Private Schools and “Bad” Kids

i don't think it's the case. many parents think that moving a venue will make social problems go away, but kids are kids. some private schools will deal more decisively with 'bad' behavior than the public schools, but not everyone will like their solutions either.
i think private schools or homeschooling are good answers if you want a different educational experience for your son, but i don't think that moving him to lessen his exposure to unsavories will work.
khairete
S.

5 moms found this helpful

Private schools have bad kids - they just dress better and have nicer cars. :)

Really, public schools, for the most part, are a mix of children just like private schools. Oh, sure, the schools in the inner city of large cities are usually rougher, but the average, middle America public school is just a normal melting pot of children.

You have to teach your child acceptable behavior - and yes, you have to "recondition and remind him" often, especially at his young age. You need to teach him to find his own way and instill in him his own sense of individuality so he is able to resist peer pressure at all ages.

I grew up in New Orleans - which has some pretty rough public schools - because of which, I am product of private and Catholic schools. Even though I don't live in New Orleans, when my son was entering school I was going to send him to Catholic schools. (I am not even Catholic LOL) because "people just don't go to public school". Anyhoo, many friends told me that the public schools here were not the ones that I grew up with. I finally went and met with the Principal of my local public school. I was pleasantly surprised - so my son has been in public schools ever since Kindergarten.

Are there "bad kids", yep, but they have "bad kids" at the Catholic school I was going to send him to. It all evens out.

We cannot control those around us - but we can teach our children how to control their reactions and inter-actions to those around them.

Good Luck and God Bless

3 moms found this helpful

There's no such thing as a "bad kid" at that age. It all comes down to bad parenting. Bad behavior will exist as long as parents are not doing their jobs. There are public schools with well behaved kids & private schools with poorly behaved kids. No school will have perfectly behaved kids all the time. The school can only do so much to curb unsavory behavior, but if parents aren't getting to the core of the problem at home, then the problems in school will continue.

These "moms" that you speak of... do they have personal experience with private schools? If not, then their opinions pretty much mean squat.

You will never be able to control how your child's schoolmates act, or anyone else, for that matter. Bad exists in the world & you can't shelter your child from it all. But you can teach him how to react & teach him the difference between right & wrong, etc.

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It depends on the school, I suppose. In my personal experience there was bad behavior in both public and private. The private schools I have had experience with had many students who were there, because they got expelled from public school. There were kids who were put there by parents, hoping to change their children's behavior.

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I personally went to a Public School K-3 and Private 4-12...what a difference! Sure, there are still some "bad" kids in Private schools, but the school does not HAVE to tolerate it. Parents are paying their hard earned money (while paying taxes for Public Schools) to the Private schools, so not only do most expect thier kids to behave in a certain manor, they expect the school to handle the kids with behavior issues.

Our kids are in a Montessori school now which I would consider a Private education. We live in an area with GREAT schools, but I still beleive my kids are in a better enviornment from MANY aspects. In each classroom, there is a Peace corner. So, if Mary says something to Johnny and Johnny does not like it, off to the Peace corner they go. At this point, they talk about what happened, how it made them feel and they apologize for their behavior. Nice. If a child is disruptive (talking during a lesson, playing with the velcro on his shoes.....), he is removed from the area and talked to about his behavior before he can return to the group. Bottom line, they are there to educate and any child that is trying to prevent that from happening is addressed.

Kids are going to be kids, but I think (from my own experience and that of our kids) the enviornment, the teachers and the parents all play a roll. Parents are BUSY and soem send their kids to the Public schools because it's free and they expect the teachers to do it ALL. In a Private school, parents have high expections for school AND at home behavior. That consistancy makes a BIG difference.

All Public schools have good kids too of course, but sometimes they are "over looked" because there is soooo much focus (from the class adnd the teachers) on the troubled kids.

Good Luck...it's a hard decision to make!!

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My kids are grown now, but it was my experience that the difference is how problems with kids are handled by the adults at the school rather than the kids themselves. My girls went to public school until highschool. Two of the three went to public highschool, but after one year of OMG there we moved them. We found there was more attention paid to being late to class than the actual learning process that was constantly interrupted by the bad behavior of so many of the kids. The laws make it difficult for teachers to acually have any control over any stuation. At the private school we sent them to there wasn't any shortage of kids behaving badly but there were consequences. Detention for being late to class, inappropriate language, behavior or even inappropriate attire was taken care of AFTER school, not during. The kids in detention had to weed outside, wash the wrestling mats, clean the cafeteria AND talk with the teacher in charge as to why they were in detention. In the public school the detention was during precious class time, in a classroom with all the other "bad" kids and they were instructed to be quiet and do homework...no discussion as to why they were there. In the private school the class sizes were smaller so the staff actually knew the kids names. It was a Lutheran school too, creating a loving, caring but highly disciplined environment. Even though it was expensive, enrolling them in the private high school was the best thing we did for all three of them....worth every penny! Staying involved and knowing their teachers was easier and more productive in the smaller private school too. You actually have a "say" in what is going on at school.

