My Seven year old son has asked me on numerous occasions the past years if Santa Claus was real, I have always told him yes in the past or have avoided the subject. Last Night he was watching A Toy Story when it ended at Christmas time and the boy getting a Puppy. He said I didn't know Santa could bring you a Puppy, he can't build a puppy. Then followed it up with. "Is Santa Claus Even Real". I told him we would talk about it later because his 5yr old brother was in the room. My question is, The next time he asks me should I tell him the truth or should I continue to avoid the subject or let him still believe until he hears it from some kid at school? Every time he watches the Polar Express he questions it. He has a 5yr old brother and a 3yr old sister which I would like to continue with the "Magic" of Christmas with them. He understands the "True" Meaning of Christmas and knows that "Jesus Is The Reason For The Season". He has Light Autism and has a very DEEP Intelect. He worries about things like the End of the world. Something he heard in Sunday School. In Short, should I let him find out at his own pace or next time he asks should I take him aside privately and tell him there is no Santa Claus so he doesn't think I am ignoring him.
Janet,
I just recenlty told my daughter the truth. Let me tell you I went to great lengths to make her believe. I had a Santa that actually produced her letter to her and called her by name. She was 7 at that time. If your son is constantly asking he may already know the truth. But what I told my daughter was that at one time there really was a "Chris Kringle" Who delivered toys to children but has since passed on and Mommy and Daddy kept his spirit alive by taking over. This way she still has the "Spirit" of Santa alive.
PS can I stowe away in your suitcase?
Here's how I responded when my precocious 7-year-old asked the same things.
I told her that Santa didn't come to our house because he didn't need to. I let her know that we were very blessed because her father and I (and grandparents, etc.) were able to be Santa for our family. I also let her know that we tried to help other families who didn't live with their "Santas" by donating items and $$ at Christmastime. (She goes to a Catholic school, so she's already well-versed in fundraising for the needy.)
I also told her that her little brother still believed that Santa came down the chimney (even though we don't have one) but that when he asked me those questions, I'd tell him the same thing. I told her that she didn't have to keep any secrets from her brother because this wasn't really a secret. But I did let her know that her brother was really enjoying the anticipation of Santa's arrival.
After Christmas, she did try and tell her brother that Santa was just Mom and Dad but he was having none of it. So, he still believes. We'll see how it goes this year...
Janet,
Congrats on your 10 years!! And I hope you enjoy Hawaii! Alot of the fun of it is the planning!
Suggestions on the Christmas thing are to be straight with all your children. Maybe start off with the "Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus" letter.
I never lied to my children about the myth of Santa Claus, although I was careful about how I approched it. It always seemed odd to me that we teach our children to always tell the truth, but don't model it as parents ourselves. The "magic" of Christmas is even more wonderful when we realize it's teaching even young children what the holiday is all about, and that the celebration is more than the gifts and glitter. We all still watch Santa Claus stuff, just like we watch Veggie tales stuff or any other mythical character stuff. Best Wishes to you!
Janet, I have a hard time with the Santa thing. I believe that honesty is the best policy. My kids have never believed in Santa, the Easter Bunny, or the tooth Fairy. I dont think you will help anything by prolonging the myth. We take them to church, we teach them right from wrong and then we tell them for years about something that isnt true, but based in religeon. It never made sense to me. Be honest and use the truth to give your children a good upbringing. Dont shrowd religeon in myths and untruths.
My daughter has been asking me the same question since kindergarten. I have never lied to her and she is still a believer. When she asks me if there is a Santa Claus, I ask her "What do you think?". She usually responds with "I think that there really is one". Sometimes, she will say "I don't know", or "So and so says that there isn't one", etc. So, in those cases, I ask her "If Santa didn't bring the gifts, who do you think did?" By asking questions, it keeps the conversation going. I think that it is fun for kids to believe and I understand your concern with the younger kids. It makes it so much more fun for them. If he decides that there isn't a Santa, just explain to him that you want to keep the magic of Santa alive for the others and not to spoil their fun. Remind him how much fun it was for him to sit on Santa's lap and set out cookies and reindeer food, etc. Now, he can help make the fun with his younger siblings. I suspect that my daughter, who will be 8 tomorrow, will not believe this year. She is questioning the Tooth Fairy, too. But, I'm not going to just come out and tell her. I'll let her tell me what she thinks. Sometimes when she can't make up her mind, I'll ask her why she thinks he is real and why she doesn't. She can usually talk herself into believing a little longer. And a side note, we all know the story of St. Nicholas. We all know the story of Jesus. We all know the story of the 3 wise men. Is keeping their memory alive a lie? We open gifts on Christmas to celebrate the birth of Jesus. The three wise men brought him gifts. St. Nicholas left gifts for the poor and protected children. Since your son is a deep thinker, explaining this to him when he no longer believes may help him to see why the traditions are carried out. Check out www.stnicholascenter.org to brush up on the stories of jolly old elf,St. Nick. OH, how I love Christmas!
