Help - Madras,OR

My daugher is eight months old and is the same way. I found that if I take her into the different rooms with me she is much happier. What I do is place her on the floor in the kitchen with tupperware to bang around or on the floor in the bathroom with something to play with, etc. She does not complain and actually likes to watch me move around when she knows she gets to go to! Good luck

put his high chair in the room you are working in & give him some toys... it's okay to let him fuss for a bit... he has to learn sometime that he does not control you. Even if you live him you will always come back!! Hope that helps.
Peace & Loves
S.

I know that this may sound mean but dont let your son rule you, it is great that he adores you so much but he also needs to be able to self sooth and entertain. My first daughter ( now 6 years old) was the same way, her johnny jump up was my best friend, you need time to be able to take care of your home and self, find a activity gym, or walker something that he likes, 20 minutes wont hurt him while you fold the laundry or do dishes. Try placing him in a play pen or the crib, yes he will cry, but make sure he has a dry diaper and full belly and he will be fine. I am a neat freak, I just had my second child now 6 weeks old, we use our front pack carrier so she can " help" mommy clean. If all else fails get a friend to come over once a week and help you with your son so you can try and catch up. Sweetie nothing will EVER be the way it used to be now that you have a child, your body, your house and even your relationships are all permentaly changed, but I promise it is worth it in every way possible, Good luck!

sounds JUST like my son!!!! he's 15 months old now but still reve
rts back every now and then... and the only answer is to put him down!!! he needs to learn that you will be back, and that sometimes he needs to self-entertain. It won't hurt him to cry a little. Do it in spurts... give him something to do then take care of the dishes. When you are all done with that task, give him some one on one time then go take care of something else.

Depends really what your parenting philosophy and your child's needs are. With my first, I had to hold or wear him in a sling or front pack. As soon as he was walking he hasn't clung since. My second let me put her in a portable bouncy seat then an excersaucer, but needed mommy more as toddler. Now she and her brother entertain eachother. My third has different moods sometimes she needs to be worn, sometimes she is entertained in a swing or bouncy seat. I've found washing and drying a load or two each day helps. Putting a timer on for 15 minutes doing a quick declutter everyday helps. Last but not least. I ask my hubby to help. It does get easier as they get older and you forget how hard these times were.

T. D

Hi S.,
I know how you feel. It's so hard to get things done with babies and even toddlers, and the feeling of being held back is really frustrating. From my experience, I've found that giving in to their need for you is well worth it in the long run. It helps them to feel loved, which is so important. Also, it helps them to know that they have the power to get their needs met when you pick them up, and that empowers their confidence into the future. From what I've read, I've learnd that sneaking away can eventually make them feel abandoned. Babies need you to say goodbye if you're going to leave. Then they'll see that you won't leave them without notice, and they'll soon learn that you'll come back! You probably know all of this, but it's so different when you're in the situation, isn't it? At least for me. For me, it's been a long haul to accept my baby as my foremost job, but treating parenting as a serious job also helps me to give her what she needs as often as I can. One solution I've used is to put her in a backpack while I do chores, or a front pack.

Stop sneaking. It will actually make him more nervous and clingy. Speak as you leave the room. Just outloud about what you are doing. Let him hear you as you go about your business. Be flattered by his need. My baby boy is 8 and I sure do miss those days (sometimes, ha ha). Be matter of fact, reduce how perfectly you clean your house (I went from one child and mopping daily to four kids and wearing slippers, for instance) and maybe fold laundry in the same room with him. You can pile it on the table and sing to him while you fold. Maybe some day, he'll even sort your socks:) My second daughter could smell it when I was getting ready to leave. Her dad wanted to cry more than she did when I left. Be matter of fact, don't apologize. Quick kiss, big smile and out you go. That's what I read then, maybe better advice on seperation anxiety these days. Good luck.

I used to take my kids into the laundry room with me. I had an exer-saucer, and I'd set them up with a pile of sox or something to keep them occupied while I attacked the mountian of laundry, I'd usually explain what I was doing "these are daddy's Tshirts" etc...............then we'd be off to the kitchen and I'd give them the a pile of measuring cups or my son especially like the big pots and a wooden spoon (drum set). Ultimately though, housework definitely suffers when the kids are little. I used to stress it a bit, but I decided that I'd rather have a semi-dirty house and get to spend quality time with my kids than spend all of my free time and energy trying to keep the house clean.

