When to Add Baby Number 2??

Amanda, I just had #2 -- my first, a boy is a great toddler and a wonderful BIG brother -- he turned three shortly after #2 showed up. So they are pretty close to three years apart, minus two months. My three year old could understand that a baby was coming and was old enough to grasp that the little one can't play yet. I have heard and seen horror stories of older siblings doing mean things to babies, but we haven't had any problems yet. I think a three year gap is great --

Child spacing is a personal issue and one that requires thought and perperation (as getting pregnant sometimes doesn't work in your favor). I have 6 children and the spacing varies: 6 yrs, 2 yrs, 14 months, 18 months and 20 months. So if you are debating on whether to have another, decide and just leave the rest to God. As far as the transistion from one to 2, I have found that there are only a couple of times that are hard, when you are feeding and then when you are so tired from a long night with the baby and can't sleep because of the toddler. But once you learn how to balance the needs of 2 kids the rest are easy.
Good luck
J.

don't worry about kids being too far apart. my husband and i are 11-18 months apart from our siblings, so i always thought that had a lot to do with our close relationships. but now i think closeness has more to do with the kids' personalities. i think you should plan your pregnancy for when you are ready to be pregnant. i wasn't ready to try for a second baby until my first was 14 months because my first pregnancy was really hard and my first son was a handful. so my boys are 2 yrs apart and best buddies. i think their friendship has a lot to do with their personalities. they are competitive, which can be stressful, but they also really enjoy eachother and the oldest loves taking care of the youngest. the boys will be 5 and 3 when our 3rd baby is born, and i'm actually looking forward to certain differences. for instance, this time i will only have the newborn in diapers; 5 and 3 yr old siblings can be much more helpful and independent (such as getting their own snack or washing their own hands) than a 2 yr old or younger sibling; one high chair in use instead of two; both boys will be in booster seats in the car, which take up less space and are easier to get them into, etc. i think it's wise to plan for another yucky pregnancy when considering work and other activities. one summer is not too long to postpone getting pregnant. and you will have a chance to get back to doing something you love before sacrificing your body for someone else again. i think we need breaks like that sometimes. i took a class last fall semester, because i was finally not pregnant or nursing, and it felt so good to be in school again! but i figured i probably couldn't take classes the following semester as we'd decided to try for a baby and my past pregnancies were very hard. this pregnancy has not been nearly as bad as my first two as far as vomiting and headaches went, but i have been very tired, so it turned out to be wise that i didn't stay in school and push my body too hard. still, i'm glad i took that one class before this pregnancy. good luck!

Well, my first and second are 4.5 years apart and my second and third are 12.5 months apart. I love having the four year difference because my daughter is a huge help to me and we got past the terrible threes(it really isn't two that's bad, it's three). We wanted them 3.5 years apart, but then we realized that she misses the cut-off date for school, so she would be home an extra year going to kindergarten at 6 instead of 5. Plus, not having two in diapers was a huge help on our pocket book and I can't help, but think of the future. If my kids don't get scholarships we will be paying for college with the first two spread out instead of two college finances instead of them stacked. For all of my girlfriends that have multiple children as well, they all say that three years is a nice age gap. If you do decide to get pregnant while working, which I did with all three of my children. Zofran is the trick- they didn't have it for pregnant women with my first, so I puked 6 months out of my pregnancy, but I took it the entire time I was pregnant with both of my boys and it was the only thing that got me through the day feeling good. It's an expensive magic pill.
As far as two versus one, the transition wasn't hard for me because they are almost 4.5 years apart. Only one set of diapers, one car seat, etc, but two to three has been a struggle, but I know it's because they are 12.5 months apart so their is double everything and you can't grocery shop when one walks off and wonders(because that's what toddlers do) and one is in an infant carrier and there's not enough room for two in a cart. I think if their age gap is suffice it helps a lot. Good Luck!

