To Homeschool or Not to Homeschool

Education & Academics Home Schooling
41

It looks like you have a lot of thoughtful responses, but I feel compelled to echo others statements because this exact thing happened to me when I was in high school.

For me, I think it was a combination of shyness/social anxiety and stressful home life compounded by the "not fitting in" that every teenager goes through. I would describe it kind of as burn-out. Unfortunately for me, part of my stressful home life meant that my parents weren't very diligent about pursuing options for me, although they did take me to the doctor for blood tests, and put me on an anti-depressant, but like your daughter, I refused to see a therapist. I ended up basically dropping out for the second semester of my junior year. Fortunately for me, I did continue going to my ballet classes in another town, which was a bit of a haven for me (I never had any anxiety about going there) and because I was taking advanced classes and had a lot of credits already I actually ended up graduating ahead of schedule through a combination of independent study and taking one semester of classes my senior year. Also, I should mention that I decided on my own to go off the medication after about 6 months and have never been on any sort of medicine since. I don't think it was necessary for me. (However, this was long enough ago that there were only 2 anti-depressants on the market.)

Of course, I can't know how things would have turned out if I had done things differently, but at the time I wanted to apply to see if I could just go right to college and my HS counselor talked my parents out of it. I think it is good to listen to what your daughter is telling you, and make sure you do research on all your options, homeschooling, online academies, other local schools, work-study programs, boarding schools, etc. (Check out www.scattergood.org, my brother went there). Perhaps you could tell her that she needs to go to school while you research your options, but that you want to work together to figure out a way to make her happy.

It might be helpful to ask her questions like, "In what situation would you feel comfortable going to your school?" or "Who would you feel comfortable talking to?" and helping her find places that she isn't so anxious and building from there. I don't think it's fair to expect kids to talk to a school counselor, so maybe you can research together to find a therapist that she would like. Again, there are lots of options, check out http://www.arttherapy.org/ My best friend is an art therapist and I think it's especially effective with children and adolescents.

I would be very concerned about homeschooling, due to the social anxiety issues, as others have mentioned. I have found that, for me, the more I am around people and in social situations, the fewer issues I have, but it is still something that I have to work on. You also need to consider how self-motivated she is and both your and her personalities and be realistic about whether it is a good solution for you.

I also want to give you hope that she (and you) will find a way to get through this, and she can go on to be very successful and happy in her life. I really feel for you. Please let me know if I can help.

42

I don't think homeschool would be the best option here, nor do I think she should just be miserable and stick it out. It sounds like she is becoming more withdrawn and keeping her at home where she doesn't have to interact with others will not help her develop important social skills in life.

Keep speaking with school administrators until they do something. I am a school teacher and sometimes we get really busy, but helping kids in a social/emotional capacity is part of the job. I would speak to the counselor again, perhaps a teacher or other administrator until you see some results.

Do you have a good relationship with your daughter? Perhaps the two of you could spend some time together and just talk or do things that will open the lines of communication. If none of these things work, is there another school she could transfer to?

I wouldn't want my child to be miserable either, but I am afraid that if she is allowed to stay home the situation could become worse. My vote is not to homeschool.

43

Alright, I glanced throught the other responses and mine is going to seem WAY OUT THERE!!! I had a similar experience in high school. My main problem, however, was that I was BORED with the whole scenario. I felt like I had outgrown my friends intellectually but couldn't compete socially. I thought that one more day of monotonous classes just might be the end of me.

I looked into the PSEO option through school. It stands for Post Secondary Enrollment Option. It it the opportunity for high school students in 11th and 12th grade to begin college. I know this sounds like the exact opposite of what your daughter needs, but maybe it isn't too far off.

As it turned out, I LOVED it. I graduated from high school with my AA degree completed and two years worth of schooling and books paid for by the state. It was totally awesome and I don't think the program gets enough publicity or recommendation.

Anyway, look into it. Maybe that's the little kick she needs to get going again!

Best of luck and lots of prayers!

Oh, I just saw that you are in Iowa and I do not know if PSEO is available there. However, it may be worth it to investigate something similar, perhaps even a special class through community ed or something.

44

Hi Marijo,
When I read and reread youi issue two scenerios came to mind. First, she really is having difficulty in social situations. Second, she is playing you and wants to stay at home and lay around to do nothing. I know this sounds harsh but hear me out. Think back in high school(unless you were Ms. popular), didn't you not like school and tried to find ways to get out of it. I used to go to school for 1-2 periods then call home sick to get out of school-I couldn't stay home in morning unless I wanted to see the doctor so I played my mom. Here is a suggestion to see if she thinks homeschooling is going to be easy and all she will do is play video games, watch tv and lay around(normal teenage behaviors), since summer is coming quickly have her try homeschooling in the summer to see if this will work for her. Schedule her day as if she was going to homeschool for 6 weeks and see if this is really what she wants or she may decide to stick it out( as your husband said) for the next 2 years. If she does need homeschooling then you really need to work on the social phobia so when she is older she can get a job, go to college and leave the house otherwise she is going to be leaving with you and your family for a long time.
Hope this helps and didn't sound too harsh but since I don't know you this is what it sounds like to a bystander. Good Luck.

45

I feel your pain. I'm sorry your family is going through all this. I have not home schooled myself but I would do it if needed, I think it is a great option for kids that have a hard time in school. I love the suggestion of having your daughter practice homeschooling over the summer. I would look into the virtual academy online homeschooling. I've seen one that looked pretty good called K-12 academy. Having said that I would also look into some extra curricular activities to go along with homeschooling. Maybe tennis lessons, yoga, a swim team, or cooking classes, anything to try to get her out there around other people without the anxiety that high school can bring to many people. I wish you all the best.
Barbara