Future Mom Terrified of Labor and Delivery

Preconception & Pregnancy Labor & Delivery
1

I am wondering if anyone out there can calm my strong fear of going through childbirth.
I am 36 weeks this week with my first (and probably only child... read on... ) and realize that I don't have much time left to go. About 6 weeks ago, I all of a sudden had this strong fear about giving birth. This occurred after watching shows on TLC and DHC and happening to catch a woman giving birth and looking like she was in the most unbearable, excruciating pain. I also made the mistake of catching 5 minutes of an episode of "Freebirthing..." Wow, was that horrendous. I can't even imagine myself in the shoes of those women.

On Saturday, my husband and I attended an "express" childbirth preparation class at the hospital where we would deliver. I was so sick and tired of my anxiety, I was assured my fears would be calmed by the end of the day. It was completely the opposite.

The 5 or so segments we were shown of women giving birth were extremely difficult for me to watch. Everything in my body clenched up, I was squeamish, and a few times I started to cry. It was obvious to me after I thought about it for awhile that these women didn't have pain medication, and I wonder with all my might why thy chose not to. I just assumed that most, if not all women had an epidural, and didn't realize the some women were strong enough to endure pain and chose not to be medicated. Not me. I think I am a big, fat, wuss.

That being said, I am completely frightened about labor and delivery. The fear that I have is the fear of the unknown. I have read so much about this and can't get a clear answer from anything. "It's different for everyone and some women can endure more pain than others" doesn't work for me. I know that I cannot endure pain for hours at a time. 20 contractions in one hour before I even get to the hospital? PLEASE!!! I guess my fear is that I am going to suffer through hours upon hours of very severe contractions before I get an epidural.

My question is this: How long must pain be endured before an epidural can be administered? I know that I can get the epidural during the first stage of active labor, which is directly after Early labor, which is the longest, yet "easiest" part of labor. Does "easy" mean that I will have mild cramps and not endure minutes of excruciating pain? Does "easy" mean that the contractions won't be as severe as they will be in active labor?

I suffer from anxiety and depression, and while not on any medication at the moment, I have been in the past. I don't handle stress well, and at the moment this is stressing me out to the extreme.... to the point where I have no appetite and have problems sleeping. People and other women who tell me "relax, you'll be fine...." followed by a "you have no idea what you're in for..." giggle doesn't help me out whatsoever. All of this nonsense cannot reassure me that this will not be the most unbearable experience of my life.

Please help me out with any information you can. I guess I just want to know that it is possible for me to not have to endure pain for hours on end and that I can get an epidural asap when I get to the hospital.

Thanks,
Darla

2

Congrats on the new baby on the way. I am a mom of three and was terrified the first time. Once it comes to going into labor your fears melt away and you are focus on the excitement of having the baby come soon. Yes it does hurt, but it is so worth it. I couldn't have an epideral until I was dialated to 3. Once I got the epidural it was a walk in the park. The doctor told me okay it's time to push and all I felt was pressure. I brought some of my favorite relaxation music with to the hospital and a deck of cards cause once I got the epidural my husband and I played cards until it was time to push. Just think about how exciting it will be to hold him or her. Good luck,.

3

Oh my goodness sweetheart, first I PROMISE everything is going to be okay. It's totally terrifying the first time not knowing what's going to happen but it's really not as bad as everyone says. Plus you leave with a sweet little baby, and forget any bad.

You need to talk to your doctor, and ask him/her at what point you can get the epidural. Every doctor and hospital is different.

The birthing classes are misleading, as these days people are really strongly leaning towards the natural birthing movement. I did a refresher course too in March and it pretty much was all about how to do everything without drugs.

Personally, I was dilated to 3+ centimeters when I was admitted to the hospital to deliver my son. At that point they told me I could have the epidural whenever I wanted. I had one contraction and asked for it because I too am a "big, fat, wuss" :) The contraction wasn't that bad, I was just worried about pain control.

It was painful when I pushed my son out, but I assure you it's manageable. I too was FREAKED out about all the horror stories tell you. The thing you have to remember is that everyone's experience is COMPLETELY different. I know you said that it doesn't work for you but everyone responds to pain, medication, and stress differently. SO you can't watch TV, talk to people, and get the exact way things will go for you. As you go through the next four weeks, your body is preparing for labor oftentimes by dilating through the braxton hicks.

I completely understand your anxiety, and I too have suffered with depression. It's a lot to bring your first child into the world, but it's nothing you can't handle. You will be at the hospital, and they won't let you suffer for hours on end I promise.

