Help I Need Homework Advise

I have a 10 year old daughter in the 5th grade and we have had similar problems in past years. I would suggest a short time to have a snack and go outside to run, make noise, do all the things he's been holding in all day at school. Then, I set a time goal for completing each homework task. For instance, I'll tell her that I think she can finish her vocabulary in 20 minutes. Then, I set a goal for the next item. It seemed to help her to break it up rather than looking at some long list of boring tasks. She would get so overwhelmed by the list of tasks before her that she just froze up or drifted off into lala land! But when we approached it one task at a time, she could crack down and focus for those shorter periods. Finally, although it would be hard, you might need to remove some of those extra activities from his agenda until he shows that he can complete the the things that are required of him. My kids are not allowed to participate in sports or drama or any other "extra" stuff until/unless they show that they can successfully and regularly complete their other responsibilities (school work, chores, etc.) I hope this helps!

Hi A.,
My name is A.. I am a stay at home mom of three. I have a thirteen year old, a two year old, and a three year old. My oldest used to do the same thing. Homework would last forever, when it should have only took just a short period of time. We also have activities after school and stay quite busy and like you say it's like a zoo at times, but we love it and wouldn't trade our life for the world!!!!!! Our rule also was homework straight after school but I soon realized a short break was needed because after a long day of being at school she needed it because she was reaching meltdown points.

So what I did is came up with a schedule from Monday to Friday (I know it sounds horrible coming up with a schedule but she functions better when she knows exactly what to do when), and this helped so much. It took her about a week to get used to it, but after that we have had smooth sailing since, NO MORE ISSUES ABOUT HOMEWORK!!!!
She actually commented that the schedule helps keep her on track.

Example:
She gets home at 3:00
From 3-4 Break (Snacks, T.V., outside playing, reading, etc. whatever she chooses) But the rule is she has to be responsible enough at 4 to stop what she is doing and begin homework.
4-5 Homework (if for some reason homework is not done then she continues till supper, then stops, eats supper, and picks up where she left off after supper
5:30 Supper (if any studying needs to be done she studies in between supper and bathtime)
6:30 Chores (she has simple chores to do during the week that doesn't take long and can be done quickly,
Ex. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday dishes
Tueday vacuum
and Monday thru Friday keep her bathroom clean
7:30-8 Bathtime
8-9 Study if necessary, and mom comes in to study with her, she likes this because it allows me and her time. If no studying is necessary then we either have time for momma and me time or family time, or if she wants to watch t.v., etc. She loves to play board games, so we sometimes do this.
9:00 Bedtime

*** On days that she has extra-curricular activities that is considered her breaktime, and she understands that. And I reminded her at the beginning while she was getting used to her schedule that if she wants to be in activities she needs to be responsible enough to handle schoolwork along with it. Of course on the extra-curricular days your times may have to be adjusted a little but I'm telling you sitting down and figuring out a schedule for Monday-Friday was the best thing I ever did and I plan to do the same thing when my little ones get older.

At first I felt mean about having to plan out a schedule because when I was younger it was just understand when you did what, but now-a-days it's different. I spoke with my husband about the schedule and he agreed that it was a good idea, and I sat down with my daughter and explained to her that how we had been doing our days just wasn't working because she wasn't pacing herself like she needed to and she needed to learn how to pace herself to function in everyday life. So we talked about the schedule together and I told her I would come up with a rough draft and then we would go over it together.(I included her and she loved it) She felt like she was part of making the schedule. We discussed chores that could easily be done as well and I explained to her that each one of us plays a part in making our family complete and making our days go smooth. And that she was getting older and it was time for her to start being a little more responsible and homework was just dragging out. I also let her know that if she had tons of homework, that I did not want her to rush through just to get it done in time.

Rushing through to get her homework done in time has never been an issue. The schedule allows plenty enough time.

Hope this helps. It's just an idea I came up with and it worked for us. Remember if you try it, give it time. It takes a little while for them to get adjusted. And during the first week, remind him about the schedule times, what he should be doing, etc.

