I have a 4 year old son who is very OCD. He has not yet been diagnosed but we are on our way to doing so. We fight daily over clothes that "tickle", shoes that "rub", and many numerous things that just aren't "right". I am at my breaking point. I have bought new clothes, new shoes, new everything just so I don't have to battle with him everyday!! Nothing seems to work. He crys and crys over all this. Does anyone have any suggestions or has anyone ever dealt with someone with this disorder? I desperately need your help!!
My soon-to-be stepdaughter (11 years old) was diagnosed with OCD at a very young age. She takes Zoloft to control it, and it's very effective.
If you're skeptical about medicating your son, I can totally empathize with you. I have always felt very strongly that children shouldn't be medicated for things like this. However, a doctor once said that the medication doesn't alter their personality; rather, it allows their true personality to shine through. They recently tried to ween my stepdaughter off her medication, and I got to see what this doctor meant.
She is a bubbly, friendly, sweet, active, happy-go-lucky girl. Without medication, though, she was miserable. She cried uncontrollably and was unable to cope with even the smallest things. In short, she wasn't herself. At all. Within a few days of being back on medication, she was back to her happy self, and I was suddenly a believer.
This is not to say that your son will need medication. He may not even be diagnosed with OCD. But, if he is, I just want you to know that he is not alone, and to be open to whatever treatment his doctor suggests.
I hope this helps.
I have a son who is also very sensitive to fabrics, tags and such. He is also unable to concentrate on anything if there is music in the background. He is picky about food, especially textures of food and he cannot tolerate loud noises or strong smells.
I have him in therapy with a counselor and a psychiatrist.
Things have improved as he grew older.
I know it is so hard to be patient with these things, but remember, it is not his fault and it as real as if he had the flu or something.
I would suggest taking him with you when you buy him clothes and have him try them on. You would not normally do this with a four year old, but it is the only way you (and he) will find out what he can wear .
I am sorry but I do not have any advice for this because I have 2 grandsons suffering from the same thing. One constantly washes his hands and will not touch certain things with his hands. His hands get so red and sore from the constant washing. He has no real problems with food but his brother does. His brother is so thin because he will not try any new foods. All he eats is cereal and chicken patties but only certain chicken patties. They cannot have any bumps on them. Drives us all crazy with trying to please him. I will keep checking the advice as I too need help.
Hi. I am a 31 year old mother of two girls 9 and 8. My youngest one use to do the same thing. I began letting her pick out her own clothes. Then when she would begin to cry over the clothes being to tight or to itchy i would remind her that she chose those outfits. This had been a daily battle for me from the time she was 2 until she was 6. Everyone once in awhile she will have a bad day. But since she has begun to pick out her clothes we aren't having nearly as many daily crying spells.
I also now have her try on the clothes at the store before buying them so that i do not waste money on things she will later refuse to wear.
It will get better. Hope this helps. Good luck.
Kim
My favorite person on the planet is OCD. I can tell you that it is an anxiety disorder. More often than not it is a response to irrational fear. My loved one does repetitive actions over and over again. He has fallen down the stairs coutless times because he goes up and down the same three steps 5 - 10 times. I have noticed that the more I keep the other areas of life as calm as possible the better able he is to cope with his anxiety and the less likely he is to have episodes. Stress management through theraplay might help. Anti-anxiety medication is very helpful. It's a hard choice when they are young, but I can only imagine that he is absolutely miserable right along with you so if you go to a therapist and exhaust all the other options it might be a choice.
Maybe he is just very skin sensitive---clothes irriate, socks rub, shoes are to tight etc.When you put a shirt on does his skin turn red? Let him pick out what he wants to wear, see if that helps.
Has the doctor considered a sensory integration issue? It may be worth looking into.
Amanda, My daughter had very extreme OCD that affected our lives completely so I know how hard this is to deal with. What I thought really helped our daughter was Prozac. If you research OCD, which I'm sure you probably have, sometimes medication can help and Prozac is one of them and the safest for children.
Ultimately, my daughter was up to 80 mg/day which is alot, but slowly she seemed to calm down on her obsessions and now they have all disappeared. She was on the prozac for years and as she slowly seemed to let go of the OCD, we started to reduce the amount over the next couple of years. I have to say we did this on our own to see how she could manage on a smaller dose because she absolutely hated taking medication but I felt we had no choice as it affected her life completely.
It seemed that after a couple of months, she would get some OCD thoughts with a smaller dose so we went back up and waited and then tried again a few months down the road. Eventually, we were able to slowly reduce the amount very slowly over time until we could stop the Prozac all together and she is now OCD free which I never thought I would see the day.
Of course, therapy is also called for but she never wanted to do that and so we stopped that.
But, in my heart, I feel the medication really helped her. It has been found, if I remember my research that they are now finding there are chemical components to OCD so that is why medication can help.
I would certainly take him to a psychiatrist to get some help.
It is a devastating way to live, especially for the child, because they are so tortured by it and causes them such anxiety so I do hope you find something to help all of you.
