Changing My Son's Name?

I think a few of us have "name remorse." I have a touch of it with the name of my last child. He was essentially named after his dad, who has since left. It's a very ethnic name and when he was first born, he had different coloring then now. Now he is as pasty white as I am, and sometimes it makes me feel uncomfortable when I am around those of his names' ethnicity. Even so, his name is his name and I won't change it... so my advice is to really think about it before you do it legally. However, for the practical day-to-day life you could give him a new nickname (or may be the name you are lining towards) and call him by both for a month so that he gets use to the new name. For instance if his name is Joe now and you want to go with Bob, call him Joe-Bob for a month. Then the next month call him Bob-Joe, then in the 3rd month drop the Joe altogether. I think that will alleviate any confusion on everyone's part especially his. Because if he is starting to recognize it then you will confuse him with an abrupt change... Anyway, that's just my .02

Babies are much more aware then people give them credit for! It is much too late to change his first name, because he knows who he is by that name. And think of how confused his poor sister would be. If you must call him something else I would just think of a nick name for him and leave his birth name alone.

By "fixing" his name you won't "fix" anything else. What if the "fixing" with his dad won't work? Fix your life, not your son's name. It sounds like you want to do it just to please his dad. Well, I'm sure that he was the one who had chosen not to participate in his son's birth and he missed his chance to chose a name for him. It is a good thing that he wants to be part of his life now. May be keeping your son's name will be a little reminder for daddy not to miss other parts of his son's life. If daddy chose to come and go whenever he wants, what you would do? Change your son's name every time just to please him? It is your call and I wish you good luck with your decision.

C.,
I can't imagine how different it would have been for you if you had support through the pregnancy and delivery. Sounds like you had alot of decisions to make on your own. My question to you is that during this time, you probably did the very best you could. Was this the first time you were making hard choices without support?, and if so, I think you should stick by what you decided. A child's name is a huge decision and requires alot of thought from many different angles. I am sure you took the time to consider these factors and having the Dad respect what you choose shows you that he can respect you and what you accomplished without his support. This is just huge to me and I am not sure why, it just is important that he recognize and acknowledge your choices alone, because then he can recognize and respect your choices now that you are working on getting back together. I hope the father is back for the long haul, the first year is so hard given lack of sleep, stress, colds, and more lack of sleep (it was a big factor for me and my husband). The name itself is important, but more important is respecting you and what you were forced to accomplish during a very difficult time. Just please factor this into your decision.
K.

Is this something you would have even thought about if the father wasn't back in your life? Also you are still working it out, how would you feel if that didn't happen and you changed it? I think you should leave it up to your son when he turns into an adult, he might love his name now and not like the one you change it to.

First off - how wonderful that your son will have his father in his life. I am going to trust that you really aren't in love with the name and would like to change it regardless if it works out in the end or not. But even if it doesn't...it's good to have Dad in the picture.

So, since you aren't in love with the name you chose (perhaps out of stress or haste because you were going through something very difficult), why don't the THREE of you (you, Dad and daughter) sit down and talk about the name, what you think would be a good name, etc. Make it a ceremony. Something that your daughter will understand. For example, explain that now that you all know her brother it is now time to give him a name that matches his personality. Go to the pottery store and buy a name plack, write the new name on it, have your daughter paint it. During the ceremony - create a special line in the room or build a little bridge and all three of you can go through the rite of passage together...walk across the line to signify rebirth as a family. Then she can give him his name plack.

Good luck!

C. - Just wanted to let you know that you can change your child's name until they turn one, and it's free. After one you may have to pay for it. I know, because I changed my son's last name (and mine) to my husband's when he was 11 months old.
Personal note - I would not change my son's first name. That is a name that you picked out because you liked it! Do you not like it now because your son's father doesn't like it? I personally think it would be too confusing. Not just for your daughter, but the grandparents, friends, aunts, uncles, doctors....the list goes on and on.
I still deal with doctors from changing my son's last name.
Good luck in whatever you decide. L.

I know this isn't helping but I can't help but ask why on earth a parent would chose a name for their child that they weren't too fond of?

If you aren't fond of the name change it. Your daughter will get over it (children are very adaptive and flexible) and your son will never know the difference when he gets older. Come to mention it neither will your daughter...how many memories do you have of when you were two years old? In the end you must remember...you are the parent and you get to make the decisions...children will accept whatever you decide.

About your concern about your daughter and your son having problems with the name change consider this. If that is the most traumatic thing that ever happens to either one of them they will be truly blessed beings! It's not a big deal unless you make it one.

Sincerely,
C.

I feel concerned by changing the name at this point. If you weren't too fond of it yourself, why did you choose it? It sounds like you might be convincing yourself that you weren't too fond of it. Plus, a two-year-old sibling will be very confused by this, in addition to the other transitions happening around her.

