October 29, 2006,
M.M. asks from Jackson, OH on October 22, 2006
I Need Advice on the Attitude and Behavior of a 9Yr Old Girl!!!
My daughter is 9yrs old and recently she thinks she can talk to me however she wants. She has this attitude like she knows it all and she thinks she can do whatever she wants. She bugs 2yr old sister all the time! When her sister finally has had enough she hits her or pulls her hair. Then she will try to get her sister into trouble. If i try to punish her she for it she will throw or hit whatever she sees! As she does that she will say "Whatever, You had better put her in time out to". Then on other days she can be the best daughter or sister in the world. She will help me or her little sis with any and everything. I just don't understand all of her mood changes. Can anyone out there help me understand?
J.G. answers from Louisville on October 27, 2006
G.F. answers from Omaha on October 23, 2006
Does the company that your hubby works for have EAP (Employee Assistance Program)? They will give your free counciling. I work with people with special needs and with the mood changes, I believe she may need some help.
M.E. answers from Lexington on October 24, 2006
maybe it's hormones...she could be showing early signs of pms...i no it sounds a little early, but little girls are developing alot sooner now a days...i was 10 when i got my 1st period. worst case scenario...she could have bi-polar disorder. maybe she's jsut jealous of her little sis. maybe she's acting out cause she's having a hard time adjusting to the move. plus she's at that age, when she's goon test her limits to see how much you will take.
C.L. answers from Terre Haute on October 23, 2006
Ok u don't want to hear this but, Just bite and grind through it! It might seem hard but don't change. Stay strong and steady, and your daughter will se that.
L.B. answers from South Bend on October 22, 2006
Was this going on before you moved? It may be that is why she is acting out. I say sit down with her and talk about whatever is going on. She may say nothing but I would try asking her then why she is doing some of the things she is doing then if it's nothing.
T.J. answers from Waterloo on October 29, 2006
I'm with ya girl! My 8 yr old "Hannah" tries to tell me what to do. She gets kind of mouthy, and she has quite an attitude as well. Most of it is my fault, as I have spoiled her rotten and I admit it. I created a "Monster"! For the most part, she is a really good girl, although she hardly thinks twice as she tells me "no" when I say something to her. Part of the reason for that is we are like buddies, and I need to start acting more like Mom. What I have been thinking about doing is putting a wipeboard up with actions and consequences, so that it's in plain site, so she knows if she does something on the board, exactly what the consequence will be.
Has your daughter been like this since the 2yr old was born, or has this just started happening recently? Could it be that she's doing it to get attention? She had you to herself for 7 yrs before the baby, and maybe when she sees you loving the baby up, it makes her jealous? Kids are sometimes naughty to get attention, as it's still attention. Not to say that you're not giving her attention, but that's probably not the way she's seeing it. Maybe you could do one night every few weeks that's just about her. One thing that does work with Hannah is if her room is kinda messy, I'll tell her how proud I am of her for keeping her room so clean, or how much I appreciate her cleaning up after herself, and pretty soon she's walking around cleaning.
C.H. answers from Indianapolis on October 23, 2006
HI M.! I know your pain! I have a 12 year old daughter and an 8 year old daughter. My oldest started giving attitude for a couple of months now. We have to wonder some things about their moods. Are they starting to mature and do they understand the changes that their bodies are going through. Sit down and talk almost a whisper (worked with my daughter) so they have to concentrate on hearing you....and talk to her about her attitude. Talk to her about the changes that she is going through...let her know you have been there and will be there for her. Let her know that as a family you do not like her to treat her baby sister that way...and then let her know you are the boss in this family not her and that if and when you chose to discipline the younger daughter...you will do so! But not because SHE told you too. And if all else fails...take away the most valuable things of hers...tv, games, makeup...whatever. Until she chooses to behave better..she should not deserve to get those special things. Good Luck!!!
M.E. answers from Huntington on October 23, 2006
Oh little girls little girls...lol..I had one once, she is now almost 20 and I still ocassionally get the sharp tongued snipet now and then, lol.