Well this is a conundrum that gets posted about every 3 mos. I eventually figured out that Santa wasn't real, but my family ALWAYS got gifts from Santa every year...the tags even said so! I think a lot of it will depend upon what tradition you and your husband want to continue in your family. No, Santa does exist, but the spirt of him does.
Last year, my husband was deployed and my kids were rotten. And I don't mean just sassing back, not picking up rotten...I mean flooding the bathroom and kitchen with 2" of water rotten! Santa DID NOT come to our house. The children were 3 & 4. Let me tell you, it left an impression! They are now much more conscious that "Santa is watching them" (LOL)...they were bummed to go to school and hear what Santa gave everyone else and what they didn't get. Granted I did give them some X-mas presents from mom and dad but not near what they were going to get!
I want my kids to experience the magic that comes with X-mas not the commercialism. That means, giving to those less fortunate than ourselve (even if it is US playing Santa for them). When we wrapped presents for our adopted family, I told the kids that Santa dropped off the presents for us to wrap for this family and we bought a few extra just for good measure. They really liked that and enjoyed the fact that some little boy/girl was going to be getting something really nice for X-mas.
Eventually, we all have to face the music. It is BY FAR kinder that they hear it from you than from their classmates. The spin on it is entirely upon how you handle it. I would venture to say that your eldest is probably already got it figured out, he just wants confirmation. If you approach him right, he'll keep quite because, well it's just a lot of fun to watch your sibblings faces light up when they still believe...it is magic, afterall! Good luck.
BTW- we always say that Santa can't possibly make all the toys for everyone and sometimes has to get special help from friends to fill requests. The Humane Society is a perfect example of one of these friends!:)
Hi Janet,
If your son is confused on the subject, I would sit him straight. If he is a very deep thinker he thinks about things like trust and honesty too. He doesn't need more to worry about. I would tell him right away.
Jackie
I have 6 children (5 of which are old enough to know what is going on). I have always told my kids that there once was a man named St. Nickolas at one time many years ago who had a very kind heart towards children and today parents carry on his tradition. You can probably find a good childrens book about him at your library. And my kids know about the "easter bunny" and "tooth fairy", but also knows that it is mom and dad (mostly mom though). I think that kids need to learn the truth about traditions and WHY we have them......
I haven't faced this yet, but I have a plan that I think will work - at least for my family and my son. What Santa symbolizes is a very old tradition of sacrefice during the winter, in order to assure that spring will come. So, the idea of a man who is pure GIVING symbolizes this sacrefice. And, of course, it is an inspiration for us all to become more giving in the heart of winter, when nature is the most sparce. That's my two cents.
All four of my kids REALLY asked at age 7. Before that, I didn't want to lie to them, so I'd dodge it with, "What do you think?" When they said that they did believe, I'd respond with, "That's what counts." Well, at 7... they were old enough and smart enough to recognize the dodge. When the first one figured it out and we had our private talk, I told him that now that he was big, he had to help keep the secret from the other kids. I let him get up after the others were asleep, and help set up all the Santa gifts. I didn't let him see his own stuff (which he knew we'd bought) or any of the stocking stuff. That insured real surprise the next morning. He felt so big, because he was helping keep the magic for the rest. Same thing, as the others found out. The 'newbie' got to help. I have to admit.. it was pretty sad when #4 figured it out.
Ok, last night my FIFTH GRADE BOY lost a tooth, and wrote the Tooth Fairy a note asking if she ever pays $20 a tooth!!
So...I'm being taken for a ride here, I'm sure. He probably knows the truth, but plays the game for my sake, and for his 7 year old sister. And yes, he still writes letters to Santa, too.My friend told her kids,'If you dont believe, you wont receive'...and she's got a 7th grader!
I dont know the answer..
Good luck!
Take him aside and tell him Santa is as real as he wants him to be and if he doesn't WANT to beleive in Santa then Santa doesn't need to bring him presents any more, that the Santa presents are only for those that truly believe that there is a wonderful magical being out there that wants to share the joy of the birth of Christ with them by bringing them presents. My kids believed in Santa till they were in highschool.
I would say, "well , what do you think ?" And go from there . My 8 year old hasn't asked, but I've been told that's what I should start the conversation with
My approach is not, perhaps, the most common. But, it is lovingly well thought out with the development of the child as primarily important. I always found that a child's ability to trust their parents as a source of truth is far more fundmentally important to the child than the dependence on a false belief to make a holiday magical once a year. I feel that a child's ability to play and have a blast pretending the whole Santa myth is not understood well. They seem to enjoy the magic of playing along and love to know that the adults in their life are willing to pretend 'with' them rather than 'for' them. Few things are more unsettling than to find that the people you need to trust have not been honest with you and even more disturbing to learn that it is a broadly supported adult conspiracy.
