Ok, really long story that I'll try to make shorter. My husband and I planned a family vacation with my brother-in-law and sister-in-law and their kids to my sister-in-law's family cabin. We are staying with them at her cabin from next Thursday through Sunday morning. They have 2 kids, we have 1. There was just enough bedrooms for parents and kids to have seperate rooms.
My MIL has now invited herself along!! Nobody ever asked her to come, she just called up my brother-in-law and said "I'm coming too!" Because she says she wants to spend time with everybody. Now my husband and I have to share a room with our daughter to make room for her and her husband. Not to mention the fact that it was supposed to be a vacation with just the "kids", NOT the parents. And should I mention again that I just don't get along with her!? She is overbearing, neurotic, and just simply a pain in the butt. My daughter doesn't know her at all, and doesn't want anything to do with her when she does see her.
So my question is what can I do!? Should I just suck it up, and try to enjoy my ONLY vacation of the year spent with a MIL I don't like that intruded on our vacation plans? I told my husband how unhappy I was, and he just said it's not his cabin so it's not his place to say anything to his mom. We have another baby coming in September, so really this was our last chance to get out and relax as a family, and she is completely ruining it for me. I'm at the point where I don't even want to go anymore! HELP!
I could've written this post myself last year. We had the exact same situaiton happen. The difference, is that my DH (her son) called her and explained that this was a trip meant for just my SIL, us and the kids.
We told her that she was welcome to drive up and join us for a day, but that the rest of the trip was for us to spend together, and we didn't have the room for an extra person.
My advice...call her up and thank her, adding that it is wonderful to now have a "sitter" for the kids, that you Moms and dads were really looking forward to spending some adt time together, and that now that she is joining you all you moms and dads will actually be able to enjoy more time sans kids, daytime activities, and the night time activities now wo't be glued with ears to baby moniters. And not to worry about sleeping arangements since you already have an aero bed and insist that you bring it along so they can be more comfortable (go buy one, small price to pay) and she and her husband will be more happy on it in the kids' room, won't have to
crash on the couch or roll out sleeping bags in the kids' room. And that the kids are excited to spend so much time with g-ma
She'll either oblige, plus...or back out altogether, Super plus plus!!!
I agree with your husband; it is not your cabin nor place to disinvite someone.
If you are that upset about it, then I would bow out of the trip and plan something else with your husband and child to do next week. Maybe a road trip somewhere? Tell your SIL that unfortunately, because of the pregnancy, you are having a hard time sleeping, getting comfortable to fall asleep, back aches... whatever you want to say... and that you and your husband have decided that the sleeping arrangements will make it hard on you physically and could leave you sleep deprived and exhausted. If your SIL wants you all there after hearing you're not coming, then she can call her mother and clarify that she and her husband were not invited.
I would suggest to your brother and sister in law that they need to tell MIL that she is not invited, because there is not enough room for them to sleep. Sorry, maybe next time they can work it out in advance but you all had your plans made and there is no changing them now. And if they are unwilling to have that tough talk with her, then I would tell them that you are not going. I wouldn't spend my only vacation miserable and cooped up in one bedroom with my husband and child, and they shouldn't expect you to either. Especially since you are pregnant. There are plenty of other places for you, hubby and child to spend a few days vacation, away from your MIL. Go ahead and make a back-up plan in case things don't work out at the cabin. Good luck!
You don't need the stress of being in a cabin with your inlaws for an extended amount of time. Call your sil and cancel out and then plan some nice get away for your family only.
And as a side note I hope you have addressed your mil situation with your hubby. Mine was terrible but I didn't want to stand in the way of her seeing her son and grandkids. Our solution was that my hubby would take the kids over to visit and I stayed home. We only lived a couple miles away so they saw their grandma often and since she didn't drive I didn't have to put up with her.
It's a tough situation, but because it is your SIL's family cabin, I'm going to have to agree with the people who say it isn't your place to say anything. Perhaps your husband can talk to your SIL and see if they mind her coming along.
If there isn't a polite way to diffuse the situation, perhaps you just bow out of your plans and make other arrangements for your vacation.
I personally wouldn't be interested in spending my only vacation time in an unpleasant situation. But, I do think it's important for the sake of your children to maintain some kind of relationship with her (even if you don't personally wish to have one).
Good luck in figuring out what do to. I hope you are able to enjoy the few days of vacation you're planning.
I was thinking the same thing Diane said, isn't there some way to cancel and plan your own vaca w/out any other family members? I understand where you're coming from, Hubby and I went along a vacation once to San Antonio with his family and we ALL get along great but not so much at the end of the vaca, everyone wants to do their own thing and not be told by anyone else "what to do" so it ruined the trip that we adults had to tag along with his parents and so I can't imagine having to vaca with in-laws I don't get along with.
