Need Advise on Flirty Friend

You have all the right to feel uncomfortable about your friends behavior, because it is in fact extremely inapproproate. You called her one of your best friends. If in fact this is true, there should be no problem with you bringing the issue to her attention. You can't keep hiding your soon to be husband from her. If he has noticed the extra attention and it makes him as uncomfortable as it makes you than the issue needs to be brought to her attention.

You can deal with it in a non confrontational way. Just simply tell her that the way she behaves around your fiance is inappropriate, list specific examples so she is completely clear on the behavior that needs to stop. She may be completely unaware that this behavior is making you uncomfortable.

Friends are there to make your life less complicated, and she seems to be adding to your stress level. You already have so much on your plate.

Good Luck!
J.

I, too, have had this same problem with one of my friends and it turned out to be disastrous. My advice to you would be to mention the subject of friends being overly-affectionate to your fiancee in a general conversation, not mentioning any names or sounding like it is a personal attack on her. Just say something like you were on the phone with one of your friends and she is having an issue with her husband and her best friend always flirting and it is bothering her really bad and you feel sorry for her and hope nobody would ever do something like that to you, that it would make you really uncomfortable and put a strain on the friendship. That way you are not saying it is happening to you, but you can get her reaction on the subject and see if it harmless or if she gets defensive. I would say that after you have had this conversation with her and it continues, she is not someone I would want as a friend anymore because she obviously has no respect for you or your fiance or she would not continue to put you in an uncomfortable situation. I hope you understand what I am trying to say...I don't know how to explain what I am trying to say very well...but, I hope this works and you can see if she is a true friend who respects you and your feelings or overly-conceited and out to get your man!!

If your fiance is behaving himself, that's all that really matters. I would probably not consider her one of my best friends anymore, and would not go out with her anymore if it was me. You don't have to confront her. Just tell her that you have too many things to do next time she asks you to go out. After all, you have a child, fiance and business to take care of.

I would definatly give her the benefit of the doubt... I would definatly talk with her she may not realize what she is doing is making ya'll uncomfortable if she is that good of a friend I bet once you talk to her you and your fiance will feel more comfortable to be around her... Good Luck!!!

Hi L.. I know it's an awkward situation to bring up, but it has always been my belief that if you're true friends you should be able to talk to eachother about anything with out worrying it might ruine your friendship or end it. If you and your fiance are both made uncomfortable by her behaviors, I would ABSOLUTELY say something to her. You don't have to come off mean, mad or accusetory. You could just simply approach it in a gentle way, stating that you don't know if she realizes she does these things or not but that they make you both uncomfortable at times and you don't want to not say anything and have it end up getting in the way of your friendship. If she is a true friend, albeit uncomfortable for both you and her, she will be able to get over that and see that she needs to stop doing those things. If she gets mad, and never talks to you again, or anything like that then she is not a TRUE friend to you. In my personal opinion, I don't see how she could not realize what she was doing was too much for just friends. I would also be very bothered by it if I were in your position and want it to stop. It's good that your fiance can voice his opinions about it to you, also. You wouldn't want her behaviors to end up causing you and your fiance any trouble because you never addressed it. Well, good luck.

I would have your fiance say something since it makes him feel uncomfortable also. He is the one getting the hugs. Just have him say he is not a touchy-feely kinda person and it makes him uncomfortable. Or just keep his body at a distance the next time she hugs him and act like he is very uncomfortable with it and let her bring it up to him. Have him say it with a smile on his face and it won't sound mean. :D

I would definitely have a talk with her. Maybe she doesn't know she's making you uncomfortable. If it makes her uncomfortable, then she's guilty of something obviously. It's best to get it out in the open and move on.

P.s.
what type of business do you have?

A situation like that is difficult. eventually your friend will realize you're avoiding her. if anything try bringing it up to her carefully so that you can let her know that you're uncomfortable and so was your husband.

If she is a good friend of yours then you should be able to talk to her about it without jepardizing your friendship. Just let her know that it makes him uncomfortable and don't be accusing. She probably doesn't know that she is making him and you feel that way, but if you tell her that you would prefer her not to hug him and flirt with him she should understand and respect that. I would definitly talk about it or else it is always gonna stand in the way of you three having fun together without feeling uncomfortable.

I disagree that you should have your fiance say something. If the hugs make him uncomfortable so would discussing it with her, otherwise he would have already done it. This is your responsibility to stop. If your friend won't respect your request, then she needs to get out. I feel very strongly about this because my best friend went through the same thing and she never said anything and was stressed constantly because of it. Please say something!

