I have read ALL the women's responses to how to COPE with having children 1 year apart and so forth. What I would Like to know is if there are SHEAR benefits to having a nother child almost 1 year apart whether it is benefits in the near term or more likely for the longtern future?
I only have one kid, so my comments are what I've heard from other people.
Having kids 1 year apart has more benefits down the road...like when they are closer to 8 or 9. They can play together, walk to school together, do activities together. Some people express concerns about affording college, but that's ridiculous because financial aid offices take into account siblings that are in college at the same time to calculate packages. One friend had a sister 2 years younger than her. They both ended up going to the same school. The costs for her sister were almost NOTHING since they both went to the same private university.
Some people think siblings grow up closer if they are nearer in age, so they will have a chum to go through life struggles with. You might be able to get them to potty train at the same time. :o)
My girls are 15 months apart and planned that way--I wanted them to be friends!--they are mortal enemies! Forget them having same friends and same interests. My girls couldn't be more different. Aged 7 and almost 9 now--they grow more unalike each day. They don't get invited to the same parties, they don't like the idea of sharing every event--clubs, playdates etc. They soooo want to be individuals. More strife than not. Perhaps when they are older 20/30 they will be the best of friends. Plus I always felt like I cheated them out of their baby years--one of me and 2 of them--diapers for 5 years straight--craziness. Enjoy your ONE baby. I now have a 3 year old and they both ADORE her, as do I. Such a BIG difference...
Best wishes to you however you decide!
PS. 4-5 years is a good distance between sibs in my opinion. :)
While I don't have two children (yet!) I do have a brother who is two years younger than I am and I have a niece and nephew who are 16 months apart (aged 8.5 and 7 now.)
As an adult, I love having a brother so close to my age. It means my child has cousins close to her age and thus family gatherings are more fun for her. Also, in adulthood my brother and I became friends! It is nice to have someone who shares the same childhood memories as you.
My niece and nephew are both the best of friends and the worst of enemies, depending on the moment! Recently, for school, my niece had to write an essay about her favorite person. She wrote "My brother is my best friend. He gets to come with me every time we go to Disneyland." So, there is the perspective of an 8 year old on the subject.
Good luck with whatever decision you make.
Nicole
I have three kids all two years apart. It was easy at first but then as they all got to toddler ages, it wasn't so easy. If I could have it my way I would almost go 3 or 4 years apart. :)
My boys are 22 months apart. I think close to 2 years apart is perfect. I think you will be exhausted if you have another so soon. You won't be able to savor your baby time with your 1st. Whatever you decide will work out though if you are up for it and you want it to. Good luck!
The ADVANTAGES for us (we have a 3.5 year old, 2 year old and 9 month -all 16 months apart) have been everytime we get the kids together in the same room... it is controlled chaos, and so much fun. The children are on the same "silliness" level. They have little code words for things, laugh at same jokes and want to play the same games (the ones that the 3.5 year old picks out) but ALL the same, they LOVE each other so much. It shows everytime one has been away from the others and their face lights up when they see them again! It is definitely challenging, but worth it for us! Good luck.
Krista
My boys are 19 months apart and I wouldn't have it any other way. I actually wanted them closer. They are 1 & 1/2 and 3. They get along great and they fight like siblings do already. I have a brother 17 months younger and 7 years younger. The oldest brother and I were best friends all through school and after. Maybe it was easier for us to be so close being different sexes so we didn't have to feel like we needed to be different from each other. My baby brother was, a baby brother. I would watch him, take care of him but it has only been in recent years, since he was about 25 that we became good friends. We were always at completely different stages in lives. No matter how far apart, at some point they will be friends and they will fight. It's going to be a lot of work no matter when you have them. Children are just a lot of work period.
Hi Dennis. My oldest two are 16 months apart (14 and 12 y.o.), two of the younger ones are only 10 months apart (3 and 2 y.o. but almost 3), and the last two are 15 months apart (2 y.o. and 17 months) so I do have some experience with this.
Advantages: They will play together and keep each other entertained. If they are the same sex then it's easy to hand down clothes. Also it's great for handing down toys, baby gear, etc. Your schedule can remain much the same since you will have two babies. Especially once the younger one cuts out the morning nap. Getting both of them onto the same nap schedule is wonderful. It's easy to put them both in the bath at the same time (once the younger one is old enough). It's easier to plan outings and vacations because their interest level is about the same.
A few recommendations - make sure the older one will be walking before the new one comes home. It makes it so much easier getting to and from places when you don't have one on each hip. Make sure the older one will be off of bottles too. Take it from someone that had two on bottles at the same time, it is tough.
Be prepared for a lot of ainxt between the two. Everyone I know thinks the kids will be close....and some moments they can be, but most of the time they are at each other's throats; in direct competition; and two in diapers is not fun.
If you want two, and can wait...give it enough spacing that your first child will not feel so displaced and can be your "little helper" and your second child can recieve the attention they need (your first child is more independent) 3 to 5 years is good spacing depending on the child.
As a kindergarten teacher, I strongly believe that it is in the best interest of siblings to have at least two years in between them. Each child needs one on one time with his or her parents. It is extremely difficult to get that attention when one has an infant sibling around. I have noticed that it may cause problems later on with impulse control.
Best Wishes!