Best of Luck, Cecilia
If it's just the clothes, you may want to get him checked by th Early Childhood Development poeple in your area. It's the program for 3-5 year olds that pick up where First Steps (birth-3) ends. It sounds like it could be a sensory integration disorder and not OCD -- unless there are more OCD-like behaviors he has (like insisting on washing hands 20 times a day). One problem is that it's totally normal for 2-5 year olds to display OCD-like behaviors like lining up cars, sorting by colors and getting upset by a change in routine. Most kids outgrow it.
This actually sounds more like a sensory issue. I would try to have a sensory evaliation done. Part of what you will have to do is to desensitise him slowly to the different textures and any other things that will bother him. I think you will need to ask for an OT evaluation. Sometimes, you can find a sensory center to do this evaluation. You will find if you have a good therapist they can help. People can be sensitive to many things and need help from a professional to find the best way to desensitize them to these.
Amanda, I have (and am still) with you on this! My now 9 year old son has sensory issues. He doesn't have OCD, but we believe a mild case of Asperger's sydrome. Regardless of what is the source of the problem, we have been dealing for years with the issue of clothes, shoes not feeling right. He won't wear them if they don't feel right. I have a difficult time taking him shopping (again sensory issues), so I shop without him, bring the clothes/shoes home and make him try them on. He always says he loves them (at first) and I refuse to take the tags off until he has worn them around the house for a while. Then I REALLY confirm that he's sure he loves them, that they don't feel funny or whatever, and he assures me this is the case. We take the tags off and wash (if clothing) and then he about 1/2 the time won't wear them. We have wasted so much money on clothes. I really wish I had an answer for you, but unfortunately I haven't figured it out yet. He won't wear jeans at all now. It changes on what bugs him. But, I have found the things that seem to bug him the least are sloppy looking. He likes the "plastic" running pants, slip on shoes-no ties as they feel funny, and t-shirts, long or short sleeved, but no stripes or anything sewn into them. The seems along the chest will drive him crazy. We also have to take most tags off. He is VERY thin (takes after his dad) and needs to wear 10 slims with adjustable waists as tight as can go. This causes the button of the adjustable band to be on his hips which bugs him which is why he won't wear jeans. One more thing that helped us figure out that he probably has aspergers is that he has a difficult time with change. This can be little changes, such as daily routine. Also, changing from one activity to the other. He also works well at school in the morning but by afternoon often needs to go off by himself to be able to accomplish anything. He has never been super affectionate. He is kind, but almost cannot offer hugs and kisses. He will accept them reluctantly, though (and I think actually wants them, but finds them difficult). This added to my frustrations with him.
Now, my two cents...Please take this in the intent is was meant. I am not trying to tell you what to do, just that I would think long and hard before getting a formal diagnosis. My reason for this is, you can read up on disorders, or anything on the spectrum (autism, apsergers, etc) and learn a lot of ways to help with it. You can join groups online and talk with other parents going through the same thing to get help. And you can go get the diagnosis ANYTIME if necessary, but once you have that diagnosis, you can never go back. If your son's disorder is just too difficult to manage without therapy, and affects him pretty severely, then I would consider the diagnosis. But, if you think you can work on things with him to help him, I would wait on the diagnosis. Once a child has a diagnosis (of ANYTHING) doctors, teachers, etc. tend to blame everything on the fact that he has "XXXX". They tend to (unintentially) treat him different (and not always in a good way). We have personally chosen not to diagnose our son. We have a wonderful teacher at a Montessori school (who he has had now for the 3rd year) who has a daughter (grown) who is very similar to our son. She actually has helped us so much and really recommended we don't talk to the dr. about it yet. Us just working with him has helped so much that I don't think we will ever need therapy for him, but that option is always there later if we do. Good luck with whatever you decide.
A little about me:
I am a SAHM of 3 boys with a 4th on the way. My oldest is 9, then 6, then 17 mos. I have been married to my soulmate for almost 13 years. My oldest son (the one with the sensory issues) is VERY much like his dad. The frustrations I ever have with his dad are very similar!!! And by the way, disorders on the Spectrum often times are hereditary. We think my husband has aspergers but was never diagnosed!!!
It sounds like he may have a sensory disorder. Have him checked for this too. I babysat a little boy with OCD & it was different than this. I insisted his mother get him help so that I didn't handle it the wrong way. He got counseling & it worked. His OCD went away. He had a great fear that something terrible would happen if he didn't do his "things". Hang in there!
Your child sounds like he may have Sensory Integration Disorder in conjunction with the OCD. I would reccomend a good comprehensive evaluation (which should include treatment reccomendations)and professional treatment. Children's Hospital in Cincinnati does a great, thorough, evaluation which is often covered by insurance.
Are you sure it is obsessive-compulsive disorder? This sounds like sensory defensiveness. It can be evaluated by an occupational therapist who specializes in sensory processing disorder. There are some symptoms which resemble OCD, but the cause and treatment are very different. There is a good book that explains things well called "The Out of Sync Child" by Carol Stock Kranowitz.