If you're a hair stylist then the LAST place you want to be while pregnant is at the salon. Most doctors don't even want preggo moms getting dye jobs or perms, because the chemicals can be so nasty. If you were working while you were pregnant last time, I'll be willing to bet the pukiness was caused by the chemicals. If you HAVE to go back to work, ask if you can be there for haircuts & trims and see if they can schedule perms & colors for times when you won't be there. If you own your own salon, then just avoid colors & perms. Also, if your breastfeeding, you should avoid the chemicals as much as possible too. My kids doctor said no one is sure how much exposure babies get while in the womb or from breastfeeding, but that it would be possible for the chemicals to cause issues.
I would talk to your doctor, and see what they have to say. It's nice to be able to get back to work, but if you're not healthy (chemical exposure) then your baby won't be healthy. Not only that, but if you are one of us poor women who are cursed with morning sickness, you don't want to be working and trying not to throw up either.
GOOD LUCK, and I hope everything works out whatever you decide.

No matter how you choose to space, there will be positives and negatives. My second was born on my first's 4th birthday. I was very nervous about them not being friends because of the age difference, but they are such great buddies! My oldest created games that his brother can play and is old enough to understand that the baby sometimes need a little extra help from everyone. The pregnancy was great too because the oldest was potty trained, still napping, and old enough to help out getting his own snacks and then helping with the baby once he came. This is just my experience though, everyone's is different.

As far as your "pukiness" working with a doula from the beginning of pregnancy can be helpful as they have lots of tips on how to deal with this. Here are some doula resources:
birthfirstdoula.vpweb.com, dona.org
Best wishes!

I have 3 children that are 21 months apart, and it was hard at some moments, especially when the first one was almost 2 and the baby wasn't sleeping through the night, but it did get easier. I wouldnt change the fact they my children are so close because they seem to get along really well. Having 2 was a lot different then having 2 but it was a fun experience. I hope that helps.

I got pregnant with my son when my daughter was just over 2 years old, they are three years almost apart and do great. I know some moms have kids as far apart as 5 years. It depends on you and what you want to do ultimately. My kids are far enough in age they play alone however are close enough in age that they play well together (sometimes! :) ). It was nice to have a three year old around when he was born too as she was independent, could feed herself, was out of diapers (other then a month regression) and slept in a big girl bed by the time he arrived.
The second pregnancy was so different for me, completely different.
I can say that two some days is hard, however the pregnancy was a breeze and seemed to fly by when you are busy with a toddler. Then when he arrived, he kind of just fell into the groove we already had down. My daughter loved feeding him, getting me diapers and never was jealous of him.
My daughter was NOT the type personality to be an only child which is a HUGE factor into why I had another one. She didn't like playing alone, always wanted someone to play with and just had that personality of needing a friend/sibling. Some kids don't mind being the only child and do great.

The only time now that two is hard, is when they fight, which all kids (siblings) do. Those are the days I am bonkers but they are getting older. Otherwise, they learn from each other, they play well together and it is fun having two children. Now being divorced, I know my daughter would be so lonely without her little brother around. It was a good choice for me, but you have to decide.
You never know it could take longer getting pregnant the second time too.

My kids are 2yrs 4mos apart, and I like that spacing. A little closer would have been nice, too. I say, if you want your kids close in age, start trying right away. Who knows how long it will take you to concieve. I saw in your post that you are living with family, so that might be helpful for you while you are feeling your worst. I wish I'd had that. For me, that was the hardest part of being pregnant with a toddler--being the sole caregiver (I am a SAHM) and not having the energy to play with my daughter, and wanting to take naps all the time, and she never wanted to! But after the first trimester, as you know, you will feel better. But the tired part seemed to never go away, because I was chasing my daughter around constantly.

After my son was born, I think the first 4 months were the worst. My daughter was a very busy, energetic toddler (she is now a busy, energetic 4 year old) and needed tons of attention, which was hard to provide while also caring for a newborn. She got into a lot of things while I was nursing, so we ended up gating off the living room so I could keep a better eye on her. I also made a nursing box, which was a box of special toys she only got to play with while I nursed my son, so she felt like it was a special time for her, too.

I wasn't sick during my pregjajcies, thankfully. So I don't have any great suggestions about that. But I do want to say that it's not that much harder just having a second one as opposed to one. In some ways it's easier when they're a little close together because they can keep each other entertained some. What's hard is when you have three, then four or more young and very close together. When there's only two, at least you have one hand and arm for each one. Anyway. I wouldn't be too concerend that having two will be very hard. You'll do fine. Good luck!

