Do You Want to Know the Sex?

I think most women dream about having a daughter. I don’t mean that to sound sexist, it just seems to be a trend amongst my girlfriends. I didn’t so much as dream of having a girl as assume I would have one.

I don’t know why I would make such an absurd assumption. It might be because I come from a family of women. I’m one of three daughters. Needless to say, whatever hair my dad has left has gone white. Or maybe it’s because I’ve always been a bit of a feminist, a firm supporter of my fellow women, and can’t help but share my viewpoints – often with less than enthusiastic listeners. I just assumed that when I had a baby, she would be a girl.

So when my doctor said, “Congratulations! You’re having a baby boy,” I felt thrown. To be clear, I did NOT feel an ounce of disappointment. The cool thing about finding out the gender of our baby was that the news was coupled with the results of our NIPT results (non-invasive prenatal testing). This is the scary (but incredibly informative) blood test you can opt to take at around 10 weeks to find out if your baby is likely to have Down syndrome or one of 300 genetic diseases.

I was so focused on hearing that our baby was healthy, I nearly forgot that learning the gender was part of the package (and a welcome bonus after draining no less than nine vials of blood for the test). So the outcome was great news. Our baby appeared healthy (all chromosomes present – woohoo!), and, according to science, a boy!

“Oh great…awesome,” I whispered, ducking into the copy room at my office so no one would hear me. I still hadn’t shared my pregnancy with my company.

I called my husband who was THRILLED. “Thrilled” feels like an understatement for a guy who built his life passion and career around “Star Wars,” “Indiana Jones,” “Batman,” and pretty much any other dude-friendly film franchise. He basically plans to submerge our child in all things geek culture before the little guy has a say in the matter. I’m already dreading the day when our son officially breaks his dad’s heart by revealing he “isn’t that into Yoda.”

For me, the thought of having a son just seemed… odd. I couldn’t picture it. Obviously, I was relieved to hear the news that all looked good and sort of impressed with myself that his gender was already detectable. Pregnancy affords far too many opportunities to stroke one’s ego. I loved the idea of having a son. I just couldn’t see myself raising one.

Would I be driving him to little league practice? What would he be into? What would we talk about and bond over (aside from our shared lukewarm feelings about Yoda)? For some reason, my mind immediately flashed to his college graduation, and I tried to determine if he would be thanking me for my tireless support or resenting me for never understanding him as a person. I’m sure all parents feel this way, and thankfully I’ve got some time to figure out my little man before college.

My sister has a son who is three, and he adores her. Many are quick to let me know that sons really do love their mothers, but my sister and I agree that those feelings can change over time. Sons, and I’m generalizing, often associate independence with disconnection.

Suddenly, being close with Mom isn’t cool. I get it. I’m not looking to be a “best friend” mom. I accept my role as a guardian, provider and dispenser of wet wipes. But why do sons tend to pull away as they get older? I call my mom regularly. It’s a joke with my husband, in fact, because I’m often reminding him to call his own mother. It’s not that he doesn’t want to talk to his mom (he still totally adores her as he should), he just, you know… forgets.

Whatever assumptions I made about having a boy, ultimately I just want my son to feel connected to me. I want that connection to grow and evolve over time – maybe because we have common interests or maybe because he just feels comfortable enough to lean on me. We might not bond over American Girl dolls, ballet recitals or an obsessive love of horses (then again, we might!), but I hope that doesn’t disqualify me from sharing in his life.

I guess, when it comes down to it, I just really hope he calls me.



Jillian Gordon is the Managing Editor of Mamapedia.com. A Los Angeles-based lifestyle writer and editor, her work has appeared in Beauty Launchpad, Nailpro Magazine, Saturday Night Magazine and Westside Today. She is also the former Content Manager of Mom.me. Jillian is currently expecting her first baby in late November, 2016.