Should We Have a Third?

Definitely go for it! I had 2 boys and now my "little girl" is 19. We just had dinner together tonight. I love having a daughter! Even if you have 3 boys...it will be great. Children bring you the greatest joy as you get older, too.
Good luck!

Love the two you have because when you are sending them to college, you'll be sighing with relief there's only two!!!!

Thanks for posting this question. We are trying to make the same decision, and most of the time we want another, but there are times when I dread the thought of all the things I dislike about having a child: being pregnant and miserable, having no sleep, being terrified for several years until we're out of the woods on developmental delays, not having any freedom for a few years, not having enough money.

But all of those things, even if they happen, are temporary (with the exception of the developmental delay). I have this image in my head that I cannot shake of three kids coming home for Thanksgiving dinner in 20 years. And it's always three who are there, not just two. So if I have to sacrifice one year of no sleep and three years of little freedom and several years of less money so I can enjoy every year after that until I die, then I think it's worth it.

Oh, and I have a Nissan Murano, and I have a car seat and a booster seat on the outside, and we've fit an older cousin in the middle, so it'll fit three as long as we wait until our oldest doesn't need a booster.

I'm in the same boat... but what stops me more than any of that is a fear of something going wrong in my (c-section) delivery or of a difficult pregnancy. I know it is irrational. Like you say, my heart wants another child so badly, but logic or illogic keeps taking over! My kids are 7 and 6, and i'm almost 31... so I feel your concerns. I just don't have any answers :(

I'm a SAHM mom of 10 children (well, one is still foster, but an almost sure adoption). I say go for it. That feeling you have is God given.
Develop a sense of humor. Children are a reward from God. Take as many as He will give you. PM me for more on cars and stairs, if you don't get enough advice.

I had my difficult boy first--then semi-easy second. We were in the same boat. For all the reasons you stated, I think we are not having the third. Our boys--4 and 2, are now playing together, we can travel, go out to some restaurants--I can't imagine having #1 all over again and never sleeping. I wasn't a great mom when I was sleep deprived. We figure financially we can do so much more for the children with only two. I would love more but physically can't put myself through it again.

i have 3 girls...2, 5, & 7. I can't imagine it any other way. We really thought one of them would be a boy but God had other plans. Anyway, people ask me all the time 'how can you do it, 3 kids mus tbe crazy'. I always say no. To me the 2nd one was the hardest to decide upon b/c I loved my 1st baby so much I just didn't know if i could even love that much for a 2nd. Of course I did and like you I got use to juggling and chaos. The 3rd there was no question for me. She goes with the flow, she has to witha busy family. And the sisters help alot. She is the coolest toddler. So well rounded and a pistol. She thinks she is as old as they are and can almost prove it. My big hang up I guess or stipulation was that I wanted to have them close enough together that I never felt like I was completely starting over. My sister did that, her boys are 7 years apart and she had to buy everything new again and she felt like she was back tracking the whole time. For me with their ages it feels like I've just kept going. I always wanted 3 kids. We have a Suburban and there are times when teh girls have friends over and we are loaded. Plus, I coach my eldest daughters soccer team, so my truck is usually full. As you know the car seats are bulky but we always made it work. I love my full load! Good luck in choice. Beware of the empty arm syndrome....if that is the case you may need to volunteer at the church nursery.

R.,
I say go for it! I agree with some of the moms that have responded that you won't regret it! But I do think that you would look back and wish for that third child! I know you would find a way to deal with it financially! God works those things out! I only have one son, and he sounds very much like your second one! But I know all kids are different, so I definitely want more children. As for overpopulation, I think that God handles that and if He didn't want you to have a third, then He wouldn't bless you with one! Good luck to you with this big decision!!

