Hi there. I'm looking for some advise for a family budget. My husband and I both work and more than anything I want to be a stay at home mom. For years I have been asking my husband to sit down with me so we can create a family budget and a financial plan. He refuses. He says we are doing just fine. We do not have tons of debt, but we also don't have much in savings. Our savings contributions and my 401K contributions are sporatiic and small. We are not rolling in money and we would REALLY have to cut back for me to stay at home. How do I get him to agree to budget with me? I asked if he would like to go to a financial seminar (Crown Ministries) and he flat out refused. I said he was being lazy and he agreed. Basically, it would be hard and he DOES NOT want to do it. He thinks we can not afford to contribute to savings every pay check and I think we can't afford not to. Plus, I will NEVER get to quit working if we continue down this path. He just does not get it that you have to create a plan of attack if you want to get ahead. How do I convince him we will be so much better off if we just sit down and do it!
PS Plus we do not have wills or gardians for our children. Another "nagging" thing I ask him about.
Is there any reason that you NEED him to participate in writing out a budget? Of course, ideally, you'd work on it together, but I don't see why you couldn't at least get started on it yourself. You might be able to find s form, or something on line to help you categorize your spending.
www.DaveRamsey.com and his book "The Total Money Makeover" saved the financial area of our marriage. It is working awesome because it wasn't my husband's way or my way, but something we've been able to build together. It hasn't been super easy, but well worth it. We wish we had a Dave Ramsey plan for every aspect of our relationship.
I am taking a class at my church right now (without my husband who also refuses to participate in anything concerning our finances)and I am learning so much and I will be able to do a lot of things to help us on my own. The class is called "Financial Peace" by Dave Ramsey and the class materials include Dvds so you could go to the class on your own but you can watch the Dvds at home again with your husband. If you do an internet search on it, you will be able to find a class near you.
Congratulations for thinking smart and caring so deeply about your and your children's future!
Your husband is in denial. How can you not have a will for your children?! YOU can go to financial planning without him so don't use the fact that he won't go as an excuse. Crown Ministries is awesome and is a great place to start. Ask around your friends for a financial planner in your area that you can go and sit down with and get some professional advice. Hiding our heads in the sand will not make these issues go away.
Take charge (and it sounds like you want to), be smart, your children will admire you and thank you later!
As much as I like Crown Ministries, a lot of men relate to Dave Ramsey better! DaveRamsey.com has great resources that you can buy and use at home. It really did change our finances to the point that we no longer fight about money. We bought Financial Peace University about 4 1/2 years ago and have shared it many times. Our two oldest know how to and desire to stay out of debt as a lifestyle. They also have children's programs that are really neat and helpful.
If you were to buy the book on tape, or check it out from the library, Total Money Makeover and ask your husband if he'd be willing to listen to it - if you ask you'll get a lot further than demanding - he may just change his mind. Or listen to it at strategic times when your husband is around to catch his ear. Ramsey is practical, entertaining, biblical and in your face all at the same time! His program is fun to go through yet still teaches you a great deal. His dvds are of a live seminar that he gives.
Understand all of us have a spender and a saver to differing degrees. Your husband's reaction is actually very normal. He'll need to be wooed in and think this is all his idea! Our husbands have a need to lead so appeal to that side of him. Best of luck to you!
Financial failure is usually based on a failure to plan. You know that old saying, "You don't plan to fail, you fail to plan" It's true! Especially for women, who earn 77 cents to the man's dollar, that's down a penny from a few years back, so we aren't making the headway we should. If you could put just $200 a month into a good mutual fund, in 30 years you could have about $1.3 million and that's with just $200 a month!
Do you have term life insurance? Is it adequate? How will you know? You need to decide if one of you dies what do you want to have paid for? The funeral can run $10k, how about paying off the house (mortgage insurance doesn't do that - not for you) the kids college, an income for the survivor, pay off your debt? Will the coverage increase to keep up with inflation? You want pure term.
