I would be concerned, but not paranoid at this point. You need to have "that" conversation with him about where all this is going. He may not be convinced of anything long term as of now and therefore would be reasonable in not introducing you to his family/daughter. Don't be accusing, but do have that talk. You have a right to know having invested this much time in it. Normally, women tend to put more stock into things than men do and we normally get hurt because of that.
Run
He's definitely hiding something. It doesn't sound like you guys have a very truthful relationship. It just sounds fishy.
Well you just may want to do a little detective work. Sounds like he may be married to me.
Hi LR, I had a boyfriend like that about 10years ago. I would dump him! Do it over the phone and then abruptly hang up! If he acts like that you have no future with him. He is not caring about your feelings and for someone to love you caring about your feelings is number 1. You need a nice guy who puts you first.
Lisa G may be right, but my first thought is he is married / still married, whatever. Something is definitely not right. Not introducing you to them is one thing, but not even talking to you when he is in LA is just weird. Do you even get a text to say I made it ok, will see you soon, etc??? I would dig deeper before investing any more time.
Some years after my husband passed away I was asked out. I liked him, but we have all heard stories. I found http://www.PublicData.com it costs $25-30 a year to look up all kinds of information. (I am not connected with them at all, just sharing an inexpensive sight that I found) I did a search on the man I was seeing. I found he had been married and divorced, what land he owned, he had a driver license, etc. It gave me great peace of mind. Later, I asked him if he would be surprised to learn that I did a background check on him, he said no and he wouldn't be angry because he didn't have anything to hide. I told him I knew that.
Okay, his daughter may be protective & teenagers can be really ugly with a "new" relationship but what's his reason that the rest of the family doesn't know?
Personal opinion, but, I'd ask why he didn't think enough of your relationship to acknowledge it to his family. Don't accept excuses & if you don't like his answers, it may be time to move on to someone that doesn't want to hide behind excuses.
Hi L R,
Definetely not normal. I think this man is living a double life and you dont want to see it. He could easily still be married. And going to his wife and family every month. And that would explain why he doesnt talk to you while he is around his family and hide you from his father & twin. I would talk to him and demand answers to all your questions and concerns. A year & 1/2 is a long time not to know anything about his family or for you to be kept in the dark if he is NOT hidding something from you.
What are you expecting from him? Where do you think your relation is heading? Are you willing to stay in a relationship where you are a secret? Ask yourself these questions and you will know what to do. But definetely talk to him. Dont wait any longer.
Good luck and hope that it has a pretty/happy outcome.
Take care!!
One and a half years? I had to re-read that to be sure what it said. Sounds like very shady behavior, Babe. You deserve better!
Get out of the relationship. Sounds like the guy is still married. Do you want to be with a man that can't even stand up to his own ex-wife, if that's what she is? He's weak. Then again some women like weak men so that they can tell them what to do and be in control of the relationship/marriage. Make your son a priorty and do not allow him to see you with this man again.
Edna
Are you sure he is not still married?
I would say that you are not the one for him. When men do not take you around their family and their friends that means that there is someone else that his family and friends regard as his woman. It would not surprise me if he were married or lived with someone. It took me five years of this game to realize that the person I was in love with had a wife. Sure he showed me wonderful times at his so called apartment but I later found out that he owned several townhomes and he was just using that location. Being a contractor it was not unusual for him to work nights so those nights that I slept over he told his wife he was working. Run, you've wasted too much time already.
Just like the book says.....he's just not that into you!!!! Sorry.
Hurting his feelings at this point , should not be any concern to you , as he does'nt seem to mind hurting yours. You and your child are worth more than this , and as long as you allow him to treat you this way , he will. If you have nothing to hide , "Hide Nothing" , that is how I feel about his secrets! It is time for you to love yourself and realize you are worth so much more , and you have someone out there for you once you end this unhealthy relationship , the longer you put it off , the longer you will find happiness. Love Yourself!Please!
Sounds very much like his "ex" is not actually his "ex." His actions sound very much like a man that has his cake and is eating it too. You're right. You need to end this -- if not for you, for your son's sake. Don't allow him to get involved in such a questionable relationship and, not to mention yourself, then end up getting hurt. This can definitely influence his perception of an adult relationship -- one that is NOT healthy.
RUN, RUN, RUN away from this man. Open your eyes, woman! He's married! Why else would he avoid talking to you when he's away? Just because he lives away from his family for a month and then goes home, doesn't mean he's divorced. People do this kind of "double-life" thing all the time. And if you feel the need to "monitor" his Facebook account, then it's obvious you don't trust him. Confront him with your doubts and concerns. And don't back down. Don't take any of his "I'll do better" B.S. Don't worry about his "feelings". Consider yours for a change. This man is a scoundrel.
You could hire a private investigator, but I'm sure that's pretty expensive. Or call the TV show, Cheaters. They'd probably jump all over this story. I don't mean to make light of your situation, but sweetheart, you need to open your eyes.
Think about your son. Your spending time away from him to be with a guy he's only met twice. Something is wrong with this picture.
Good luck to you.
I hate to say this but he is married.
Think about it.
My husband is from LA and has several friends who work over here during the week and go back to LA on the weekends.
It sounds as if he has the same work arrangement but just goes home once a month.
I would attempt to put this in my best mamasource voice, but you need something different. Your "boyfriend" is either married or in a committed relationship with someone in Louisiana. His behavior is very normal for a married man having an affair. I could explain what each of his actions really mean, but I'm sure your natural instinct has already told you this relationship isn't on the up and up. Follow your instinct and move on to more productive things in your life. Don't do a background check, hire a private investigator, or ask him any questions. Your gut tells you that he is lying. If you ask him questions he will only tell more lies. End your relationship, don't communicate with him, and move on with your life. There is someone out there who is better for you who will treat you with the love, dignity, and respect you deserve.
Your son needs you to be the best you can be. Please don't let this person who is not looking out for your best interest cause you unnecessary heartache that will affect your relationship with your son and your ability to be you.
The first thing that comes to mind as I read your post is: Is he really divorced? It sounds as if he is separated from a current wife. The expectations from the ex are a bit out of line for a divorced couple. If he goes to LA monthly, why is the custody not set up for his daughter to come to him the other weekend. It may be that he cuts conversations short because he is still technically married and his daughter would not approve of his behavior. I wish you the best in your relationship.