Hello R., I am a mother of 3 children. Just like Michelle B. I only wanted 2 children; however, God had other plans. We recieved child 3 with child 2 (twins). It is difficult at times when 1 has to take responsibility for 2, but after a while it will become second nature. I will admitt that there have been times that I have wanted to pay someone to take #3, a girl named Sarah. However most of the time, you could not pay me enought money to have her. She wants to be just like big sister who is now 8 and she is 5 and she thinks she is 25, but she is the most loving child. She fights with her twin brother every other minute, but when she is not fighting with him, she is mothering and loving him. She will put up w/ alot from people, but she also does not have a problem telling you what she thinks. However, if you do anything against her brother or sister, get out of her way. She will knock you down and not think twice. In my opinion, everyone has 1 difficult kid and usually they are not the first or there would never be any siblings. Hopefully you have your Sarah and #3 will be like your first and my first/second. If you and your husband can not make a decission, then I suggest that you pray for a while and maybe stop taking precausions and leave it in God's hands for a specified amount of time. If it is not his will, then I believe it will not happen. If it will, then you will be blessed with a child you could of never imagined. As far as the steps, we do not have steps but my brothers do. They put gates at the top and bottom. By the time my kids were 18 months old, they stopped using the gates. They had completely mastered them.
Good luck in your decission, K.

Hello neighbor! I am in Northern Texas about 2 hours from you! Your story has a very familiar sound to it. I have 2 girls 7 and 5, if my 7 year old was anything like my 5 yr old then I would have stopped right there. Kidding! I got pregnant with number 3 at 34 yr old, it was really h*** o* me. I wouldn't change it for the world. I finally got my boy.. I bought a ovulation calendar program on-line, paid $29.00 it told us the dates to try for a boy and I have a boy. I know that you have a 50/50 chance but you can't tell my any different. He is the first grandson and I truely believe that it's because of the program and God's will! My 5 yr old didn't sleep through the night until after 2 and had to be rocked back to sleep everytime she woke. I know my fault but when your sleep deprived it's easier to give in. My son is now 16 months old and has JUST now started sleeping through the night last week. I love being a parent of 3, I do get some odd looks. People think 3 kids are a lot now days. I always get are they all yours? Like having three is a big deal... I am complete now that we have 3. Good luck!

A little about me.. I am a proud military spouse, my husband left for a 1 year long remote tour when our kids were 6,4 and 4 1/2 months. So I am a single parent right now, even after doing this by myself for the last year I wouldn't change having number 3 for the world. We have been married for 10 years.

I forgot to add that I drive a Durango so our cars about the same size. I have fit the infant seat in the middle and the other 2 seats on either side. I also have the 3rd row seating and can use that too.

reverse order
1. crawler / walker - no big deal. 2 hardware mounted gates, on at the top, one at the bottom.

2. I fit three kids (booster, car seat, infant carrier) into the back seat of a cavalier. Your SUV can't be that small.

As to the rest of it - it is what it is. The kids outnumber the adults in my family 2 to 1. They go 12, 10, 5, and 2 - and the two oldest have often helped with the two youngest. We don't do much that requires more than we've got, or my husband and I split - One goes with the big ones, one keeps the one(s) that are too small.

Pray about it, talk with your husband, and do whatever the two of you decide.

S.

Hi, R.. I just got pregnant with #3 and I'm still having some of the same concerns you are. We have 2 wonderful, beautiful boys and I had (am still having) some of the same conflicting thoughts mentioned in some of these posts... "why tempt fate?" but also "we do such good work!" The bottom line is that no one can tell you what to do because no one truly knows your situation but you, but the way I looked at it was that you may regret not having another, but you'll never regret having another. Children are such a miracle and a blessing; and really, why else are we here? Sure, things may (will probably!) be hard for a while, but won't it be worth it? And I went from a working mom to a SAHM, too, and it's SO hard financially to adjust, but there are ALWAYS ways to cut costs. We had a Pathfinder, and with the car seats we have there's no way another one would fit... we traded it in for a used Sequoia and ended up with the exact same monthly payments; so I think there are always ways to make things work -- you just might have to get a little creative! Anyway, I don't think doubts ever really go away; mine haven't anyway -- I'm still really nervous about having a 3rd even though we decided to go ahead and do it! My boys sound a bit like yours: the first was really easy and the second has been more of a challenge. No one is a perfect parent, so my advice to you (and to myself!) is to just have faith in yourself and love your kids and just do the best you can. Good luck!

