Games Parents Play
I never officially learned the game of chess, yet isn’t that what every parent plays unintentionally? For the first two or three years of their life you are really playing checkers, but it isn’t long before ‘game on.’
This unforgettable match happened just days after moving into a new neighborhood.
November 3rd, 1996
Chess Rule #1 – Make the best possible move.
My worthy opponent in this match was my son Alec, age four. I can’t remember what set the game in motion, but my first move was to send him to his room for a ‘time out.’
He countered my move by simply walking out of his room and down the hallway, parading in front of us like nothing had happened.
Chess Rule #2 – Have a plan.
My wife, Kim, and I were expecting this, and placed him back in his room.
Alec’s next move was unimpressive: he cried at the top of his lungs. We stuck to our initial game plan and ignored him.
Chess Rule #3 – Control the center of the board.
While our last move wasn’t spectacular, we thought it was at least effective, as noted by the sudden silence. Not realizing Alec was ready to counter so soon, we broke a cardinal rule of the game…
Chess Rule # 4 – Always be alert.
It started out as ‘white noise,’ and neither of us could determine its origin. After awhile we decided to get up and investigate, each heading down the hall in opposite directions. Kim followed the disturbance to the back of the house, each step bringing her closer and closer.
Sliding open the back door, my wife (and everyone else within a one mile radius) was treated to the plaintive wails of our desperate four year-old. Head out the window, cheeks flushed, Alec continually screamed his carefully chosen mantra, “Help Police! Help Police! Somebody Help!”
Well played, little man, well played.
Our backyard faces another home’s backyard, beyond that a few hundred feet is a small upscale shopping center – plenty of opportunity for witnesses. Kim immediately ran to the front of the house to listen for sirens, while I sprinted down the hallway to his room.
In spite of the violent kicking and screaming, I managed to pull him from the window and place him on the bed. Clearly he was not happy, but I thought I detected a smug look of satisfaction on his face. I am pretty sure my expression must have given him some measure of gratification, too.
Chess Rule #5 – Always remember the end game.
Parenting, like chess, revolves around one simple concept: choose your battles wisely. I took a few deep breaths and looked my opponent square in the eye.
“That’s it! I am taking your cars away for a week.”
“ I don’t care.”
“There goes your Thomas the Train.”
“I…don’t…care!”
At that point, I started tossing the toys in a box for added effect.
Chess Rule #6 – Know when to trade pieces.
I was in the match of my life. Beaten by this prodigy quite a few times in last couple of weeks, I was determined not to go down easy.
“Your stuffed animals, gone.“
“I don’t care.”
“Your Buzz Lightyear, gone. Your basketball, gone.”
“ I don’t care, I don’t care.”
With no moves (or toys) left, I stood silently and awaited certain defeat.
“Dad?”
“Yes, son.”
“Please don’t take my blanket.”
Checkmate.
Writer Shaw Kobre lives in Santa Rosa, California, with his wife, Kim, and two teenage sons.
