Low Self Esteem or Just Completely Full of Herself?

I'll go with "Completely full of herself". Avoid.

6 moms found this helpful

As someone who has dealt with this, I'll be providing the immature answer to this! I do think that ultimately this is someone who is at best insecure and needs constant attention. You will never change her and will only get frustrated trying to better the situation, and you certainly don't want to compete.

Sadly, my brother and his wife are the ones who do this in our family. Their lives are perfect- perfect daughter, perfect home (or at least better than ours!! :-), etc. In this scenario, I do sometimes get upset because if I throw in anything to talk about my daughter, I feel like I am competing and just don't feel good about it later. So my husband and I have taken to doing the following. We do our best to not bring up obvious igniting questions- "how is X doing in school", and when they bring up things to brag about or outdo us, we just smile, nod and try to move on quickly. When we are by ourselves, yes, we make fun. "boy I sure hope that Xs school can keep pace with her, I wonder if they'll have to contract NASA to design her homework since she is so far superior", etc. Not mature, not proud, but we laugh and feel better.

Bottom line, you can't make her stop. You shouldn't want to compete (sounds like you don't). Trying to take her down a peg will just ramp up her efforts. I will say that if something is hurtful, you could say "I don't know if you realize this, but it is hurtful when it sounds like you are putting down x,y,z". Then you've stuck up for yourself, that's the best you can hope for. Custom clothing for hubby- but not from Italy? Oooohh, for shame. Maybe she'll explain this when she's on the cover of Forbes? :-)

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Ahhh, this is one of my best friends, exactly.
I'm able to overlook all of it, because underneath it, she really is a great friend to me.

That said, I don't "feed the beast".
Everything she brags about, I take her down a peg immediately.

Her: "I got my new Lincoln Navigator yesterday, and I'm good friends with the dealership owner, so he got it for me totally loaded."
Me: "Good for you. I could care less about the kind of cars that people drive, I can't ever see which is which. Hope you like it."

Her: "Such and such totally has a crush on me!"
Me: "Wow, does he know that you're actually 35 and married?"

That way I get my bit in, and it shuts her up at the same time. :)

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Narcissistic personality disorder comes to mind . . .

Don't feed the narcissistic supply needs. You'll just get more of it.

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She sounds like my mom when she was younger (and she is still like this today at age 67). This woman sounds like she has self esteem issues (but does not acknowledge it or self analyze at all) AND she is a narcissist. My mom loves to tell stories about herself and be the center or attention. Or have the story that trumps all overs in a conversation....it is all about her. She also used to be really into her looks and believed she looked better than all the other women around her. In her mind she thinks she is the "life of the party" going on and on like this and that all the other people around her just love her stories and her accomplishments. And people who just meet her for the first time do love her and think she is interesting. But once people get to know her over time they see that she dominates conversations or turns it all back to herself. They start hearing the same stories over and over. My mom always wonders why she has no good friends in life. Anyway, that is my take on this woman you know. It's sad really. What I have read is people like this need to be built up by others. They NEED it bc of their underlying low self esteem. It just gets too annoying though. I have come to realize I can never change my mom. I just try to enjoy the good things about her...but any time she comes to visit I feel like I am gritting my teeth half the time.

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My opinion is I wouldn't personalize her behavior too much or listen to her , let alone what others have to say.. Truly, if a person always has to be the center of attention and leave no room for others to shine, then eventually people catch on.. Without her even knowing it, her behavior pushes people away.. it's really kinda sad if you think about it. Granted, I am not saying pity the woman but I am saying, just don't waste too much of your energy on her.. I have known many people as such, including some family members and I just listen yet at the same time, much of what they say goes in one ear and out the other..... If I know I am going to see the person, I prepare myself to not become offended to what might come out of their mouth. in fact, I view them as a character .. which makes their behavior easier to handle..

good luck

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Both >>>> add Annoying to the list.
If this were a sitcom or movie, there would be a big teary ending where she admitted that secretly she's the one who should be jealous because you have everything all figured out. Then she'd admit that her husband is cheating on her or gay, the kids dont respect her, and they have filed bankruptcy. You two would hug, roll credits. But in real life, some people are just materialistic. They get thier self worth from winning and from nice things and want everyone to take notice.

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I think it's extremely annoying and I think they can be both low self-esteem and too full of themselves - depends on the day! I'm really not that sure but I try as much as possible to keep a wedge between me and these people......I tend to find many of them are the clingy type which makes me feel the low self-esteem is more a part of their FABULOUS personality.

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She sounds insecure, and I'd be that she has exaggerated every aspect of her life. I had a friend like that. It gets annoying & draining.

