Is This Ok? - Haysville,KS

Updated on June 12, 2010
R.D. asks from Haysville, KS
33 answers

Ok ladies yet another question.....
For nap and at night, my husband and I put my daughter in her crib awake. It is always at the same time and she goes to sleep on her own. Leading up to that we have a routine we follow, so it's not like we're just throwing her in her crib and walking away. She used to cry/whine softly for about ten minutes, never longer than thirty, and then fall asleep. Now she cries for about a minute and then plays with her stuffed animal until she falls asleep. I didn't really think much of it, but I feel bad about this. Bed-time I would like to keep the same, so it's not a big huge deal but nap-time I'm wondering if I should keep doing this or if I should just go get her after a certain number of minutes? For example, today (which has been a weird day.....babysitter canceled fifteen minutes before I was to drop her off, so she had to go with me while I was getting my hair done. She did great, but on the way home fell asleep. It was about a fifteen minute nap. We got home, she ate lunch, I let her play a little but, then put her down for a nap) I put her down for her nap and she is still awake! It has been an hour! I thought she was asleep because I didn't hear her messing around anymore and glanced in quickly and didn't see her moving around. Well, I just went to put the laundry away and she was still wiggling around and playing very quietly and softly. She doesn't seem upset by this at all, but is this ok for me to do? I want to just go get her, but she was rubbing her eyes and I'm pretty sure she is actually asleep now. In the mornings she will wake up and play quietly. I never even know how long she is awake until she starts fussing. So today I happen to see her standing up, looking out her crib. I decided to wait and see about how long it took her to get upset and want out. Fifteen minutes later she is still just sitting there playing! I went in to get her and she giggled and ran the other way. She wanted me to pick her up, and she took her animals with her. Does she just like her alone time or what? What would you do if this was your kiddo? Is it hurting her at all to leave her in there awake just playing by herself for that long? I'm sure I will get all kinds of answers on this, but I just want to make sure I'm not doing anything that will be damaging to her. She doesn't seem to mind at all, but I feel very bad about just letting her play in there for over an hour! I should mention she is fourteen months old. Soooo what do you think? TIA!

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So What Happened?

Wow thanks for all the responses! I too think it's a wonderful thing and I can now not feel guilty :)

Featured Answers

T.N.

answers from Albany on

Wow, what a lucky Mom you are! Doin' it by the book and it's working! I see nothing wrong with her 'down' time. Just keep an eye on her daily inclination to climb out of the crib, and enjoy the peace!

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K.B.

answers from Houston on

It's perfect!! This way when she no longer actually needs naps you can continue the schedule and have her just enjoy quiet time in her room. She'll be used to going to her room for that time every day and just playing!! It will be so awesome for you especially if you have more children who need to nap at that time.

Great job!!
K.

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J.S.

answers from St. Louis on

I know you have gotten a ton of responses and I haven't gotten to read them all. I say enjoy it!! Hopefully it lasts, but most likely it won't. So enjoy it now! My son used to do this as well. He still does do this on his naps. I leave him in there because at least he is resting/having down time. That is still beneficial to them even if they never fall fully asleep. Congrats on having such a well behaved little girl!!

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M.B.

answers from Philadelphia on

I think you are one lucky mommy! :) Maybe she just needs a little while to "wake up" after sleeping, and I would NOT mess with a good thing! Let her wake up, she will call you when she is ready! There is nothing wrong with her being able to entertain herself, that is a great sign of a healthy, well adjusted and confident kiddo! And we're not talking about hours of her staring into space, she is in there having fun!
Don't give up on a good thing, that is my opinion!

7 moms found this helpful

G.R.

answers from Dallas on

my twins are 17 months old when is nap time the boy usually stay awake for about 40 min playing and then he fall sleep ,my daughter she goes to sleep 10 min after i put her to sleep,sometimes in the afternoon when they have been running and playing around they get very fussy and i just put each in a pack and play with some toys and they like to be there playing i think is like alone time and they calm down and then about 30 min later they are soo happy.
i just think they need to alone time to rest.

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S.H.

answers from San Antonio on

If she's playing she's happy. Consider yourself LUCKY! My kids, to this day, don't play by themselves ever. They are 7 and 3 and want me to interact with them constantly. I can't get a thing done.

She's fine.

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M.W.

answers from Chicago on

My baby has started to do the same thing. I just let her play. If she starts to cry again, i go in to soothe her (w/o picking her up) every 5 minutes. She usually goes to sleep. The two sleep books i read said this might happen and its ok, the important thing is that they are put down to nap at regular times and that they stay in the sleeping place for the appropriate amount of time for a nap. Maybe your baby is ready for less naps? or to alter the times? Maybe thats just how she soothes herself to sleep. It is a good thing that she enjoys being in her crib alone, Im sure you worked hard for that!