Good luck.

S.,
I went through this with our now 4 yr old son. He wanted to be held ALL THE TIME. It was really hard. I had to slowly wean him to the point where I could take care of him and get a few things done. I started setting him in a bouncey saucer or a gated off play area and starting a load of laundry. He cried, but I was always really close and would peek around at him (without him seeing me). I would let him cry for a few miniutes at a time. He slowly got used to the fact that I would set him down with toys, but I would come back. He actually got to the point where he didn't want to be picked up right away (that did take a month though). It's okay for them to cry for short periods - don't feel bad about that. I broke up the things that I needed to do - some I do during the day and the rest I do at night. My kids all sleep through the washing machine and dryer running so most of my laundry is done after they go to bed.

If you have a gated play area or toy he can safely play in while you step away for a few minutes, you might try that. He's going to cry, but as long as he's in a safe place where you can monitor, it'll get better.

Hi, if he won't let you out of his site, can you bring him with you? I have put the car seat on the drier... it wiggles, they can see you (and you are close!) and can get things done. Peek a boo while loading? :)

But I have done chores in a front carrier, moved the high chair room to room- or moved the pack and play, A jumper (ours hooks to the door frame) was great because it could go every where.

If it's more about the independent napping, rather than the chore situation, I had to lay the baby down- and leave the room for a minute, go back and re-assure them, and leave again. Gradually the time would get longer and the baby would calm down. It takes a while, but it worked for us :)

In my experience, this is temporary. My son was this way around the same age. He's now a very independent 18 month old. Just keep him informed on what's going on, babies can understand much more than you might think! Also, the comments on wearing your baby are good advice! That's how things are done in other countries. That's how they did it before baby gates. =]

Good luck, I think patience is you best weapon at this point.

Hi S.,
Slings are the best - baby bjorn, a moby wrap and an ergo carrier saved me. Then I was able to have my baby close while having my hands free and he loved being a part of everything.

Hi S.,
It was so frustrating for me also to try and get any type of work done with my son around the same age.. I wanted to mention about the Baby Einstein DVD's that I tried on my son.. They worked amazingly at keeping my son entertained for a half hour.. He loved everything about them.. While I am not one to want my child in front of the TV constantly, it certainly doesnt seem to have hurt him at all. He's an amazing 4yr old lover of the outdoors, but it did help to keep me sane at that time.. If you decide to try them just make sure you look at the age recommendations so that you get ones good for your sons age.. Just a suggestion ! Good luck

If he can almost crawl, could you bring him to the laundry with you? Then, place him on the floor and put the laundry in, or fold, and just talk to him the whole time. If he cries, let him know you'll be with him in a minute.

I wouldn't sneak out of the room EVER...it may frighten him that you will not come back. But if you leave while he's looking, telling him you are just in the next room, he may still cry, but he will know you are doing it in front of him.

The more he sees you leave and come back, the more he will be comfortable with it. He will learn to trust that you will return. And he will grow more confident while he is alone, for he knows he won't be alone for long.

You might also consider keeping certain toys only in certain rooms. If he's in a particular room, he has access to a certain toy, so he can associate the laundry room with a fun toy to play with, and not be so upset when you are otherwise occupied.

Good luck!

Ah, seven months old, that's when they start figuring out that you are a separate human being. It's very scary for them I imagine to all of a sudden realize that they are kind of on their own. I used to take my daughter around the house in a car seat, bouncy chair, swing, high chair, walker. Anyway, I had a place to put her near me while I did dishes, laundry whatever. She could see me and I talked to her while I did things. Explained to her what I was doing, sang songs, told stories out of my head. She liked being talked to and the fact that she could still see me and we had eye contact. She also really liked baby Einstein. All my kids are tv kids and they are all fine. One is a very smart, competent and responsible adult due with her baby any day. Hope this helps.