4

I completely understand your fear of the unknown. When I was about due with my first child I got terrified. My biggest fear was that I am terrified of NEEDLES...and so I knew I would have a problem getting pain meds which scared me even more to think that I will be in so much more pain without pain meds---BUT I did it....and I have had both of my children without any pain meds, IV's, or anything! Now that said, I can guarantee that you can do it!! I know that each hospital is different--some will give you different kinds of pain meds when it is still too early for an epidural. You need to talk it through with your dr. The thing that will help the most is to try to not freak out when the contractions first start. Go with the flow and breathe--stay as calm as you can. When it first starts you WILL be able to bear it...do you best to concentrate on breathing. Keep everything around you peaceful. I know this all may sound ridiclous to you esp. because of how nervous you are but I promise you will be ok, and with how scared you are it may not even be as bad as you are anticipating. All of my friends/family had epidurals and they say it is so "easy" after that....I would not know but I was there when my sister-in-law had her first and after she got her epidural she was as happy as a clam.

I know how scary this all is, esp. when you watch all those shows on TLC and whatnot. I did the same thing and it freaked me out--I do not recommed watching those only because it is so different to watch labor than it is to be in labor.

One more thing is that there are many relaxation teqniques that my hospital offers and I am sure that yours will too....some you can do at home before you go to....
I have heard water births are amazing--although I have never done one--I hate water...but so many people swear by it....when you start to have contractions, go to the tub (no bubble bath or anything)...and take a nice warm bath, put on soothing music and concentrate on the contractions and breathing. What helped me the most was a balancing ball, the ones you use to exercise...I had on it and rocked back and forth and it took all the pressure off my hips, pelvis, and legs and eased the pain of labor. At the hospital I go to the say to do whatever makes you comfortable--they will let you sit or walk or shower or be in the jacouzzi (sp?)...they said I could deliver whereever however I wanted as long as they can catch the baby....you do not need to be on your back in a bed...do whatever you can to be as comfortable as you can (I do not know your hospitals protocall but these are things you can apply to your labor even before you go to the hospital)

GOOD LUCK!!! You will get through it, and it may not even be as bad as you think.

5

First of all, even though you didn't ask for advice, I want to tell you that you should be ready to take an antidepressant immediately after giving birth. I too have dealt with depression and anxiety and with my first pregnancy I decided to stop all medication and I had post-partum depression that bordered on psychosis and I suffered a lot longer than I should have. After seeking help I was told that woman that have a history of depression should NOT be off medication after delivery because of the high-risk in developing severe post-partum depression. My doctor told me I should have never went off of it while pregnant. With my second I decided to stay on my medication and my husband made sure I took it as soon as I could after delivery and I was so much happier. It was like night and day between the experiences!!!! So I don't want to add more stress to you, but I feel I need to pass this along because no one should have to go through what I did.

As for the delivery and being scared I think you should try to think about how you currently handle pain and go from there. I am someone who is quiet, doesn't want anyone to touch me or talk to me when I am in pain and that is how I was during both births. And I made it very clear to my husband and nurses. You need to do what helps you the most and not worry about what the "classes" say. I had my eyes closed almost the whole time and just focused on breathing and the "professionals" don't think you should do that, but that is how I cope with pain the best. The only thing I had my husband do was to rub my feet during the early stages because it helps me relax. So think about what helps you get through pain and then do that.

You may also be quite surprised by how you do. I have a friend who is "tough" and has peircings and tattoos and she could not handle labor and requested every drug available, and she was proud of it. :) She didn't care what people thought, she just wanted to be pain-free.

Your labor pain could be so many different things. With my first the nurses kept asking how they were feeling and kept focusing on my belly area and I didn't feel anything there. I only felt pressure/pain in my back/butt area. It turned out that I was having back labor and my baby was facing up instead of down. With my second I felt the contraction in my abdomen and it was a completely different pain. Both were painful but in completely different ways.

As for medication, make it know VERY clearly that you want pain medication and don't let anyone talk you out of it. You may do fine without it since you have never given birth, but because you are so worried I think it is best that you go this route to calm you down. With my first I had nubaine(sp) which allows you to sleep/relax in-between contractions, but you still feel your contractions. And that is all I got because epidurals do not work on me. I also did not feel any increased pain while she was crowning and while pushing out the head. With my second they were able to get an epidural to work for about 10 minutes and I tried to push and I hated it because I couldn't feel anything!!!! I asked them to take it out so I could feel the contractions and push better and they did.

