I have been having a lot of emotional issues in the last few weeks, I love me 7mth old daughter and her dad but lately I feel I have nothing else in the world but them. I feel trapped by myself and I don't know what to do. I have only one really good female friend but I know no one else with kids that I know how to contact. I have no license- I got a fine and now with a kid I am having problems saving money for that and school. I feel like a loser and I am fat... I could work on that if I only could get rid of my stress about every other thing. What do I do...
Sweet heart you are feeling depressed and it is totally normal. First of all know that being a mother is the best thing in the world and if you are nothing else you have done a great thing. The world tells us we have to "be somebody" to be important. God tells us that our greatest joy comes from being a wife and mother. If you are fullfilling His purpose you are doing well.
Now you need some help too. Call your ob and tell him/her that you are struggling. Ask for support services in your area. If you have Kaiser, they have a support group for new moms, but I know that other hospitals have them too. Call the one you delivered at. Ask for help to get through this rough time. It will get better. Trush His purpose for your life.
Finally the weather is nice, put your baby girl in the stroller and walk to the park. You will feel better and meet other moms. Go get 'em girl. Blessings.
You may have post-partum depression. I had that with my first daughter as well, and it is really tough to get through on your own. Please speak with your doctor. Your doctor can evaluate whether medication would help you.
Besides that, I would suggest going for a walk every day. Take your baby with you in the stroller and just get out and enjoy the beautiful spring weather! You never know, you might meet other moms out doing the same thing. I walk for an hour a day no matter what, and it has helped me lose weight and I feel better too. Exercise releases endorphins that will actually make you feel happier! Once you get into walking more and more, you will discover that you can walk 5 miles in an hour, which is a long way - you'll be surprised how many places you can go without a car!
Hang in there, things will get better. Being a mom is the single most important job you will ever have; don't ever feel like you are "just" a mom! You are a superhero in your child's eyes.
hello Daniele, boy do I know that feeling, but I DID get through it! I have to say that I agree w/your 1st responder & have a few more ideas. Here's a combined list:
*let your OB know what's going on - absolutely.
*new moms group: call your nearest hospital - you can participate w/any of them! they're all FREE!
*your local church likely has a program for new moms too.
*Las Madres playgroups -- in your community based on age of children & part of your city.
*the library! children's story times ;) borrow CDs & books to get a jump on that education you want. Your daughter won't understand them, but that doesn't mean you can't read her some of them!
*Bay Area Parent magazine (bayareaparent.com). lots of stores have them & the library too.
*FRESH AIR! walk, walk, walk & then walk some more.
If you're out there walking, your pumping out those endorphins that make you feel r-e-a-l good; you're soaking up vitamin D which we all need; you will not be spending money because you are walking; & you will be getting healthier & more trim because you are walking! It's a win-win-win !! for you AND your daughter! show her the flowers, colors, scents & different textures of spring, of nature -- and enjoy them yourself. and when you're done w/all that, put a blanket out on the lawn & watch that beautiful little girl of yours explore.
Sometimes these steps are difficult, but you've already taken the 1st step & that is asking us for help. The hard part is over. Have your self a few deep breaths and step out the door w/your daughter. You can go anywhere!
Remember that the bus or trolly can take you downtown as well. The Discovery Museum has an "open door policy". If you are unemployed, they will let you in at no charge. When you get to the counter, just ask if they still have that policy. they work on the honor system - there was nothing to sign & no paperwork needed.
feel better Daniele and keep talking to us!
best wishes, ~Janet
That can be a really isolating and lonely time raising kids. I hardly ever got away from my kids. I can remember when I would finally get adult time I would get what I would call 'diarrhea of the mouth', I just couldn't stop talking I was so desperate for adult company. I also remember one time for some reason I didn't have the kids and I crossed a street all by myself. I had this intense feeling of joy just because I had crossed a street by myself, instead of herding 3 kids across. Sad. In hindsight I should have done anything I could to get more time away from the kids. Trade babysitting with a friend or something, if you can't afford to pay a babysitter. Also join some kind of mothers' group!!! Being a part of a group was the thing that gave me a life. I finally found a co-op preschool that was cheaper than a normal preschool because the parents helped out, and later I put my kids in a charter school where parents are also very involved. Makes all the difference. Hang in there.
I can empathize with you on this one. It can be hard to make time for yourself. You should find something that you can do by yourself once a week, like taking a class, or going to bingo or something that can help you get away for an hour or so once a week. Everyone needs time by themselves so they can find who they are and what they want in life. I hope things get better for you! Oh and don't be so down on yourself for being overweight, a lot of people are. That doesn't make you any less of a person.
