My oldest sister is the one who makes sure everyone in the families birthday is celebrated and is done in her home. We usually do them potluck style. Well, the beginning of June was her birthday and we were in Disneyland. I could tell you and her how busy I am and how this was forgotten, but it doesn't matter it was forgotten. I didn't even send her a FB Happy Birthday, not a text...nothing. There was no party or dinner for her either. I just realized this about an hour ago.
Now to fix it. We normally celebrate with my mother, sisters and all the kids. I don't want to do this in my home or her home because I don't want her to do anything. We plan to either take her to a girls night out (party of 5) for dinner or a family (party of 9) dinner. I can't afford to take the entire family out and can't afford for the bill to end up at our end of the table. Is it wrong to leave my Mother out of this?
Any and ALL of your suggestions to make this better are appreciated.
Edit...my mother is 70 YO. Everyone's income is limited and I just paid my mother's property taxes to give her a little extra pocket money. My home is not that big and really not in party shape. My husband works all day and night, I work a regular 40 hour shift and run a business on the side, and my older daughter works 2 jobs as well. Everyone's extra time is devoted to educating the little one and getting her to and from extra activities. It is much easier to just go out to dinner and schedule 3 hours out of the day than to spend a day cooking and cleaning.
We will have dinner with their family next weekend, no Mom. I can't afford a $300 - $400 bill to take my entire family out to dinner. I don't know why no one celebrated her birthday, as any other family member was capable of planning a dinner for her. I will fix this for myself and let anyone else who needs to, make this up to her in their own way.
I would "Kidnap" her and take her out with some friends.. You could pay for you and her and get the others to pay for themselves..
Make it " am a terrible sister for forgetting your birthday, But I will spend the rest of this year making it up to you" Party" ~ hee, hee
Just be super apologetic.. I bet she will forgive if you fawn all over her.. Make the time.. Get a sitter if you have to. No excuses on this one.
In my opinion? Yes. it's wrong to leave mom out if it's been tradition for her to be there. I don't know your mother's age or any concerns you may have for not including her...
I would tell the family that you cannot afford to flip the whole bill and you can either collect a set amount prior to the dinner to there at the restaurant..that's up to you...most people understand that you can't afford to pay for 9 people at dinner...
If you can't afford to do it - I don't know why you can't have a party at your place either...that isn't explained either...it might be cheaper to do it at your place with a huge apology to your sister for forgetting her birthday.
How would YOU feel if YOUR birthday was forgotten? Especially if you were the one who made sure everyone had their special day, with you doing all the work....? Forget the excuses. It was inexcusably rude.
Call your sister and take her out someplace that she especially loves, just the two of you. Give her a nice gift of something she really wants, but wouldn't spend the money on for herself. Make it up to her!
And next year put it on your calendar in giant red letters. She's there for you, be there for her.
I think that a girls' night with drinks and dinner is the way to go. You don't necessarily want to do something formal to point out to the world that you forgot. Once you get out, just make a toast to your sister and thank her for always being the one to get things together and tell her that even though there was a lot going on around the time of her birthday, you still wanted to make sure that you did something to acknowledge her day. Lead her to believe that you were just waiting until it worked for all the ladies' schedules, and you wanted it to be special and different.
Well I would suggest that if you want to go out, call everyone who is invited and then decide a place to go. Or just decide between you and maybe one other family member but just keep in mind the cost and type of food everyone likes, that'd probably be easier. Tell them everyone has to pay for themselves and you'd like everyone to chip in a few dollars towards your sister's meal so she doesn't pay for herself.
If you're not comfortable with any of that, then honestly, I'd just scrap the big group idea, call your sister and you take her out somewhere nice. Call everyone else and tell them they forgot her bday too and they can do something on their own.
yikes!!! you just realized you missed your sister's birthday that was two months ago? man - I'm one of 5 kids and am super busy taking care of my elderly mom, my husband's a cop on the NYPD and works lots of odd hours, my kids are in many activites and I am a youth group sonnsor and work so I am crazy busy and I would never forget any of my siblings birthday - even if for just a call, FB birthday wish. many times I've just sang happy birthday on their answering machines.
first I'd call her and offer a mea culpa. then carve out a special birthday dinner. as it relates to your mom - will she really add that much cost to the dinner?
How about everyone pay for themselves but all chip in for your sister or you pay for your sister but invite all and they pay for themselves. I cant' imagine it would even be expected of you to pay for anyone else.
Have a small get together with some people.
You could have a surprise party.
Have a girl's night out.
You spent almost as much time telling us why you can't have a birthday party for your sister in your home, as you did telling us the other part of the story. I'm sure that your sister would love to have a family party in your home, or a dinner out that you pay for. It is kind of an apology for forgetting her on her birthday. If your sister is really this party friendly on everyone's birthday, she deserves to be extra pampered on her birthday, well, on her forgotten birthday. Do you think she would enjoy spending time with her family for a birthday, or friends? If you go with friends then I'd say they could pay their own way, and you pay for your sister. Otherwise, I'd kind of feel obligated to pay for the family out, simply because she is always the one opening up her home, cooking and cleaning, etc. I know you said it is potluck at her house, but she also goes to way more trouble doing this than you probably realize. Give her a treat.
Bake a cake ($2), frost it ($1.5), decorate it w/M&Ms ($3), pull out photo albums (free), run a playlist of favorite songs on your iPod (free) and have a nice evening walking down memory lane (priceless).
You do what you need and can afford to do.
Make the dinner just for you guys and go somewhere cheap.
Whatever you do is okay.
Just make it w/i your means.
honestly, if it was my sister who forgot my birthday and remembered two months later and wanted to take me out i would not be too happy about that!
i have six siblings who have no families or jobs and there were multiple years they forgot to call me or anything. its pretty depressing! but i forgive them! they are just wrapped up in their own lives, you cant blame someone for that, everyone is guilty of it!
if you guys are close, she probably already forgave you.
did she mention it last time you spoke?
i wouldnt worry about trying to make it up this year, just make sure you dont forget again!
take her out somewhere special NEXT year!
Yes, it's wrong to leave the mother out. Instead of going to dinner since money is an issue, host the potluck at your house and do something special for your sister on your own. You don't have to make a huge party in your home, keep it simple. That's all that matters.
invite the people (minus your sister), tell them we are taking her out and paying for her dinner. everyone chips in. don't let your mom out of this. everyone should pay for their food and then jointly pay for your sister's outing. then a huge apology after all is done.
Ouch, how sad! Am I missing something or why don't you want your mom to go? I why don't you want to have it at your home? I would have it at your house, plan the whole thing that everyone else brings something and try to make it up to her. Or go out to eat and each family pay for their own and you pick up your sisters meal or split it among the rest of you (she DOESN"T pay, obviously). I'm sure her feelings are VERY hurt and I think you should do as much as you can to make it up to her. Especially since you said she is the one that makes sure everyone else has a good birthday. Good luck.
I'm a bit confused why you want to leave your mother out? You asked about that right after saying you can't afford to pay for everyone's dinner. So will your mother insist you pay? (again, confusion here)
It seems to me that you should coordinate with whomever is invited, figure out an approximate cost per person -- factoring in your sister's cost among everyone's share -- and tell everyone what they will probably owe. That way when the check comes they can hand over cash rather than everyone worrying about who gets to pay.