What you are describing is very common with tactile defensiveness. What happens is a child's pain perception is set to such a high level that common things such as clothes and tags, sock seams, getting unexpectedly wet, having hair and nails trimmed, getting messy things on his hands, etc (these vary from child to child) is perceived by the body as painful. Behavioral approaches rarely work because the central nervous system tells the body that he is in pain and responds appropriately. The fight or flight system (autonomic nervous system) kicks in.
Your child should also be checked by an OT for the presence of primitive reflexes. Some of these can make the child appear very rigid and controlling in their behavior as they try to limit stimuli which will cause their system to go into chaos.
I am a pediatric OT, but I used to work only with adults until my oldest needed therapy. I continued to take him to another therapist, but he was first believed by his pediatrician to have OCD, and it was only because I insisted he have an OT eval that he was properly diagnosed and treated. He now functions very well. He is a joy to us! I remember a year of his life when I thought I would lose my mind, though. He spent one entire year on the floor screaming (well beyond the age of having fits, especially since they NEVER worked for him).
Feel free to contact me if you have questions.
Kimberly (mom of 8, 6, and 3 year olds who works part-time as an OT)
I have gone through the same thing with my daughter who is now 7. She still has a difficult time with clothing sensitivities. After much searching we discovered she had numerous sensitivities known as SI or Sensory Integration Disorder. Dr. Ayers is a wonderful resource and has written many books about the topic. An occupational therapist has worked with our daughter. The therapist is specialized in SI and teaches he to tolerate various touches easier. Once the testing was completed and I used the book as reference, things got much easier and now we just get lots of hand me down and "soft" clothes, I know what better to expect, and I accept that this is just a part of her that makes her special.
Amanda, I know it is a rough thing to deal with on a daily basis. Please keep in mind that how ever much it is hard on you, it is so much harder for him. He doesn't understand why things feel that way or why he is reacting to things in such a way. He has that to deal with and you when you get upset. Please take it easy on him, I know it can be frustrating. You do really need to get him in to be seen and evaluated. If may not be OCD, but more of a sensory thing. For both your sakes get him looked at soon. Good luck to you.
In addition to an OCD evaluation, you may want to have him evaluated for Sensory Integration Disfunction, where brins don't process sensory info the same as other people. Sensory Intergation Disfunction has many forms--tactile, auditory, oral, vestibular, etc. Your discriptions strike me as possibly being tactile Sensory Integration issues. I taught some students with this and it can be greatly helped by seeing an occupational therapist.
Hi Amanda,
My daughter (7) was diagnosed with OCD when she was (5) but started showing signs earlier. As much as the struggle is hard for you and I as the parent, it is excrusiating and insane for your little boy. Unfortuantely he can't even put into words what going on. I ready urge you to take his to a psychiatrist. It was the only was I could help my daughter. She also had the clothes problem, but also suffered from washing hand - 30 times a day, unable to move or touch her things, cannot be dirty or near dirt, won't touch stuff or even hold hands, she wouldn't let me clip her nails, she thought if her routines went out of line she was going to die.
The worst part about is that she was so young. I kept trying to take into consideration all the possiblities. For example, maybe she was having a bad day, maybe it is a phase, maybe she didn't get enough sleep, maybe she is reacting to something I did or said, did I do something to make her act this way, was this about her afther, was it because she was in a new school or something else might recently changed, has she eaten anything different lately, have I changed detergents lately, does it have to do with her regulary allergy or asthma medication - oh the insanity when on.
I finally made an appointment with a psychiatrist and they told me it was the best thing I could have done for my daughter. The doctor said my daughter definitely had OCD but it was treatable and sometimes kids her age grow out of most of the symptoms by adulthood or learn to live with them. Over a year later I can say we have had our ups and downs, but I would never go back. I never want to see my child that unhappy and "crawling" in her skin again.
God Bless you and your Son,
Jessica
Reading Amanda W e-mail brought back many memories for me. How I wished when I was raising my three far away from family and help I had a site like this..
Amanda, I also have a son now 15 who is OCD. I knew from the day he was born that he was just "unique" and going to be my difficult child. I waited until I was out of my mind to get help. My advice is there's millions of OCD children/people etc.. It's a gift belive it or not, but a challenging one!
When my son was at home, I let him run around with his boxers on all the time, only thing he was comfrotable in. Don't fight it. Best thing to do is stay cal ( iknow tough) and then look in eye and talk quietly to him..
Please, don't wait until he's in school, get help now! It took me a few psychologist?pyschiatrist until I found our perfect match. Even though I am not a medicine person it's necessary for them to be on medication. It's unfair for them to suffer without.
My son is now 15 and doing great, still on medication and knows when he's stressing out and kn ows he'll probably be on it for the rest of his life. He plays sports, very well liked in school, works hard at school and most of all just a reat kid. Don't think he still doesn't get to us at times. But, I feel and have been told he'll be our achiever someday.
With OCD comes depression at times to from frustration, that.
Good luck and I also have alittle angel too
Razz