I Am Losing My Sweet Boy

Hello,

I think you may need to take him to see a counseler. If he is saying things like that, then where is he hearing them from? That is the question you should be asking.

Have you tried time out at all for what he is saying and the way he is acting?

Do you have any family or friends close by? Maybe you should move into town where he can play with other kids?

Sorry to say but it sounds like he may need help.

Good Luck.

Hi M.. I am really sorry to hear what you are experiencing with your son. It does sound difficult! There are two books that I'd like to recommend to you because they focus on truly connecting with our children in a way that traditional discipline measures don't bring about. These books are "Connection Parenting" by Pam Leo, and "Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves" by Naomi Aldort. If your middle of nowhere library does not carry these, possibly check out the used books on amazon.com, or another online source.

J.

Get some parenting books to learn how to effectively discipline your child. Be consistent. Try time outs. Don't give in. Take his favorite toy away for 5 minutes.

You aren't losing your sweet boy! I promise you. He's still right there and you need to tell him everyday, a hundred times a day that he's your little sweet boy. Tell him you love him. Teach him kindness by demonstrating it...to all.

Play with him. Get silly with him. Remember, he's only 4!

Dying? I promise you he does not know what that word means. He learned that word somewhere and he is echoing it. Has there been a death in the family? Where DID he learn that word. We never use that word, or rarely. We do a little now that my son is older - like with a bug. But they still do not understand death's permanence.

Do boys hit, kick and pull hair? Yes. I have two of them. When my sons hit each other, they apologize immediately and then face the music: A time out. Not negotiable.

Hug and cuddle both your kids - at the same time.

Anyway, NEVER, never give up. Be strong for your son. Also, reach out for help and support.

I'd explain to him that this isn't the right thing to say and discipline him if he continues. I like the discipline that super nanny uses...

Be patient and consistent. Sometimes, if there is extreme, out-of-the-ordinary behavior issues and you believe there is more going on than meets the eye, I'd look into food allergies. Food allergies can cause neurological problems and behavioral problems. I have that problem in my family so that is why I say that...

I reccomend parent effectiveness training book. PET for short.
Or how to behave so your kids behave, by Dr SAL Severe(look up his name)
I had the same issues with my kids, and now they are fixed!
Good Luck, and get involved in a church or moms group so you can talk out you issues with other moms.

Does your son go to pre-school? Does he play with older neighbor kids or cousins. Somewhere he is getting picking up this behavior. Hurt his sister, you didn't say how old she is, can be just the "kick the cat" syndrome or learned from older kids. Check into his actions while playing with others. If you are not finding anything and it happens often, contact your pediatrician. They are a world of help. A friend found her son had anxiety discorder. GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.

Have you talked to your pediatrician about his behavior? Maybe a psychological evaluation is in order. He could have a learning or comprehension disability that might need attention. I think these are definite warning signs that he might need help beyond what you are capable of on your own. Talk to your pediatrician and don't be afraid to tell them as much detail as you can. It will help in evaluating his needs.

M., you mention that you are "always ending the day mad" which indicates to me that there have been issues before he started this new behavior. If you are isolated and frustrated and letting your children see this, or worse, losing patience repeatedly with your son, it will start to take its toll. No blame or judgement, just an effort to figure it out to make it better for all of you. Children use behavior to express feelings, they dont know any other way. It sounds like he is very angry and it has been building up. You have to look at yourself first when your child is acting out - are you and your husband having any difficulties? are you tired of being isolated and getting frustrated? Personally, if it were me and my 4 year old son and my daughter (i have both also) at home all the time wihtout a car and no one to give me a break, I would be acting really frustrated and angry and I am much older then you! I think you need some support if the situation is to improve. Is there any type of daycare or camp that you all can afford and get him to at least a few days a week? Is he getting any outdoor activity time to get his aggression out? All children need that, particularly boys. Are you getting any breaks? Look in your phone book under social services and see if there are any counseling agencies that do in home counseling/parenting. Many agencies offer sliding scale to be affordable. I don't know where you are so I have no idea of the services available. If it's not too much of a financial hardship, it really would be worth it to invest in a second vehicle or move closer to a support system. Your mental health MUST come first. And I dont know of ANY moms in your isolated situation who would not be having a difficult time. I certainly would. Good luck and please PM me if you want more help.