Daniele,
So many of us have been right where you when we were young mothers, and thanks to this website, we can offer support and advice. You aren't alone. Reaching out like this is really good for you and your family. I can tell you a million details about my life and my marriages, but what I found most helpful in my trials and tribulations as a woman is that simplicity is the best medicine. Find beauty and goodness in things around you. If you don't know where to start, a good place is knowing what to stop. Stop watching, reading, and listening to anything that is depressing or negative. Replace tense dramas with comedies, avoid the news and read self-help and/or personal and spiritual growth books (Oprah's website is a treasure of inspirational books), listen to uplifting music. I listen to songs like they are prayers. I like "Bring On The Rain" by JoDee Messina, "Strong Enough" by Cher, "Thank You" by Dido, and of course "I Will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor I think. About the fine, we all make mistakes. Take a deep breath, if you don't have time and energy for school right now, put it aside. If you are female you will always think you are fat. Don't measure the size, measure the health. Walking with your favorite music does wonders. Do what you can to feel pretty even it's just wearing scented lotion. We all wish we were Wonder Woman but I'm sure at times she wishes she was one of us. Well now you have us to talk to if you need to, and remember, no prayer goes unheard. Good Luck.
Daniele,
You need to appreciate your blessings more!!!!! I worry if you don't you will end up a single mother all too soon... You need to focus a bit more on being a good wife...
If you are feeling so unhealthy that you call yourself fat - perhaps you should look for a work-out buddy...
Cheer up - that baby will be graduating from HS before you know it and you will have missed the joyous journey moping around...
I am the single mother of 5 amazing children - youngest is 7 months - oldest is graduation from HS in a few months.
Daniele,
You need to appreciate your blessings more!!!!! I worry if you don't you will end up a single mother all too soon... You need to focus a bit more on being a good wife...
If you are feeling so unhealthy that you call yourself fat - perhaps you should look for a work-out buddy...
Cheer up - that baby will be graduating from HS before you know it and you will have missed the joyous journey moping around...
I am the single mother of 5 amazing children - youngest is 7 months - oldest is graduation from HS in a few months.
My heart goes out to you. I know you are probably exhausted from having a new baby. I remember the same feeling many years ago. Believe me, things will get better as your child sleeps more and settles into a routine. Start small. Try a walk around the block once a day, alone if you can or with the baby in the stroller. As spring comes you will be able to enjoy the sun on these walks. You will be surprised how a short walk can perk you up. If it is possible,you might want to join weight watchers. You can meet ladies and get so much support there. And it would be just for you. I wish you luck. Keep us posted on how things go.
Daniele,
Please, please, please hang in there!!!! When was the last time you saw your Doctor? It almost sounds like you may have signs of Postpartum. You said that your daughter is 7 months old. This is the "beginning to get very busy" stage, and she will need you at your very best! She needs you to be patient and loving, and that will be hard to accomplish when you're depressed!
My suggestion...get up everyday as if you ARE going somewhere! It's ok to wear sweats in your own home, but you need to put on makeup....everyday.....and touchup every afternoon! Try that new color of eye-shadow you've been wanting to try, or a new way of doing your hair. You need to keep moving, keep reading Mamsource, keep in contact with anyone, and tell your husband how you're feeling so it's not a secret! You can make a turn-around, Daniele, but you HAVE to fight for it!
I know you can do it! You will be in my thoughts and prayers this weekend.
:o) Nicole
Hi Daniele,
I do know this feeling. My daughter is now 4months old and I had a really hard time right after I had her and still do occassionally. My husband and I live 2 1/2 hrs away from my family. We've lived where we live for over 2 years and I still don't have friends up there. I work full time and feel like I constantly have all this stress worrying about so much.
I also know about being "fat" so I started doing something about it. I joined weight watchers and am doing really well on it. Maybe that's something to consider. There are so many benefits to it. You go to the meetings once a week, you have a ton of support (at meetings and online), you can meet people, get out of the house and feel better about yourself. Trust me, it works. For me personally, if I don't feel good about myself I am miserable about everything else. I would say start there. The weather is getting nicer, start taking walks with your daughter in a stroller (that's what I plan to do) and remember we're here for you!
You are not a loser..
Love,
Jennie
You may want to visit some websites on post-partum depression.
HI-
It sounds like you have a lot of stuff going on. Have you talked to your MD about post partum depression? Can you find a local PPD support group? Does your local hospital have some resources for new moms, so maybe you can join a mothers group. I hope some of this helps.
I know all of the above worked for me.
