I am 15 weeks pregnant and I have just learned that I am having a boy. I already have 2 boys, ages 3 and 5 and was really wishing this one would be my baby girl. I am very disappointed and sad and would like to hear from moms in this situation - how they felt after they had their baby number 3 of the same gender. Will I always feel so sad and disappointed about my luck with my kids?
I was feeling very similar when I learned that I was having another boy in the house as well. It is normal, and yes, it is easy to get frustrated when you had your heart set on something so intensely. With that said, when you hold your youngest son, you will fall in love all over again. Sex of the baby doesn't matter. God gives us what we can handle, and this child is a blessing, regardless of his sex. I have boys at home and have learned to be the pink in my house of blue. Because I don't have a daughter to fuss over, I make sure I doll myself up and feel fabulous doing it. Everything will be fine. Your frustrations are normal, regardless of what everyone else says. You will love this baby so immensely that you will forget that you even wanted a girl. In the future, if you still have your heart set on a girl, you can adopt :) Regardless, congratulations on your third son!
A friend of mine was exactly in the same situation. She "got over it" quite fast and accepted it and after her son was born, she just loved him as much as if he was a girl and wouldn't like him to be different.
However, even though SHE did get over her frustration, she told me that often, the hardest to deal with were people around her, especially close family and friends, who knew she craved a girl and were always commented about it, either to cheer her up or to pity her. Just be ready to answer these comments that you will have again and again.
On the positive side, Your two son will probably enjoy a baby brother more than a sister a few years from now.
I happen to have 3 girls...since high school I'd always wanted a boy because I have brothers and I absolutely loved them...their lives, activities...everything was so interesting to me. I can tell you that I've never been dissappointed that my sweet little girl isn't a boy...I can tell you that I seem to carry a part of me that grieves never having had a boy...and I'm too tired to have anymore children...so yes, I carry a sadness with me but only if I think about it and I do not play around with the thought when I do...there is no point. So I have my 3 girls...and don't think it's any picnic by comparison...it's not. I could list out a ton of reasons why, but I don't want to give the idea that I'm trying to one up or compare...the issues are just different with genders...it's all just different. Congratulations...when the doctor laid baby girl #3 and she looked up at me with her new eyes, I knew that her gender made no difference...and that is a memory I carry with me always because I never had that moment of instant love and connection with my other two.
I'm sorry it didn't work out. Everyone is different. Like every disappointment in life, whatever you "feed" is what "grows." The more you think about what you don't have the more disappointing it will be. When people comment on you not getting your girl, be sure to have a positive answer every time. For example, "I guess I won't have to deal with ___!" Plan ahead what you will tell people because you don't want to feed the disappointment. Yes, it is real but you don't have to make it any bigger than it already is. Don't ever let your boys hear you say you wanted a girl. They will feel like they don't meet your needs. I feel bad for the children who feel like they are a disappointment to their parents when they did nothing wrong.
My husbands co-worker just had baby girl #6. He was hopin this would be the boy he'd always hoped for. (they opt'd not to find out the sex) He said when she came out there was some sadness but when he held her gender didn't matter he was holding what was meant for them. A healthy baby girl with the most gorgeous eyes. He said they are done trying and though he is a little sad every laugh, smile, and even tears makes up for that.
I'm sure there will be sadness, but the moment you hold him in your arms and look into his eyes it'll be love at first sight. If you're really having a hard time coping I'm sure you can talk to your doctor, maybe find a support group, and of course we're all here for you! Relax and enjoy whats been gifted to you. Congrats and Best Wishes!!
By the time your baby is born, your sons will be EXACTLY the ages that my hubby's two brothers were at the time of my hubby's birth. My mother-in-law spoke about how her daughters-in-law are so important; we're the daughters she never had. She and I have a wonderful relationship. I see her as a friend in whom to confide, on whom to lean, and to support. It's really great for both of us. I wish you the same friendship if/when your sons pick your daughters-in-law.
My hubby has great stories about his childhood, growing up with his two older brothers. They did get into some mischief, but they were always friends. And to see them now as adults... goofy, caring, good friends... I have fun just being around the three of them!