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S.B.

answers from Redding on

In my opinion, there is NOTHING wrong with letting a child lay and play happily in their crib. If she likes her alone time, let her have it! Neither of my kids were day sleepers, but I layed them down at the same time everyday and if they drifted off, fine. If they didn't, that was fine too. I actually enjoyed listening to them coo or sing or jabber to themselves. I found it so precious. They were obviously happy so I let them have their time.
You are not damaging your baby. Not by any means.
She is happy and secure enough to entertain herself and that is truly a wonderful thing. It really is. The cutest thing, I thought, was that my kids put a blankie over their "babies" (stuffed animals) and sang to get them to sleep. Sometimes if I glanced in they would tell me, "Shhhhh. Babies nigh nigh". As long as they were happy having quiet time, I never worried about whether they would actually sleep because they rarely did, but they were used to having rest time and it worked wonderfully.
It sounds like you have a happy well adjusted baby to me.
Great job!
Don't worry about her having her private quiet time.
I believe it's good for them.

Best wishes!

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C.O.

answers from Sacramento on

There is nothing wrong with letting babies learn how to entertain themselves; and it appears that your daughter has that down. It is also ok to let her wind her self down (she's playing quietly before going to sleep). If she isn't fussing and she's happy, let her be; keep an ear on her of course.

As long as you give her social time, as well as her quiet time...I do not see any harm. You aren't leaving her screaming or aggitated or upset. If she were any of those things, I would say go in and get her. If she is content and is sleepy, let her wind herself down.

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B.S.

answers from Lexington on

Alone time is good, if she can entertain herself then let her- as long as she is not crying she is fine- just keep checking on her to make sure she is okay.

I think it is sweet and I used to let my kids play by themselves on their blanket- my son had his "pigs" which he loved and of course his "happy apple" that is how he learned to roll and crawl.

GOD BLESS
B.

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S.B.

answers from Kansas City on

If she's being quiet and playing, I'd leave her alone. My daughter still, at 3 1/2, plays for a little while before going to bed at night and for naps. It doesnt hurt them. If she were crying, I would go in, but if not, she's fine.

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T.H.

answers from Kansas City on

I think it's great! Is she still on 2 naps a day?? If so, it's time to go down to one. It seems like it will terrible only having 1 break as opposed to 2, but it's really not...it opens up your day a lot to do other ufn things!

If she already is on one nap, she's fine. Maybe push her nap time back a bit b/c she still does need a nap at some point during the day, but otherwise she sounds totally fab!

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S.K.

answers from Kansas City on

Be very grateful. She sounds like a doll baby :) She's contented and that's a wonderful thing.

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K.H.

answers from Washington DC on

Really stop worrying , if she is happy and content to sit and play in her crib then let her , if you were leaving her to scream/cry uncontrolably for over and hour then that would not be good.

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A.C.

answers from Cincinnati on

My son does things like this, too. I think it's wonderful, and I would not discourage it. The only thing I would say is that, since you know she knows how to put herself to sleep and doesn't usually fuss, if she does fuss, I would go get her right away because it means something is wrong. We always know when my son is teething because he cries when he wakes up instead of just entertaining himself.

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S.F.

answers from St. Louis on

I have a 21 mo daughter that is similar to your daughter. She sleeps but wakes up and turns the light and fan on and just plays with her crib toys and is content to do so. I think she needs the time alone and obviously likes it so let her continue to have that time to herself. Kids get overstimulated and need that quiet time. Plus you can get a whole lot more stuff done too!

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J.P.

answers from Chicago on

I agree with the others- that's great! Quiet play time is part of resting too. If she's not complaining, don't change what you're doing... sounds like it's going great. My 2 year old often does the same thing, playing quietly or looking at books in bed before and after her nap/sleep, and I wait for her to call for me to come get her.

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S.T.

answers from Oklahoma City on

I too think you are very lucky. My 10 mo pretty much does the same thing. I sometimes feel like I am useless as her mommy because she doesn't need me to rock her or hold her until she is asleep, but i know she is just a very independant girl and it sounds like yours is too. Take advantage and let her play until she fusses because she will still feel rested even if she didn't sleep. Good job!

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D.W.

answers from St. Louis on

You are doing nothing harmful or neglectful for your daughter. It is good for her to have some alone time to allow her imagination to develop and be able to entertain herself. As long as you give her some of your time during the day to do something with her, leaving her in her crib until she falls asleep or after she wakes up is not something you should worry about.

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S.W.

answers from St. Louis on

The best gift you can give your child (and yourself) is to teach them to put them selves to sleep.