*Bathtime was another issue. She would never go when she was suppose to, and she would go late interfering with me putting my little ones down for the night. Now it's not an issue with the schedule and she knows if she goes late, not on schedule she loses a half hour of t.v. the following day. (She makes sure to go on time because she LOVES t.v.

Sincerely,
A.

Is the homework truly homework or work needing finishing from the day? If he's not completing his work at school and has too much at night, he may need to work harder during the day. Either way, give him a timer and say after 15 minutes you should have X problems done on your math sheet. Some kids work better under a little pressure. If he finishes before the timer rings you can add the minutes together for some work of treat time (TV, games, outside, whatever). Good luck to you.

OMG...this is my daughter since 1st grade! She's in the fourth now too. We finally broke her of procrastnating after I talked with her teacher last year about how frustrating and exhausting homework was. I let her know that I thought it WAS a reasonable amount of work for an evening, but honestly I was hoping she'd magically say we didn't have to do it (LOL).

She told me our daughter was old enough to accomplish the work on her own, and we should only check it afterwards to make sure it was correct and that she understood what she was doing. In addition she reminded me that there were consequences in class for not doing homework (I always felt like I needed to protect her from the consequences, and make sure she had her work done or I was being a bad parent). I was instructed to set a timer for each assignment for a reasonable amount of time (usually 10-15 mins per assignment) and after the time expired my daughter would lose the priveledge of doing her homework at home and would have to face the consequences in school ( ie: staying in from recess to do the work, pulling a "behavior" card). The teacher also told me that she knew I took care of our daughter and that unaccomplished homework would reflect poorly on our daughter, not us...HOW LIBERATING!!

She also told me that we'd better start making her take responsibility for her own work now because surely we wanted her to move out by the time she was 20, and cracked up laughing.

Talk to his teacher, let her/him know what you're doing...they WILL support you, have some ideas and will be grateful to have a kid with a concerned parent in their class.

GOOD LUCK!!

~K.

Well well school is back and many questions.
1st make sure he gets a good medical checkup. In doing so make sure he sees a specialist for his eyes and ears. I lost my hearing in the second grade due to Scarlet Fever, the right totally and some in the left.

Yes talk to his teacher, and you may want to talk to the principle. Yes he needs a break for school work when he gets home, what does his teacher recommend.

With five children in school you have your hands fill. I suggest what I heard years ago in a radio intervies. The mother, who was asian and did not speak english was being interviewed thru a interpreter. It seems all of her children, boys, were obtaining scholarships and the interviewer was asking her what she did to help them. One was in Harvard, another two in high school and a third in grammar school. It turned out she had no education. She would give them a snack and a few minutes time. Then she gathered all of them to the kitchen and all set at the table for home work. Her job was to watch them, and when any of them raised their hed she would immediately have them return to the work they were doing. In this way they did not loose concentration to their studies.

God Bless

I confess I'm not at the school and homework point yet with my child, but I read a book by John Rosemond called "A Family of Value" where he explains a very simple philosophy of child-rearing and says the way to get kids to do their own homework is to leave them to do their own homework. If they don't do it, or take too long doing it, let them experience the consequences of their decisions. If you are inconveniencing yourself over their behavior, then they are not being inconvenienced, and hence have no incentive to change. It's a worthwhile read.

I took a while doing my homework, too; I was a perfectionist (still am). Over time, I learned that I got better grades if I turned the work in on time (even if "mediocre" in my mind) than if I turned it in late (either perfect or incomplete). Plus I was less stressed about it. I wish you luck with your son!