It sounds like not only have you had a lot going on, but it came at a time when you're vulnerable emotionally. I know the feeling firsthand. I went from a career woman to a stay-at-home mom overnight with no advice from anyone on how it felt when I was suddenly cut off from my work friends and the daily grind of going to work. I won't say I miss going to work now, but that regime was mine for years and suddenly I was at home alone all day with a baby. So I started walking, pushing the baby around in a stroller. He loved the fresh air and I got some exercise (I'm a bit overweight, too). I also found a mother's group through a local church ... even if you're not religious, being with other women who were feeling the same as me (trapped, confused, etc) helped so much. Maybe there's one within walking distance or via public transportion. I bet someone would even pick you up and give you a ride! The most important thing is: Get out of the house and find stuff to do that doesn't cost anything!! :) It will put your mind (and your stress) at ease. Hang in there.
Hi Daniele, Sounds like stress is taking you over. You should talk to your doctor about how you are feeling. You might just have some sort of deficiency. Also, be sure to take multiple vitamins daily. When baby is sleeping, try sitting quietly, deep breathing, and thinking of good things... do this every day. Also, turn on your TV to FitnessTV and start with some exercising or just dance with gusto to the radio. I do these things; mainly, they just get me going. Also, when the weather is decent, be sure to take baby for a walk in the stroller. See if you can get to know your neighbors, get an online penpal, is there a church near you? Do know that what you are going through is temporary and everything will work out... it ALWAYS does. Be sure to smile... your brain will believe you are happy. Take care, Carolyn S.
Hi Daniele,
I saw your message and my heart goes out to you. I just want to say...hang in there. Sometimes we just get into a funk! I remember feeling that way after the birth of my son. My advice to you is to seek out friendships either via mother's groups or maybe even your church if you are religious. Find a neighbor and start taking daily walks. You will feel so much better and if you walk with a friend it will give you a chance to vent your frustrations or get your mind off of your stress, plus walking is free! I hope some of this advice helps. Just know how you are feeling is temporary and you'll get through this challenging time.
Sincerely,
Heidi
Boy do you sound like me after my first child. When I had my twins I was so scared it was going to be the same way, well it wasnt', and you know what the difference was? I was involved in a playgroup. I found that being with women who were going through the same stage in life helped me to know that i was normal and I had worth! Find a playgroup in your area, you can start with Sierra moms! Good luck!
Hi Daniele,
I would highly recommend joining a mother's group in your area. They are usually divided into age groups so your group would also consist of mothers with babies. Extend yourself at this group and set up times outside of the group to get together with other moms. As joyful as having a new baby is, it can also be a very lonely time for many people. You are not alone! There are so many moms feeling the same way you do. If you can leave the baby with your husband a few times a week (even for an hour) and get some exercise, you will very quickly begin feeling better about yourself! I know it's easy to say but just start with small steps everyday. Best of luck.
Daniele,
It sounds like you are getting depressed. Stop, take a breath, most of us who stay at home have felt like you at one time or another. I have felt like that a few times.
Start taking your beautiful 7mth old for walks. Not for her but for you. Enjoy the air, sing to her, breath. This alone will make you feel better. If you go to a park you might meet some people. I find that there are super nice Moms who like to chat, Moms who want to talk but don't know how to start a conversation and Moms who don't talk at all. You need to be the nice chatty one. If you say hi enough times you will find a friend. Put yourself out there!
There are numerous Moms Clubs in the area. I am not sure where you are from but Castro Valley has a great club, San Lorenzo has a great club. Google your city name and mothers club - something might come up. You will have to make yourself available for friends - the more you give of yourself the more you receive from others. I have met so many great friends, some 'best' and some I just see here and there - but with all of them I put myself out there and made myself open to receive people.
It is never easy to save money - the more you have the more you spend. Stop spending! Do you really need the item - if no then don't buy it. Try this for 2 weeks, you will be amazed at how much you have. For some $40.00 will be a lot for some $200.00 will be a lot. Worry about what is a lot for you.
As far as the feeling of being fat - you know the cycle you are in - I have been there myself. The walking will start helping with that too. Start small, everyday go further. Your mind will feel good and you will physically feel better. You will want to eat better and this will help with the money. It is soooo much cheaper to eat healthy then to buy processed food or fast food.
The stress will start to remove itself. Pray, focus on the positive things you are doing instead of the stress and you will be feeling so much better in no time at all! Feel free to e-mail me separately, off list, if you ever need an ear or a little bit of a pep talk!
Thank you for being so honest - I am actually going to print this note out because I need to be reminded of the above sometimes to....I feel better this morning - thank you.
God Bless