We have the same problem (my arm aches at the end of the day from carrying our son around in one arm and trying to do chores with the other). I used to leave until I read that it scares them more to not know where you are rather than be fussy for 5-10 min in playpen but watch you work. I have tried to do alternate playdates w/ other moms (i.e I take kids one day, the take another) to try to get a few things done. Tried an occasional splurge of housekeeper just for bathrooms and kitchen b/c they got so gross. Try to buy a lot more prepared meals. I am just trying to let go now and be grateful (most of the time) that my son loves me and wants to be near me. Not easy b/c I need a clean house, but doing my best to get by. Good luck.

My daughter was exactly the same way at that age and it drove me crazy. I would get a good baby carrier, also an excersaucer was good for showering and laundry, but things just aren't going to be the same for a while and you and your husband need to accept that. It doesn't last forever. Some people are on their high horse about videos, but when my daughter was about 8 1/2 months we started using baby einstein videos so that I could shower or get dinner started before my husband got home. It was such a god send after have a baby attatched to me 24/7 for so long. Once they are walking it seems that things get much easier (if your house is babyproof at least) and you will have time for these things once again. I think this age was definately the hardest for me, and it feels like it is never ending but it will get better.

I know what your going thru. I was the same way with my first son and thought somehow unconsciously that only a "good" mother would jump for ever need and whine from my baby. Since then, I had one VERY needy toddler who wouldnt let me put him down to do anything either. Then I met lots of friends with multiple children who never had this problem and all kids were very loving and well behaved. I asked what in the world she was doing and I coudln't get my child to let me go at all? The answer startled me.
She taught me (over the course of 1 year or so) that everything we do as parents "train" our children to behave one way or another, whether we like it or not. Although I thought I was doing what every good mother should, I had actually trained my son to continue to be needy. I was giving him lots of attention. I was jumping up and down always trying to look for his next need and accomodate him to make him happy and feel loved by me. What baby wouldn't want to stop when his mommy gave him so much attention and did whatever he wanted her to?
You have trained your son that you will hold him and carry him around no matter what. You have trained him that if he cries and wants you, you'll gladly come over and pick him up. Without realizing it, you have trained him to do the very thing your trying to get him "not" to do.
The answer? To re-train your son that you are the parent, and he is the baby, and you are in control, not him. That yes, you love him and would do anything for him, you won't rearrange your entire schedule anymore just so he won't cry. He is in control right now, not you. He cries, you run and grab him. He fusses, and your right there. This isn't you in control, teaching him that he is to be quiet and learn to entertain himself when you need to do something else. This is him getting you to hold him all day long so he can keep you wrapped around his little finger.
I feel for you though. I know exactly what you are going thru. My last son was born 14 weeks early and I was afraid even after knowing all this to not let him cry. if he cried too much, he wouldn't gain weight, and being a preemie weight gain was VERY important! But eventually I had to train him that he would be okay without me holding him all day long.
Set your son down with some toys, or put him in a bouncy chair, or whatever you want to use to train him in. Tell him calmly, but in a controlled voice that "Mommy needs to fold the laundry. You are going to play and be good." And when he starts crying or throwing a fit, you calmly, but forcefully tell him that he is okay and "Mommy is not going to pick you up until you quit crying." The biggest mistake many moms make is picking their child up when they cry. You are "Training" them that everytime they cry, they will get picked up. If you want to be in control and teach your son to follow your lead, not the other way around, you need to train him to be satisfied without you sometimes, and he will stop crying within a couple days. Maybe less. No matter what, wait until he quits crying, continually telling him to stop, and as soon as he starts to calm down, get all happy and give him rewarding voices. "thats my BIG boy! See? Now Mommy will hold you since you stopped crying." Make a big fuss about it, and if he starts crying again before you pick him up, wait. Tell him sternly again, "No, thats not appropriate. Your not going to cry. Please stop crying."
My best friends son is now a year and he had the worst time learning this. No matter how much training we did for him, he screamed for hours if she went anywhere or if she left him in the church nursery or with me at her house, even though he knew me well. We finally had to put him in "baby time-out" until he could calm down. Sometimes it was the high chair, or his crib with the light on and door closed so I wouldn't have to hear him scream so loud. It seemed harsh, but in reality, he needed to cry, and I didn't have to listen to him. Within 3 times of using this technique he quit crying for me and was MUCH happier in my care and in the nursery. As soon as he realized that crying and throwing a tantrum was only going to get him put in his crib, it wasn't fun anymore, and he stopped. Paralleled with lots of good words when he did finally stop worked like a charm. Now he lets anyone watch him and doesn't cry at all when he's left with me at my house. Everyone is much happier, and it worked. We also had to use this time-out technique with my 2 year old son at church. Every single week he'd cry so hard so long they'd have to call me to come get him in the nursery. And I'd spend the entire sermon walking the halls with him. Finally I hd enough and told them to do whatever they could to keep him in there. they told me they had him sit at a table and chairs and told him he couldn't get out until he quit crying to play. they said he cried 2 mins and then went to play and that was that. After 2 years of absolute screaming for 3+ hours at other places, and the entire church service before. They only had to do this 2 Sundays and he never cried again. This works, and its easy, and isn't abusive, and the children submit and are happy once they realize you are in control and they are to respect your commands, not their own.
good luck on your little guy! Hope you both can get some "ME" time :)
H.~
SAHM of 2 boys, Rylan (4) and Rory (23 mons)

