Would You Be Offended?

I took my 3 boy's to Wheels Inn and my 12 year old was in the pool with a bunch of other kids and a little girl jumped on his back and said ( your my chocolate friend) and he didn't get offended at all, because he said everybody loves chocolate. What people should understand is that your son is seeing everything through a child's eyes and to him brown skin looks like chocolate. I don't think there's anything to worry about.

I am an african american woman and I wouln't find it offensive at all. There is a book called "The colors of me" that is used to teach children about different skin colors and it does so by comparing them to different flavors of ice cream. I have been called chocolate all my life by people of my own color and I have never taken offense to it. My son hasn't begun to notice these differences yet or he hasn't vocalized them yet. Skin color can remain an issue for kids for a long time. I have students at my school in the 1st grade who assume that all light skinned people are white and all darker skinned people are black. This is an issue that some people make such a big deal about and to me it is not that serious. We just need to teach our children that eeveryone is different, and african americans especially because we come in all different shades of beauty and chocolate is just one delicious way to describe us.

Hi S. -

I am bi-racial (black/white), my son's father is Dominican. Our family has every shade of skin imaginable. While my son is not old enough to remark (or even notice) differences, I expect it to be quite a learning lesson.

Skin color is such a sensitive issue, but from the mouths of babes no one should take offense. I can't imagine being offended if a child innocently points out a "chocolate" person. As a teen, I remember babysitting for a 3 year old who asked me why my skin was brown. His mother was mortified, but he wasn't being malicious or hateful, so I wasn't wounded. His words would have a different connotation if your son were pointing out the skin was burnt or the color of poop. Who doesn't love chocolate!? :)

I think the most important lesson you can teach your son is that all colors of skin are beautiful, and that people are people no matter the skin they're in. People aren't going to judge you based on your son's words, but they will form an opinion based on your reaction. In that situation I would say something like "Yes, she has brown skin. Remember we learned that people have different skin colors but everyone is the same inside." and then thank the person and say goodbye. Don't be embarrassed or ashamed or feel like your child has offended them. That will teach your son that there is something wrong or he has done something wrong, which (in my opinion) isn't the case.

How wonderful that you have him in a diverse learning environment! And how wonderful that he has friends from different backgrounds. That's a great start in changing the world for the better - I hope he keeps his broad acceptance of people after he's grown and has been influenced by the rest of the world.

When I was a little girl, about 3 or 4 years old I was at the grocery store with my mom. I had never seen an african american before, and I saw a little black boy there. I pointed, and yelled "mom, look at that dirty boy!" I was really loud. I actually thought he was just really really dirty. I remember this. My mom was SO EMBARRASSED. I don't recall what she said to me about it, but she hushed me real quick.

I just thought I'd share this with you, 'cause it's kinda funny, and makes your "chocolate" remark much less embarrassing in comparison.

Good luck, and don't fret.

I have a 2 1/2 year old and can understand how that is an innocent observation. However, I think many people would find it offensive. I know if my child said it, I would be uncomfortable or embarrssed. I would try to explain to him that everyone is different, but what is important is how they act. I wouldn't make too big a deal of it, b/c like swear words, the bigger deal it seems, they more they repeat it.

Hi S.,

My husband and I are an inter-racial couple with 2 beautiful biracial daughters. One is 6 and one is 1. I personally wouldn't be offended to it, but some people may. Our daughter is at the age where she is asking questions about why do mommy and daddy look different? and what am I then? We tell her that she is Caramel color, but that it isn't important what color she is and she shouldn't really be concerned about peoples colors and how they look. I think that is the most important thing to teach your child. I also try to tell her it isn't nice to say things about other people, trying to curb all skin or birth defect issues right there. You have got to love children and there blunt honesty!

Although children are very observant and innocent, I believe that it could be offensive to some. And in my opinion, even if it were offensive to just one person, I wouldn't want my children to innocently say it. I wouldn't make too big of a deal about it. Just educate him on the many different races in the world and the proper names for them...i.e. African American, Caucasian, Hispanic, etc. With so many slang names out there for people that do offend, I'd just stick with what is proper and definitely not offensive.

i like what everyone is saying. i am a black person. i don't know if i would get offended by a child calling me chocolate. because i am far from it. i don't think it is a big deal. what i think is that u should teach your child that there are different races in this world and everyone is not the same color, shape or size. we are all unique in the way god created us. my son is seven he has always went to a school with different races. he asked why some people are black, white whatever color they are and i told him the truth. sometime when need to think not of what are children our speaking but of what our children are thinking. a child that age does not know what blacks have went through they only know what the colors of our skins are compared to their. it is kind of like when they relize that a girl and a boy have different body parts. they will say things that they don't know. the point after all this junk that i am speaking is don't worry to much about unless someone comes to u saying it hurts their feeling. also tell him the correct term when refering to us. also tell him what happened to us that way he knows and that way he can see what hurts us and what doesn't. don't sugar coat anything.