The beginning contraction to me felt like the worst diarrhea like cramps I have had. I'm sure everyone feels it different, but that is what I thought and I thought it was managable. Your contractions will get stronger (more painful), last longer, and come more quickly as labor progresses. For me the hardest part wasn't that they were stronger but that they came more frequently and I didn't have the time to recover and refocus between them. It would be like getting stung by a bee once.....it hurts and it sucks, but you get over it. If you got stung every 15 minutes it would still hurt but you have time to relax, but if you are getting stung every 30 seconds it is extremely hard to deal with. This happened with my second because I ended up having an emergency c-section and they kept trying to give me another epidural and the contractions at that point were constant and I finally lost it. I yelled and cried and started throwing up and told them to put me out now!!!! (that was after I apologized to everyone for throwing up and losing my cool) My first wasn't like that at all.

I know everyone keeps telling you that it is different for everyone and you don't want to hear it, but it is. And I'm sure you are going to get a ton of replies that are like mine and will tell you that each birth is different. I personally think that you should keep watching births on TLC or wherever until you are so sick of watching you would rather stick a fork in your eye. And keep reading about different experiences. I read non-stop and watched 100's of births on tv so I could see as many different experiences as I could. It might be scary, but eventually it shouldn't be as bad.

Make sure you know what you want and you tell your partner, husband, Mom, doctor nurses and whoever else is going to be around. And if you change your mind in the middle of it all, then do it. I kicked some people out at certain times and didn't feel bad at all.

I also know you are very near the end, but you might benefit from a doula or some sort of birthing coach besides your husband.

And don't feel bad about the birthing class making you feel worse. I didn't finish my first set of classes because they were not doing anything for me and the person (who was a nurse) wasn't able to answer the questions I needed answered. She would brush of concerns because she said the liklikhood of them happening was slim. I ended up having severe complications with both births and could have benefited from her knowledge and instead I learned on my own by reading and was prepared only because I prepared myself. There are probably some fantastic classes out there, but listening to and questioning (sympathetic) Mom's is sometimes better.

I'm sorry if this is so long, but I really want you to be able to have a great birth!!! Yes, it does hurt and you will think during it that you will never want to do it again, but it is so wonderful and so worth it!!! And afterwards you will forget the pain.

Please email if you want to chat or ask more questions, although I am sure that you are going to get so many responses you won't have many questions left :)

6

I would talk to my OB if I were you and let her know that I was having terrible anxiety. She will better know what to advise the nurses what to do for you when you go into labor that way. Maybe you need some anti-anxiety medication now. You should discuss all of this with your doctor.

In general I think that you need to change your thinking. Fear puts us in a weak state. Fearing the inevitable is futile. We could all sit around every day and fear death because it's going to happen and may be very painful, but we don't. We put it out of our minds and get on with life. You need to do the same thing with this. Stop obsessing about it. (I know. Easier said than done.) One way or another you will give birth. It may be difficult, but there is no other choice but to get through it. You need to have confidence that whatever happens during your delivery you can handle it. Which is the absolute truth. My deliveries were far from ideal, but I lived through them and have two beautiful children. It's totally worth it.

7

Hi Darla,

It sounds like you have been surrounded by not-so-positive images of what childbirth is like. Remember that only "exciting" and "dramatic" labors make it on those shows, and that what you see has been heavily edited.

Please, please, please--go to your library and pick up a copy of "Ina Mae's Guide to Childbirth" by Ina Mae Gaskin. One half of the book is birth stories from different mothers. The other half describes the different stages of labor in everyday language. It does not sugarcoat labor, but it is a very positive, affirming book.

I would also recommend the movie "The Business of Being Born". Your library should also have a copy of that. It is a documentary that is more of a homebirth/natural birth slant, but there is someone in the movie who has c-section. If nothing else you might enjoy the really beautiful birth scenes. They will be a sharp contrast to what you have seen on t.v. Even the c-section is "dull". ;-)

I can tell you what my labor was like. It is not a "horror" story. My water broke, but after 24 hours I was not having contractions, so I went into the hospital to be induced with Pitocin. For the first few hours, my contractions were very mild, more of nuisance than anything. I read Eric Clapton's autobiography and ate buffalo chicken wings. My husband and I did laps around the hospital.