Hi A.,

Boy, do I know what you're going through! My children are older now, boys-22 & 15, girls 19 & 16, but I definitely remember those days. I never really had a problem with the girls and homework, but the boys were not so easy. It seemed that they only wanted to do homework if it was something that they were interested in-if not, it was like pulling teeth. I did find that homework and classwork was not interesting to them unless it was challenging. Maybe talk to his teachers about this and find if he can be tested for gifted classes. I had to try one thing after another to get them to do their homework, but I think what worked the best was setting a time limit for them to complete the homework. I also gave them a little down time after school to unwind before homework. That can get a little complicated if you're involved in a lot of after school activities. My major tactic was if they didn't finish their homework in the alloted time, they had to pack it up and take it with them. It only took a couple of times of having to do homework in front of their friends at practice/game before they could participate. As far as a little down time after school-usually consisted of a snack and sometimes even used this time for them to do one of their chores. Not something that they considered "fun", but it let them move around and have a break from doing school stuff for a little bit. I had to put myself in their shoes for a little bit. I wouldn't want to work all day and then come home to sit down to more of the same. (although I've done it on numerous occasions). I found if they had a little time for themselves before they started homework, that it got done faster with less mistakes. All of my children also played soccer which meant someone had practice every day and fun filled Saturdays of trying to make it to everyone's game on time. I found it easier to come up with a schedule that coincided with the different practice times. I guess that part depends on the child and how flexible they are with routines. We didn't have the same homework time every day, but there was a specific time set aside for homework every day. If the other kids finished their homework before the specified time, they had to find something quiet to do in their room or outside until the end of that time. It's also amazing what a little sibling pressure will do. i.e. if he would finish his homework before the alloted time, they wouldn't have to have a "quiet" time. We also tried the "whoever is finished with homework last has the least desired chore for the day", which at our house, was to scoop the poop in the back yard.(we have 6 dogs) A definite incentive to get the work done, but not neccessarily the best quality of homework. You just have to keep trying different tactics until you find something that works and you may have to change tactics often.

Good luck!
R.

Homework can be overwhelming. One of our children is also in 4th grade and we already have homework each night ranging in from 1-2 hours. You should probably limit other after school commitments and focus on the school work. I recommend taking a break after school so they can relax just a bit. Otherwise, it would be like working continuously in a job from 8 in the morning until 6 in the evening and no child should be subjected to a 10 hour work day (and this may not include his other commitments). Many children just do not enjoy this pace and it is counter-productive to their well being. Actually, by you sitting with him it would probably go much faster. Try having them sit at the kitchen table and working while you are cooking dinner (see who can finish 1st ... a challenge is just what some children love and it always helps hurry a task up). If he knows how to do it (make him do a couple on his own to prove it) then help him with the other answers. One of our children always does their homework very independently and another needs for me to sit with them because they get frustrated and tire more easily (they too are very smart and rank well in their class). They thank me for helping. Tears and yelling shouldn't be involved. Trust me, we all hate homework but we have to get through it. I agree, a "zoo" as you mentioned is fun to visit but I don't think any of us want to live there. We all need to make our homes calm and restful for our children. Somewhere they can get away from all the rushing and busy schedules they are forced to keep. Sit outside and work on homework. This also helps and makes you feel like you haven't been inside since dawn. Good luck!

Hi A.

Does your son have any time to just chill out when he gets home from school? The school day can be very tiring and he may need some time to unwind before tackling the homework.

I try to get my boys (4 of them) to do their homework while I am getting the dinner on. That way I am in the kitchen within asking distance but they can see that I am busy but can still answer any of their questions. (Dinner prep takes me about 30-40 minutes and that is how long homework should take.)

Perhaps get him an egg timer - set the time it should take and reward him if he finishes in time and without any fuss. Keep a record and maybe after 10 good nights take him for ice cream - just you and him. It may be that he just wants some one on one time with his mom.

He could also have issues with not wanting to get the answers wrong. My eldest son has a very high IQ and when he was younger if he thought that he was going to get something wrong or even slightly misunderstood what was being asked of him - then he just wouldn't do it, that way he couldn't fail. He is now 15 and has mainly grown out of this problem, but really struggles with English Lit because you have to come up with your own opinions. He likes the subjects that have rules and that are quite black and white: maths and sciences. Homework for him is not a problem now, but will put off the English Lit to the last minute - drives me crazy.

You may want to speak to his teachers and ask if they have any of the problems like you are experiencing with him at home at school. You never know they might have a trick that works for him.

My house is a Zoo also. Wouldn't have it any other way.

I have never been on your side of this issue but I do have bad memories of my mom yelling at me about my homework so first of all I suggest you stay calm...it will be easier on both of you then maybe have one of your older children help him with some of his homeowrk, he may be more willing to take pointers from siblings. Maybe he has a hard time focusing on his homework with so many other things going on in the house. You could also have all your kids do their homework together at the same time...say at the dinner table while your fixing dinner. That way you can get him started and possible help him when he gets stuck.