If all this doesn't help with your feelings of disappointment, perhaps I can appeal to your practical side. Just think of the MONEY you'll save not having to buy new girlie things for the little one.
I wish you well and congratulations!
When that gorgeous little baby comes out, you will probably forget your disappointment. Children have a way of doing that ...
The health of your baby boy will overide those feelings and you do not know what God has in store for you....you may get your baby girl one day!
Mother of 3 Healthy Boys 2 teens and a one year old...how funny..lol
We have 4 boys in a row and have given away all of our girl clothes...husband says if we want a girl again we'll have to adopt :) I can't answer for you, but though boys have a lot of energy, they are a delight to watch. Our 4 are 10, 8, 5, and 2 and love each other fiercely, take up for each other, want to be like each other and their daddy, and love to give their mommy wildflowers (or weeds) and kisses. Yes, they compete, yes, occasionally I have to break up a fight over a toy. The two oldest go to bed laughing (usually over some sort of underwear/potty joke) and play all day long (if I let them). The third child wants to be included and is thrilled to be invited to go camping with them and dad for the first time. (rubbed it in to younger brother who cried and will be going on the next trip) Sometimes I'm overwhelmed with the thought that when my daughters leave home (not ready for this) I'll be alone with all these boys! My mother-in-law had 2 boys and always wanted a girl...was so sweet to say that this was one of the reasons she was so happy to have daughter-in-laws. Until then...enjoy! Life is never dull with these little men!
i have 2 boys and always had a notion that i wasn't meant to have girls. I was right. i am 35 weeks pregnant with my last boy. I was not sad when i found out. I was happy to be carrying a life inside of me. as long as he/she was healthy it did not matter what the sex was. Good luck with the boys. just think you won't have to deal with the pickiness of girl clothes lol.
Aw, I do feel for you. I have 2 boys and don't plan on any more kids but if I did I know my heart would be set on a girl. There is a part of me that will always miss not having one. HEre is what I think about to feel a little better:
But I do believe that Moms bond with their little boys in a much more special way than they do with little girls. I notice that difference a lot now that my kids are getting older. I also notice that little boys are MUCH MUCH easier than the little girls I know. Actually I don't think I would be a good mom to a girl because I could not handle the drama and everything else that goes along with that. My son is in second grade and is still SO sweet. Not the case with his female peers. I notice a huge difference when I go into the classroom. They are starting already at that "mean" girl tattle tale eyerolling thing. LAstly, you are not guaranteed, even if you DO have a girl, to have the kind of girl that you want. Meaning, you may be fantasizing about a "princess" who wants to dress up and be a cheerleader but you may get a "tomboy" who is an antisocial bookworm.
When we had our fourth baby we really wanted a boy. I had a son and he really wanted a brother. We found out we were having another girl. I explained to my six year old son that God knows better than we do. If He think we need a girl then we will be happy with a girl. She died at thirty-one weeks. Our hearts were broken. My son was crushed. He looked at me and said through the tears, " I would have painted my whole room pink for her!"
Several months later we became pregnant again. That baby also died. As it turned out he was a boy. Our hearts were broken. We just wanted our babies back. We decided that the heart ache was just to much and we just could go through it again.
God surprised us. Our family received the best surprise ever just a little over a year ago. Our sixth child, a girl, was born. One of my son's friends asked him if he would have rather had a brother. He said, "What? Have you looked her? She is perfect!"
Take it from a ten year old. Your baby will be perfect! Just pray for health!!
Hi Brenda - I can understand your disappointment but I encourage you not to dwell in your disappointment much longer. It's just not a very healthy choice. It's not healthy for your brain, your body or your baby. Enjoy the baby growing inside you and all the hopes and dreams that will be realized through him.
I have 3 boys and #3 was an oops. BUT I love the fact that all my kids are the same gender. It really does make things a lot easier. They can be all rough and tumble boy and no one gets in their way. I chaperone a lot of the school field trips and honestly do not know what I would do with a girl.