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It depends on the private school. If it charges and they kick people out for bad behavior, the parents are much more willing to help curb bad behavior.
We are going to private school if our house does not sell. We know the kids are not perfect, but the teachers watch the kids and intervene. At our public school, in spite of being paid well, the teachers ignore many things until it is out of hand.

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nope. not true. the private schools in my area are almost made up half of kids who get expelled from other schools, or have been in trouble a lot at other schools. not to say in your area this is true, though

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no, that is not true. There are bad kids everywhere, and good ones. You just need to try to help him make better choices in friends if you can.

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Private schools usually have a better student:teacher ratio, so there is better supervision. Also parents who are willing to pay for their kids education TEND (not always) to be more involved and concerned about what their kids are doing.

You can find wonderful and horrible kids in both situations. I think often public schools have their hands tied when it comes to discipline and also they have way too many kids to watch. A private school can easily expel a child who is disruptive, abusive, vulgar or obnoxious. It would be much trickier in a public school.

Best wishes!

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We live in a very poor school district so we send our kids to a Catholic school. I know for an absolute fact that our kids would be exposed to badly behaved children at the local public school. I had to take my oldest there for speech therapy when she was four, and quickly decided she would not be attending school there. While not every child at the Catholic school is an angel, there have been very few behavior issues so far. They are very strict and don't tolerate any shenanigans.

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I would go and shadow potential schools and see how your child does in the environment. Talk to parents that go to that school and get their feedback on your questions. Best wishes!

M

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I think everyone already said it. Private schools do not have to keep problem kids. Also, students in a private school have parents who are involved which is why someone is paying tuition for them. Involved parents mean a lot of things for education, all positive.

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I would think it would have to make a difference somehow. Private schools have rules of conduct that they enforce more than public schools. In other words, a little higher standards. Private schools also cost money where public is free access, pretty much, so it does screen those that can and cannot afford the expense.

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In my experience, private schools do limit exposure to some of the "bad eggs," definitely. That's not to say that there aren't bad kids, and you DO have to be careful to choose a school with similar values to yours (in other words, how much bad behavior do they allow, and what do they do to rule-breakers?). My daughters went to a very good private school through last school year, and private schools just have more latitude dealing with behavior issues. For instance, one child in my older daughter's class had some behavior issues that the administration felt distracted the other children from learning. He was asked not to come back after Christmas break. This year we had to have our kids go to a public school (supposedly a really great one) due to financial reasons, and I have to say, there's not much public schools can really go about bad kids. My older daughter is bullied by one child in her class, and although she is more annoyed than upset by this bullying, I have still brought it up to the administration. They haven't done anything about it. They don't really care. They told me that unless/until this other child physically beats up my child, they're not going to do anything about it. (Whaaaat?!) I totally understand what you mean about having to re-train your child when he's at home, because I have to do the same thing now, and that was not the case when we were at private school. If you can afford it, private school (not just any school though - pick one that fits your child) is the way to go.

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Perfect kids don't go to private school teasing and bullying happen there as often as public schools and ptivate schools are where the kids who get expelled go. Also this is kindergarten when our kids go to school they are impressionable and bring home what they learng to you and they test the waters I think being firm and explaining don't say or act this way is your best bet

Not as true as you want. Best thing is if you get really involved in the school both the classroom activities and parent activities. Then you have some influence. Also, your son will feel supported. We all need to give our kids our values in the face of others' values and behavior. They get it from you but it has to be a consistent monitoring and teaching and modelling on your part.

In my opinion you just get bad kids with money for the most part and sometimes they are worse. I do not have much personal experience with this but from what I have heard/been told this is fairly accurate.

Not always. My son is in kindergarten at a Catholic School. He is in with a GREAT group of kids. I know our school would ask "less than desirable characters" to leave. In my experience, the lower grades are okay. Sometimes in high school you'll end up with a bunch of kids in private school that were expelled from public school.

Many of the other posters have already touched on the 'it depends' theory.

Our kids have been in both, currently in a college-prep private school that costs us the same amount of a state college. They do not allow all the other kids kicked out of area schools to be admitted so we are not a landing ground for problem kids. But I have to agree with the thought that if you think your child will not be exposed to 'less than desirable characters' in a private school you are mistaken. Or I guess the question is really what you consider the 'bad' kids?

Just in the last couple of weeks we've had to deal with a child in our daughters 10th grade class make poor choices that resulted in her expulsion from the school. She is a brilliant, beautiful girl but will not be allow back because of her poor choices. Now having said that, there are several kids who kinda fly under the radar, but because they play the game, make decent grades and their parents have more money than God, they tend to get away with things. But I think some of that is because we are a smaller school, things are really brought to light sooner than later.

