on the carpet in the middle of the night.
My child told me I had to make three dozen cupcakes for the class bake sale… at 7:30 p.m.
Went to bed at 1:30 in the morning because I just wanted some time to myself.
Partied like I was 22 at Moms Night Out (Making the picture look “artsy” hides the bags under my eyes and greenish pallor).
Science Fair Project was due this morning (Again, make it artsy. No one will know if you truly look this bad or you’re just trying to be creative.)
And finally… I give you the most accurate Real Life Instagram Filter Name:
I woke up 3 times in a pool of my own sweat so if you value your life you will not bring a camera within in 100 feet of me today (AKA: Screw you perimenopause).
Vicky Willenberg is is a wife, mother and obsessive volunteer at her sons’ school. She works in Digital Marketing and Communications while juggling the class bake sale, folding laundry from two weeks ago and searching for the dog who escaped, yet again. You can find her chronicling the good, the bad and the hilarious on her blog, The Pursuit of Normal and on Facebook and Twitter Vicky has been featured on Scary Mommy, Mamalode, Mamapedia and BlogHer. She’s also had the privilege of being published in both HerStories Project anthologies.