But you will need to still be you with all that testosterone around. I have one room in my house that is the girliest thing. Funny thing is, it is our downstairs guest bath an the one they use on a regular basis.
You will be okay. I am not going to chide you for wanting one sex over another. I did. I didn't get it.
Good Luck! There is lots of fun you can have with boys!
In a similar tune to Allison C's response, I laugh and say "I'm the queen of the house!" when I'm asked about my sons. I even jump in a little (say it early on) so I don't get any "oh, don't you wish you had a girl?" comments or questions.
Describing myself as the "queen" helps me (it's my comfort, my consolation, my mantra) to keep from feeling sad or depressed about it. I don't say it often now-a-days. My teen, tween and 2nd grader are all healthy boys and they, quite literally, keep me extremely busy!
Once in a while, I will think about how much I wanted a girl (would like to have a baby girl) but, in turn, accept what God has given me (and our family).
Congratulations on getting pregnant!
Sorry but shame on you. You should be more concerned that you have a happy and healthy child no matter what the gender. Sure we all want a boy and a girl but we get what God gives us and should be thankful. How lucky you are to have "My Three Sons". What joy they will bring in to your life. Get over the fact it was not the girl you were hoping for. If you want more children in the future hopefully that girl will come, but if not it certainly isn't the end of the world. I had some friends when I was growing up that had 11 girls and the mother finally had a boy. I wouldn't recommend that but just goes to show you will get what you get and be happy for it. However if you are truly depressed to where it is making you ill, please talk to your doctor. You don't want that child to enter this world not being truly wanted.
I felt the same way when baby #2 was not a girl. Had a quick cry and moved on. You are going to have to do the same thing. It will be hard at first and some people might not understand you feeling but they are real. Look at all the great qualities of boys... you don't have to brush their hair every morning. It doesn't matter if it is sticking straight up, you don't have to matchy-match their clothes, you already have boys clothes (no extra cost there), boys love their Mommy's, you already know how to take are of boys.
You will not always feel this way but you have to go through. Once that little bundle comes out, you won't want anything else.
Oh, did I mention that I have 3 boys now! You will come to love and have fun with them. If you are anything like me, it will take some time to learn what boys do and what to do with them. They are truely different from little girls!
Have a great day, keep your chin up and find a good friend to call and talk to about this. If you don't have one that would understand, let me know!
God always knows what He is doing.
I have to tell you, it's hard for me to understand all of the mom's talking about being disappointment about their babies sex.... There are so many women out there that want and long for babies and can' have them. It took me seven years to even be able to conceive my son. I didn't care if it was a boy or girl, as long as my child was healthy because I was so blessed to FINALLY be able to be pregnant. God is so wonderful, he is blessing us with a second child at the end of September. Again, I had so many troubles in the beginning, I don't care if I have another boy or if it's a girl, as long as it's a healthy baby. My cousin tried for six years and finally got pregnant and lost her son at 14 weeks. My friend tried for six years and finally got pregnant and lost her baby at 12 weeks. Be thankful and blessed that you have even had the opportunity to HAVE three boys. I understand wanting a girl, I do, but you really have to overlook the disappointment in not getting what you "want" and realize what you have been blessed with. I don't know if you had any issues getting pregnant or during your pregnancies, but take it from someone that had issues and has many friends/family members with issues having kids.... be grateful God has blessed you with healthy children.
Hey Brenda,
Take everything with a grain of salt. You've gotten some pretty tasteless responses. Roll those eyes and move on!
I know how you feel - I'm in a house full of boys and wish I could have a girl, but I think we'll be done after this one is born. Sometimes things just don't turn out like you hoped - and people can fuss at you all day long about being grateful and being happy with what you have but you know what - you feel how you feel. And its hard to feel like something you really wanted might not come through.
I'm definitely the princess of the house. Its helpful in a silly way... but helpful nonetheless. I also spoil my nieces rotten. If it gets to be something you really struggle with maybe you could consider adopting a girl?
Thats our plan if we decide we want another baby down the road.
Hang in there! It'll be alright - And keep it classy ladies! If you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all. She didn't post a request for support and advice to receive a bunch of cranky responses. Jeez.