.....
Nope!
And I bet there were many other parents in the stands silently cheering you, too.
You owe them an apology for your timing. If this is something that bothers you, speak to them privately about it- not in front of others. You seem to have some other issues with them, but on this topic have a quick chat about the fact that you are ALL trying to be more positive in your commentary at the kids' events. Not that it's right, but if you tuned-in to some of the other spectator comments they are probably pretty similar.
They are there to support your child, which is wonderful. Thank them for coming and supporting your children and ask them to be aware of what they say b/c (you can stretch this a little) you wouldn't want to hurt the feelings of others' parents who may be sitting nearby. They wouldn't like it if someone said something negative about their grandchild, so could they please give other parents the same respect.
Honestly I would not apologize. You said what you felt was right. Hopefully they will be conscious of their manners next time. Just because they are older does not mean they are right. Anyway I undertand your comment that your hunny does not back you in confronting his parents. I have the same situation here.
Bleck, no you do not owe them an apology, in fact, all those in attendance owe YOU a thank you!
There's a couple like your in-laws at EVERY children's sprting event, sigh. When my kids were in the thick of it, I'd wished there was someone like YOU around!!
:)
Although I agree with you that they should not be making those types of comments, and I agree that you have a right to say something since it's concerning your children, I also agree that the kind of "in the moment" comments you made might not have been the best choice of words/timing. I would probably take your in-laws out to lunch (hopefully with your hubby there, too), and apologize for confronting them at the game, admit that it wasn't the best choice of words or timing, and then you can explain why you felt the need to speak up. Explain that you think it's more constructive to either not yell anything at all or only make positive comments during the games. Tell them you think it's de-moralizing to ALL the kids on the field who are doing their best at whatever skill level they are. Maybe they don't even realize how negative their comments sound? I'm sure they are trying to be supportive b/c they ARE showing up for the games. Actually, now that I think about it, I would probably lead off the conversation by thanking them for making the time to attend the games.
If they still don't see any error in their ways, then there's nothing much you can do about it. I wouldn't go so far as to ask them to not attend the games. If they are really going overboard with the comments, I'm sure other coaches/parents will eventually say something to them as well.
no someone has to point out their negative attitude to them in order for them to change by choice. I have been having a very negative attitude lately and my step son and so have pointed it out to me. did I relize I was doing it no. am I changing I hope so. am I mad at them no someone had to tell me. I dont want them to wrap me in a bubble and continue to let me be down in my attitude. negative attitudes hurt other people and I realize that. but stopping myself is going to take work and them still making me awareof it. why should you be sorry for being honest the truth hurts but someone has to make us aware of what we are doing. :) if they are mature they will think about it and try to change what they are doing. its called corrective critisism and sometimes its what people need.
Yes. It could have been worse, of course, but to yell at your in-laws in public is not a whole lot better than their yelling at the players in public.
Can you tell them that the coach (and/or the school or the club) is really on a kick about having parents, grandparents, and friends in the stands encourage the players with positive rather than negative words? (Of course, you'd better talk to the coach first and suggest it!)
If I was going to apologize, I think all I would apologize for is that your husband refused to say something to them himself, so you had to do it!
Oh my I can totally relate, my FIL is loud and obnoxious at sporting events and my husband is usually coaching so I get stuck with him. He makes rude comments then does this little chuckle like it was a joke. I wish I would have had the opportunity to say something but my son took care of it for me- he was yelling something or sideline coaching( which he used to do often) when my son finally stopped on the field turned around and yelled back " hey I am playing a game here either just watch or leave" I love that kid. Maybe you should call your in laws tell them you are sorry for yelling but that they really need to keep the negative comments to them selves, the kids can hear them and it makes it hard to be positive.
No you should not. You were not overtly rude but rather quite tactful and matter of fact about things. You held your tongue and kudos for that. You should let them know that if they are not going to tone down their words that perhaps they should not be welcomed to see the games? Perhaps a bit harsh but there's no need for that type of negativity at a child's sporting event.