J.

Hello M.,
I've written before I think, to suggest you get involved with a Christian Church. I know you may not want to hear it, but you really will find a lot of support and a great group of friends. Most churches also have parenting classes to help you through the tough stuff. We went through them before our first was born 17 years ago! Anyhow, the one I can think of that is excellent is called "Shepherding a child's heart" by Tedd Tripp. You can buy the book on Amazon or find a church in your area that teaches it. Its really an excellent approach to parenting. Wishing you the best.
K.

I don't know if this will help but try watching what he eats. When my son was getting out of control I had someone share this with me and it worked wonders. Most people don't believe this but certain foods can affect a childs behavior. The biggest culprit is red#40 food dye. We took the red#40 totally out of my son's diet (and now my daughter's as well) and we watched what he ate. When his behavior became out of control we would think about what he ate and try eliminating that from his diet for about a week then if we gave it to him again and his bad behavior returned, then we knew not to give it to him again. We learned that red#40, grape juice, certain brand of peanut butter (we could only use Jiff) and certain brands of chocolate (could only have Hershey- M&M Mars really set him off) were things we had to eliminate. It is alot of trial and error and requires some effort but is definitely worth your sanity. I hated being angry at my son all the time too. Definitely start with eliminating the red #40 dye. It is in things that are orange too not just the red stuff (like the cheese flavoring on chips). Purple and black icing also have large amounts of red#40.

My son is 16 now and has outgrown (or matured out of) most of the food stuff now. My daughter is 11 and we still have to watch the red dye. Hang in there, it does get better as they get older. My son is a great kid now. There is hope:)

Sorry to hear your trouble M.. The first thing to remember is to always LOVE your children. Second, please try not to over-react!! Children pick stuff up from different sources and sometimes have NO clue what the meaning is of what they are saying. Just explain to him why we don't say such things, and try to find out why he is saying those things. He may not even know!
I don't understand why a 4 year old is playing video games? Everything nowadays is so aggresive, that could be a source of his aggresion right there. I would eliminate those types of entertainment and do more creative things with him like coloring, drawing, reading to him.
Please get involved with a support group or other moms groups where you can go to the park or get out of the home and stretch out and let the kids run around.
The hard part about parenting is that they do grow up....too fast! Remember that as parents, we are molding our children to become resonsible adults. That is the ultimate goal, so hang in there!

I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one. My 4 year old boy started hitting me and other disturbing behavior (growling at me, etc.) I have spanked him a few times and I realized that I was doing it out of my own anger and frustration and not as a punishment. Anyway, I made a pact with him that he and I would not hit each other anymore. He goes in time out ALOT more often these days, too. So far, things have been better. He has a younger brother and when the little one is sleeping, I now dedicate an hour to play time with my 4 year old. I think the one-on-one mommy time has helped. My house looks awful and I'm exhausted, but one step at a time, right?

You'd be surprised at the things kids pick up. I was mortified when my three year old son got angry with me one day and said "I hate you"...only to find out he picked it up from Finding Nemo of all things.

So I wouldn't worry too much about that one statement, since you'll only drive yourself crazy trying to figure out where he heard it. Instead, I would focus more on the core issue here and that is your deep frustration/lack of patience with your child. Because kids will be kids. They'll act out and go through stages that would drive Mother Theresa to drink. But that's nothing new.

The question is, why aren't you able to cope? And it could be a number of things, from your living arrangements to a complete lack of support from your husband/family. I'm no shrink and I don't know enough about your circumstances to pretend to be one. So the best advice I can give you is to take a long, hard look at your life and find out where you're coming up short. You need to have time away from the kids once in a while. You need to have a support group of friends/fellow moms. You need to have activities for the kids during the day that will allow them to expend some of that endless energy.

If you're frustrated, make a change. It's really as simple as that.