You seem very stressed so cancel and do your own thing with your hubby. I wish more than anything hubby and I could go on one last vaca before baby comes, and if we could, I wouldn't let anyone get in the way of our fun. : )
My own Mother sounds very much like your MIL, she's very over bearing and if she doesn't get her way, she'll make sure she ruins everything for everyone else to be miserable so I know it's not always easy to just call someone up and say "hey, sorry we don't have the room" some people just don't understand that easily, especially over bearing ones!
If she's anything like my own mom and it sounds like she is, I say your best bet is to vaca somewhere else. If you're saving money vacationing at a family members cabin, see if you and hubby can use the cabin another week "alone", you're pregnant, you could just say you're not feeling very well and need to re-schedule.
Good luck, hope everything turns out good.
It's your choice, do you want to go? I would be mad too. If it was me and I had to share a room with my kids I wouldn't go. This happened to me before and it was a nightmare. If your sister in law and hubby are ok with her going there isn't much you can do other than not go.
If your daughter does not know her well, this may be a good chance to encourage a change in that situation. Your husband is right, it is not his place to dis-invited the mom. How do you know she was not invited by the bil or sil? (even if not really intentionally) Would you be rude and tell her she was unwelcome if it was your mother? I do not understand the big deal of having to share a room with your child for a couple of nights? If you do not want to go, that is fine and your right, but I would then expect my husband to go without me because I would never be that rude to my own mother, out of respect for the fact that she raised me if nothing else. This may not be ideal for you, but I really think you should get over it and try to have a good time. If your vacation is ruined it is not going to be because she is there, it will be because of your attitude about her being there.
I just read your so what happened, and i just had to say, I hope you one day have a DIL just like you, you will deserve the disrespect. If I was your mil I would be mad at my son, and very, very hurt. I would feel unappreciated and unloved. Shame on him for treating his mother like that, and shame on you for making him hurt her.
Well, I suppose she probably thought it was okay for her to come along because her other son was going as well as his wife. She probably thinks that if other family members are going why should she not go as well.
Maybe someone else might not have invited themselves if they were not asked but like you said she is overbearing so it probably is not unusual for her.
I feel your pain. I probably would not go. I would have to take time off from my job and I refuse to use my vacation time being unhappy. I can stay at work and get paid for that.
Hope it works out for you.
While I sympathize, your husband is right. It is not his cabin and he cannot uninvite (if that word applies here) her. So your choices are to either go on this vacation or not.
Just to put it out there: My mom did not get along with my dad's family, for whatever reason. Because of her, we did not have a close relationship with my dad's family.
I am 37 years old and FULL of resentment at the loss of my family, the waste of time, the feud that denied me my right to know my family. Don't do that to your kids.
It's not your cabin so you don't have much leverage. If you are close to the brother and sister you can talk about it. Maybe you can change your days so that you are all there to together a couple of nights with Mom, but then without her.
Sounds like your husband needs to man up and take charge of this situation. Has he always been unassertive with his mama or is this a new thing? I would voice my feelings strongly to him asap and tell him it is best for your immediate family that he call his mom today and casually tell her that after some thought. it would be better if your family get together with her another time. He can do this in a calm and nice way by saying it is special family time for your familyand wife b4 the new baby comes. (You dont need the added stress with a baby on the way that she will cause). Have him set a long weekend to get together with her in the future works better for all of you. It might be nice if he goes and sees her witht the kids soon after the baby is born so you can have one on one bonding time with the new baby. Curious, how is your bro-in-law and sister taking the news of thier mom coming with out an invitation? Why are some grown ups often so afraid of being honest with their parents? I dont get it.
I guess if she is the thorn in your side I would not go. Or I would just ignore her and have a great time. Kill her with kindness so you can get away before the baby comes. Ignore her comments and rudeness and just focus on who you enjoy! I would not let my MIL ruin my good time, she might get a weird satisfaction out of knowing you did not have fun or come because of her. HELL no !!! I would not ever let that happen and neither should you!
It's a done deal at this point. Looks like she's going. The ball is now in your court. You can go or not go. But imagine what it will cause if you cancel out b/c of her. Think down the road.
Its not your cabin so you can't un-invite her... even if she rudely invited herself. Just cause she is staying at the same place as you doesn't mean you have to spend your whole vacation with her. Just do your own thing then if she tries to butt in on those things it WILL be your place to say no. Also... can your child not share a room with the other children?
Sorry you feel like your vacation is ruined but it'll only be as much fun as you are willing to make it.
Personally, I wouldn't go. Who needs that kind of stress during a pregnancy? I would just tell the hubs, "you can go if you want, but I'm not goint to subject myself to it. Me and (daughter's name) are staying here." And leave it at that.