As long as your child is being nice and friendly to his "chocolate" friends, I see no problem with it. Chocolate is sweet and good. There are many other things he could associate the skin color with that are not pleasant. The fact that you son automatically thought of something as nice as chocolate shows alot about the way you are raising him. Bravo.

i would explain the differences and give him the proper terms but tell him that regardless everyone should be treated with respect. i keep telling my daughter that if god made all of us the same color or to look the same this would be a very boring place to live; and she's satisfied with that. but at 3 years old i wouldn't have thought that children really differentiate between races and i found out that i was wrong; my daughter went to a school that was not diverse at all; she was the only white child in a class of 15 children. and there was one other girl that was of asian descent and my daughter was really shy and scared at first because she looked so different from everyone else and then after a few weeks of just talking with her she came around.

I think you should let it go and not make it an issue at all. A big problem with this society is that people are not supposed to notice skin color. But you know what? Skin color is the most distinguishable and the first thing you notice about someone. It's a big part of who they are.

Your child is simply noticing differences, he should not be made to feel there is something wrong with that. He's not doing anything wrong in my opinion. It's okay to let him acknowledge the differences that he sees.

When my four year old brought this subject up this summer, I explained to him that people are different in the same way that animals are. For instance, dogs come in all different colors and sizes, but they are all still dogs. Cats are all different colors and some even have strips, but they are still cats. Birds etc.... This theory also applies to peoples weight and other differences (size, shape, height, the way someone talks etc). I didn't even mention race at all because at this point I don't want him to notice the differences, just the similarities. I think relating it to animals made it very easy for him to grasp. Hope this helps. At age three, I don't think that anyone should take him too seriously, so don't stress. Don't focus on it too much either because you know how they like to push your buttons!!!!!

My 6 year old notices every once in a while, and while I tried to tell her the difference, she is adamant that I am incorrect. Sometimes she will tell me, "you know, that brown family on tv"... When I tried to tell her we were "white", she thought I was just crazy and insisted that we were peach.

Honestly, it is in my opinion much better that they see it as all "shades of grey" if you will. They don't notice that there is anything wrong.

Even my oldest daughter who is almost 10 is insistant that she is part Mexican because my adopted mother is herself Mexican. Children have a pure perception. I don't think that anyone could possibly take offence to a childs innocence.

Always,
S.

This is such an important issue.
Although I love what Cristina C said I disagree with her statement that “people aren't going to judge you based on your son's words”. Actually they will, because how our children handle these types of issues indicate what they are taught (or not taught) by their parents and being called chocolate may not be a welcomed nickname for a lot of people.

It may be a bad idea to assume he will “grow out of it” he could very well grow into it and what we perceive as innocent labeling can turn into something undesired. We tend to underestimate our children.

I think this is a perfect opportunity to casually teach your child appropriate terms and the fact that people come in many different shades and all of them are wonderful.

I wish you the best.

Hi S.,

I am a Mother of 3 beautiful children that are Bi- Racial.It is perfectly normal for a child to start noticing people are different. Of course this is just an opinion, but I think being called chocolate could be offensive to some!! (LOL) I think the important thing is that he learns about diversity and explain that this group of people are African Americans or Asian or whatever the case may be. Being called by your true race is not effensive but different names that children naturally make up could be. Hope this helps

C.

This is one of the cutest things I've heard in a while...thanks for sharing it. In my opinion if your child calling someone "chocolate" is the worst thing he has said, you are doing a wonderful job and kudos to you! I would not worry at all about it! If someone was to be offended by a 3 year old reffering to a person as chocolate then they have a lot of growing up to do. No worries on this one :)

I have a biracial son but he is only 20 months old. I wouldn't find it offensive but some people might?

I would try to explain to him that there are many shades of people and it's ok that everyone is different. There are some great books on Amazon.com to help children understand also.
He is just a curious toddler and once you explain it to him he will probably be less curious.

That's great that he is exposed to many cultures in his preschool!

try checking out books from the library about diversity. There is a really good one i think it is entitled the colors of my world but i might be mistaken. it has actually helped my older daughter. This way you aren't making a big deal.

Hello S.!

I could not stop smiling when I was reading your request. I am a chocolate female (laughing) and I do not find his comment offensive. It just shows me his innocence. But I would encourage you to explain the different colors that people have. There is a variety of skin shades in the black race. Please teach him to show respect and love no matter the skin tone and to look beyong the face. As you know we have enough ignorance in the world.