Should We Send Our Daughter to Our Neighborhood School or Where I Teach??

Updated on July 05, 2012
S.R. asks from McKinney, TX
16 answers

Our little girl, Emma Kate, will start Kindergarten in the fall. We live in McKinney. Our home school is Vega Elementary.

I am a teacher at Lake Highlands Elementary in Richardson ISD. (The commute is 30 miles, one way.)

Emma has been in a pre-k/daycare program for RISD teachers' kids at my school for the last two years. It's been a great experience. We're just really torn on where to start her in Kindergarten. I have applied to teach in McKinney ISD, including a position AT Vega :), but haven't heard anything yet, so I'm feeling anxious about what we should do. We enrolled her at both schools, just in case... and I was hoping we'd have a better idea by now, but I'm still so torn! I'm hoping that maybe there are some teacher-mamas that have been in a similar situation and could give your advice. :)

Here are the pros & cons of both situations:

Kinder at LHE with me:
(pros)
- she's familiar with the school already, including the teachers & administration
- I know it's a really good school in a really good district
- she has some friends from her pre-k/daycare class that will be moving to kinder at LHE, too
- the long commute gives us more time together each day during our busy schedule
- I will be present in her school day... as much as possible while I still teach. :) But her teachers will know me, I can easily get someone to cover so I can stop in for class parties, etc.
(cons)
- all of her school friends will live 30 miles away, making play-dates, parties and lasting relationships harder
- because of the drive, we have to leave at 6:15 am and don't usually get home until at least 5:30... sometimes as late as 6:30 (or later, if we've got open house or something)
- it'll make it tricky to get her to and from school if i'm sick or home with our 2-year-old for some reason

Kinder at Vega (neighborhood school in MISD)
- school is close to home, allowing her to make friends with neighborhood kids and our surrounding community
- she is very close to our next door neighbors' little girl, who will also be in Kinder at Vega, as well as another little girl a block away who will be in 1st at Vega
- basically, we like the idea of her building relationships with children & families in our community
- it's only about 2 blocks from home... I want to be home someday (we were hoping it would happen before now), so it would be great to walk to school! :)
(cons)
- Since, as of now, I'll still be teaching in RISD, I will have to leave long before school starts, and get home after, which means that I will not be very involved with her school and pretty much absent as far as her teachers will be concerned (We could work out getting her to and from school, but they would probably have most contact with my mother-in-law... which kind of bothers me.)
- Vega has an "open classroom concept," which I don't know a whole lot about, but I wonder if it's the best environment for Emma, because she tends to be very easily distracted
- Being closer may not mean getting home earlier... She'd probably be at her Nonna's house, or in an after-school program until we could get home anyway.

The bottom line is, my husband really likes the idea of her being closer to home, and a lot of his reasoning is that we've had such a crazy two years with me (and Emma) getting home so late, and he wants Emma to have a "normal day" like "a normal 5-year-old." I completely understand his feelings. And I want that too, but I feel like the only way to make that possible is to not live in a home where both parents work. I feel like it might be more important for ONE of her parents to be a present and available part of her school year, being able to communicate easily with teachers, etc... than for her to be in school with kids that live in our neighborhood. Because the reality is, we are close to some neighbors anyway, even though I've been commuting so far for 2 years (my husband drives to Plano).

I also am not super familiar with Vega as a school... I did notice that it's becoming a Title I school for next year, but that doesn't bother me as long as the teachers are still quality. :) We actually welcome the idea of Emma being in community with a diverse group of students... So as long as she's getting a good education, we're fine. :)

I know I'm rambling, and I'm sorry... I just want to make sure we're doing what's best for Emma, and not just making the decision based on what makes ME feel good (or my hubby).

My hope is that someone has BEEN THERE before and might have some experience to offer. :)

Thanks, ladies!
S.

P.S. I might also add that we have been in HUGE waiting season for months... We have looked into moving closer to work and working closer to home. For whatever reason, God seems to be keeping us right where we are, and our desire is to listen to Him and do what's best for our family to glorify Him most! :)

***Added: I should also probably add that LHE (where I teach) is really unique in the fact that it is a neighborhood school that has MANY teachers who both live in the neighborhood and have their children attend the school. It's not an uncommon thing there. There is at least one teacher in each grade who has a child at LHE, so it's very accepted. I'm not worried about that part at all. It's really not about me worrying about her not being ok without Mommy either... it's just that I have NEVER been able to be home with her (always in school or working full-time), and my heart just wants to be her mother. So, I want to be involved in her education, have her teachers know her father and I, etc., and if she's at Vega, they'll never see either of us. They'll mostly see her grandmother, and as a teacher, I know the assumptions that are made when you only see Grandma... We struggle with boundaries with her, too. She has watched each of our girls full-time since birth, so we kind of struggle with drawing the line where WE are the parents... so I feel like having her be the present figure at school might blur some of those lines. I know that's a LOT of info... I just wanted to make sure my full mindset was clear... that's it's not about me wanting to be clingy... just wanting to balance being a working mom and an involved mom. :) ***

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So What Happened?