Do you intend for your child to attend college? Do you know what that will cost in when the time comes? Saving now will take a whole lot less at a time than waiting. What about retirement? Don't count on Social Security, it will have gone belly up long before you get there and it was never intended to be retirement support but a but of extra. How much money will take for you to retire? That depends on a number of questions; What age? What standard of living do you want? What is your debt situation at retirement age? Retirement with your house paid off is a whole different thing than one where you just refied for another 30 years.
Your retirement money should be separate from your husband's. However united you are now, things happen and too often women find themselves middle aged or older with virtually nothing. You should have an emergency fund - money invested and readily accessible in case the furnace or tranni need replaced.
You are right! You should have a plan in writing, it is the responsible and adult thing to do. Don't let your husband get away with resisting on this - your futures depend on it. You know that financial stress is one of the primary causes of marriages failing? Get a hold of a Primerica rep, they will do a free Financial Needs Analysis for you. They'll come to your home, sit down with you and ask the right questions to help you and will give an understandable written plan based your answers and needs. They can tell you exactly how your mortgage works and what any current ins you have really provides. A mahjor consummer watch dog org rated their FNA as the second best avail., theirs is free, no 1s is about $5000 - $7000. Not a bad deal, no obligation. It won't hurt and it might just change your future. Stick to your guns on this one.
When we were first married, my husband refused to talk about money, as it made him physically ill to think about it. So, I was in charge of budgeting, bill paying, saving, planning, etc.... Four years later, after me not pushing him, but being open to him participating, he is now active in planning with me. It is still mainly my job, but he is willing to hear what we are doing.
I have been encouraged by various resources from Dave Ramsey, Mary Hunt (debtproofliving.com), and Crown Financial. Mary has a monthly newsletter with money saving tips that I find really helpful. And her book Debt Proof your Marriage is great.
One thing that has been helpful to me is to automate things. I have my hubby's check automatically deposited into checking and savings and 401K. Then, the only money I am free to spend is in the checking account, for the budgeted amount. Does that make sense? The rest is already put where it goes, and I am not tempted to buy that great outfit with the money that should be in the savings account, if that makes sense.
Hope that helps. You can definitely start a plan and implement it on your own, but he has to be willing to be supportive and cut back on expenses with you. Also, get a will done! Yikes!
Sounds like you need to set up the budget yourself. I did. As far as gaurdians for your kids, he is just being irresponsible. You should definately be the ones to choose where your kids would go in the event of your demise. If he won't discuss it I would do that myself as well. Sorry.
My husband is similar. We have seperate accounts, do not share money, and pay our bills seperately so when I started staying home I had to figure out how to do it. First I paid off all of our debt so we were at zero. Then I put away my income for 3 months and we only lived on his income even though I was still getting a pay check. When he realized that it would work and that we could actually save a lot of what we were spending, I quit my job. I still do odd work, own my own business and substitute at my old job so that I have play money because my "allowance" has been absorbed by the economy and my gas tank but it's working out. I've stayed home for 5 years. Our youngest is 3 1/2 and so ready for preschool that most likely I will go back to work full time again next school year.
I'm with all the others who have mentioned Dave Ramsey. We downloaded "The Total Money Makeover" from I Tunes in February. We were $13,000 in debt and had no savings. Now we are debt free and are at almost $2,000 in savings (We're working for quite a bit more). He makes it easy to understand and gives you the inspiration you need to make it doable.
Both Crown and Ramsey are excellent sources. I would start by educating yourself and take over houshold finance.
That being said, I am assuming by your choice of resources you are a Christian. My best friend always reminds me to nag on my knees. Take it to God and let the Holy Spirit Change his heart. He has a fear there that he may not fully understand. I know when my husband does not want to fail at something, he wont try at all. It is agrevating. But, maybe he will see your initiative and see that it is possible!
Since your husband isn't that open to planning, I'd suggest starting small and building up from there.