I would have a third. I am trying for a fourth!! I have 3 boys, 7,6,4. Every baby is different. I have been really really blessed all of my babies have been easy ones. No crying sleeping and eating. I really want my baby girl. If your suv has a third row seat then everyone will fit. I have a dodge durango and what I do is put the oldest in the back and the other two up front. Works great. One of my friends have a ford explorer and she put all three in one seat. Having stairs is no problem. They make stairs gates that you can put one at the top and one at the bottom and also they will learn not to go up or down. Another seating arrangement that I know works. Is have the two oldest seat on outside and put the baby in the middle. Two big carseat will not work.

B.

Good Morning R.,

If you have any desire for another child, I say go ahead. If you wait for the perfect time, it will never happen. And you can't base a future child on what a current child is like. I had 3 sons, 17, 15 and 13 when at 37 my husband and I decided to try again before it was "too late". Within on only 3 months of trying God answered my prayers. I could tell immediately that I was pregnant and somehow I just knew I was finally having a little girl. Of course, because of my age and being overweight I was immediately considered a "high risk". We went through all the tests, but they always came back normal and at 20 weeks, I received the news that my little girl would soon be in my arms. It never did cross my mind that I would not have a healthy baby girl because you see, I had been praying for her for eight years! She has been such a blessing! After having 3 very sports oriented boys (which I truly love and enjoy), I now have my little girly girl who loves ballet and dresses and playing dress up. She is now 5 and my boys are 23 (and fixing to get married), 20 and 18 (graduating high school this May). My husband and I are turning 44 this year and we both have noticed how much calmer we are and how much easier it is having a child in our lives at this time. So again, I tell you, if you feel in any way at all that you want another baby, GO FOR IT!

Good Luck,
B. B.

PS
I should also let you know that my second son sounds an awful lot like your second son. He has continued to be a challenge to me and like I said he is now 20. We have all managed to live through it and survive, even though some days were more difficult than others, but I wouldn't trade him for anything as I'm sure you feel the same about your little one. Keep your head up on those hard days and all will ok. It took alot of prayer for me.

This world is already over populated and still half of us aren't recycling or using environmentally safe products, and/or buying bigger SUV's to transport these big families. there are millions of children up for adoption or that need a home and family. I say focus on what you have or give someone that needs it a home and family. I am not trying to lecture you, just my input!

I have six kids. (yes, 6) We knew that we wanted a big family. We thought that 5 would be big enough. Number 6 was a surprise, but a delightful one. People are often surprised by the shear number of my kids. One (but not the only) question I get a lot is, "How do you do it?"
The answer is "I don't know. We just do."
Some days are great. Some days are miserable. Sometimes I feel like I know what I am doing. Other times I wonder what am I doing.
Each child is unique and you will not regret having them.

Not so sound like Dr. Phil, but re-read your request and I think you will give yourself the insight you seek (ok, now I sound like Yoda).

It sounds to me like you really enjoyed "being pregnant" and holding your tiny newborns. I visited two friends in the hospital this weekend who just had babies--and it did feel so heavenly to hold a two-day old baby. And I really enjoyed being pregnant too. Enjoy your kiddos and don't stress yourself about needing to make a final "should we/shouldn't we decision" so soon. I just had my first child and I'm older than you!

Hi, R.. We recently went through the "should we have a third?" discussions. We decided we both wanted a third but would wait until our youngest was a bit older (our girls are 6 and 2). A couple of weeks later, the pregnancy test showed positive. :)

I had the same reservations you do, namely that my eldest was a wonderful, easy child & her younger sister has been completely opposite! I haven't had a full nights' sleep since she was born. We also have an SUV & couldn't afford a new car at the moment. I figure, though, that if the backseat can hold my two children and husband (he used to have to ride in the back when our youngest was a baby and screamed during any car trip) it can certainly accomodate another carseat. It may not be the most comfortable, but it can be done. Our home is quite modest & we may be under each others toes sometimes, but people do it in smaller & much less comfortable places.

The bottom line for me is that I didn't want to regret not having a third. I'm sure there may be days, after the baby comes, when I wonder what the hell we were thinking! But the good days will certainly outweigh the bad. Three just seems like the right number for us & I can't really explain it any other way.

That said, if you really want to be pregnant but don't want to have to take the baby home, look into being a gestational surrogate! :) It's fantastic to get the joys of pregnancy & helping in a truly awesome way...and then get to sleep afterwards. :)

Good luck with your decision!