Thank you for all of your thoughts and advice. I think I really needed to just write it and talk it out... because I feel like my heart really made itself known during the process of asking this question and reading all the answers! :) As one mama said, I think it's important to trust our mommy intuition, and at the end of the day, I think for our family its most important for my husband and I to be as involved as possible with Emma Kate's time at school. The best way of making that happen is to take her to school with me. Jason and I talked extensively and prayed about it, and we feel this is the best option for us. Emma Kate is familiar with the school and its teachers, since she's been there for two years, and she will have friends in her class. And since there are so many teachers at our school with kids who are students there, I really don't anticipate that being a negative issue. I teach on the opposite side of the school, so I won't be crossing paths with her all the time, but will have the opportunity to as needed. :) We will reassess at the end of the year, if need be... but hopefully I will be able to stay home next year, or find a job closer to home (that was the goal this year, but it just didn't happen).

The biggest part is, once we made the decision, I felt the biggest peace about it. I'm really excited about this next year, and hope it will be a great experience for our little family. If not... well, live and learn, right? :) But I think Emma and I will have a great year! Thanks again for your thoughts and encouragement!

-S.

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M.M.

answers from Dallas on

S., I'm on the fence. I am leaning for her to go with you b/c it is kinder and it would be great for you to be able to walk down the hall and participate in the class parties throughout the year. Maybe have lunch with her occasionally. If she were older, I may lean to McKinney but since she is so young, I like the idea of her being with you. It won't be a big deal for her to change schools and attend her home school in 2nd or 3rd grade. I am a teacher and I totally get where you are coming from. I started teaching when my sons were in 3rd & 6th grade, too late to take them with me. However, my youngest would love to come with me but I know it's better he stays at his home school.

I know many teacher's kids and I have never had a student pick on a teacher kid or have them ostracize them b/c they are teacher kids. The kids can't be in their mom's class (in most cases) so the tattling issue isn't much of a big deal.

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

I know lots of Teachers at my kids' school, that have children as well, and ALL of their kids, attend or attended the school in which the Mom worked at or is a Teacher at.
And these children, have never had problems because of it, nor did the parent who was a Teacher there.

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R.J.

answers from Seattle on

LOL... So a normal 5yo, according to hubby, should be in school and daycare 12 hours a day and not see her parents at all except for breakfast, bedtime, and weekends.

Huh.

Just stumped on that one.

Don't get me wrong, a lot of people have no choice, but that's generally what families try to AVOID whenever possible.

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H.M.

answers from Dallas on

So will your mother in law be keeping her after school if she goes to the neighborhood school? I honestly would keep her with you. That way you can be more involved. She will still have the friends in the area that she already has but you wont take her away from the ones she's been with for a few years. Yes you would get home late sometimes but she would be with you.

Good luck and God Bless!!!

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M.G.

answers from Chicago on

As a teacher, I'm faced with a similar dilemma. What my husband and I finally decided was to send our kids to their home school. We want consistency for them, and since you're looking for a new school, that means your daughter will have to change schools with you. I would love for my kids to come with me every day, but I don't know that I will be teaching at that elementary school for six years. I vote for sending her to the home school.

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D..

answers from Charlotte on

S., I would keep her with you. If you end up getting a job at the neighborhood school, that's great. But your life will be SO much better if you two are together.

My mom taught at my school for 3 years. I have fond memories of being there with my mom. Things went smoothly for me with students and teachers, and when I think back on it, I wonder if part of it WAS because she taught there. (I was a good student and easy-going kid anyway, but still...)

Your daughter WILL get to know people in her community. You will too and she will be with you and together you will make friends. So don't let that push your decision. I have plenty of neighbors who choose parochial schools for their kids or private schools; our neighborhood kids go to public, private and parochial. They STILL get to know each other as neighbors.

Anyway, it is a real blessing to get to teach where your daughter goes to school. I promise.

Dawn

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R.R.

answers from Los Angeles on

I would send her to the neighborhood school. I worked in an elementary school that some teachers had their children enrolled in and they all regretted it. They didn't get to spend any addition time with them, the children never developed strong friendships (all the parents mentioned this) because they played with the neighborhood children and not the ones they attended school with, and as another mama here mentioned children sometimes feel they can get away with more because a parent works at the school. One male teacher even had to transfer his 6 year old daughter in November to another school because of his daughter's behavior and his being constantly called to the office, she was an entirely different child once transferred.

And if you get the position near home you'd have to transfer her, correct? Just enroll her near home, you'll work out the logistics like other parents do.

