Kindergarden Transition

Updated on September 15, 2010
M.N. asks from Aurora, IL
15 answers

Our 5 year old is having a hard time with the adjustment to kindergarden. He has cried at bed time telling us that he does not like it, and he has also cried while dropping him off. We are only on day 3 so we're trying to gauge what is normal. An additional element is that he is a language immersion program that the teacher only speaks in a foreign language. I know he is frustrated that he can not understand what is going on. SO this is where my husband and I have the great debate. We are trying to understand what level of transition issues are normal, how long this will go on, etc. We are trying to differentiate the normal transition issues from the chinese transition issues. Thank you in advance.

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So What Happened?

Thank you so much for your responses. We reached out to several school personnel and gained some insights from them. I appreciate the comments as many of them are in line with my concerns- I do not want him to hate school and want to foster his love of learning. There are always gray factors that come into play. When I posted this I know it is a public forum and as such opens up all comments. My concerns have always centered around my child so to suggest anything other than that or that I can not conceptualize how difficult this transition is for him is a tad bit ridiculus- that is the whole point of my post.

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Y.A.

answers from Sioux Falls on

What language does he speak
What language is the teacher speaking

If you are teaching him a language, why are you?
If he is learning a language, are you also using it a home?

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

It is a language immersion school.... do you/Husband speak that language at home???
If not, it is a huge difference and transition for him... for any child. And it would be for an adult too... imagine if you were in his shoes...

2) Did your son attend Preschool? Or is this his first time in 'school?'
3) A child, per my experience with my Daughter at that stage... can take a while to get accustomed to 'school'. Per the Counselors at my daughter's school... some kids can take 1-3 months to get used to Kindergarten...
My daughter, even with Preschool, took about 2 months to transition.... for example.

No matter what, do not make him feel bad about it all.
Its a BIG thing for a young child to get used to... plus with the foreign language to get used to....
That is a lot.... to transition with.
AND it also depends on the 'maturity' of the child, not just the numeric age... and their 'emotional' maturity as well.

all the best,
Susan

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S.C.

answers from Eau Claire on

It seems you have gotten a mix of responses most center around the school. My opinion is a little different. If you are worrying about this and you and your husband are debating over it there is tention in the air. I have no doubt that your son is finding it difficult but that doesn't mean he can't do it. The emotions might be what is causing the behavior. To make yourself feel better you could sneak into the school an hour after it starts and spy on the class. I bet your son will be participating and getting along just fine. If not discuss it with the teacher and find out what you can do at home to help. Create games for learning the language like walking around the house and pointing at the furniture and repeating the name, songs, or possibly buying a cartoon that he likes converted to that language. Show that you are in support of what the class is learning during the day. Have him teach you a new word each day (even if you know the language) so that you can show him how proud you are. You can also have a day at home where you play a silent game - meaning you try to get through a meal or something without words just for fun to show him that even without words he can follow instructions if he pays attention. Just relax and have fun and he will too. You just need to learn to enjoy kindergarten and he will too. Good Luck!

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G.

answers from Minneapolis on

My daughter was feeling the same last year inthe spanish immerson program. I talked to the teacher & she stated if she noticed the child was having difficulty in the class she would pull the dhild aside & translate. Then she would say it again in spanish, She eventually got it & it turned out she was the highest achiever (non first time spanish speaker in the class) Kids adapt better to other languages then adults. Just give it time, reaasure your child to hang in there. By mid November she was fine- Now she is adjusting to a new spanish teacher for 1st grade. That took only a couple of days. Best wishes to you!

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K.R.

answers from Minneapolis on

This sounds very normal. I say this as a public school preK teacher who taught kindergarten for many years. Three days of separation anxiety is normal, and it could continue for a while longer, given that he doesn't understand what his teacher is saying (don't second-guess your decision to place him in a Chinese immersion program, however -- I think that is terrific). Odds are strong that he cries for only a little while and then is mostly fine the rest of the day. In seventeen years of teaching I have only had two kids who either cried all morning or cried every morning for a few months. That's really unusual, and it won't happen to your son.

One very important thing that will help is to be aware of how you and your husband are handling this, and how you act around your son. You must believe that everything is going to be okay, because it will. You need to show calm and confidence when you take him to school, or when you talk to your son about school. If he picks up any worries or fears coming from you, it will freak him out and make things worse.