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It doesnt sound like she would have a lot of friends being like that, maybe that is why she talks herself/son up to royalty level?? But i agree, probably a combo of the 2- thinking she is fabulous and needs to sound impressive hoping it would make people like her more??
just nod and say "uh huh" as she talks lol...

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It could be neither. She could be completely one dimensional and that is all she has to talk about.

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I agree with Angela S. Sounds very narcissistic. I have to wonder how truthful she is being also. People like that tend to exaggerate a lot in order to make themselves sound better than everyone else. Very sad and very off putting. Avoid avoid avoid, is my advice. She will never really know what true happiness is it sounds like and that is what is sad.

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To me it sounds like she is a bit insecure and showy (surpassing the Jones and then some). I tend to do the same thing when I feel insecure or trying to impress of course I rarely try to impress and nowhere near what this acqaintance has (maybe by the time I retire I would have made what she made in a year). A close friend pointed out what was happening so something I try hard to work on.

I would avoid joining in on any talking behind her back. Only a good friend she apporach her and let her know how her talking makes them feel of course might be that her good friends all talk the same way. If she ever is talking to you the first time you hear something try to take the high road and say "good for you/son" and then the second plus times she tells you something make a note "that is great, you mentioned that the last time we talked" lastly if she repeats it more I would say "can we talk about something else, you have mentioned all of this numrous times already."

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That is a good question. she could truly have a narcissistic personality disorder. Sounds like she has a lot of the symptoms: http://psychcentral.com/disorders/sx36.htm

but, if not, she must really have low self esteem. Maybe things aren't as great at home as she claims and she wants to make herself feel better. Hope you don't have to associate with her too often!

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It could be either one. Or it could be that she doesn't necessarily realize the extreme nature of her comments. Sounds unbelievable, but I have experienced it with others. Example: Girl lives in the shadows of older siblings whom others perceive as better in some way, but she lives with them, so she knows different. She grows up learning that if she doesn't toot her own horn, nobody's gonna toot it for her. She's been taught that if she wants to be noticed at all for what she brings to the table, then she's got to make sure that you know what she's bringing to the table. As an adult, when she hears of others' accomplishments, it reminds her of hers, and she's compelled to recite her own resume just so you know that she, too, brings relevance. Not to brag, just to contribute. In her conscious mind, she's just adding to the conversation. She might have no clue that she is turning people off. When people are put off by her--since no one ever gently tells her why--she can only assume that it must be because they are uncomfortable with her success.

My opinion--not a dig on you--is to treat her with graciousness. We all have our "stuff". If it provides you with a little comic relief and doesn't take anything away from you, give her two or three minutes to sing her own praises. Then, take two or three minutes to sing your own praises. If she interrupts, gently say, "No, wait, I'm not finished. I, like you, have had this experience." In addition to the purposes that I noted earlier, it also serves as a notification/reminder to try to see something from another's perspective, for each of you.

I am a firm believer in life lessons and no coincidences. I think that we draw to ourselves from within ourselves. The fact that she bugs you indicates that you've got something to learn and teach here. Pray about it (whatever that means to you and your faith), and learn how you should approach this situation. Accept her for who she is and what she can bring. The only person you can change is yourself. (Not that you are wrong, but you can update your response to her.)

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Some people just think their life looks better when they embellish it a bit! Seriously, she sounds like a laughingstock and I would SMILE in amusement at her!

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I think everyone knows at least ONE person like this.

My answer?

Both (your aquaintance?)...or neither (my girlfriend).

You see, I have a girlfriend who makes great money and has never once made me *feel* as though she were flaunting it, even after she paid for lunch, hair, nails and pedicures for the both of us when I couldn't afford it. She was so low key and graceful about it and genuinely wanted to spend time with me (knowing I was never going to be able to pay for it). That's a true friend who handles her money and relationships with grace and dignity. There isn't a narcissistic bone in her body.

My other *aquaintance*? It's more about bragging rights. Look at me and how much I have and how well I've done. "Well, abc is okay, but I prefer xyz even though it is SO MUCH MORE EXPENSIVE!" I've learned to ignore what he says (as my BIL, sometimes that's hard to do!)

It really is okay to be proud of what you accomplish. But there is something to be said about how one presents it. It's all about class. My gf= classy, my BIL= trashy!

1 mom found this helpful

I've known a few people like this, including my first husband. In my observation, materialistic people, "self-made" or otherwise, are often wondering whether they've arrived yet. They really believe a lavish lifestyle and expensive things should be a gauge of happiness. Since she's probably not yet satisfied with herself on the inside, she's using you and others as a mirror to reflect her success back to her. She's probably anxious, but not recognizing it or understanding why.