R., This is such a personal decision. I don't know your financial situation but think about also the impact of (hopefully)paying for 3 kids to get through college while still saving for your own retirement.

My personal feeling is that more is not always better. I have MS and when it came "time" to have our second, due to the unknown nature of the disease, my husband and I decided that we got as much joy from one as we would from two.

Think about the emotional, physical, financial,and psychological resources that you have and good luck! L. T.

R.,
I agree with Jenn. When have you heard a mother say...gosh...I really shouldn't have had a 3rd child..? I've heard many people regret that they haven't had more. I have four children. Every once in a while, I see a newborn baby or see someone pregnant, and think that it would be nice to do that again, but I really feel like our family is complete.

As for finances and your vehicle situation...We were struggling when our first two were pretty young. We only had one vehicle--so I stayed at home without a car, and my husband drove the car to work. It was a hard time, but things changed, and it didn't prevent us from having two more sweetie pies.

I'm sure you know, you learn adjust when you have a baby, you just make it work! (As for some of the other commentors..the Earth will adjust too!)

So if your husband is on board, I'd go for it. Every child is different and I know you won't regret it once he/she is born!

I went through this same issue a while back. I had a six year old daughter and a four year old son. I thought I was done but suddenly I was hit with the desire to have just one more. I had the same issue with easy baby #1 and I had a very difficult baby #2 so I was scared of number three. Well I did it. I now have a 7 yr old daughter, a 5 yr old son, and a 4 month old daughter. Let me tell you, it has been wonderful. She is very calm, very happy and the love of my life. Everyone loves and her older brother and sister absolutely adore her. They are old enough to help and love to. Yes, it's a bit hard sometimes going back to diapers and diaper bags and worrying about a sitter but the joys out way everything. I look at her and am certain I made the right decision. I also have a chevy cavalier and its a two door. I can manage to get the all three in the backseat with one in an infant car seat and on in a booster. Not easy and would rather have a van but hey it's what I have for now. Anyway, I hope this helps some and just do what's right for you.

Stick with the 2 you have! I have talked to many people who said, If I only knew...basically saying how hard it was to have 3. Think about this...God has blessed you with 2 healthy, wonderful kids...why mess with a good thing? You sure can't be guaranteed you'll have a girl...only have another one if you would be totally fine with a boy who was as hard as your 2nd...Wish for the best, but expect the worst! HA! Good luck on whatever you choose! H.

You may look back 10 yrs from now and say I should have had #3 but u won't look back n say uugh #3 (well not everyday;)) so don't let it be a regret ppl already have 1 to many regrets in life

R.,
I have 3 girls. I wanted two children, but with number 2 came number 3. Twins! I turned 34 the day before they were born. The twins were born when my oldest had just turned 2. It was hard when the were really little. But now they are 5 and 7 and I love having three kids. We feel like a group instead of just a family. I know that sounds weird, but it's fun. The older they get, the more self reliant kids are. So you and your husband will go from a "man on man" defense to a "zone" defense, but it will be okay. It's really up to you two though. I would bet you will be fine either way.
As far as the stairs, gates! At the top and bottom. I have never had a child fall down the stairs. I think when a toddler grows up with stairs, they learn how to use them and be more safe with them because they have to. Not to say I didn't worry, but gates are a must. We still use our gate at the top during the night.
Also, I had a GMC Jimmy, which is basicly the same as a Trailblazer. I had 2 infant seats and 1 carseat in the back seat. It was a tight squeeze, but it works. I had to get the carseat with a skinny base. It will work for you also. My middle seatbelt in the back was a lap only, so if yours is also, you will have to put the booster seat on the outside seats.
Good luck with the decision.

A good rule of thumb to check actions by....

When in doubt, don't!

This is a simple yet effective statement.

Delay a new baby until you are not asking yourself questions. Listen to your instincts!!!! Pray for peace of heart; listen for direction.

-M.