Please know that if you have to hand a crying child over to the teacher in the morning, that he will stop within a few minutes. I've experienced THAT hundreds of times. Seriously, he will be fine shortly after you leave.

Hang in there, this will be a great experience for all of you.

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E.T.

answers from Rochester on

Kindergarten is a HUGE transition for any child. Especially if they don't have any preschool experience. There are sooo many new things to learn. I can imagine that being in an immersion school where you don't speak the langauge is going to be even more difficult to adjust to. When I think about the two times I have been in foriegn countries where I didn't speak the language and very few people spoke English, it was scary for me as an adult. I was very frustrated, felt embarrassed that I couldn't understand anyone, and felt really dumb. And that was as an adult that I felt that way. I'm a teacher and I know that kindergarten is the best time for kids to learn a foreign language. But maybe an immersion school with a brand new language is just too much. I also know that it can be very difficult to get your child into an immersion school. Would it be possible for you to pull your son from the school and have his spot held for him for first grade? He may adjust a lot better to school if he can understand what is going on. During the year he could take language lessons and then be more prepared for immersion next year. If your child starts out hating school so much it could have a lasting impact on him and his attitude towards school. All of that said, you know your son best and know how he has adjusted to things in the past. That can help you to help him make the transition.

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M.B.

answers from Minneapolis on

I teach kindergarten in an immersion school, and I would say your son's reaction is very normal!! Usually children will adjust very quickly, within the first week or two. You could help your son think of techniques to help him understand what the teacher is saying (look at actions he/she is making, look for pictures, notice what the other children are doing, etc.) If he continues to not want to go, ask him if there are specific things/other students/times of day that are making him upset and ask the teacher about those issues. Do you have fall conferences? That would be a great time to ask the teacher about other things you can do to help ease the transition. I would encourage you to stick it out--it's difficult to enter an immersion program after kindergarten, and the benefits of immersion last a lifetime!!

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S.S.

answers from Omaha on

Wondering if your son goes to Crestridge. You can email me privately if he does and we can chat. Some of it is normal, but kindergarten should be a fun transition. Did your son go to preK? My son had a rough transition too, but in my opinion, they expect WAY too much control from little 5 year old boys. And they don't want to deal with a child who is not compliant by nature. On the teachers behalf though, their hands are tied with what they can and cannot do to keep control these days. My son learned spanish, japanese and some swahili in kindergarten and loved every minute of it, now in fourth grade are offering chinese and that is what he is opting to learn- and last night at open house- he was actually conversing with the teacher in chinese! It was amazing!

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M.C.

answers from Des Moines on

First of all.....kudos to you for putting him in a language immersion program!!! It is so much easier for kids to learn the language when they are younger!

I was a kindergarten assistant teacher in a foreign country where the kids were being placed in our school specifically so THEY could learn ENGLISH!! Yes, we had a few native English speakers, but the other children had a variety of different mother tongues. The teacher(and I) both ONLY spoke ENGLISH to them for the entire day! (We didn't know how to speak their languages.) Yes, there were some children with more of an adjustment period than others....but they all did remarkably well. The children still play with each other and still learn. The teachers are usually using lots of hand gestures, pictures, etc. After asking a child to do something...if they didn't understand the English, we would take them by the hand and gently show them what we wanted. They learn very quickly!!

My children...all teenagers...wish they had a language immersion experience when they were younger. Knowing another language opens up their world in ways that others will never understand.

My suggestion is not to second guess your decision. I'm not sure what kind of drop-off/pick - up system your school has, but it might be nice if once/week or so, you can let your son take you back into the classroom to show you something he has made, or toy he likes etc. THis would just help you see HIS world a little clearer and give you ideas of things about school to talk about with him.

Also, maybe see if the teacher needs anything. (Art supplies....simple objects from around the house...toilet paper rolls, etc.) It might make it more fun for your child if he had something to bring in to give to the teacher.