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No-you should NOT apologize. This kind of 'cheering' at a kid's game is despicable. They are lucky that I am not in the crowd because I always say something to the offenders. There is absolutely NO place whatsoever in kids sports for this . NONE. My only problem with what you said is that you did not do so sooner.
I don't think you're thinking about what it was like for them to be chastized in public like they were. If you feel that it's embarrassing or negative for them to speak that way to other people why do you have the right to be so negative to them? Why not take them aside when you're not irritated by it, not responding emotionally to it, not confronting them in such a public place? You could have handled this better, and I think your mom is right. You owe them an apology for the way you spoke to them.
They shouldn't be so negative and may not have realized the impact of their words, or how they speak to people. They may need something like that pointed out to them, but certainly in a more construtive manner. I doubt they actually feel like their perfect. Maybe they like to come off that way to others, but most people are at least humble enough to recongnize they are not perfect.
It sounds to me like there are a lot more issues between you and your in-laws than just their attitude at the games. Work it out with them before it festers more...or just let it go. Confronting them in the way you did, allowing it to build up to the point where you lost control of your tone, and embarrassing them in front of so many others was not appropriate.
It also sounds to me like your moms problem with it was that you embarrassed her.
I would provide a very quick, non-commital apology but follow up with a clearly worded explaination of why they must keep their negative or even mildly disappointed comments to themselves. "I am sorry I got a little gung-ho about cheering at the game last week but I thought you knew that spectators can only provide positive cheering...."
A.) Because that child they are complaining about might have parents who are sitting right next to you.
B.) Because the sports association makes all parents sign a "parental behavior" form (ours does anyway) where all parents commit to not shouting, being negative, and just generally being that "winning-is-everything" sort of parent.
I would ask that the coaches give a quick refresher announcement about good sportsmanship at the beginning of the next game -- To include the kids and the spectators. You DH doesn't need to delvier the messaging directly to his parents that way.
Risa,
GREAT JOB! I wish more people had the guts to stand up to poor behavior/attitudes at sporting events. Maybe then children would not feel so bad when they loose a game or don't make every play perfect.
You are a great example to parents and children!
My opinion, two wrongs don't make a right... You did the same thing they did, in front of everyone, your kids included. Yes, you stood up for your kids, but you were just as negative as they were so what did you really accomplished? Your mom is right, she was there too, it bothered her what they were saying as well as what you said. Did she confront you in front of everyone at the game, or did she quietly approached you? You've been letting this issue bother you for a long time of course you were about to explode and did. I think you should apologize to them and let them know how you feel. Maybe they would have change a long time ago, your husband should have said something to them, but since he didn't, you could have easily done it.
Most of us who have kids know how annoying it is to have those negative people at the game and wish they would just stay home, I'm with you 100% there.
You were right to speak up. BUT I can see that they might have been offended. I've got a MIL without a filter and I know what you mean. I think there is a middle ground. Address (again) the spirit of the game, the need for positivity and encouragement and also mention that you're sorry if you embarrassed them at the game. Win-win. You've made your point and they get an apology--not quite for what was said, but maybe for how it was said. In our district--people can actually be asked to leave for making comments like they did.
I think I would apologize for how you told them (in public at the game) but also reassure them that you still feel strongly that negativity does not belong at the game.
Good luck.
I think that I would say something like this....."I feel very strongly about the negative comments that you make during _______'s sporting events. I have noticed it for quite some time, but have never said anything in the past. You probably did not even notice that you were doing it, I know how easy it is to get into the game and disappointment can take over when it seems like a bad move has been made. It would be more beneficial to the girls to hear words of encouragement, than to hear sounds of disappointment, and I would like for you guys to try and pay attention and not do that anymore. I am sorry for the way that I approached you at the game. This is something that has been building up in me for a while, and I should've said something before I let it put me over the edge. It is really important to me that the kids have a good time playing, and are not worried about disappointing their parents or grandparents."
just out of curiosity - what does your husband think about what you said and how you said it? have they mentioned anything to him about it?