Paying two college tuitions at once for three years will be hard. My two are three years apart and play non-stop. My second had colick and was a very fussy baby. Thank goodness for those three years. My first deserved all the attention she got before the second arrived. I recommend three years apart.
My kids are 17 months apart (6 and 7 years old). I have read the last responses and it certainly seems like this varies from family to family. All I can add is that the first few years are hard. Similar schedules do help, but there will be a time that you have two very dependent children, each with their own interests. However......they do grow out of that phase. I am LOVING right now that my kids play together, entertain each other, do after school programs together, and yes, fight together. But they truly love each other and enjoy each other. On the flip side, my brother is 13 years younger than I am and I am still waiting for us to be friends. We are just too far apart in age. I say go for it!!!!
Hi Dennis, I am a mother of 5 boys, ages 13,12,11,3 and 2.
As you have heard it is a challenge to have children 1 year apart. But the advantages I experienced out weighed the hardships. I found that the 12 and 11 year old went through their stages much easier because they were following in big brothers foot steps. They potty trained, slept better, ate different foods earlier, spoke earlier, walked earlier,and found compassion and sharing very early. We never had any issues with unity, sharing, or fighting. They don't remember not having each other. We make a special effort to make sure that they each get 1 on 1 attention from us. When they got older we had to make sure that we didn't treat them like twins and let them become more independent of each other. They are best friends. Good luck and know that at any age there are going to be hardtimes and wonderful times. Children are a blessing. Polly S.
I agree with what someone said before, I think about 2 years apart is the best. My kids are 21 months apart, and I feel that is pretty good. I was able to give my daughter the attention she deserved as an infant, and now that she is older I can give my son the attention he deserves. Plus she is old enought to participate with caring for her brother in small ways (getting diapers, etc.).
We have two daughters who through sort of unusual circumstances ended up being a little over 8 months apart. It is definitely exhausting and we have sometimes thought we were crazy--although like you we were driven by wanting to make sure that we had two kids (I was 42 when our oldest was born and 43 with the second). We wouldn't trade it for the world. They're both under two years, but are already playing together and are just crazy about each other. There's definitely some jealousy and the usual stuff about not sharing well, but nothing more than I've seen with my neices and nephews who are farther apart. They absolutely seem more connected to each other than other siblings I've seen--their relationship looks a lot like twins.
Hope this helps.
Liz
My kids are 14months apart and I love it! At first it was hard being preg. while my daughter was not even one. My second was an accident but now at 4 (boy) and 5(girl) they are best friends. They entertain each other, and have a lot of the same friends. If anything my 4 yr old has always been ahead becasue he wants to be like his sister. So its true what they say about Irish Twins! I hope that helps my husband and I are glad we had them close together.
Hi Dennis
I have 2 boys that are now 4 and 5. I am so happy they are close in age and here's why...
1) Neither ever remember life without the other.
2) We put them in a room together at ages 1 and 2. All toys are put into a common toy box. Although they know which toys were given to whom for presents, they gladly accept that everything is free game for each other.
3) They are always at similar motor stages do that both can equally participate in a give sport or activity together.
4) They have the same age interests for games, toys, etc.
5) When they were young we did toilet training at the same time. It was easy since they had each other to use as an example.
I haven't read the other responses on how to cope. But
in all, life has been great having the boys close in age. I actually can't think of a drawback.
Good Luck! You'll be fine in whatever decision you make.
Dennis,
I have a 1 year old and a 2 1/2 year old. For my emotional sanity, I personally can't go closer the 18 months apart. When I was preparing to have my second, my requirements were that my first be able to walk, and to be able to communicate with me somehow. Plus, she was young enough that she wasn't to stubborn or set in her ways. When my second was born, I made sure that once she was sleeping, she was in her crib and away so I could focus my attention on the oldest. About 2 months later I started to see some signs of jealousy and immediately my husband and I gave the oldest more attention. We thought we were giving her enough, but apparently she needed more at the time. It only lasted a few days and we haven't had jealousy issues since. There will be times of exhaustion and frustration, but thats just one of the many perks of motherhood. About the time my youngest turned 1 was when she moved to one nap a day so now they are both on the same sleeping schedule which is great. Once the younger one started sitting up was when my oldest began to play with her. They haven't stopped since. The love hate relationship is growing strong but they also have such a great time together. Just last week I even moved them into a room together and they hate it if the other leaves. What helps me is to look at a child who will be the age you want your older one to be, watch their mannerisms, etc, and think if you could handle a newborn if your oldest where kind of like that. Good luck, go with your gut.
I have a boy who is 3 and girl who is 2. They are 14 1/2 months apart. Sure, it is tiring, but I couldn't say that I'd be any less tired if they were 18 months, 2 years or 3 years apart. And there are tons of benefits! My daughter has been in the picture for about as long as he can remember, so there was no jealousy or adjustment phase when she arrived other than I wasn't as available when she was an infant due to breastfeeding, etc., which would be the same at any age difference. Since my daughter has been able to sit/crawl they have played together, so they are interested in the same things and always have a similarly aged playmate. I can take them to the same activities and they can almost do all of the same things. My daughter also became interested in going on the potty when she saw her big brother doing it, so she is close to being potty trained without much effort on our part. And if you are going to have another surrogate, you won't have to worry about the exhaustion and physical limitations (e.g., lifting while pregnant) of pregnancy! Good luck!