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N.G.

answers from Dallas on

If it were me, I'd keep her in the school in your neighborhood, for all the reasons you've listed. If what you ultimately want to do is be closer to home, might as well be one step closer to that goal by keeping her there, instead of switching her school later.

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M.C.

answers from Washington DC on

I would have her attend the neighborhood school that is closer to home.

There was a boy whose mom taught at the school. He loved to pick on my son. Each time something happened the teachers, and myself were leary of approaching the mom about the problem. Then the mom got reassigned to a new school. All of a sudden the kid was no longer picking on my son and they actually became friends. I think having his mom working at the school actually affected his attitude in a bad way.

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L.A.

answers from Austin on

At our daughters elementary school, every teacher, or administrator that had a elementary school child attend that school, whether they lived in the hood or not.

Never did I hear of a child being treated differently.

The teachers at this school tend to not transfer, to continue teaching after becoming moms, so their children ended up also attending the middle and high school that belong with these schools.

These teachers did this for the exact reasons you are speaking of.they already spent so much time ther, it was easy to have their child there.

They were going to have to wake and dress their children and have them ready before they left for school... Then they would have meetings, etc afterwards.. It was just easier for them to all travel together.

Yes, the social life was an effort, but if there was a play date on Saturday or a birthday party, many times the teacher would drop her child off to play by the school and she would go on to school and get some of her work done.

As parents, you become friends with your children's teachers, it did not blur any lines. If anything, I liked hat it showed this teachers trust and dedication to the school. If it was good enough for the teacher to transfer her children, it must be a good school.

Your husband has a lot of preconceived ideas. I think he will be very surprised how well this is going to work out. This will become your daughters " normal" and as a teacher, you are going to grow into an even better parent/ teacher since you will be invested in this school on 2 levels.

I can send you some email addresses from some of the teachers down here if you have questions.

As I always say, follow your mommy heart and brain, it will help. Then no regrets!

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B.G.

answers from Springfield on

Without reading your pro/con list, I would send her to the neighborhood school. She will have to make new friends, but she'll be fine. I would think being at the same school as you would actually not be a good thing. She's beginning kindergarten, and she needs to learn how to navigate her school on her own. She needs to get to know her teacher, the other teachers, the school nurse, etc, and learn how to be ok without Mommy there.

I went to a Catholic grade school, but it wasn't at our neighborhood parish (my parents didn't want us to go there), and it was awkward. All of the other kids could play after school and do things on weekends much more easily than I could and I felt like an outsider.

It will be a challenge of she gets sick, but you'll work it out. Send her to the school where the neighbors go. It will work out.

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J.W.

answers from St. Louis on

When I was in grade school one of the teacher's daughters was in my grade. She didn't have a lot of friends. No one wanted to play with her because they were afraid everything they did would be reported. Everyone kind of looked at her like she got by with stuff cause her mom worked there.

I know that none of our perceptions were necessarily true but when you are dealing with young children does it matter? It is not like you can say no she isn't, we see what we want to see, ya know?

I would never do it.

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J.R.

answers from Los Angeles on

I haven't read all the answers. If you were here in California, I would absolutely advise you to put her in the school by your home. Teachers' jobs here are so unstable. Even if they are guaranteed a job, they aren't guaranteed that they will stay in the same school from year to year, much less for 13 years that it will take your daughter to go from kindergarten through high school. So I would just say, take into consideration how likely it is that you will be able to stay at your job for as long as you would want to keep your daughter in that district. Or how willing you would be to either pull her out of that district or continue commuting there if you get a new job.

Good luck. We just went through this whole choice process for kindergarten, and I know how nerve-wracking it can be.

1 mom found this helpful

C.P.

answers from Columbia on

I think that you should sent your daughter to the school in her neighborhood.

My ex BF's dad was a teacher and coach at his school. It was TORTURE for him. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

Your child should be able to interact at school just like the other kids.

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K.E.

answers from Jacksonville on

I'm going to say this because you mentioned that God is central in relation to where you work/live.....Pray about this situation. You will find your answer and then you will be at peace with it....I promise. :)

I am a teacher as well and my daughter will start K next school year. We live in one district and I teach in another, so I understand the thought process, questions and pros vs cons that occupy such a decision.

Leave it in His hands and you will know you've made the right choice.

Blessings to all!

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G.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

I would pin hubby down and make sure HE understands if anyone gets sick he has to take off work and manage it. He would be the emergency contact, he would have to go pick her up if she has an accident and needs care, he would be the main parent in any situation. He would have to take her to school, pick her up, get to do the extra time with her while waiting on mom to get home, starting dinner, etc...it would all fall on him and not mom.

I think if he is on board for that and understands it then let her start school in her home school. At the very least she can change back if it is a horrible situation.

I would also continue to hound the local school district about a job closer to home. That would be my first priority.

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