A.
School is very important. Is he playing in after school sports? You need to require, from him, that the homework be done,as you say, or the after school sports will have to go.Sometimes kids just have to learn the consequences, and we have to learn to enforce them. He is only in the 4th grade and has a long ways to go in school. Do whatever you need to, to encourage his education.

Good Luck
S. Miller

Some children get overwhelmed when they see the volume of homework in front of them. You might try small goals. One suggestion is to set a timer for 5 - 10 minutes and put him in a place to work. He is not allowed to get up during that time. You can set a "mini goal" for that time - for example, he has to do #1 - 6 on his math page. If he has extra time, he can do more. If he needs help on a problem, he skips it and moves on to the next one. At the end of the time, you can check his work and answer any questions. If he completes the goal, let him have a short break to go to the bathroom, get a drink or just run around for a few minutes. Then set the next mini goal and timer. Eventually, you can increase the amount of time on the timer until you don't need it. This will help him learn to work without you standing over him. Be firm that when the timer is set, you are not in there and all questions are saved for when the timer goes off. Good luck!

A couple of thoughts:

Provide a healthy snack when he gets home from school so he's not distracted by low blood sugar and hunger.

Figure out where he works best, either with his siblings or on his own.

Is his sister willing to help? Maybe she might be a better tutor when he gets stuck.

Try setting a timer for each part of his homework. Determine a reasonable amount of time to accomplish each task, and reward him for getting it done before it rings. The timer is a "neutral authority", so he won't feel the pressure from you.

He's old enough that he should be responsible for his own behavior. Sit down with him and determine what the consequences should be for failing to do his homework: IE, no scouts, or baseball, or some other privilege. When you have to enforce these consequences, make him tell you who's fault it is that he's being punished, so he knows he's the only one to blame. By making him responsible, you can stop nagging. It's hard, but he must learn sometime.

And reward him for getting it done in a timely fashion!!!

When my oldest son played on two baseball teams, my middle son played on one and took karate and my daughter danced we had very specific rules about school work. They had an alotted time to finish thier work before practices started. If one of them had practice and I felt like they were playing and not putting a concerted effort into finishing his work, I made them take it to practice with them, sit in the dug out while the team was on the field, they finished homework. Needless to say, I only had to enforce this rule once with each child. I also made them appologize to the coach for playing around and not finishing homework so they could join the team. We always had great coaches that supported this rule. We also had other parents put it into practice. Good luck and remember that a lot of times when the child wants you to sit with them to do homework it can be that they just need some mom and me time. They need to feel at that moment that they are the most important one to you. It's o.k. to allow this to happen as long as they know that they must share you at other times.

Have you thought about maybe having one of the older children helping him ? Maybe the 15 year old for some kind of reward or a paid by the hour stipend. I made a little ticket book as a Christmas present for a little girl onr time with claim tickets. ie: good for 1 pizza, good for 1 concert, good for 1 movie rental etc. You get the idea.
Another option is to force his hand. If he doesn't finish his homework in time to meet extracurricular activities, then he misses them and risks expulsion from the team. Explain that he has responsibilities as a 10 year old and is expected to meet them. Failure to meet them would be his own
fault. Time to start acting like the MAN he is becoming. Make me PROUD.
You didn't mention what you did about the homework being left at school. But maybe the same treatment....no homework, no soccer practice. Good luck, please let us know how it works out and what worked.
God bless. A.

I have his same problem with my son and it can be so frustrating! He is in 5th grade and all of his previous teachers have noticed his short attention span. My son is so very smart, and if you ask him the questions, he can tell you the correct answer. Put a piece of paper in front of him with the same question and it's the complete opposite. We are on a waiting list to have him tested for ADHD or any type of learning disability, but that doesn't help us right now...In the meantime, this is what I do to maintain my sanity.
I tell him to begin with the homework he doesn't need help with such as writing his spelling words and science (his favorite subject). That's when I get dinner started. I tell him to get as much done as he can get done without my help. When he gets to the homework that is harder for him, I will help him as he needs it. He had a super teacher last year who was very understanding and was a huge help and gave us some tips-give a short drink and potty break after every 20-30 min. just so he can get away from the table for a few minutes and only have out the homework he is working on at the time so seeing all of the books won't overwhelm him. The funny thing is that while my son's class grades were low, he scored the highest in his class on the standardized tests, so grades are not always necessarily a reflection of whether your child has ADD or a learning disability. It might be worth it to have him checked out. Good luck-I know it's rough!!