I say stand up for yourself and your fiancee. She knows what she is doing. We all know when we are being flirty. Some just don't respect the boundaries of the friendship. I have been in this exact situation. I think you have to be open and as I read in another opinion you don't have to come out with your claws showing to get your point across. When you guys are out just tell her that something has been on your mind that you really need to let her know. Just matter of factly tell her what you feel but what I did that worked well is I paid my friend a HUGE compliment first. Something like, " You know I think the world of you and I really enjoy our friendship. You are so (pretty, smart, fun, exciting) and this is why I love being your friend. There is something that I feel uneasy about and if I was doing anything to make you feel that way I would want you to tell me. My fiancee and I have discussed you flirting and it makes us both uncomfortable. I hope you respect our concern and that you will not do it anymore." That is what I said and she really understood. We are still friends today. Grab the bull by the horns and get it over with. If she gets offended then she wasn't as good of a friend as you thought. Because if you feel so concerned to voice this then she should understand and really listen. AND MAKE SOME CHANGES IN HER ACTIONS. Good luck. C. Garcia

A Little About Me:
I am 26 years old as well and have 3 children. Oldest son is 9, daughter 6, and youngest son is 18 months old. I also run a business out of my home to have time for the important things in my life. I was a single mom for three years with the older two children until I met the love of my life Daniel. We have now been married for 3 years and now have a beautiful little boy together. Being a single MOM is not easy, but sometimes life deals us circumstances that are unexpected and hard to deal with. I knew that I had to make it no matter what and you will too. Here's to our future!

Most people who are flirty, know that they are. Sometimes it has already been brought to their attention by someone else. If this girl is a good friend, then she won't be too mad, if you explain to her that it's not just you that your boyfriend has felt this way also, and that it's begining to become uncomfotable. If she does get mad and don't want to continue the friendship then she must not be that good of a friend in the first place. If you have to explain to her certain situation, like the lingering hugs, and tell her that your not trying to be a you-know-what, but that neither you nor you fiance like it and could she please not do that. If she don't lay off ten it seems to me like she don't need to be in your life. And for that matter, if she is YOUR friend, why is she hugging your man. I have a friend that I have known since 2nd grade (about 20 years) and have been with my husband for 10, and unless it's a special occasion, she don't hug him at all. So maybe you should question why is she hugging him at all, much less lingeringly hugging him. Just ask her to stop, if she don't give her the boot. Just my opinion!

I agree with the other moms talk with her. Explain that your fiance is just uncomfortable with her being so flirty and touche feely. Just remember this is how you find out if your friends are really your friends. I sometimes have to tell my family and friends not to joke around about something my husband and they are okay with that. My family is extremely loud and sometimes very personal from the beginnin. Just talk. If you leave it, it will just be the monster in the closet one with your fiance and two with your friend.
L.

hi L.,
well first of all if your husband sence shes flirty and you do also,thats proably because she is.But you should know her better than your fiance,like has she always been this way.and as a friend i would tell her how you and your fiance feel about it.If she truly is your friend she'll lighten up and under stand,but by avoiding her your your saying you don't trust her around your fiance,and if you don't trust her as a friend then don't trust her around your fiance.

Hi L.,
I'd just talk to her. If she's one of your best friends you should be able to communicate in a way that will make her not feel uncomfortable. If she gets defensive at first, maybe she'll come around in a couple of days. If she doesn't come around, I think that should show you that something is off. I had a friend like that when I was younger and actually took someone I was interested in behind my back. We were only about 19, and we didn't talk for a couple of years. She was the best friend that I ever had. When we did speak she told me that she was jealous of me.
I know that this is different because your fiance does know about it and is uncomfortable with it. I don't think that he should have to say anything. Tell him to give her a big old "buddy" pat on the back next time she goes to hug him! That should throw her for a loop! (or maybe make her try harder, so I guess don't take my lightness too seriously, although it creates for a great mental picture).
When I am/was flirting, I knew that I was. I used to be a huge flirt and was completely conscious of what I was doing. At this age, if a good friend told me that something like your situation bugged me, maybe it would hurt for a minute, but I would realize that I was wrong.

Hi L.,
If she is that great of a friend then I would just mention it to her. You can also let her know that your fiance feels uncomfortable with her overly friendly gestures, especially since you are engaged. You don't need to mention it in an accusatory way just matter of fact and that it is an uncomfortable situation. If you reiterate the fact that you appreciate her friendship and you still want to be able to do things with her then she should be able to grasp that and go with it. Good luck.
M.