When my contractions started getting strong, I asked to labor in the bathtub. The warm water felt GREAT, helped with the pain and kept me relaxed. As an added bonus, spending stage 2 in water can help speed things up, and make the cervix dilate faster. I went from 3 cm to 9 cm in a very short time for a first-time mom, like < 2 hours.
After I got out of the bathtub, I asked for some pain medication to take the edge off. I got a shot called Nubain (sp?) and then they also put it in my i.v.

Then my Nurse Midwife checked my cervix, and it was show time! I pushed off and on for 35 minutes, and I have to say, for me, pushing was the easiest part! I closed my eyes, and just curled into each contraction. With each push, I kept visualizing an arrow being shot through the sky. I did not have an epidural, and once I started pushing, my contractions didn't even hurt anymore. In fact, I wasn't even aware of when my son actually came out! My Midwife said, "Cassandra, look down, look down!". I thought she had set up a mirror for me to watch the actual birth--but no, she was handing me my beautiful son!

Not all births are traumatic or even dramatic. There are LOTS of ways to control pain, including an epidural if you want and need one. Please talk to your healthcare provider about all your options. I would also recommend getting a doula. I didn't have one, but I think one might be a good option for you. A doula is a labor and delivery support person who will stay with you the ENTIRE time you're labor, which is a plus if you are there through some doctor and nurse shift changes. They are not medical personnel, but they can act as advocates, keep you "on task" and be a really great support to deal with pain.

Good luck to you!

8

I'm not sure if this will help you or not. I have 2 girls. My first child I was in labor/induced for 2days and then a c-section. My 2nd was labor/ then c-section also.

I think having my wisdom teeth pulled was a worse experiance. I think potty training 2year olds is worse.

Seriously giving birth or having a c-section whatever however that baby comes out is the most wonderful experiance in the world. If it was so horrible people wouldn't go on to have kid#2 or kid#6

You'll do just fine!

9

Darla,

Really, it isn't so bad. :)

I've had 3, the first one with an epidural, and two without. After I did one natural (and was still in the delivery room) I told my husband that I wanted to do that again. I can honestly tell you, the pain is not so bad. You have to truly focus on the end result (your amazing baby) and go through one contraction at a time. The Business of Being Born is a great movie. I know you said you want the epidural, but you can never predict how your labor will go, so you should be prepared for not having one as well. Also, STOP WATCHING those programs! If they scare you, why are you doing that to yourself? My prenatal yoga instructor said to only read/watch/research things that assure you of your ability to do it, not the ones that freak you out. EVERYONE of us has come into the world this way, your body is designed to manage every step of the labor.

If you can, relax. Take a yoga class. Go for walks. Enjoy the last days of your pregnancy, you will miss it :) Being pregnant is amazing, and your baby will astonish you. You will be a great mom, and you body is stronger than you will know.

Best to you!
Jessica

10

Hi Darla,

Congrats on that baby! Remember, God made your body the way He did so you can have babies. So, consider yourself already equiped and trained. That's half the battle, right there!

Secondly, you need to hear that not every delivery is a horror story and that most women like to make their's out to be one for the excitement of scaring someone who hasn't done it (and especially the men folk!).

I don't usually share my delivery story because I tend to get dirty looks, but you need to hear it. I went in for my 37 week appointment and found out I had preeclampsia. They did a quick check with the ultrasound to see if my baby was breech (she was) and scheduled my c-section for about 4 hours later. By the time I was admitted to my room, IV hooked up and my husband finally getting there, I was sent in for my c-section. I had my baby without contractions, no water breaking, and no pushing.

My point is that no matter how much I was preparing for childbirth, it didn't happen the way I thought it would. Everytime you start to worry about delivery, think about holding your baby for the first time. THERE IS NOTHING LIKE IT! You will do fine.

You must let us know how it went and how darn cute your little baby is once you are home and not too sleep deprived to type coherent sentences!

11

man, you'll probly get tons of stories on this one :) my story is really that i didn't even feel the "easy labor" and by the time i got in to the hospital it was about go time. That's how my family is. The best "advice" i ever got and pass on is to see how the women in your family labor- like your mom, g-ma, aunts any of them, if you can. likely you will follow similarly to at least some of them, that's the best predicator i think (mine was similar to my g-ma and aunt line through my dad, they all were the same about, and my sister closely followed the women in my mom's line...) also, i agree with the other poster, look at how you deal with pain and go from there :)

12

Hi Darla
I totally understand what you are going through. The unknown is scary. However, people would not have multipe children if it was that bad. I had both mine without epidurals/drugs and one of them was induced. It was fine.