I agree with Kim C, he needs to learn to get this done on his own. Once you find he doesn't have any learning issues try telling him to do each item to the best of his ability then you will check it and help him to correct it. At this point lots of praise for correct work and gentle corrections.

Also teach him how to cope with frustration - take a deep breath, roll your shoulders and neck, go to a different assignment then return to the one causing difficulty. My daughter has this issue and part of it is learning to calm herself, when she gets home from school and relaxes she is overwhelmed by the days emotions. We work alot on her learning to calm herself because she can't always use me as a crutch.

If you think he is overwhelmed by all the work teach him to use a planner and keep a list of assignments. He can then address each project individually and get a sense of accomplishment by crossing items off. Time management is an important skill and by Jr High kids should know how to keep a calander and track their assignments and after school activities.

Goodluck I know the afternoon can be trying.

Talk to his teacher!!! Let her know the problems he is having. She is the one assigning it. She has him in class more hours during the day than you, so she should be getting familiar with his work habits/abilities. Maybe he has a learning disability (even a slight one). Maybe the teacher isn't thoroughly teaching the information being assigned in the homework or maybe she needs to provide more guided practice and individual practice IN SCHOOL before it is assigned as homework for additional practice. ASK THE TEACHER what her philosophy is regarding homework. Why does she assign it? For grades? For extra practice? Are the kids expected to be learning from their homework on their own or should they already have a good understanding of it from school? (I am studying to be a teacher, can you tell? LOL)

If you even suspect your child has a disability of any sort, please get an evaluation done ASAP! The school can do one, but I would recommend getting one on your own (talk to your pediatrician to start). Once diagnosed, the school will have to provide support services to help him learn appropriately. It sounds like he is smart. My child is too, but he has severe disabilities that make it hard for him to learn. We have had such nightmares with homework that I have now written into his IEP that no homework is to be assigned for a grade. Some nights he can do it, but some nights just cause more stress than good.

GOOD LUCK - but talk to his teacher about it!

Maybe he has problems focusing and staying on task. Maybe he needs you to sit down with him to do his homework. Maybe you can ask the older girl to sit and work with him in exchange for a small raise in her allowance. Not all kids are self motivated. Yes you can have certain expectations, but not all kids can meet the same expectations. Maybe he will do better after dinner on his tasks and needs to go out and run and just be a kid right after school after being cooped up for several hours, then he can focus better. Not sure. You know your child best. My point is, not all kids needs are the same. My daughter was self motivated, my son was not. Both were very smart. And as frustrating as it is at times, you are the one that needs to adjust sometimes, because they can't. And the turmoil and upset it causes trying to get some kids to fit in a box that they can't, is more stressful on the child and is counter productive.

Well, first of all the kids need breaks from school work. Our kids get 30 min. to do what they want before homework. We had softball, girlscouts, gymnastics, soccer etc... for 5 years, we did this. Now the kids only get to do two things. One sport and one extra. Sometimes, it gets to be to much! They may just get overwhelmed, and give up.
Another thing, is we all sit at the table and I help them through it. I only have 3, so, 5 maybe to much to do this with. But, it's worth a try. Sounds like a cry for attention.
Good luck.

I understand about the homework and we have the same standing rule in our home. However, when my daughter first gets home she has a snack, does her homework and then on to other things. My suggestion would be to have him set in the kitchen and maybe you could be working on dinner while he does his homework. Maybe if you are in the same room and doing something he will sit there and get it done. I would also suggest that you have all of your children doing their homework at the same time. Then maybe they could help each other. Best of luck to you....
G.

