Is It Normal for a 9 Yr, Old Girl to Be Concerned About Her Weight?

It's normal. Mom and you should be aware of the messages you and those around you are conveying to her, though. She's listening. But, honestly, it sounds like it's bringing up a lot of tender subject matter to you. If you do talk to her mom, don't "confront" her. Be sure to let her know your own experience and concerns so she knows you're not blaming her; you just want the two of you on the same side when it comes to her daughter's blooming self-image. She only has more awkward years to come for a while and a strong start will help her weather the storm when the hormones really kick in.

Sounds like what should be normal behavior has been taken to an extreme. The mother's battle with weight is probably part of it, but certainly not the whole picture. Confrontation is definitely something to avoid. Showing some calm and loving concern would be more appreciated by the mother, I am sure.

A conversation is certainly in order... first with the mother (in a non-accusatory way) and then with the little girl. If it is OK with the mom, share an abbreviated version of your own tale with the little girl. If mom is serving as a cautionary tale about watching your weight, perhaps you can offer some of your own history as a warning against taking it too far. Nothing too major, just "When I was 16, I had to go to hospital because I had gotten so worried about my weight that I wasn't eating properly and my body wasn't getting what it needs. Food is important fuel for our body. It is important to remember that." A little piece of yourself can go a long way with both mother and daughter.

Have a talk with her mother about your concerns and ask if it is okay to explore body image with her daughter. Then, why don't you buy her some of the American Girl Library Series. There is one on food and nutrition and many others that are great about healthy approaches to food and feelings and what is going on and will go on with her body in the next few years. (Again ask the mom because she may like the food and nutrition topic but not the body development one.) Use the book to guide activities for the two of you to do together. Maybe work with the girl on looking at labels, the food pyramid and making healthy well balanced choices, ensuring proteins and veggies, and take on the project of meal planning or at least lunch planning. You have the opportunity to really teach this girl a life lesson that she will cary with her. Good luck!

I wouldn't "confront" her mother, but bring it up casually. her mother may be shocked and upset to find out that her own body issues are being picked up by her her child. if her mother treats it like it is normal behavior or that the child SHOULD be concerned about her body, then I would consider contacting the agency. hopefully, the mother will realize the potential damage to her daughter. I have dealt w/ an eating disorder for 20 yrs (since middle school) so I completely understand your concern. just don't start the discussion as accusatory. the mom may have a disorder herself.

I wanted to add, after reading some of the other responses, that I completely agree with the suggestions to try to teach her about being "healthy." it will be easier to make sure her behavior stays on a non-destructive path if you can guide her towards thinking about a strong and healthy body rather than trying to eliminate that thinking completely. a "concern" for her health is important, as long as it's about health and not aesthetics.

My stepdaughter got really concerned about weight and portions when she was 9-10. She used to bring a book (the Care and Keeping of You, maybe?) to dinner to consult til we told her it wasn't necessary. Her mom diets all the time. My husband and I reassured her that she was fine, that she was just a growing girl, and that puberty might make her body change but she was a healthy size. We encouraged her to ride her bike, eat well-rounded meals, etc. Eventually it passed.

I'd probably start with the mom. You're hired to watch her kids and she should expect you to talk to her about concerns. I'd say that you think her daughter has the wrong idea about her Weight Watcher's program and may be heading toward an eating disorder. See what she says. Maybe all the child sees is dieting and doesn't understand nutrition.

If she's fairly average, why not measure her height and weight then show her where she falls on the growth percentile height / weight / bmi charts that pediatricians use. If she's in a normal range the chart will tell her and then tell her she has nothing to worry about.
http://pediatrics.about.com/cs/growthcharts2/l/bl_growthc...
Tell her some people do obsess about their weight, but it's not a fun hobby and there are a lot of other more enjoyable activities out there. Then get her busy in some activities that will expose her to a different peer group.

I just read an article about how eating disordes are appearing earlier and earlier in childhood. I would definitely gently mention to her mother about your concerns, and if you don't feel uncomfortable, mention your own disorder and your familiarity with the symptoms. It may be that the mother is on the opposite end of the "weight" spectrum, and wouldn't necessarily understand the clues her daughter is giving. If you think the reaction would be bad, you might want to discuss it with your employer first as the caring nanny you are, and ask for their policy/advice/support first. Best of luck with this situation.

First of all, why are you carrying a 9yr old child...you are going to throw your back out!!!

Yes, she is getting this from her mother. Oftentimes it can also be influenced by friends as well. But you say her mother is on a diet and is mindful of her weight. She is obviously voicing her opinions about her size in front of her daughter and needs to stop. This child is way too young to have self image issues.
Yes, you should say something to her mother, maybe she doesnt realize what she is saying has influenced her daughter so much, or worse yet...she is doing it on purpose to keep her daughter from getting fat. Suggest that she flip the influence from weight and body image to eating healthy foods and getting daily activity (not exercise, playing and being active is all a child needs)

You can also try some positive reinforcement. Show the girl other children her age and let her know they are normal sized and she is fine. Show her a growth chart and where she falls on it to prove she is "normal". And just generally compliment her on nice features to feel good about herself.
GOod for you for looking out for her and being concerned.