My best advice, roll with it. I know, I know, sounds non chalant but I found over the years the bigger deal I made about a certain behavior, the bigger it was. Getting a heated reaction from you or a look of shock and or horror may very well be what is fueling your little one to continue. Shes pushing the limits, seeing what gets mommy going and if she is successful in striking a chord, well the fun continues :)Honestly, I would chuckle at her and say.."ooooh arent we the bossy one? only 9 yrs old and soooo smart that we think we can tell the mommy what to do? maybe YOU should be the mommy" I know that sounds silly, but it most likely would make her stop and go "huh?" and maybe see how ridiculous she is being.
At a later time, when she is being good, Id explain to her that you dont speak to her that way, and you expect her to give you the same respect. If she wants to be treated like a "big girl" she needs to act like one and learn to control her impulses.
As far as the hitting/hair pulling of the baby sister, well there can just be no tolerance. However, have the same dimeanor..low key, low shock value. Simply remove baby sister, tell big sister, "we dont hit each other in this family, only little children that dont understand hit, and you are 9, your behavior is completely unacceptable" Remember...negative attention is better than none when it comes to kiddos, so ...be sure to spend some quality time alone with 9 yr old...just you and her sans little sis..she may be harboring some resentment to "the baby". This alone time is also a great time to talk to her one on one when she is behaving and is open to discussion. It also can be used as "reward time" for good behavior. 3 days with no hitting or sassing...we go..here..or you get to do...this with mommy. etc etc.
I hope some of this helps...you may have tried some of this already and if so, all I can say is...stay vigilant, this too shall pass :)
best of luck to you :)
K.L. answers from Huntington on October 24, 2006
I think maybe your daughter is a little jealous, I think she is overwhelmed to have a two year old sister, and tries to get her in trouble so her sister looks bad. Other days when she is good I think she wants the attention from you and for you to know that she is doing good things, and praise.Also being new in the area isnt easy for a 9 year old, she's left all her old friends and its not easy making new ones. My advice maybe take her out just the two of you and try to talk things out privatly, ask her what is bothering her and it isn't a good thing for her to talk that way. Maybe she just needs alone time with you. Krys
Now, I have a question, My daughter is two years old and when we are at my mothers house, her 10 month old cousin is there everyday. She constantly tries to hurt her,pushes her, hits her, screams at her and no matter what we all do she just wont listen. I know she is a little jealous with a new baby in the house, and when we are at home she is soooo good she helps out and picks up her toys watches her favorite movies and is good as gold and i am afraid of having any other children because of the way she is to my niece. My mother who watches her is really exhausted, with her behavior. Do you have any advice??
K.M. answers from Indianapolis on October 25, 2006
My counselor suggested this book & IT IS WORKING!!! I have it in paperback & on CD. (Well ... I had to get my husband to “read it" one way or another. *sigh*)
"1-2-3 Magic - Easy-To-Learn Parenting Solutions That Work From Dr. Thomas Phelan
Welcome to 1-2-3 Magic - home of the bestselling parenting books and programs that have delivered effective parenting solutions to millions of families worldwide. This simple, yet powerful approach to disciplining kids, dealing with the challenges of teenage behavior problems, ADD and "difficult children" has won rave reviews from educators and professionals alike.
Kids are just kids! In addition to being delightful, charming and affectionate, children can also present their adult caretakers with a steady diet of difficult behavior: whining, arguing, teasing, fighting, yelling, tantrums and pouting. For this reason, Dr. Thomas W. Phelan designed the 1-2-3 Magic program to bring practical, easy-to-use discipline techniques to families and educators.
Parenting Programs on DVDs, CDs, Videos and Books
Whether you are a parent who wants to raise happy and competent youngsters - searching for parenting solutions, a teacher looking for positive classroom discipline solutions, or a mental health professional or physician who works with parents, ParentMagic offers techniques that are down-to-earth, kid-friendly and make a dramatic impact in a short time. We are best known for our popular 1-2-3 Magic program, which has sold over one million copies, and is presented in seminars and workshops across the country. ParentMagic also offers books, videos, CDs and DVDs about parenting adolescents, building self-esteem, Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD/ADHD), and more.
ParentMagic, Inc. is dedicated to helping parents build strong, positive relationships with their children and overcome the stress that can take the fun out of parenting. We offer easy-to-learn parenting solutions that WORK -- for age groups from toddlers through adolescents. All of our books, videos, DVDs and CDs have been developed by Dr. Phelan, a registered clinical psychologist and an internationally renowned authority on child discipline and Attention Deficit Disorder."
I also found it (cheaper) on Amazon.com.
I hope you check it out. We really like it.