Hello ladies! Okay, I know everyone has in-law problems, and I'm not sure if I'm just over-reacting, or what. But, here goes......my mother-in-law still has two pictures of my husband with his ex up on her living room wall, but she has absolutely no pictures of him and I. We have given her pictures in the past, but they are nowhere to be found. I have mentioned to her how it makes me feel a little uncomfortable when I go over there and I see that she still has their pictures up and she says it's no big deal and she'll take them down when she gets around to it. My husband has also mentioned it to her a few times only to get the same response. Well, we were over there Halloween night and I noticed that not only were they still in the living room, but she had changed the walls the were on, so she concsiously took them down from one wall and hung them back up on another! She calls me by her name at least once a month and she invites her to almost every family function. Now, they do have a child together, but they haven't been together in over 7 years and she has since remarried and so has he, also my husband and I are getting ready to have our fourth child together. I have absolutely no hard feelings towards his ex, we get along great and I love her dearly (I actually like it when she comes to family functions b/c I get along w/her better than my m-i-l), but I feel like my mother-in-law still wishes that they were together. My husband tells me to just get over it and not make a big deal about it, but it frustrates me! Am I just being emotional here or do I have a legitimate complaint? Should I confront her again or just let it be? Please, ladies, you give such great advice....what should I do?
Are the pictures just of the two of them, or are they group family photos? If they're old family photos from happier times, then it's probably harmless. (My in-laws have a few of those too...with my husband's ex.) However, if they're 'couple photos' of just the two of them, they need to face reality, and put those photos away. It's not appropriate to display them anymore.
I would definitely have a problem with this. I'm not sure that I would even continue to visit. She is being very inconsiderate of you and her son. And she has basically lied about taking down the picture when she "gets around to it". Good luck. Let me know what you decide.
Yes, you do have a right to be upset that you've given her pictures of you and DH, that she hasn't hung them up, and even consciously changed the wall the pictures were hanging on. You even have 4 kids with her son now.
Whether or not she still wants her son to be with the ex, ro even if she has good intentions on hanging the pictures of your family and doesn't get around to it - it's all stuff that's beyond your realm of control. You can't make her put up pictures of you or take down pictures of the ex. Because there's a grandson via the ex, the ex is still tied to the family. You do get along with the ex - just be glad she's around, enjoy her company, and move on.
Well, your's is a tricky one. I can suggest maybe getting the EX involved. You said you get along, maybe as your friend she can say something on your behalf, she is one of the people in the pictures. If that fails then the only things left to do is flat out take them down yourself and replace them (since it's obvious that your MIL will not) or just take a deep breath and get comfortable with the fact that your MIL is a wicked old bat and try and move on. You've tried to ask nicely, you've had your husband ask nicely, if you can get his ex to ask nicely and she still refuses then, you might just have to live with it.
Good luck.
Ok, so she doesn't have enough love and respect for you or her son, maybe she does for the ex? Since you get along with her so well, maybe ask her (privately) that next time she is at MIL's house to ask her politely to remove the pictures. Maybe even offer MIL one of her and her new family?
I would be ticked off as well, but there is nothing you can do about it. Have you tried having a "family picture" of your husband, yourself and all the kids taken? You could have hubby give it to his mom and say "This is to replace the picture of (ex-wife)"
If that doesn't work, I would just ignore it until the children start asking.
There's no dealing with some people.
Good luck,
Linda
buy a picture frame to match the others on the wall, frame a picture of you and your family, and give it to her in front of everyone at christmas. she'll have to put it up! :)
well i thought i had it bad with my mother in law, lol. I would be upset by it to. i agree that it shows no respect to you. i would get another pic and the frame and ask her again. good luck!!!
Hi Renee, oh my goodness. I am married to my husband 49 years in a couple weeks. I maybe had two disagreements with my mother in law in all that time. I have two friends who wanted to trade me mother in laws because mine was the 'best'. I know I would be devested if I ever saw a picture of my husband with anyone of his ex's let alone to have it hanging on the wall. I would ask my husband to talk with his mother or have his ex to talk to her and tell her she needs to take them down. In respect to you one of them needs to makes the move NOW. Good luck
I would also get the ex involved, have her say something to the MIL at Christmas with everyone in the room, or buy a frame, put a pic of you and your husband in it and present it to her on Christmas as a gift. Hopefully she gets the HINT, if not, let it go, it is just a pic, maybe the kids will one day ask her, What's up with that?