I applaud you for having 2 wonderful kids and a great marriage. My personal opinion is that our world is experiencing a population explosion as it is and I think people should limit their family to 2 kids or less. I would think a third child could potentially exhaust you, leaving you with less and less time/love to devote to your other kids and your husband. You don't need to ruin your great marriage. At your age you are getting to the point where you could have an at-risk pregnancy and a higher chance of having a special needs child. And just because you had 2 perfectly great pregnancies and deliveries there is still a chance of having a severe outcome from your third. Not just losing the child, but what would happen if you died during childbirth? You'd leave your husband alone with 2 or 3 kids. There is no guarantee of having another great, easy baby (like your first) or of having a girl. Also a third child impacts your finances. It sounds like you are financially secure, but what if your husband loses his job or business (or God forbid passes away or worse?) I just think the risks outweigh the positives. If you're having second thoughts, that is your gut instinct telling you that something is may not be right. If you do have a third child, I wish the best for you and your family.

First off my sis in law has a Trail blazer and she has 3 kiddos in carseats, they fit just fine.

We are having the same dilema, I have 2 girls (4-1/2 and 3). I would love the have another, but hubby is not quite on the same page. I think I am crazy sometime to even want another, my hubby is less than helpful when it comes to the kids. My brain tells me 2 is enough, but my heart tells me something different. I am a only child of an only child (kinda confusing?), I have a very small family. I have always wanted a bigger family. I don't want to look back when I get older and have regrets. I don't think any mother would say she regretted having a 3rd child....well once the mother gets past the toddler years anyways! ha! Plus, you know 3 kids is the new "2". have you heard this saying? Seems like everyone is taking the plunge and have more than 2 these days.

I must conclude with this....God won't give you more than you can handle!

R.,
I would say try for a third. Children a wonderful blessing and fertility is a gift and you never know when it won't be there. I also have 2 boys and my younger son is quite active and physically can wear me out and my older son can emotionally wear me out - he is very strong-willed. Once we decided to have another baby (really I was ready before my husband) and it took a year to get pregnant (I never had any problems before). Our daughter died just before birth. Then after some time we tried to get pregnant again and it took 10 months and I had an ectopic pregnancy. Then I got pregnant again almost right away and I am 17 weeks and doing well. I share only this only to say there are no guarentees with conception and having babies but you will never regret having another child. I hear many of my coworkers you wish they would have had another child. Also a sibling is the most precious gift you can give your children. I completely understand about your son and how difficult he can be but this too shall pass. My boys are 7 and almost 5 and my plan to was to have a third one about 2 1/2 year after my second but that was not God's plans. I am comfortable -like you. I don't have to carry any kind of diaper bag. They are fairly independent. But my desire to have more children, God willing, is so strong. I know both of your boys would greatly enjoy their sibling and they will probably be a help. My boys talk about how they are going to me and they try to help out some with things around the house. I pray that conception will come easily and you have a healthy baby.

R.,
Sometimes lifes decisions are so hard! I have three children, 17 (son), 16 (son), 15 (daughter), and two step-children, 11 (daughter), 10 (son). My plan was to have two children three years apart! Each of my children are alike in alot of ways, yet have their very distinct differences. Only the third one slept through the night as a baby, the others were still trying to get in bed with me until about 4 yrs old. ( Sometimes I wish they would still come snuggle with me!) They were all very active, and as the trend these days is, I started them in sports at 4 and 5 years old, they played soccer, baseball, football, dance, were in scouts, all church actvities,and rodeo. We home schooled for 9 years, had 4 dogs, 2 cockatiels, fish, 3 pigs, goats, horses, show pigs and lambs, and a variety of wild animal babies they brought home for me to raise. It sounds pretty crazy, but we were a normal family! Anyway, I wouldn't trade a minute of any of it. God has blessed me in so many ways through each one of my children. I have learned things about myself through them and the hard times that I have had as they have grown. Often it has been the things I didn't like about myself that I see in them that I have to deal with. God is so funny like that, if we don't get it in ourselves, He gives us another chance to improve through our kids! I think as new things come into our lives, we really adapt fairly easy. Of course it may not always be a bed of roses, but when you look back over the hard times and find that you made it through them it is all worth it. What I am trying to say is even if you have a third child, and it is a difficult baby, you wouldn't ever regret having it. When the second one gets ten years old, you will laugh and look back at all then things he did that were so exasperating to you now! I know what you mean about it being nice when they get older and not so much "stuff" to have to carry around, but babies are very versital. My cousin and his wife had a little surprise when they had a 18 yr old son and a 10 year old son, and the antibiotics nullified the birth control pills. They now have baby girl who is two. They had football games, basket ball games (oldest was an all-state athlete), rodeos (all round cowboy) and that was just the oldest. She is a teacher and the dad a rancher. The baby never missed a game or rodeo! Your life will probably be blessed with another baby and would go on just as it has if you choose no to have another. You just have to be content with the decision you and your husband make. Pray about it and good luck to you both!