I remember my parent's dishonesty when I asked them this question at age 6. I discovered the truth from my peers just after turning 7 and was emotionally torn. It appeared to me that the adults were enjoying the game by making a fool of me. I also remember feeling frightened that they might be dishonest with me about everything. I lost the real magic of trust that day.
So, whenever you decide to fess up, you might want to read a little about the legend of the real St. Nicholas. Although there are no historical recorded facts about him, he was known for his love of Christ, his courage, his truthfulness, and especially his generosity and love for children. I see nothing wrong with telling a child, even very young children, that the spirit of St. Nicholas still lives and that we give gifts to children in his name (which has evolved,or de-evolved through the years). In this way we enjoy the same feelings the wise men must have felt when they brought gifts to the infant Christ and the feelings of love and generosity St. Nicholas had for children. I also see nothing wrong in telling the child that some of the gifts given to children each year at Christmas are given in the name of St. Nicholas, so that it is as if St. Nicholas had given those gifts, himself. Many people do charitable acts in the name of a much loved or virtuous person that is no longer alive. This is why we name streets after great people, even though those people never lived there and did not build that street. These are concepts that even a child with mild autism is probably able to grasp. I feel the whole thing is much more fun when there is no lie to cover up and we all experience the real magic of honoring the gifts of the spirit.
However you choose to approach this, try to be sure that your son knows this was all done for his enjoyment in the spirit of play and pretend and not a plot to trick and tease unsuspecting children. It is just so easy for them to assume things and live in confusion. It is also important to tell him that other families may choose to pretend that Santa Claus is alive and living at the North Pole and that it would be neither kind nor generous to spoil their game. As far as I know, our son remained very considerate in this way and had a great time pretending with his friends and cousins who still believed the myth. Best of luck!
Hi Janet. I have a friend whose daughter got mad at her for lying about Santa Claus and then wondered what else her mom had lied about... so, when I had kids, I decided to handle it differently. I play along with my kids (now 8 and 5) when it comes to Santa, the Easter Bunny, the tooth fairy, etc. I admit that I don't know how Santa gets down the chimney or how he carries all of those toys in his sleigh. I admit that I don't know what the tooth fairy does with their teeth. I'll guess and ask them what they think. We've had some interesting ideas. I never pretend to have the answers and I always say "I don't know how they do it, but I'm glad they do because it's fun for us." That seems to work for my kids. I have worked with kids with Aspergers (form of autism) and know that they are very bright and literal. Your older son's brain may not let him just believe because literally it just doesn't make any sense. My suggestion would be to throw all his questions back at him. When he asks, say "I don't know for sure because I've never seen Santa. What do you think?" When he expresses his doubts, you could probably say "I understand you have a lot of questions (and maybe doubt) but your little sister and brother believe so let's not talk about this around them." I hope that helps!! Good luck!
Mindy
Dear Janet C,
I was told by my father at a early that he was Santa Claus. He showed me his check. My mother didn't agree with what my father told me but he did what he thought was right. It depends on the child's s mental state of mind and how you think he/she may comprehend the truth. In my case I was metally able to handle the truth about Santa Claus.
It also helped my to that my father worked to support the family. How the bills, food, etc. were paid. but I still wrote letters to Santa Clausr (my father). I was a little confused at first but it made sense.
My mother told me that God is our provider he helped my father to provided for us. And when others bless us it was
becaue God who put it on their hearts to do so. My mother also told me to never tell any of my peers what my father told me. She didn't want my to go against what their parent/parents had told them.
I told my son about Santa Claus he didn't have any difficultis understanding. You know your child and when it's time you will fell in your heart. I pray I could be of help. I am not good when it comes to writing down my thoughts.
Linda
He already suspects the truth. That's why he is asking. At this point, I would rather my child could trust that I wouldn't lie to him, than try to keep up the pretense.
Take him aside, (away from your other children) and explain to him with a twinkle in your eye, that Santa Claus is just a very fun game we play at Christmas. No, he's not real, and my, aren't you the smart one to figure that out ! But hasn't it been fun to play ?
Now, if you are going to continue allowing your younger children to "believe", then caution your son to not tell them this big boy secret, and get him involved right away in helping you to keep the game going. Tell him right away that now that he knows, he can help you to keep Santa "alive" for his younger siblings. The fun of being involved in such a happy secret with you should keep him from telling them, because telling would spoil the fun for him as well as the rest of you.
Allow him to plan and shop for Santa gifts, to help you caution the others to be good because Santa is watching, and even promise him that if he doesn't tell, he can get up on Christmas Eve and help you take bites out of the cookies that were left for Santa !