Make a monthly and annual budget to track your income and expenses. You don't need fancy software or a financial planner for that. You can use Excel or even just do it on paper. Make a chart for each month that shows you income and each of your living expenses (rent/mortgage, car payments, utilities, groceries, gas, entertainment, etc.) Some of the stuff is easy to estimate from your monthly bills; other stuff you will have to make a guess at. This will help you see if you have any money left over at the end of the month or if you need to start trying to cut costs somewhere (good places to cut costs are cable tv, phone plans, and other things that have lots of different payment packages).
Also make a list of all the big things you want to buy this year (e.g., vacation, Christmas presents, new couch, etc.). Eventually you will add savings for college, retirement, etc. to this list. Break the cost of these items out into monthly savings so you can save throughout the year and won't have to go into debt to buy the things you need. Set this money aside in a interest-bearing back account each month if you can. It's also good to make a list of stuff you want, but can't afford, so if you get bonus money or a tax return, you can consider buying something from the list.
I'm a stay at home mom and one thing that has helped me cut costs is to start tracking what I spend money on. I make a list of everything I spend money on each month, so I can see where I am spending too much. Our grocery costs used to be out of control; now I shop a lot smarter and don't spend nearly as much.
Once you get some basics down, it would be good to get some outside help with retirement planning, college funds, and paying off any existing debt you might have.
I think you are very wise in wanting to be financially responsible. My husband and I took a Crown class last year and it was wonderful. I think that sometimes it is easier to just keep doing what you've been doing-even though you will keep getting the same result. Perhaps your husband is very concerned about the finances also, but is under so much stress that he is in denial about it. I'm happy to talk to you about what all is involved in a Crown class (it isn't that hard). I also recommend that you really pray for your husband to be willing to work on this together. Blessings, Julie
The best way to get him to agree, in my opinion, is to sit down and make the budget yourself. Make one for your life now, both paychecks, daycare, gas, everything! Then make one for you not working, no daycare money, no gas money for you (well way less), and one paycheck, then show him that it is doable. If he has something to compare with, it makes it easier to see, and then he doesn't have to do the work of making the budget. I am the one in charge of our budget, I make it and show hubby what is going on and he always agrees. The one thing with a budget is that you have to give each family member play money. We added my gas money in my play money, because mine isn't a need like his is!
We just started taking this course called "Financial Peace University". It is the Dave Ramsey course. It is awesome!! We are in week 3. Our church leader recommended it to us. Dave Ramsey's course it taught in many workplaces and churches all over. Our friends took it and have eliminated all debt. You can start a savings and this course tells you everything with 13 classes just one each week. Look on Daveramsey.com and click on Financial Peace University and you can even find a class in your area. We hired attorneys this last year on our own to do our Wills/Trusts and Guardian for our kids. It feels great to know we have done that. We are not rich at all but you need to have things like this in place. Good luck!!!
Go to www.daveramsey.com There you will find some basic budget forms. You will find his programs in several churches around. There you will also find a book that may be of help.
Sounds like you should create the budget and institute it. Otherwise it may never happen! I bet you he'll have more imput once the family is on a budget!!
Tell him it is actually costing your family about 20k a year ( of your NET income, not gross!!) for you to go to work.If you include the cost of child care, gas to get to work ,meals out, nice clothing for you as well as dry cleaning, the list goes on. And of course most importantly no one loves their kids more than mom. Men have different ways of seeing things so figure out a way to communicate this to him with out hurting his pride. You could also maybe figure out a way to be home until they go to school full time, if you like your work at all. Dave Ramsey has a great program called financial peace that includes a budget form. You can also go online and calculate what you are actually bringing home after taxes. I would highly reccomend Dave Ramsey, there are books you can get from the library if you don't want to spend money right now, he talks alot about relationships and money and family matters, it really works. Good luck to you, I think this is a classic man/woman problem these days by the way! Stop waiting for his permission, I call myself the CFO of our family, I do the budgets because I pay the bills and do most of the shopping etc.