So I just got back from vacationing in Myrtle Beach at my boyfriend's grandparents house. It was a wonderful time until the end of the week. We got there on Sunday and we ate out with them, offered to pay every time and they refused. I did house work for them and we spent afternoons and some evenings with them until they went to bed. Then I and my boyfriend would go out. His grandmother has Dementia and Alzheimer's. She must have shown me the same picture 30 times. But I understood and did not mind. Well Thursday we went out and came home really late. It was our last hooray for vacation. Then Friday we were taking his grandparents out to spend the day and night with them. We were paying and not taking no for an answer. Well Friday morning his grandmother woke us up, said we were sponges and kicked us out! His grandfather said it was because of her disease. Well we left and drove home for 12 hours. We were both crying thinking we did something wrong. But his grandfather assured us we did nothing wrong. So it was a big disappointment for my boyfriend to see his grandmother like that because of her disease. I felt sad for him and I held him and we both just cried. Well we got home safe and were very grateful for them because they wanted us to stay and visit. They also knew we were on vacation so we were not spending every waking minute with them. Well last night we found out that it was not her disease and that they both felt like we used them as a hotel. My boyfriend and his parents keep saying we did nothing wrong. The more I play this out in my head we did not do anything wrong. But I still feel bad that they felt that way but then I tell myself how could they feel that way we spent time with them. I am upset about that and I am also upset that they could not be honest with us and tell us they felt that way. They blamed it on her disease. So now I have mixed emotions. They should be coming and visiting in September/October. I know it will be awkward. How do I deal with a situation like this? I want to say I am sorry but we really did not do anything. I also want to say I am mad that they lied. Any thoughts would be helpful! Thanks
It sounds more like your grandmother has alzhiemer's. Chances are that she is not even going to remember she said that to you. She may not even remember you both being there. I know it seems like they are using the disease as an excuse, but they really are serious. These types of patients do fly off the handle and say things they really don't know they are saying. They also see things that aren't there. It's very hard on the family and people around them so please do not take the stuff your grandmother does personally. My grandmother used tell my mom I had a cardboard man in my room, which I didnt'. She used to see handicapped children in the house and thought they were ghosts. She used to forget how to speak English and start talking in German! She even followed the dog outside and thought she was lost, when the dog led her back to the rear of the house. It was a nightmare. We tried putting her in a open senior citizen home, but she beat up on of the workers. My uncle wound up putting her in a nursing home where she died.
Hi,
my grandmother is stricken with the same disease, my grandfather lives with with her & cares for her. She comes in and out of her "moments". My mother visits them EVERY monday, taked them grocery shopping, doctors appts, physical therapy. when there are family events, my mom fixes her hair, gets her nails done, baths her and gets her dressed. She is the only one out of 4 kids that consistently cares for the parents. Well, as of late, my grandfather who has NO mental illness, has become increasingly short fused with my mom, sarcastic and has said hurtful things to her. Sometimes she takes it, other times she "checks" him. However he is living this "hell" 24/7 and I think the stress of caring for some one with mental illness consumes the caretaker, dont take it personal. You did nothing wrong, and sounds like you were even helpful. maybe your boyfriend can talk with his grandfather, sort it out. Also, I know that there are support groups for relatives of people with mental illness. mental illness has a ripple effect onthe whole family, maybe your boyfriend should look into a support group, get educated, support & advice from people who can relate.
but no matter what, dont take anything personal.
God Bless,
Ali