Have fun !
Hi Janet - I am a Mom who absolutely love Christmas, and the Magic of the season. My son started questioning at a very young age. He too had a younger sister and I did not want it spoiled for her. Your dilima is complicated by by your son's mild austism. They are so literal in their view of the world. It is black or white in their mind. I was not ready to give up the magic of Christmas - so I explained to my kids that Santa was part of the Magic of Christmas. No one is sure who or what the real Santa Claus is. It is just a magical thing. And personally I love the magic of the Christmas. I have never seen God, but I believe that there is a God. No one has eveer seen Santa on Christmas Eve but I believe he is an integral part of Christmas. He kept on telling his sister that Santa was not real. But he just kept wondering about the Magic part. I just kkept telling him that I believed in the Magic of Christmas. Sincerely, Ginny
This is the story I used to help my children understand the "magic" of Santa Claus... after they begin to wonder does a man in a red suit Really bring presents??
I remember my first Christmas adventure with Grandma.
I was just a kid. I remember tearing across town on my bike to visit her on the day my big sister dropped the bomb: "There is no Santa Claus," she jeered. "Even dummies know that!"
My Grandma was not the gushy kind, never had been. I
fled to her that day because I knew she would be straight with me. I knew Grandma always told the truth, and I knew that the truth always went down a whole lot easier when swallowed with one of her "world-famous" cinnamon buns. I
knew they were world-famous, because Grandma said so.
It had to be true.
Grandma was home, and the buns were still warm.
Between bites, I told her everything. She was ready for me. "No Santa Claus?" she snorted...."Ridiculous! Don't believe it. That rumor has been going around for years, and it makes me mad, plain mad!! Now, put on your coat, and let's go."
"Go? Go where, Grandma?" I asked. I hadn't even
finished my second world-famous cinnamon bun. "Where" turned out to be Kerby's General Store, the one store in town that had a little bit of just about everything. As we walked through its doors, Grandma handed me ten dollars.
That was a bundle in those days. "Take this money,"
she said, "and buy something for someone who needs it. I'll wait for you in the car." Then she turned and walked out of Kerby's. I was only eight years old. I'd often gone shopping
with my mother, but never had I shopped for anything all by myself. The store seemed big and crowded, full of people scrambling to finish their Christmas shopping.For a few moments I just stood there, confused, clutching that
ten-dollar bill, wondering what to buy, and who on
earth to buy it for.
I thought of everybody I knew: my family, my friends,
my neighbors, the kids at school, the people who went to my church. I was just about thought out, when I suddenly thought of Bobby Decker. He was a kid with bad breath and messy hair, and he sat right behind me in Mrs. Pollock's
grade-two class.
Bobby Decker didn't have a coat. I knew that because
he never went out to recess during the winter. His mother always wrote a note, telling the teacher that he had a c ough, but all we kids knew that Bobby Decker didn't have a cough; he didn't have a good coat. I fingered the
ten-dollar bill with growing excitement. I would buy
Bobby Decker a coat!
I settled on a red corduroy one that had a hood to it.
It looked real warm, and he would like that.
"Is this a Christmas present for someone?" the lady
behind the counter asked kindly, as I laid my ten do llars down. "Yes, ma'am," I replied shyly. "It's for Bobby."
The nice lady smiled at me, as I told her about how
Bobby really needed a good winter coat. I didn't get any change, but she put the coat in a bag, smiled again, and wished me a Merry Christmas.
That evening, Grandma helped me wrap the coat (a little tag fell out of the coat, and Grandma tucked it in her Bible) in
Christmas paper and ribbons and wrote, "To Bobby, From Santa Claus" on it.
Grandma said that Santa always insisted on secrecy.
Then she drove me over to Bobby Decker's house, explaining as we went that I was now and forever officially, one of Santa's helpers.
Grandma parked down the street from Bobby's house, and
she and I crept noiselessly and hid in the bushes by his front walk. Then Grandma gave me a nudge. "All right, Santa Claus," she whispered, "get going."
I took a deep breath, dashed for his front door, threw
the present down on his step, pounded his door and flew back to the safety of the bushes and Grandma.
Together we waited breathlessly in the darkness for
the front door to open. Finally it did, and there stood Bobby.
Fifty years haven't dimmed the thrill of those moments
spent shivering, beside my Grandma, in Bobby Decker's bushes. That night, I realized that those awful rumors about Santa Claus were just what Grandma said they were -- ridiculous. Santa was alive and well, and we were on his
team.
I still have the Bible, with the coat tag tucked
inside: $19.95.
May you always have LOVE to share, HEALTH to spare and
FRIENDS that care...Be the Santa to those you love, and share what you can with others this year.
And may you always believe in the magic of Christmas!