My son is in the 4th grade too. I have found if I let him play for about an hour when he gets home then he is ready to sit down and get to work when I say it is time. He sits right down and does his homework no problems. Your boy might have energy he needs to burn off before he sits down to do homework. Remember that he just came off a 8 hour day of sitting and working, so a little play time is in order. Hope this helps.

S. Jane

Good suggestions already. I used to suggest timers to parents. Also, do you think he feels he needs your help, or is it mostly want your time/attention? If the latter, perhaps say the vocabulary should take 20 minutes. Set the timer, and the tell him you'll sit with him in case he needs help for just 10 minutes. Use that time to pay bills, read, plan a menu, etc. After 10 minutes, get up to do something else. If he's done within the time frame, you're happy to sit with him on the next assignment in the same way. That way, he's getting your time. I wouldn't say work on it and then I'll come sit with you. That might encourage it to take longer. Hope you find a solution.

I'm right there with you. We have 4 kids and it sounds like you are talking about my oldest son. He is so smart, but when it comes to his homework he will sit at the table working for hours. He is in the fourth grade as well and I feel like I could pull my hair out most nights. HIs homework load is not huge it just takes him forever! Please let me know of any helpful suggestions you receive. I could really use them as well.

S.

You have gotten great advice. I have one other idea. I have four children and one of my daughters exhibits the same problems with homework as your son. Last year, when she was in the 2nd grade, I decided to hire one of our neighborhood teenage girls to come to our home to help with homework. The teenager took my daughter upstairs where she could work in a quiet space and have individual attention. This worked great. My daughter needed the extra attention, and with three other children running around, it was impossible for me to sit with her alone for any extended period of time. Good luck.

Every child is different and it seems like your son may take longer to achieve his homework duties than others. I would support him the best way possible because he obviously has the capability (you said he does well on standard tests). It also seems like he is afraid of disappointing you since he leaves work at school and taking a zero. My advice would be to support him the best way you can...you don't want to discourage him.

Oh A.! My 3rd grader is exactly the same. He is a wonderful student, top of his class, and cannot do homework either! I swear I could've been the one writing this post. Last year I tried everything and nothing worked. I'm sorry I can't give you advice on how to fix it but let me ask you this: has he ever been tested for the gifted program? The reason I ask this is because I have a nephew with a very high IQ who has trouble with homework, and last year my son qualified for the gifted program as well and he has trouble doing homework. It sounds like your son may be in the same boat, especially since his test scores are so high. I have been reading some books about raising gifted children, and trying to find some kind of explanation. I haven't come across anything to help him with homework yet but it helps to know that this is a common problem with boys in the same situation. You might start by talking to his teacher. I can't imagine you would have time to read a book but the library does have several, just do a quick search by topic. I'm sorry, I don't have my list handy to give you any suggestions. Maybe you can sneak in a few pages during soccer practice! You sound like a very patient and loving mother and I wish you and your "zoo" the best.

I had and still have to some point the same problem with my son. It turns out he had a vision problem. He had 20/20 eyesight but had a problem called convergence and it made it very difficult to read and write for him and everything pertaining to school took FOREVER to do. We did not find this out untill Jr. High. ( You need to go to a Developmental Optometrist for this ) We also brought him to another specialist and had him tested for food allergies. Removed certain things from his diet. He is now a Freshman in High School and is an Honor Roll Student! We still have a tutor but he does all work on his own and then she checks for errors, offers assistance and also helps study for tests. We no longer have to sit for hours and wind up screaming at each other everyday.

I had that same problem with one of my girls, she also had a lot of problems focusing in school. She did okay with one-on-one attention (til you asked her to solve a problem, "I CANT DO IT!" was her mantra, even with the simple stuff that you know she knew). I tried a diet change - I eliminated all processed & fast foods and additives. She got a lot healthier and was able to stop her allergy meds completely, but her problem with focusing and drama hadn't improved noticebly. We had her blood sugar checked because it seemed it was more prominent when she got hungry, but still no go. I finally took her to a pediatric psychiatrist and she was dx'ed with ADD. The doc prescribed meds and the difference was night and day. I hate having her on the meds, so I keep the dose as low as possible and put up with her chaos and drama during the summer. But I know if she hadnt had them last school year, she'd still be in the 2nd grade.