I would say to be careful what you wish for and make your decision with careful thought and deliberation.

Hello,

speaking from much experience. I attended a Montessori school and a public school, my mother has taught at a private school and still at a public school and I have many close associates that attended private schools and public schools.

I believe that thinking is not accurate. But don't be fooled that if you go to private you will have a classroom full of angels. You get "bad" kids no matter where you go, they just might be on slightly different levels. You may get an arrogant "bad" kid in private school. Or you may get a ignorant "bad" kid in public school, or vice versa...However, I do belive that because of higher tuition some parents may be more involved and there is a tad less unsavory behavior at private schools.

Depending on your district, you can find good public schools who won't tolerate unsavory behavior and things of that sort. So it just takes good research on the part of the parent. In Montessori some of the teaching methods worked much better for me than some of the public school methods and I believe that if a child is interested and having fun with learning that it curbs unsavory behavior.

BTW, my grandmother said never call a child bad or they will live up to the title. Let them know there actions may be bad but that they can change the way they act. :)

Hope this helps!

At the kindergarten level I really don't think it matters where you child is. It is a very young and impressionable age, and if something is entertaining to them (a kid behaving badly that perhaps they've never been exposed to) they will for sure pick up on it. Its important as a parent for you to expose your child to such behaviors then teach them how to be above it, and not join in.
Private vs Public has alot of good points that have been made here. The reasons to choose between them should not be based solely on exposure to "bad" children. At some point in all of our lives we are exposed to someone behaving badly and its important to learn how to deal with that kind of situation. Frankly there is nowhere to go that you won't find someone behaving badly.
It was well known in the town I grew up in, that the kids at the private catholic school were the source to buy drugs....made sense, they had the money to get them. Doesn't mean that either school had all good or bad kids, or less or more of them.
Chances are though, if you find a school that has small class sizes and a written set of disciplinary rules, that school will have less trouble with "bad" behavior than a school that is more lax.
You could always try a Charter school? those are often run with private school ettiquette, but are still state funded so they don't cost you alot of money.
If you truly want to make sure your child is not exposed to bad children, home schooling may be your answer.

I think it depends on the school. There are great and not so great public and private schools.

In my case we did not like the public school that our children would have attended. It is in a troubled neighborhood and is large and overcrowded. We did not want to expose our kids to things that can go on in a troubled neighborhood. We chose a private school that we know a lot about and are very happy with it. On the other side, had our public school not been in a troubled neighborhood we may have chosen to send them to the public school.

If you're not happy with what your child is being exposed to in this particular school maybe you should look at what other school options are in your area. Then decide if there may be a different school that is a better fit for your family.

My kids go to public school right now. At their school they have things so orderly and VERY manner-focused. I know other schools in this county aren't so nice. I think we lucked out- I love the school. bad behavior is frowned upon-by most of the KIDS there. I've seen it. I volunteer. SURE, there are "bad" influences, but they don't seem to have a prevalence.

I went to private schools all but 2 years of my school-life. Yes, there does SEEM to be better behaved kids in general (i think it is the uniforms-lol)... BUT, the children seem to be much more judgmental (and I wasn't a "target" or anything) of "different" people as well... and you also have your classmates that are there because they have been expelled from public schools or pulled out due to the trouble they cause.

I don't think you can fully get away from it. I'm trying to believe that a solid home foundation is the best parents can do- not switching schools. In fact, my mom thought I was being badly influenced in a couple schools I went to and I transferred too many times. I was literally the best behaved kid I knew, and my mom didn't think so (she has some issues). ANYways, I wasn't able to form but just two close friends cause I was shy and always was the "new girl"... never established myself at a place, and I HATED the school I graduated from (private school), and LOVED the school I was at before (public school)- and I learned WAAY more at the public school because I was in a special gifted program.

Good luck. ...and also consider the high price of a private school. IMO, though- it isn't the school that will "change" your child- just based on personal experience. He IS young however to made a switch-which is much better than if you switch him later.

It depends. You won't really know until you are there and meet the kids. Some schools end up with kids that their parents (or grandparents) have enrolled in an effort to "rehabilitate" them. My son had a kid with anger issues in one of his classes one time. He was in and out of class a few times over the course of the year. He was a nice enough kid and my son was friends with him, but he would have outbursts and throw things. (Grandparent enrollment with the parents both "checked out").

But one of the biggest differences is that generally speaking, there is SOMEONE in the household who CARES that the child has problems and is actively trying to do something to solve them. Otherwise, why would they bother paying the tuition? And the class sizes are typically quite small so that things are seen more quickly by the teachers/staff and discipline is quick and firm.