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R.M.

answers from Nashville on

This is WONDERFUL! I am so jealous :)

I don't like cry it out. I had a clingy son and I carried him around everywhere because I could never just leave him to cry on the floor while I did chores. I am definitely not a person who thinks you can spoil babies or that they should be left to cry and it is good for them. But with your baby, she sounds like she is happy and well adjusted and all the things you want her to be. I had to wait forever before my son would happily entertain himself and was happy to be alone. There is nothing wrong with babies being alone, just being alone and scared. I would definitely not mess with a good thing. Even if she doesn't go right to sleep, she is putting herself to sleep and having quiet time leading up to it, and that is exactly what you want.

Enjoy it!

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C.C.

answers from Tampa on

Sounds like she's happy. :)

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S.H.

answers from St. Louis on

23 postings already.....so I didn't read them!

REJOICE!!! Your daughter is doing EXACTLY what so many other families strive for......the ability to self-soothe.

You've done a GREAT JOB, Mom......your daughter feels safe & secure. Kudos to you and your beautiful daughter. Peace.....

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J.B.

answers from St. Louis on

Your daughter sounds exactly like mine! It may sound selfish, but if my daughter wakes before I'm ready to get up, I let just let her play in the crib until I get up in the morning. Of course, if she's crying or fussing, I'll get up and get her - but if she's content, I catch an extra 20 or 30 minutes of sleep.

My daughter also does the exact same thing with naps - sometimes she'll play and talk to her animals for 20 minutes or more and then finally fall asleep. If she falls asleep in the car anytime 60-90 minutes before her normal nap time, then she may not sleep at all or about half as much. Coming home from church on Sunday is the worst because she's so tired! My husband and I will have her sing songs or we'll tickle her to stay awake just so she'll nap.

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G.B.

answers from Kansas City on

Hi R., Hi, I wanted to take a minute to share my thoughts with you. I am a mom of twelve kids. In my opinion, children should learn how to entertain themselves. You are lucky, your daughter is showing you that she is happy with her alone time, That time gives children the chance to play, imagine, and learn. She is beginning to develop the process of figuring things out. She will learn at a very fast pace and giving her the space without other stimulation and distractions is helpful, not hurtful for her. She will fuss when she wants your attention. From my experience, I have learned that all children are different. I had some that did not like to be alone,
but it is a fact that sometimes moms need a break during the day in order to simply get things done, and giving kids alone time in a safe place (their crib) is beneficial for both of you. Don't worry is she doesn't sleep during nap time occasionally, but if she is content to play quietly, do that so that she stays with her established routine. There are no books that can give you all the answers, because every kid is different, and real life happens. I truly think that you strive to be the best mom you can be, that is all any mom can do. Don't worry about giving her space. Have a wonderful day.

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N.W.

answers from St. Louis on

Enjoy the time she is giving you! She has learned to self soothe and enjoy her own company. Most mothers wish their child would do this. I would not change Her nap or bedtime habits at all.

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D.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

If she's fed, safe, playing quietly, it's a blessing! Take advantage of it!

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M.F.

answers from Houston on

My kids do this too sometimes and I don't feel guilty about it at all. They need their quiet time too even if they do not fall asleep. If they cry I go in to get them but otherwise I leave them in their crib/bedroom until their regular nap time is over. My 3 year old wakes up and reads books in his bedroom in the morning giving me about 10-30 minutes to get myself ready, it is just the way they are wired because they know mom is always available but still seem to enjoy their alone time.

S.L.

answers from Kansas City on

This is GREAT. Don't worry about it at all and she's happy and entertaining herself.

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J.L.

answers from Kansas City on

Sounds wonderful to me.

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K.C.

answers from Philadelphia on

My kids used to do the same thing. I don't think there's anything to worry about. You're very lucky to have such a happy, calm baby. I had three of those and people told me all the time how lucky I was. Of course, now they're 12, 9 and 7 and things are a BIT different...

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V.P.

answers from Kansas City on

Hi R.,
I think any time your child plays happily and quietly by herself is a good thing. From your description she seems happy to do so and not just because you have left her in the crib with nothing else to do. It's good for her to have to entertain herself. If she didn't like it, she would let you know by fussing. She sounds like an independent spirit which will make your life much easier. I would say thank your lucky stars and go forward guilt-free.

V.
Mom of 3
School Counselor

R.G.

answers from Dallas on

Congratulations, R., you have given your child a wonderful gift...the ability to self sooth and put herself to sleep. Many children don't learn this until they're school age and they and their sleep deprived parents suffer. My child is the same way, she is perfectly happy in her crib/bed until or after she sleeps. There is nothing at all wrong with this, it is wonderful. Many other mothers would give their right arm to have a child like this. Perfectly healthy. Enjoy!
P.S. I'm wondering if you read Babywise? This is very common in Babywise babies.... =)

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