My in-laws are coming sometime in Nov. My husband has taken ALL his vacation (3 weeks) to be with them when they come, so they will be here I am guessing 3-4 weeks. They are from Oregon. They came last year for 4 weeks and the year before for 3 weeks. Last year they also brought their dog. They stay with us in a 1500 sq ft house. We also have a dog who does not get along with their dog and has to be seperated and a 4 year old boy. My MIL keeps my son up at night by walking up and down the halls at night taking her dog out. My husband and I have both asked her to be more quiet or not do that and she still keeps doing it because she is "trying to be more quiet". My FIL wakes me and my son up at 4am when he and my husband get up to go hunting. We both have also asked him to be more quiet as well, but my husband just tells me that they have a hard time being quiet. I like my ILs, but I just feel that it is too long and can not believe they bring their dog as well. They have 4 cats and 2 dogs and say they are saving money bringing one of the dogs with them (I guess I should be lucky they are not bring all their pets), plus I think my MIL likes the company. She keeps her smalll dog in the guest bedroom where my son frequently opens the door to let the dog out so he can play with her. This then puts our dog and their dog in the same area and they fight. It just seems like it is toooo long for me. My husband tells me that he only gets to see his parents 3-4 weeks/year and that his parents want to be able to spend time with thier grandson - which I have no problem with. When my parents come visit, it is usually for 1 week or less (they live in MI and CA)and I also go visit them as well. Help! how do I not be so miserable and resent them coming as I really do like them.
I think you need to talk to your husband. After 2.5 weeks, my OWN family (that I live with) was too close for comfort on our vacation.
Other things to consider: are there other family they can visit? Can your DH take them somewhere for a bit (like camp while hunting?). Can your DH ask them to board the dog?
Your son also needs to know to leave the dog alone because letting the dog out so it fights with your dog is huge.
If your husband wants to see his folks for that long, what about 1.5 weeks at a time? Or he/you visit them vs always hosting?
I saw this decorative sign the other day at the store and if it was a different color scheme I would have purchased it:
"Friends always welcome, Family call first"
That is a really long visit! I would be slightly annoyed honestly.. Plan a lot of day trips?? Good luck!
My general rule is 3-4 days max. I suppose if they are coming from so far away then 1 week would be fine. Any longer than that is too long no matter who it is. We are used to our routines and having our space, and such a long visit is just too hard. My husband and I have people come to stay quite often, so I know how hard it can be. My MIL comes 2-3 times a year to visit us and our son, but she only stays for about 3 days each time. She once stayed with us for 2 weeks, and I was ready to pull my hair out by the end. I would recommend having a heart to heart with your husband and make him really understand how hard this is on you. Hopefully you can get him to talk his parents into shortening their visit. Or maybe you can work it out so that you all can go visit them too. Then they won't feel like they need to spend so long with you. Good luck :)
I think you have done a very good job defining what is too long. :)
At worst I get my in laws for a weekend but they don't bring along animals and such. :) They usually bring food. :D
My MIL comes for 2 weeks every time. And everytime she leaves we are fighting. It's too long. The last time she came for 5 days and it was fine. We don't ever get along GREAT, but we were able to enjoy the 5 days. More than enough for me!
I dont let anyone stay more than 5days. Not my family or my husbands. And if anyone had pets I wouldnt let the pets stay at all -My dogs arent too friendly with other dogs at all. I think it might be better for everyones sanity if the inlaws stayed in a hotel.
A vacation is about having fun - not stress.
I love my parents to death but can really handle a visit for about 7 to 10 days. Especially in their home - my grandmother lives with them and DEMANDS a set feeding time for her diabetes...so we eat dinner at 5PM (which would be a late lunch for us)...so my kids end up being hungry around 9PM and my mom is a dream - she fixes them something understanding the time change...when they come here? the most they've been here is 3 weeks and they came in the motor home so it was good...we had breaks in the evening!! :)
My FIL? I can handle him for 3 days - MAX!!! He is a heavy drinker (not beer but alcohol) and, like my husband, loves to sleep so it's not like we really "visit"...
I would seriously talk with my husband and ask him to give specific dates they will be here..I would also make a place for their dog to stay - whether it be at a kennel or what - but that's not fair to your dog or your son...
GOOD LUCK!!