Renee,
OK, I'd say your MIL is definitely being difficult. Maybe the pix on her wall are just ones she really likes. HOWEVER, I would really like her to at least ADD one of you and your husband. Maybe one with all the kids, even. Get another taken if you have to, put it in a nice frame that matches something else already in the room, and have your husband take over a hammer and hanger and ask her where she wants it!
Best wishes,
Kathy
Renee,
My mil does this SAME thing to my brother! Except she doesn't hide the fact that she dislikes his new wife!
When asked why she still had ex-sil's pic up she said "well Louis divorced her I didn't. She is still like a daughter to me". (they were together like 18 years) My brother has told her to get a photo of JUST the ex, not one of them together. She even still has their prom picture up and he's 32 years old!
If it were me in your shoes, I wouldn't make a fuss about it. That is why she is leaving it up. She knows it bugs you and that's just one "innoscent" way she can "eat away at you" without her having to pretty much do nothing.
I say leave it alone..let it be up...you know hubby and the ex's relationship existed...so when you see these pictures of the two of them, let it just serve as a reminder that everything happens for a reason, and for some reason their relationship didn't work out, which was lucky for you because NOW he's YOUR MAN!!! :)
Hi Renee,
I think you have every right to ask her to take them down. That is so rude and inconsiderate. My husband was previously married but had no children. My MIL has no pictures of them up, but my sister-in-law has one. It is a group picture from a wedding, but it's right in their hallway, obvious for all to see. I know it's their home, but I think it's a bit much to have it still up. His ex wanted out and they were married a very short time, so his family doesn't "miss" her, I guess.
Also, kudos to you for getting along with her and keeping the peace. I know several families that would never be able to do that!!!!
God Bless,
Christina
Hi Renee.
I know you say you have given her pictures in the past, but maybe give her a picture of you, your husband, and all of your kids, including your stepchildren, already in a frame. Then there's no excuse for her not to have it out. As for her having the pictures of your husband and his ex, I have to say that because he and his ex have a child together, I don't think it's that big of deal. It's probably nice for their child to see when he/she is over there. And, his ex will always have to be in your MIL's life because of the child. I do think it'd be better if she had pictures of you up as well, though. I hope this helps. I also want to say thank you for getting along with your husband's ex. You have no idea how your relationship with her impacts your step-children. Way to go!
Your husband needs to set down the law with his mother. Even if she takes the pictures down and does not put up the ones with you in them, at least you would feel better. Is it possible for you to refuse to go to functions at her house in order for her to fully realize how the pictures make you feel?
Since you've confronted her once already without any success I say, just let it go. Whatever her reasons, you have full confidence in your relationship with your husband and whatever she thinks or wants, really doesn't matter. Just to add a little bit of humor... since you get along so well with the ex, why not take a picture of the two of you and give it to you MIL and see if she hangs that on the wall!
C
I'm not big on being passive-aggressive, but sometimes you have to fight fire with fire.....
Stop giving her photos altogether. She doesn't seem to have the time/room to put up a picture of you then she certainly doesn't have room for pictures of her grandchildren. Make it obvious that everyone else is getting pics (include your hubby's ex, even with the children that are not hers).
Another option - for Christmas, get her one more framed photo and a gift certificate for one free installation of a photo of you and your husband.
I like the idea of getting a picture of you and the ex together and framing it and giving it to your m-i-l. If you guys aren't laughing about it, maybe she'll get the picture...pardon my pun.
Also, I like the idea of you giving a framed portrait of you and your husband or you, your husband and your kids, including your step son. Giving it in a frame makes it easier for your m-i-l to hang it :-)
Hello Renee,
It sounds like your MIL is passive aggressive. In this case, since you have aired your feelings to her and offered a photo and she still has not chosen to include it in her wall arrangement, you should give it up. I believe that when someone is being disrespectful and hurtful after you have pointed out feeling slighted, they get a feeling of control over making you unhappy. Take that control back by not mentioning it again - and completely ignoring her attempt to bug you. Over time, you will feel empowered and the photos will make you laugh inside when you truly own that you are not emotionally manipulated by her attempts to minimize your place in the family as her son's wife. Also tell your husband that you are no longer going to let her get under your skin so that he is not going to her pleading your case. Your MIL needs to see that you are just not letting her actions get a reaction from you that is negative. She may come around, or she may not, but in any case you will not let her get a rise out of you.