Even if everybody she speaks to were to praise her exorbitantly for her financial success, money is not where real happiness lies. It helps to have enough of it to meet our needs, but excess actually can become a burden for most people and distract them from more essential life satisfactions. I feel a little bit sad for this woman (and her son).

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Wait. She's in her late 40's and looks 25 years younger? So she thinks she looks like she's 22? Her plastic surgeon must LOVE her!

LOL!

Okay all snide comments aside, just avoid all discussion of her. Become suddenly preoccupied when people talk of her. If someone asks why, simply smile and say "All charming people have something to conceal, usually their total dependence on the appreciation of others." (Cyril Connelly)

People are strange, aren't they?

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People like her must have low self esteem. Because if her life was flippin great she wouldn't have to TELL everyone that, she would just live it. When she starts rambling on I'd just simply smile and nod, don't give her any reaction at all. Don't fuel the fire!
Money does not equal happiness, and she's proving it! Peole that are truly happy don't feel the need to prove it to anyone else. It's displayed by their actions, and how they treat others. I guess I'd kind of feel sorry for her LOL

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It is sad, really. She could be a severe narcissist who because of feelings of inadequacy feels the need to constantly brag. Instead of making friends, she drives people away which perpetuates those feelings that she isn't good enough. Thus, the bragging continues. Look up narcissistic personality disorder.

It is frustating to be around people who always want to one-up everyone! I worked with someone like that. :(

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I think I would probably cut her off, turn to another person you were talking to and say, "Anyways... where where we before we got sidetracked?"

You could always be honest by kindly and privately saying, "You know, I want to like you, but you always take over and dominate conversations and brag about everything. It really make us uncomfortable and I can't tell if you are trying to win our approval or make us feel badly. We would rather get to know you for who you are, not for your accomplishments and money."

OR... I would probably get tired of it if she continued and make a snide remark every now and then... yes I AM like that:

"Wow, how nice, my house is only 1200 sq feet with 5 people. You must think we are just so pathetic!"

"Custom suits always look pretentious and stuffy, but if that's all he likes, well then so be it."

"You must really enjoy making your son miserable and embarrassing him. Most of the teenage boys I know think that moms who do that are gross. I vow right now to never do that to my child!"

If you want to avoid the drama and not pull the passive aggressive remarks... then I would just walk away when she approaches and avoid her. She's either a narcissist, has low self-esteem, or just a very sad little person who honestly doesn't care about anyone else.

Agree, very narcissistic. She has extremely low self esteem. That is why she finds the need to always aggrandize herself to make herself feel better.

I found through life... that those who feel the need to always show off and portray their lives as perfect ..in reality are very unhappy on the inside. She will never be happy no matter how many material goods and riches she gets, until she address her self-esteem problem.

When people show off to me, I usually just say "good!" and then change the subject. I act politely interested but don't egg them on. When they see that their bragging is not affecting you, they will back off a little (usually!). In all best, avoid these type of people at all costs.

And the perfect life she has? Not. NO ONE has a perfect life. There are always skeletons in everyone's closets. Look at these hollywood people. They are portrayed (and portray themselves as) as beautiful, flawless people with perfect houses, millions of dollars to spend, and beautiful children and families. But we often don't know the reality. Even people around you may be seemingly happy and have no life problems, but you never know what really goes on in their lives.

This poor woman, I pity her...she has no self esteem no doubt from childhood issues/trauma and this is the only way she can make herself feel better. Sad.

I dont know what id call her, but i know i would never speak to her again.

I knew a girl like this too, She had a male roommate who she suspected of being an ex boyfriend from 10 years prior that had undergone serious plastic surgery in order to get back into her life secretly. One time upon walking into a store there was a wreck near-by, this woman actually thought they wrecked because of her and her new boob job.

This person attempts to add me to her f/b at least once a month, and from what i hear she does it to other people too. I see her on some of my friends f/b's that i KNOW FOR A FACT she doesnt know in real life. Its all so bizarre to me.

But i dont have room for that kind of stifling, strange ego energy in my life.....dont try to figure it out, just get away from it, its certainly toxic.

It sounds to me like she has SUPER low self esteem. I know a psychiatrist who said that ppl with low self esteem either brag SO much that they are trying to bring themselves up to others or they cut others down to bring others down to their level. I would stay away from her and would not be able to stand listening to her! Does she have any real friends?? I wonder how she listens to herself act that way!

i think we have the same friend... its super annoying! shes always telling me im too easy on my kids and they are spoiled.... she gave her youngest up for adoption and her 2 boys live with their dad so im not sure where she gets the idea on how to tell me how to raise my kids,,,, shes always telling me how unhealthy i am even tho im not and yes she does the whole age thing too... i dont know what to do either i cant wair to read your responses!