My 2 Yr Old Is Making Me CRAZY

Hi there! i dont have any advice, but i am going through the exact same thing. I love my son very much, but he's driving me to the brink! and he's not even two yet! Very soon though! I just keep telling myself that its a phase. One thing i do is when he needs a time out and he doesn't listen, i take a time out. I just sit for the two minutes and (politely) ignore him and say that mommy is on a time out! he either thinks its funny or finds something else to do. Good luck!

A.,

I TOTALLY hear you on this and only wish I had read this post sooner! My little girl went through the same thing and drove me to tears too many times. I sought others' advice and one of the best resources is the book 1-2-3 Magic. It is so worth the time to read and it's an easy read at that (I manage to squeeze in a few pages when I pee!).

My daughter started to act up right before my son was born, and the book saved me. When she started getting violent (hitting/biting me) and just mean, I had to take things a step further. I started implementing "harsher" time outs. Below is what I posted to someone else with some things added/taken away to make it fit your situation:

Having read the Supernanny books, we had tried traditional time outs in the past (with little success, since my daughter is so stubborn and refused to stay put). Because I was short on man-power, patience, and alertness right after the baby was born, out of desperation I turned her high chair into her time out seat. This meant that she'd be strapped in and I wouldn't have to repeatedly chase her to put her back. I mean really, I was already having power struggles, did I need to add another where she'd revel in the attention, albeit negaive? Yes, strapping your child in a seat sounds a bit cruel, but I couldn't continue hating my life and crying every ten minutes because she'd really hurt me physically and emotionally. When I'd strap her in, she'd resist by trying to hit/bite me, which I'd ignore and wouldn't get upset over (eventually she saw it made no reaction and gave it up, but every now and then she tries it again). Then I'd set the microwave timer for 2.5 minutes, turn the chair around so that she wouldn't have an audience (but place it far enough away from things that she couldn't reach anything), and walk away. When the timer went off, I'd return, briefly tell her "We don't hit, that hurts Mommy," ask for an apology and a hug, and let her out of the chair. We'd start from scratch then, as if it hadn't happened.

Believe me, there was a day when she was in that chair 15 times or so, but I stuck to my guns and would put her right back even if it was a minute later. That did it! Now, when I see her temper boiling and recognize that she is going to blow, I remind her "If we hit/yell/bite/etc we go in time out." She's literally had her hand raised in the air, ready to strike, and with that warning has dropped the hand, turned around, and started playing with something else!! I finally feel like I have gained back control and am not at my daughter's mercy.

Also, I was originally afraid that making her high chair her T.O. seat might make her hate it, but she is able to tell the difference and actually loves using the seat to eat. I never used the tray when she was in T.O., so that may have helped. She also has a booster seat at the table, and likes picking which one to use for meals.

Truly and honestly, my little girl is back to her old self and the storm has passed. It took about 2-3 days for her to realize that I was CONSISTENT with the time outs, and that dramatically reduced her outbursts. After a week, I had my great kid back!

The irony in all of this is that I taught elementary school for 9 years (grades 3-5) and had control of 20+ kids in my classroom. I had them treating me respectfully and they never dared rock the boat. To think that this two year old was giving me a run for my money when a *mass* of older, more cunning children couldn't really blew my mind. But then I reminded myself of the term "terrible" twos, and how people equate toddlers' mood swings and irrationality with that of a teenagers, and I was less h*** o* myself :)

Be consistent, try hard not to show your fear and tears (they love a reaction and think they've won!!), and stick to it without batting an eyelash. Yes, it will be hard for a few days but I promise you you'll gain back the power and that nice little girl. You are not alone in the mayhem and chaos, I promise! As Gloria Gaynor so aptly put it, "I will survive!!"

L. :)

I don't know that I have any great advice for you but I can relate. My son makes me crazy too! Same thing, just fighting everything and tantrums etc... Terrible two's suck! And he is only 20 months. It's going to be a long year and a half! Just hang in there and know your not alone :)

2 year olds do this because they are becoming independent ( I think of them as a mini teenager). It sounds like that is what your daughter is going through. I suggest giving her choices such as would you like to wear the purple shoes or the pink shoes? Just knowing that she is making choices for herself would make her more manageable. Even saying would you like to put your own shoes on or would you like me to help you? She may want to do it herself then realize after a bit she needs your help but it was her choice and that's important. So start things well in advance just in case you run into the "terrible twos" along the way. Let me know how everything goes.

My son is three and the biggest bundle of energy I've ever seen. If he is cooped up in the house too long he goes nuts himself and misbehaves. I know the weather is still bad, but getting her outside to run and yell will help her blow off some steam :)

KidCity saved us during the terrible two's. I don't know if you have a kids' museum or indoor playground near you, but it's worth looking into. It gives kids a fun place to run, play and learn with other kids and it gets you some time with other adults. My daughter was always way better behaved there than she was at home because she was so engaged and didn't want to leave. Plus, if she plays really hard she might take a big nap in the afternoon....a nice bonus! (:

If you know she's testing you, then you also know how consistent you have to be. :-)

I have the rule - you don't play with it right (throw it) then you don't play with it at all... that tends to help with the no throwing.

Remember on a day like you described - pick your battles and take deep breaths. It'll be 7:30 before you know it and you'll be able to Calgon away!
Good luck.

Isnt that always the way that it is hubby's late night when the kids are acting up. The two's can be terrible. And I have surely been there. Not to scare you, but I think the 3's are worse !! LOL

Also being a SAHM it is so important to get them up and out and keep them busy!!!! Take her out to visit someone, take a walk, either stroller or let her do the walking, bundle up and go to the park, go to a store and let her touch the toys, let her kick a ball around the yard, blow bubbles, if you are stuck in, give her lots of attention to distract that awful behavior, color with some crayons, have her help you cook something, make that homemade play dough and let her help then she can play with it, set out blankets on the floor and have a pinic inside with snacks and watch a movie or show with her, heck, if you run out of ideas give her a extra long bath during the day and put in a bunch of toys she may normally not have to keep her busy, get yourself a magazine and just sit on the toilet cover and relax and read while she plays in the tub.
Hope this helps some, please know it is normal, a new day will come, just hang in there!!

A.,
Is it possible for Lily and you to spend a couple of hours away from each other during the day, maybe once a week? It can seem overwhelming to spend every minute of every day with a toddler. Maybe you should schedule some "me" time for yourself. Is there a grandparent, relative or Mommy's Day Out Program nearby that you can take advantage of? Toddler will certainly try your patience and test their limits but they definitely need the boundaries to be reinforced. It's easier said than done but we don't want to get into a power struggle with the children. I found with my oldest that once I stopped contending with her and allowing her to push my buttons, the acting out ceased. She (now 14) quickly learned that following the rules and respecting our (but particulary my) authority were not optional. We also have an almost 4 yr old and almost 2 yr old and the most challenging part of the day is keeping pace with their high level of energy. More than 10 yrs later, I find the most effective way to reduce my stress level is my refusal to contend with them about daily expectations. Once everyone understands their role, it becomes easier to stay in it. If Mama is happy, it's a lot easier for the rest of the household to be happy. If Mama's not happy, no one will be happy. When Lily understands that you're not going to struggle with her to put her shoes on and that certain behavior won't be tolerated, you'll see a change. It sounds like she's seeking attention and once you teach her that she'll get a much better response from you when she behaves appropriately and that behaving appropriately isn't optional (as you're the parent as she's the child), she'll adjust and in time this will be a faded memory that you can laugh about. But if she's able to upset you to the point of tears, it's time to change your response. You won't be able to change her but your changed response will encourage Lily to behave differently.