I've read it is best for your body to wait at least three years between pregnancies so that you have time to fully recover. There are other nice reasons for this spread as well, such as reduced competitiveness between the children. It worked great for my family, and the children are close friends despite the difference in their ages--or maybe because of it. Other moms I've spoken to have also found this a great spacing.

Good luck!

I dunno about the spacing, but we are planning for 3yrs. As for the nausia, I did accupuncture and didn't even feel like puking once during my whole pregnancy.

You could try 1/2 unisom tablet (over the counter sleep aid) at bedtime and 50 mg of Vitamin B6 a.m. and p.m. to help with sickness and it's safe during the first trimester. The sleep center of the brain is the same center that deals with nausea, that's the theory behind the sleeping pill.

The perverbial (spelling?) question....Let's just say yes it is harder but it's different, basically because when you bring in a sibling the 1st one will get jealous and find that he/she is no longer the center of the universe. Unless the 1st one has a child playmate other than you and your husband, this child is going to find out quickly at school that there is a pecking order and sharing is a must and many other rude awakenings. I think it comes down to you and your husband to decide if you want more. Your child will need socialization one way or another.
As far as predicting the nausea thing, you might as well count on it and just deal....Good luck on house hunting and just trust your heart.....

Amanda and Jack,
Having two children is harder in some ways and easier in more. Your still learning with the first and when the second comes along you have a better idea of what to do. at least that's how i feel. remember to ask for help if you need it and rely on eachother to get through difficult situations. as far as the pukey thing, every pregnancy is different, you may not have any vomiting at all. and stresses can be alieviated with creative thinking. example. i buy clothes for all three of my children at the end of every season when things are on clearance, at larger sizes they can wear the following year. 50 bucks gets them a decent sized wardrobe. good luck.

Well my daughter is 16 months and My husband and i are just starting to try for #2 but I think that for everyone it is different on when they are ready to add another baby to the family. I think that it's just up to you on when you feel ready I know that when people see your first starting to get older they start asking "are you ready for another one yet?" At least that is what's been happing to me lately but it's totally up to you. Personally I think that 2 to 3 years is a good space between kids. And as the puking goes you can get on an anti-nausea pill.(my sister was so sick her doc. gave it to her so she could continue teaching) But if you want to work for a while before having #2 than just go back to work and see how things go.

You know every pregnancy is different. I was sicker with this one, than my first (I'm due in May). But it only lasted a few weeks and then it got better. The first one I was sick longer but not as acute.

And spacing your kids is a personal choice, I think. It depends on your family and where you are and what you want. I wanted my kids 2 years apart. I had a miscarriage before my second pregnancy, and when I have this one, my girl will be a month shy of 3. And that has been good, too. She is out of diapers, which happened only two months ago. So it was good to only have one in diapers, rather than both. But the spacing between kids is your choice.

So many people are consumed with how far apart their kids are, when the fact is, who cares? It's just whenever you feel like having another one. There should never be pressure on it, just let it come to you. Don't forget to focus on your marriage. It seems so many moms are so focused on kids, when to have more kids etc, they forget about their spouse in the process. Just play it by ear, and take it as it comes, it's the best you can do all around. Good luck!

My 3 kids are all 3yrs apart, a spread that I love! My sister and I are also 3 yrs apart, we both felt like we were able to be close but far enough apart to be individuals (thru school especially) The advantage for me as a mom was that 3 year olds are much farther out of "the baby years" than 2 y/o and have a better understanding of why mommy has to give so much attention to this new "intruder". Lots of people say 2 is harder than 1, but I really loved when my 2nd came along. My son loved to "help" with his new sister and they started playing together when she was about 6 mos old. She was fascinated with him which meant it wasn't always me being the entertainer.
Good luck.

My kids are 20 months apart and it was, to be honest, crazy the first 6 months but after the second was old enough to be bathed at the same time and fed at the same time as number 1, it became a breeze. My grandma once told me it is just as easy to care for one child as it is to care for 2 or 3 and I agree. After the second began to walk and talk they began playing together for hours and I feel like all of the time I spent running around during those first few months has all been given back to me. I love it! I'm glad I had them close like that. Unfortunately it is really not something we can time the way we want it to, though we all like to talk like we can. If you are truly fortunate enough to have the amount of children you want, when you want, then lucky for you and just ENJOY it.