Also, any parent knows that bedtime is when everything gets worse. It took me a while to learn that anything said at bedtime is at least 3x worse than it would be at any other time of the day. How does your son seem when you are picking him up? Especially if you can see him BEFORE he sees you? that is a more accurate picture of how he is doing.

best of luck

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L.Y.

answers from Wausau on

Both my son and daughter were nervous in starting preschool. It took my son a few weeks to adjust. My daughter had a rough time for a few months. They both did two years of preschool...her second year was alot better.
My son was a little nervous in kindergarten (new school) but quickly adapted. Last year, my daughter was in kindergarten and had trouble throughout the year with 'missing me'. She was in the same school as her older brother, same teacher (who is my friend and we get together as families outside of school). My daughter would still have 'off' days though. It was usually worse at lunch or if there was a sub. That is really common...when I used to sub there would sometimes be one younger student that had a hard time with the change for that day.
Now, after 2 weeks of first grade there have been a few tears and I'm told that she missed me but it's getting better.
Some kids need a little longer to adjust than others. The immersion class could be causing some frustration that is compounding the stress of starting school...I'm guessing this is a new school so even if he attended pre-school this is not the same. Think of how you, as an adult, would feel walking into a room and not understanding what is going on. I do believe that the early years are the best time to learn a new language but it will be difficult when there are so many new things happening right now (starting school, new teacher, new kids).
I like the response from the other mom who said the teacher in her childs class would go to the child and translate if it looked like they were having a hard time. Talk to the teacher about translating. It'd be a shame to leave the program if the teacher can help him get comfortable with the class.
Good luck.

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A.F.

answers from Columbus on

I'm not familiar with the language immersion program you mentioned. I would be frustrated too if I was trying to learn and couldn't understand what was being said.
As far as normal transition, My daughter was fine when she entered Kindergarten last year. She had her nights when she would say, I don't want to go to school tomorrow but it was just b/c she didn't want to go to bed. My nephew started this year, he cried for the first week but then got over it and loves school now. He wasn't used to being away from my SIL.

I would usually say it will pass soon but I don't know about the program he's in so it might take much longer than a normal kindergarten setting.

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D.W.

answers from Minneapolis on

There is some extra adjustment time to be expected with an immersion program. My daughter started Spanish immersion a couple years ago and it is exhausting for them the first couple of weeks! We went back to afternoon naps for a little while and that seemed to help. She also liked having time to just run around outside after school. After the first few weeks to a month she understood enough of the language to understand what was happening (which is probably the most frustrating thing for your son right now) and even could hold very short conversations in Spanish. I did notice when I was at the school that generally the boys took a little longer to get into the swing of things than the girls, partially because of adjusting to the structure and partly because girls generally tend to be more speech-oriented than boys. Give him at least the first half of the year to see how things are going before you make any decisions about moving him to a traditional kindergarten. You are giving your child a wonderful gift with a second language and once you get through the bumpiness of the transition it will be a lot better!

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M.S.

answers from Lincoln on

Poor kid. I'd be terrified too. Kindergarten is stressful enough. To top it off he has to go through the process in a foreign language? That's a bit much in my eyes. You put too much on his plate. He is doing exactly what he should be doing -Crying at bedtime, crying while being dropped off, miserable and scared all day long, lonley cause he doesn't know what the heck anyone is saying. You noted that you are "trying to differentiate the normal transition issues from the chinese transition issues." You can't separate them, because they are co-mingled. He doesn't have a chance to feel the normal kindergarten transition because he has the language issue put on his plate. I would put him in a English speaking kindergarten to give him a chance to deal with those feelings of just being a kindergartner.

Are you of Chinese background? Is he around the Chinese language aside from his new kindergarten? It's kind of hard to completely gage because we don't know that part. If he is Chinese, can you speak it at home only and that's it? If he's not Chinese, I would allow him to learn English grammer better. He's still young and needs to learn more about his own language not another language. I think we put too much pressure on kids to be super stars and don't allow them to just be kids.

You put a lot on his 5 year old shoulders. Expect him to act exactly the way he is acting.

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K.H.

answers from Minneapolis on

wow how terrible for your son...cant you get him in an english speaking class??..its tough enuff to go thru kindergarten..but not to be able to understand the teacher??..thats just wrong in my opinion..i understand we want our kids to learn...but cant we start at the basics?? make it an option when they get older?? both my kids went thru kindergarten..an back then 25 yrs ago it was still just learning the basics an socialization..now its computers,different laguages etc..they need to slow it down..my kids went thru school just fine-graduated etc.both excelling an doing excellent in their lives...good luck in whatever you decide to do.hows does he learn..if he cant understand what the heck the teacher is saying??..its beyond me...

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S.T.

answers from Iowa City on

My first response was "Oh my God". I don't understand what is going on today with school. Too much is expected of these poor young children. Get him adjusted to kindergarden and then think about starting a foreign language. It makes me so sad to think about him being away from his norm all day and then not understanding a word that is being said to him. I just don't understand what the point of that is.

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