If you want an epidural just make sure your dr knows that and once you are dialated enough they can give it to you.

I didnt have hard contractions until I was dialated to an 7 and 8. "Easy" contractions feel like when your stomach hurts so bad because you have to poop--sorry if a little detailed. It comes and goes so fast too. It is not like you have contractions for 5 minutes at a time.

Just make sure your dr knows what you want. Good Luck to you! Enjoy this exciting time.

13

I totally understand where you are coming from! I actually fainted more than once watching childbirth videos as I was growing up. So, when I was pregnant with my first son, I decided I was going into the situation completely blind. I refused to take any classes, read or take part in any discussions about vaginal delivery. My doctor at first didn't agree, but when I explained to her my anxiety, she was okay with it. I had a strong desire for a c-section, so I focused all my attention on that. Whatever your desire... just envision it happening with great ease! Honestly, and I'm not just saying this... ALL my friends that have given birth have said the exact same thing, "It's really not that bad," and yes they did all have epidurals... and there is NOTHING wrong with having one! I think it's crazy not too.

When I had my son, I went through the mild labor, and it was just some cramping and back pain... I'm a big weenie, and it was definitely not the worst thing I've been through... not even close. Just several hours of medium menstrual cramps. After a day and a half I wasn't making progress so I got my c-section (my envisioning worked!) ;)

Also... you really need to talk to your OB about your anxiety and depression. They should have you on something right now! There are safe medications to take while you are pregnant, and if you are calm... the more smoothly things will go.

You can do this... millions of women do this. You'll be fine, and everything will be fantastic!!! Best wishes!

14

You are definitely not alone in your fear! After the birth of our daughter, my HUSBAND said, "Never again! That was just too hard!" LOL!

I totally agree that you should find a birthing coach or doula. Their job is to make the whole thing as easy as possible for you. You go over exactly what you want with them, and they are your advocate. So while Daddy slips out to get a sandwich or sneaks into the bathroom to avoid fainting, you'll have someone by your side. Plus, they know tons about how to keep you calm and relaxed--postures, breathing, massages. My doula did battle with the one and only bad nurse we had. The nurse wanted to do things her way, but my doula got in her face, told her to get another nurse when she refused to do what I needed and stood her ground until someone wonderful replaced her.

That being said, coaches and doulas can be pricey. An easy, free solution is to write a birthing plan. You should be able to find a template/example online easily. It goes through everything you might want before, during and after labor. It gives you some time to think before things get rolling. Give it to your OB as soon as you finish it. Before one of your appointments, let them know you want to have time to go over it with him/her. Then have a copy for your husband, have a copy for your labor/delivery room...LOTS of copies! Hand one to the janitor! (Kidding!) And keep pointing it out to people! My birthing instructor said to put a nice big box of chocolates next to the one in your room! Everyone will read it while they munch! :-)

It sounds like you've definitely had TOO MUCH INFORMATION! And scary, bad information at that. The only thing that might be helpful at this point is to have a brief checklist of the progression of labor. It helped me a lot to know that, "Okay, I'm puking my guts out. This must be transition. This is normal, It'll pass soon. Then the next stage is..." Otherwise, I would've been terrified that something was wrong. But you don't need all of these R-Rated horror stories coming at you!

You might also ask your OB if there is someone you can talk to. A lot of hospitals have fabulous birthing support. A couple of sessions with a therapist or even a caring, seasoned nurse could do wonders for you.

Finally, if you're religious at all, I'd ask everyone you know to pray for you. God can calm any fears and take you through the darkest places in peace. I know that's the only way I made it through. (No meds. No choice. Long story!) Whatever place you're in, I'll be praying for you, Darla. I promise you'll be okay!

Sending BIG HUGS

15

Darla,

Don't worry. The rule of thumb is go into the hospital, when the contractions are 3 to 5 minutes apart and you are pretty uncomfortable, unless of course your water breaks. In that case, you should go in right away. When you go in, they will examine you to see how much you are dilated. In most cases, with first time moms, you will have plenty of time. After they examine you, if you are dilated to about a 3 to 5cm. they may have you walk around a while. This helps the process. They will examine you again, to see if dilation and effacement have progressed. In many cases they will break your water for you. Don't worry it doesn't hurt, actually it is more of a relief. If they break your water, your contractions will more than likely become more intense. Thats when the epidural comes in handy!!! You have to be adequately dilated and contracting before the epidural is placed, because you won't be able to get up and walk around after that. I highly recommend, as a mother of 2 to get the epidural!!! Just go in when your contractions are 3 to 5 minutes apart or you can't stand it. Once you have your epidural, you will be able to relax a little and just let the process happen. The OB RN will monitor you and the baby the entire time you are in labor.