I put my 9 month old in the backpack and keep on going. He's a happy camper for a really long time since he's on me.
Good Luck!
T.

Have you tried putting a cd player in his room and letting him listen to music while he falls asleep??
We did that with our daughter starting at about 3 or 4 months, and she falls right to sleep or entertains herself. She is now 6 and still falls asleep to music everynight. It was a true life saver.
This also gave her time to entertain herself in the crib and now her room.
I hope something works, good luck.

If you find a good answer, please send it my way!! I too have a seven and half month old and she is the same way.. The only thing that has helped is my mom comes over on Sundays for a few hours and entertains our little one while we try and get a few things done.

Well i would say tough love...I know how hard this is on us moms, but honey if you don't just let him cry a little and find him something else to do....he will be hooked on your hip until he is in school and then separation anxity will kick in and this is no fun. I'm a mother of a 5 year old and i had to learn this the hard way.take care and good luck. E. Skye

S.,

I would recommend put him in a play pen, with toys, that way he's in one spot but still can see you, and put some kiddie nursery ryhmes on, might put him to sleep, to allow you to get some work done, or swing, or put him in a jumper in the door way. I have been there, and know its hard, I am a mother of one little girl and she keeps me on my toes. But here are a couple suggestions, good luck.. K.

Ahh,yes... this has been going on since birth with my son. The first three months I was a slacker and wanted to watch him sleep... due to being so frightened about SIDS. After that passed... he just didnt want to sleep, or take good naps. When he did go down... I was ready to relax myself. Now, he is just a year old (as of last saturday)and I still rarely get anything done. I have the same problem. Now that he is so active tho, he is taking longer naps which allows me to do more. But I still suck at getting things done. In my case.. I think I am just lazy. Brady never wants me to leave the room tho. But I turn on Backyardagins, give him toys and a sippy cup.. I normally can skip out of the room and do something. He will fit for a moment but then forget why.. and move on.

Hi S.! My first daughter was the same way. Our bedrooms are upstairs and the washer is in the basement, so getting laundry down two flights of stairs with a baby was a challenge, for sure! You've received really good advice, so I'll just add one more thing that helped me. I put myself on a housekeeping schedule- now I'm not by nature a schedule-oriented person-but having a schedule made a real difference for me. I sat down and jotted down the (few) times a day I had to really get things done, and then filled in Monday through Friday what I was going to do on which day. The schedule was just a way to organize myself and to set some realistic goals, NOT something to stick to come hell or high water! I never gave myself any grief if I wasn't able to stick to it...

It really did make a difference for me.
Oh, another thing I did was purchase extra laundry baskets; all dirty laundry is immediately sorted so all I have to do is dump it in the machine when I have time. For some reason, that was huge for me.

And just because I can't help myself, I do have to say that I NEVER used the TV in order to accomplish my housework. Are all you moms out there groaning? : )

J.

Hi S.:

I use to have the same problem with my son who will be turning four soon......I would suggest go out and getting one of those baby einstein dvd's...baby mozart was a big hit!! It will allow you at least 30 minutes per day of cleaning or whatever time you need.

Hope this helps

D. :)