I think you should focus on "fixing things" and allow your son to keep his name. If this is a dealbreaker for the dad--then maybe there's a reason you got divorced.

It could be a pride thing for his father--but in the same regard, what if you would have had another daughter? Sometimes you deal with what life hands you. In this case he was handed a son that was born without his presence/input. If you feel guilty about that, I'm not sure changing the name is going to change anything.

I hope you are able to work things out and start over again with your kids' father in their life, and a partner in yours.

A lot of times, people use a nick name andyway, so they here different names used for them. Other than the cost of legally changing it, it seems early enough.

I changed my sons last name when my ex and I divorced, mainly because I didn't want my son and I to have different last names (too confusing to the schools). I didn't like my ex's last name because it was too common and every person in town was mixing me up with someone else with the same name and I didn't want to deal with that any more.

I then discovered that you can only LEGALLY change the child's name when they hit 21. However, I have had my maiden name as his last name since he was little, on the social security card, and we have used it ever since. Even when he gets his driver license, he has the maiden name on it. However, one of these days (he's 21 now) he will have to legally change it himself. However, using the maiden name instead of the legal married name has not really had any negative impact anywhere.

It is easier to change it now than later. Your daughter will adapt to the name change. Many children have baby nick names that older siblings learn to change. I do not know very many 13 year old boys still called "binky".

Change his name now and use it often. Tell your daughter about the baby's new name, she will adapt. The baby will quickly adapt to what every you lovingly call him.

Do it now.

G.

It does seem early enough but I wouldn't recommend changing it entirely. Both of my kiddos have two middle names and it works out great. Everyone jokes that they have a few choices when they get older! Just make sure it really is something you want to do and that you're not doing it to appease anyone as it really is a costly thing to do.

Do it! he wont remember and your daughter will get used to it fast because she is young. It's not a big deal and if it will make you feel better then go for it. Look at him and find a name that suits him and his little personality. I have known a couple of people that were allowed to pick there own name when they were young and they seem to be perfectly normal people!:)It's not a big deal!!!!
Good luck:)
-B

We always had nicknames for our kids. My youngest had his given name, but we also called him Pookie, Trundle Bug, Stinker . . . well, you get the idea.

Even now, I have nicknames for my boys. My youngest (two) is so in love with his given name that he will often call his twin brother by his own name!

If you're serious about wanting to change his name, I'd suggest that you start using that name now. Give it a couple of months to see if it feels right. Kids are infinitely adaptable - neither your seven month old nor your two year old will be impacted by a name change in any way if you guys are just matter of fact about the entire process. If it doesn't bother you, it's not going to bother them.

I agree with Kajsa...my best friends lil bro was named Jeffrey Alexander B. ....he was named after thier dad whom left shortly after thier lil sister was born so he decided to go my Alex and still to this day does.The only time growing up we heard him be called by his whole name, was of course when he was in trouble and then I'm sure in the military it's used alot.

I too would maybe just add a middle name and then u could call him by that and let him decide about his first name when he gets older.

C.,
I think you really need to look at the situation. Why does the name bother you baby father? he should love his child unconditionally and wanting to change something about him does not say that. also he needs to understand that there are no do overs you choose the name and should not have to change it because of him. Just my opionion

Thanks

This is not really advice, but I wanted to share my sister's experience with you. The father of her baby choose the name, however shortly there after he was no longer in the picture. My sister changed her baby's entire name (first, middle, last) when he was almost 2! The change was much harder for the family than for the baby. When we would accidently call him his birth name he would correct us. I'm not sure how my sister transitioned the name with him, but he's now 15 and no issues with the name change. We all, including him, are very, very happy with his "new" name, it suits him so much better.

My mother hated her first name and has gone by her middle name nearly her entire life. If you really want to change, I would add a new name as one of his middle names, not change his first. Then, as others have said, he will have options. However, I can't imagine explaining to my chld why the name on his birth certificate is not the same as his "real name". You can always initial it, as in B. Edward instead of Blake. Just an idea.

It's much easier to change a child's name in the first year than it is after that. He'll relearn his name easily enough since it's probably not the only thing you call him that he responds to. The bigger picture question I have is this: What happens if things don't get sorted out between you and the dad? Should things change for the kids? I do hope things can work out the best possible way for all of you but a name seems to be the smaller issue.

You need to go to court to do this. It's a legal name change. You can call the Superior Court in your area and ask the clerk what process is required, or contact the bar association in your county and ask them for direction. Before you start changing things because things are beginning to work out, make sure this is going to happen. You don't want to be changing names because it might make things work. If life were that simple! Yes your son is recognizing his name and it will be difficult for your daughter to make the change. You can start calling him this new name and work with her. Be prepared for her to ask for a new name, especially if you tell her the reason for the name change is because you don't like his name. She might want to be called Cinderella because she likes that name better than her own. Best of luck!!!

Why did you name the baby something that youdid not like?