My name is J., I am 39 years old. I was married for 15 years, divorced for 3, and now remarried for 1 year this month! I live in a small town south of Amarillo, TX and I work as an RN in Amarillo. My step-kids come every other weekend, so we have a house full. I love to cook (not clean), read, play my guitar, garden, recently took up motorcycling, and I love animals. God is the center of my life and I know that without Him, I would have never made it through the last several years!

Our stories are almost identical. I have two boys ages 6 and 4 and I've been married almost 10 years. We delayed even thinking about a third because boy #2 was such a hard baby. Finally, this past year both of the boys became potty trained so we considered having a third. My thoughts went back and forth, similar to you. Life if much more managable with older kids, my schedule isn't dictated by naps, etc. But, then there is that maternal pulling to hold a baby and watch it curl it's fingers around one of yours. I kind of came to the conclusion too, that I'm ready if it will be a gentle, baby girl! As if I had a choice! After much praying and pondering and discussing with my husband, we want to open our hearts again to another child. I just don't feel like I'm done. I had to accept that it may be another hard baby. No matter what it will be hard to do the baby/feedings/diapers thing. Life has gotten very comfortable. But who am I to deny another a life to join our family just because it may be tough or inconvenient on me? I'm not saying this should be your decision as well. All I can offer to you is the formula I used in making my decision. I trust in God to lead and direct our family--it has happened many times. I encourage you to make this a matter of prayer. Make a decision and then take it to the Lord. Over time you'll feel good about it, or unsettled like something's not right. Good luck and who knows? Maybe we'll bump into each other someday--in the diaper aisle :)

Sounds like you have a lot of excuses but you really need to do some sole searching to find out why. I have 4 kids and we had a plan to have kids every 2 years. We stuck to the plan until after #3--not because our daughter was difficult but because our family business was so busy and hectic. Things didn't get that much better at work but I realized I really wanted a 4th so we went ahead and had one. I have found that you need to find what brings joy into your life and cling to it. The rest will work out some how. GOOD LUCK!

My third was a breeze, much easier than the first two and such a precious jewel. The Lord really is right..."blessed is the man that has his quiver full of them"(children)! they really are a gift from the Lord and I KNOW that you will never look back and regret bringing another blessing into your family. Also, yes three carseats can fit--we fit three into a teeny weany Chevy cobalt that my hubby had for work for a time.
PS--we have 4 children now and are loving every minute of it!

I,also, have 2 boys and think about having a third child. My second is still very young, so I need to give myself more time and see how I feel in a year or two and how my husband feels. I noticed from reading your letter that you gave a lot of reasons for not having another baby, but only one for having another child-holding a little baby. That little baby will grow up. So do you want another baby or do you want to raise another human being for the next 18 years or more? I would only have another if my answer to both questions was yes. Also, 34 is still young, give yourself a couple of years if your not sure. My mom was and is an older mom and she says it has kept her young. Good luck with whatever you decide.

We have 3 boys ages 2 1/2, 10,and 16. We deciced to have our 3rd when i was 36. I had reservations about it because our second was "dennis the menace!!" our 3rd has been a blessing!!
He his so content with everything. The other two are involved in every sport, so we are at alot of ballgames. I used to never take my middle child to the store because it would be such a disaster to go and get out w/out causing a scene. Our 2 yr old is great!! We even took him on a ski trip w/ several other families in our condo and everyone loved him. Maybe it is the age difference and the extra help
with every thing that involves him, but if all babies and toddlers were like our third the world would be over run!!!
Just a little advice about our third.
Good luck

Rachael, i think you should with what your means of finacial will require you to be able to do. if you are able to have another one then go for it and enjoy your children