My daughter is 10 and a half months old. I'm a stay a home mom since bein high risk at 4 months pregnant. I have been away from my daughter i think the most 4 hours. And my husband was talking to me yesterday saying that all she wants is to be with me. When he holds her she is looking around for me he was always working up until a month ago since he got laid off. He worked from 6 to 5 every day except sunday. He missed us of course but he was the bread winner and i was the caregiver most of the time. I only woke him up in the middle of the night when i rlly couldn't handle it. my daughter has gone thru stranger and separation anxiety at 8 months or so i thought. She will cry for me no matter who She's with. he says he doesn't feel like she ever wants to be with him they play and spend time together but then she'll stop and come to me has anyone elses husband ever felt something similar? is there anything i can do?
They just need to develop a relationship. Kudos to him for wanting to!
Even though she'll be upset the first few times, you should leave the house and let them play together. He'll figure out new ways to make her laugh, etc. The important thing to remember is that they'll be his ways, and they might be different than yours. As long as she's clean, fed, and safe, she'll be fine.
Also, just remember to support your husband in reminding him that yes, she loves him a lot. As far as my daughter goes, I played second fiddle to my husband for about 3 years, even though I was the "primary caregiver" (I worked, but was around a lot more than he was). Sometimes it just works out that way. But man, does it feel lousy. My daughter had me in tears sometimes, even though the logical part of me knew that she wasn't trying to hurt me. Being rejected by your own kid hurts, a lot. Let him have those feelings and support him building a relationship with his daughter.
Have good holidays!
she will outgrow this. my 2 1/2 yr old rejects me and daddy and gets a serious case of bubba idis. but we know he still loves us when he is in the mood :) occasionally it will be mamaidis or daddyidis. but they stay with thier safety net. shes probably coming to you cause she needs a time out so to speak on her terms not daddies.
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Tell him when she's two and learns how fun dad is to be with, he will not be able to do anything without her :) His time is coming. Babies are for mom, especially when you are a sahm.... He gets her when she gets older to say "Daddy, I JUST LOVE YOU, and I really would like an ice cream cone..." LOL
He will get plenty of attention from her later. Daughters and Dads have a bond completely unique from a mom and daughter.... it just takes a little longer to form. I think it's awesome that he wants her attention, so many dads seem not to care.
You will have to let her continue to try and soothe her if he wants to be able to eventually.... she is just more used to you, you are familiar and he is not. It will take time. If you are willing to let her fuss while he tries to get her soothed there is nothing wrong with that. Think about it this way, what if you died suddenly, he would have her and she would get used to him soothing her... it CAN happen while you are alive as well, but if you wont let her fuss and he keeps handing her back to you, it wont change.
Trust me... When she turns two, that will be reversed! He will have her constantly and you'll be left wondering if she loves you! :) I agree with the below poster. It's very true!
yes, my husband went through that was well. It does get better. She will able to interact with him when she is older. The infant and toddler age can be ackward for most dads. How about put her on the floor and and you all get down on the floor with her. Let her stare at you then him. Let him read her a book so she can get used to the sound of his voice. Let him give her her snack when it is time.
Don't forget about the old time favorite peek a boo. maybe you can take turns. Bet it will get her to laugh because she won't know who will pop up next.
He will find something that he does that she likes. Don't worry.
it's normal. my husband felt the same way about our son when he was younger. now that our son is 18 months old, he is starting to have days when he prefers daddy and will actually rush past my open arms to my hubby!
Tell him it's normal, and not to take it personally. Keep trying to bind with her, play, cuddle, talk to her, etc. If you look in the mammal world... who's carrying and caring for the baby? Momma. Who plays with the babies when they are 'toddler' stage? Daddy (if still around). Completely normal :D
Encourage him to be patient! It's the age. She wants to be attached to Mama with velcro. She doesn't have anything against her daddy except that he isn't Mama.
The separation anxiety can run for several months, in varying degrees. I have a marvelous picture of my youngest granddaughter taken last spring, when she was about the same age. She's sitting in a field of beautiful Texas bluebonnets, and crying as if there would be no tomorrow because her mama had had the audacity to SET HER DOWN!
Your husband needs to give his baby smiles and hugs, play with her when she wants to play, and be good-humored about her attachment to you. Tell him it shows she has good taste in mothers. It doesn't at all mean she won't become Daddy's Girl later on!