Oh my goodness no...that is TOO long. It might be a bit easier if you lived in a 5,000 sf house and they could have their own space. Did they even ask to bring their dog? If not, then that is a HUGE no-no considering they know that their dog doesn't get along with yours. What are your DH and his parents thinking???? Do they not see how disruptive this long of a visit is to your household? And they cannot even manage to be quiet during night-time hours to not disturb your son? I think you need to make a stand with your husband. Doesn't he want to take a vacation with you and your son? It sounds like he won't have any time left to do something with the family that you and he created...
WOW. I would not be able to stand anyone that long.
You know, you could go spend a long weekend with some of your family in the middle of their visit to get a break from them. I understand what your husband is saying. It is a long long long visit and of course it is hard on you guys.
Hubby could also make sure he is quieter. That falls on him entirely. They could go outside to visit and get things ready to leave.
The option for the nighttime dog walks is dog pooh/pee on the flooring so she can go out anytime the dog needs it. Your son might do well to have a white noise machine in his room if he is that light of a sleeper.
What about breaking up the visit? I mean, 3-4 weeks all at once is a LONG time... Why not do 3 or 4 one week visits? If they fly out then that won't cut into visiting time much at all. Now if they're driving, well, then I would MAYBE let it stretch into a week and a half. My ILs & my own mother were at my home for a week after I had my 2nd baby, and both my husband and I were SO thrilled when everyone left. Family is nice, but a week is a long time, let alone 3 or 4 weeks!
What's that saying about fish and house guests? They both stink after 3 days?
I'd put my foot down with my husband - you guys don't have a large enough home to accommodate guests (with pets) for that period of time. I would tell him I couldn't even tolerate my own parents that long in my home. :P
Or, maybe you can use that visit as an opportunity to go on a mom's retreat, or girls-only vacation. They might like it too!
MY in-laws are coming in October from California.
I think about two hours is long enough.
: )
I hope you can get your husband to see your side of this. Unless he does, it won't change.
Maybe they can cut the time down and he could go alone to see them for a week at their place.
Ugh. I lived in a 1300 sq. ft. house. That is very small for so many adults, their stuff and their pets. That's why it is stressful. Yeah, it's too long. And it also means you don't get to go with hubby on a fun vacation to anywhere, since he is taking all his vacation to hang with them. I would be bummed. Personally, I have always wanted to vacation by myself. This sounds like the perfect opportunity, if you are so inclined, to take a stack of books, some face cream, and a rental at the beach.
I think you need to have a meeting with your husband and explain to him that it is too long a time to be with people you rarely ever see. Perhaps you guys could spend a week or so with them at their house. That way they can have the dirt and mess.
Visiting is nice but when someone does come they should be sefl-sufficient and can do things without having to be entertained. I know I am different. I visit family but I also have things I can do to keep myself busy, quiet and out of the way. After about a week I am ready to go back to my place.
Hubby has to learn that he has a new little family that comes before mom and dad and that new boundaries have to be created or your marriage may fail.
Good luck to you.
The other Suzanne
PS I would never think of bringing my dog with me unless all got along. Besides there are vets that have boarding and that is part of traveling.
Oh my goodness, when we have guests, whether my parents or my in-laws, 4 days is about my max before I start losing it.
ETA:
And 3-4 weeks a year for out of state in-laws is a LOT to see them.
My parents come visit for 1 long weekend every 3-4 months.
My in-laws come once a year, for about 5 days, and we visit them once a year for the same time.
Time to cut the cord.
How long is too long? You really want to know?
1 hour. If my MIL visits us for 1 hr I will drink myself into oblivion. By the way, I rarely drink.
She does not visit.
She asked to come visit about a month ago and I asked her not to.
For you, offer to pay for that last pet to be put in a kennel.
Better yet, tell your husband, to talk to them to not bring their dog.
Growing up my grandparents (mom's parents) lived with us 3 months out of the year... it could be worse! Actually they were wonderful and my father was very close to them, so no real issues until they were quite elderly and came with a live-in aide.
I digress... if this is the only time of year he gets to see his parents, just my opinion here, but I think you need to just deal with it. Your parents spread out their visits and you go see them, so you also get 4 weeks, just not at the same time.
Try planning activities that will get the out of the house. Maybe encourage them to take your son on a day trip or even better... take DH and DS on a little day trip (quiet time for you)!
In the future, suggest that they come for maybe 2 weeks and then you guys head out there for a week in the summer?