It probably is "normal" but behavior like this definitely has to be directed in the right direction. She probably is imitating her mom with the weighing herself each month at the same time (I believe that's what weight watchers does) and also they do have points and watch fat and calories in food. In my opinion, when she says things like that maybe just bring up about why the body needs calories (energy) and why you need just the right amount, not too much and not too little. If she's concerned about fat, that may be a good thing as she won't eat all the junk out there. If she talks about herself being absolutely fat and refusing to eat or feeling guilty about eating (and you will probably recognize those signs) then it might be time to intervene. I've noticed with my son that he likes facts. He wants to know what I weigh, he likes to know if I think he's heavy when I pick him up (he is compared to when he was a baby but I want him to and he needs to keep growing). When she talks about the calories factually explain what a calorie is and why the body needs it and how we need to make healthy choices about food and life in everything we do. Try and steer her concerns to general health rather than just being beautiful. They are never to young to learn about living healthfully. Good luck. Oh, maybe just voice your concerns to the Mom about the comments the child makes as she may not say them to her but I wouldn't "confront" her. You sound like you are doing a great job with those kids.:-)

unfornately, in this day and time when little girls
are only little girls for about a week and then they
become ( whats the word ???) TWEENS. its normal. troubling, but normal. dont bother to confont anybody about the childs fixation on her weight because chances are good they will all tell you its a normal phase.. and its never too early to worry about your weight ( yeah, right ) instead, consider that the child feels comfortable talking to you about her weight fixation and consider taking the time to talk to her about your own problems with a eating disorder, there is no greater teacher than the voice of experience.
K. h.

I think that it is pretty normal behavior for this age. In our house, we don't talk about weight but healthy bodies. We talk about exercise and eating healthy food staying away from discussion of actual weight (I myself am overweight but physically healthy except for the weight). She may be getting a lot from her mom who is on weight watchers but also from peers at school. One good thing, many kids go through a "chubby" period (when their bodies are changing) then grow taller and slim down naturally. Make sure to keep the lines of communication open and help her to maintain a positive self image. That can make a lot of difference.

It's normal for 9 year old girls to be curious about weight and appearance. It is important for the adults to exhibit self-confidence while in front of the kids so they will not pick up on bad behavior...but whenever my daughter would ask about nutrition and weight I would always tell her she looks great, has a good weight and then explain how she can stay healthy - I put emphasis on health and not on how skinny or fat she may get. You may bring it up to the mom in a conversation...just casually let her know about your history and ask her if she has any concerns about her daughter having a similar problem...
Also - why are you picking a 9 year old up? She is too old to be carried....

Yes, its normal. There is so much pressure nowadays for girls to look a certain way. One thing that you could try is to find the dr. health chart that says what every body types healthy weight is. ex. 5'4" people should way 135 - 145lbs.... find her statistics, but you decide if she should know them. Then have her come tell you when she weighs herself, and then you can tell her if she is still in the healthy range.

Sort of like in Mary Poppins where she takes the kids height and weight and it says 'sugar and spice' or some such for the little girl.

It could be partly that her body is starting to change, adjust, grow, put on weight, and she is noticing, and is unsure of how to be.

Perhaps you could introduce her to a simple walking routine where she could feel like she is exercising/ makeing something happen, but its not to stressful on the body.
Good luck
M.

i wouldn't *confront* the mom, and i would bear in mind that your own battles with the issue might make you seem more confrontational than you want. certainly it would be a good thing to bring up to her, but gently and casually, telling her in simple non-dramatic terms what you have observed and then stepping back and letting her deal with it (or not) as she chooses. i also would not tell the child that she is beautiful and perfect, thus setting up unrealistic standards that are only focused on what she already obsessing about. kids aren't dumb. don't blow smoke. give her facts, honesty, an attentive ear, and good solid realistic support. praise her (not excessively!) for her good attributes that are not looks-related, and make sure there are good healthy snacks available.
good luck!
khairete
S.

I'm sure the mother doesn't realize the message she is sending her daughter. My mom did the same thing. I distinctly remember when I was 10 years old she was calling that time period her "fat years" and she was exercising a lot. She'd often ask me if I wanted to walk with her. Exercising and getting your kids to exercise is great (I try to do it with my own girls) but the things she said, off handedly, were damaging. I've never had an eating disorder (although I lost 30 pounds my senior year in high school and ended up weighing 110 at 5"8") but I think about food constantly - to this day. I often think "Oh, I can't eat that b/c I didn't work out today." or whatever. Someohow you need to bring this to the attention of the mom. I know my mom would have liked to know the affect she was having on me. I truly believe she didn't know. I wish I had advice on how to talk to her about it without her feel like you're attacking her! Good luck :)

Yes definitely say something to her mother , he mom is probably making comments about her own size/weight in front of the girl and not realising just how much she takes in , plus she is more than likely seeing her mom reading the calories/fat contents on everything.

She is a little girl and needs to enjoy being a little girl for as long as she can and not be worrying about her self image (she will be doing enough of that in a few years). I am all for kids getting exercise through play and not being fed sugary , fatty foods all the time but how this girl is acting is way beyond her years.

I think you could have written this about my family. I am in WW. My daughter is getting a bit chunky (age 9) I beleive it is pre-puberty.She is beautiful, outgoing and not as obsessed about her weight as all those "concerned friends" seem to be. (adults)
We discuss healthy eating.
My child has a tendency to like junk food and we talk about eating it in moderation and filling up on healthy foods.
I think is it a matter of teaching healthy self-esteem and healty eating etc. Weight watchers promotes healthy lifestyle for all ages.It does not teach eating disorders etc.
This child does seem a bit obsessed so I might suggest a counsleor or nutritionist to discuss healty eating/ living lifestyle