My girlfriend just had a baby 2 weeks ago, with an epidural, and she said it was the best decision she ever made. She had her first son 10 years ago, naturally, and she says, "it gives new meaning to the Burnin' Ring of Fire". It was also the best thing I have ever done too. I actually decided to have a second child!

I think you will surprise yourself. Your not a wuss, you just haven't done this before. It is only natural to be anxious. GIVE YOURSELF SOME CREDIT!!! YOU CAN DO IT!!!

Blessings to you and your new baby.

Shelly

16

Hi Darla -

I am a mom of 4 (one set of twins), so I have been through labor 3 times. I think the best thing to say would be that you really need to have a heart to heart with your doctor. I dont think there could be any better piece of advice then to KNOW you have a great doctor that you trust. I know you don't want to hear this, but every single birth is different. I have several friends that didn't even FEEL labor, plenty of others that did. I can pretty much guarantee you that YOU will have FAR more strength then you think. You CAN do this! You need a little confidence, stop worrying about it, relax, enjoy these last few weeks of your pregnancy. Thousands of women have babies everyday, you can do it! You will do GREAT! Just hang in there, try not to stress about it. Have an epidural - whatever.....having a baby with an epidural doesn't make you a wuss! Your going to do great!!! :) I promise! Don't compare yourself with anyone and STOP asking everyone about their births...... its like fishing stories...they grow as the time goes by. :) Your going to do just fine - you are going to have a healthy baby and one thing I can promise, as SOON as you hold that sweet tiny baby in your arms, you will pretty much forget about the labor! :) there is nothing like holding your brand new baby!! Enjoy it!! They grow up fast!! :)

17

I think a lot of women are worried and scared about labor. I know I was- I had never so much had an iv before having my son. We had an awful labor, too, which ended in a c-section (which are great and I'm getting repeats). With that being said, labor is not fun. BUT, it is so very worth every second of pain the minute you see and hold your child. After all that I went through, I can't wait to have another. There are things prior to the epidural that are very helpful. Massaging the lower back and legs, taking a hot shower/bath, breathing correctly. All these things do help. When you want an epidural, they will certainly give you one. Don't try to hold out. There's no use suffering when you have options. When I got my epidural, they also gave me a spinal block. This is because the epidural takes roughly 20-30 minutes to work and the block is instantly. Be sure to ask for that if it is too much and 1/2 hour seems too long to wait. I'm not saying that I had a hard labor to scare you- just to let you know that it's just a rough moment you have to go through to get a lifetime of happiness and love.

18

Hi Darla,
Talk to your doctor about your anxiety and your feeling about pain control. Weeks before I delivered, my doctor and I spoke about pain control and he wrote everthing down and relayed my wishes to the nurses when I arrived at the hopsital. Birthing should not have be a horrible experience. I will tell you though, make sure to have pain meds..my first was delivered after 27 hours and no meds. I think I was crazy..worst pain I had ever been in! I was asking for pains meds at the check in desk when I went in for my second child! A little older and wiser I guess then. Good Luck!
Tammy

19

Hi Darla

I feel for you with my daughter I was worried about the labor not knowing what was going to happen .
I am not trying to scare you but I had back labor and it hurt like heck . But I realized why it hurt so much was because I would tense up with each contraction . You need to relax and focus and I am not saying it will be easy but it will not hurt as much . So with my son I knew what was going on with my body no back labor normal labor and it was much easier to handle .
And with a epidural you need to be at least at 4 dialated to get it . I also learned you need to relax for your body to move along with the dialating . When you tense up it really slows down the labor . With my daughter I did not dialate tell I fell asleep and relaxed then it went fast .
Good luck with every thing I wish you a fast a happy labor and a beautiful new baby .

20

Darla, you are not alone. I too like you had many of the same fears - I dreaded L-day. However, I found that my fears and anxiety were much worse than the actual experience. For me, the entire day was a very surreal experience, and went by in what now seems like seconds. And to be honest looking back, it was the best day of my life. I hope you too have the same outcome after feeling so scared.

I would also recommend you discuss your feelings with your doctor and make sure that your chart reflects your wishes for pain medication for the hospital.