My daughter was like this until she was about 18 months old and with some people it took until closer to age 2. She was a mama's girl and didn't want much to do with daddy. It hurt my husband feelings, but now at age 5 she is totally daddy's girl. My in-laws babysat my daughter every Tuesday for 2 hours from about 7 months on and she would cry and cry everytime for months. and she had been with them lots. Some kids are just more high maintainence. Good luck. This will pass eventually.
My husband definitely felt that way about both our boys. Explain to him that for the first 6 months of life a baby isn't even self-aware enough to know that she is separated from you. Once she realizes that she is a separate person it becomes pretty scary---thus the separation anxiety. It's totally normal behavior for the age and will pass. There will come a time when you feel jealous that she wants Daddy over you :-) He'll get his turn!
Jodi
All of my kids were like that. Tell Dad to keep trying and she does love him.
My older daughter was like that, and then eventually turned out to be a total daddy's girl. It will change back and forth over the years. As parents, you have to learn not to take developmental stages so personally or you're going to have a very rough life.
Many, many husbands feel that way. Tell him it's very common for kids to prefer mom for the first year or two of their lives, but after that they usually want dad just as much, if dad is a loving, attentive parent. He just has to be patient.
Tell your husband that it is part of life. I just asked my husband about this and he said that he felt bad that his own child did not want to be with him. But it does change and over the years she would sometimes rather be with dad than mom.
I remember when she was little she didn't even want to give daddy a kiss goodnight but we continued with the routine and she finally gave in and gave him kisses.
Just be patient and it will happen.
Happy holidays to you all.
The other Suzanne
PS Baby girl is now 33.
My kids switch. Our little daughter(11 months) was a Daddy's girl until she got sick a couple of weeks ago- now she's a mama's girl because she hasn't been feeling well. She will go back to being a Daddy's girl before too long. All our kids were that way- when they are feeling great and it's time to play- they prefer their dad(even though I play with them and we have fun) but when they are sick, tired or hurt- they come to me(they will let Daddy take care of them, but they prefer me).
She'll go through the Daddy's little girl stage and not want to be around you as often- it's not that she doesn't' like one or the other of you- it's just that most kids have a preference for one parent- depending on the stage they are in or the mood they are in. It can switch in an instant or it can stay that way for months. Think back to your childhood and remember who you wanted to be around more and when. I had times when I just loved hanging out with my dad and helping him work, other times I preferred to be with my mom and do art with her. I don't love one parent more than the other, sometimes you just need more time with one more than the other though.
~Carrie
I think at some point my youngest went from mommy only to daddy only. It kind of got on his nerves! (we're not married any more).
Once they get older they play the same game - I'll ask (step) dad since I know mom will say no. We take turns on the weekend doing a parent only thing with her so they have dad/daughter afternoons and she and I will have mom/daughter afternoons.
Girls can be so fickle.
I know it's hard and hurts both of your feelings. Just know that it's awfully common to prefer one parent over the other depending on the age.
Give him some books on normal child development.
Tell him her behavior has nothing to do with him.
It's normal for her to look for you.
As far as "loving" him goes . . . . .
if he's a very good daddy, she'll love him forever and ever.
And, even if he's not a good daddy, she'll love him forever anyway.
While it's totally normal, as the other moms here have said, I have to encourage you to DO something about it! It doesn't have to be that way! Since you are starting so late, you should encourage your husband to start small with her. First, start with just being as involved as he can be with her everyday care. Feeding, bathing, getting dressed, bedtime, playing, etc. First have him just be with you when you do all these things, which will spark interaction between the 2 of them. Next, have him do some things on his own, even for a few minutes. But the most important thing here is that YOU don't go running in when you hear her start to fuss. Let him try and console her or distract her with a fun game of peek-a-boo or a story. Next he might try taking her outside to play. Then you can progress to you leaving for short amounts of time. Etc., etc. Take it slow, but know that her fussing for a little while because you leave isn't a horrible thing. My oldest used to cry and run after me when I would leave to go to the store or whatever, but I knew that the crying would stop quickly after I was gone, then I would get some much-needed alone time (or time with friends) and my husband and daughter would get their much-needed bonding time. Sure, it broke my heart to hear her cry when I left, but seeing the bond between her and my husband grow made me determined =) Also, I learned early on to not try and tell my husband how to take care of her, beyond when to give a bottle, nap, etc. Sure, he did things very differently than I did, but I knew he would never do anything to place her in harms way, so I just let the little things slide. If you give too much criticism, your husband won't WANT to try anymore.
Good luck!