I have been friends with my friend “Daisy” since college so a few decades now. I only get together with her a few times a year and talk to her on the phone pretty frequently or text. Every time I am with her, or we are together in a group of friends, or even when I talk with her in the evening on the phone she is always at best tipsy if not pretty darn drunk. I can tell because she slurs her words and gets pretty maudlin. Has anyone ever tried to help a friend have awareness or get help with drinking? I’m not sure it is even my business.
Hi @zippygranny . Since no one else is offering thoughts I’ll offer mine. This is really tough. I can see on the one hand that maybe it’s not your business. But if you care about her as a person and it is affecting your friendship (you don’t really say it is) then maybe ask her how things are going in general first and see if she shares anything that gives you an opening.
Yes, you should. Ignoring is enabling and only fuels her denial that she has a drinking problem.
“Hey Daisy, I enjoy our chats and catching up on old times, but there is something that has been on my mind lately and I hope I don’t upset you by asking. Your friendship means a lot to me but I am concerned because the last few times we have spoke it seems like you are slurring your words and having trouble focusing on our conversation ( or whatever symptoms you notice). I don’t mean to upset you, I just care about you and your safety and want to help if I can”……or something like that.
Alcohol abuse is more prevalent in middle age and older woman due to loneliness. This age group of women tend to be more isolated because the tasks of childbearing have ended, and while laborious usually provided a network of others women could connect with or tasks that offset loneliness.
As we all age, especially women tend to run into health concerns. If she is taking medication it is quite dangerous to be mixing those with alcohol. Alcohol very much has a negative influence on bones, balance and blood pressure. Not to mention how dangerous it is for her to be driving.
Here is the website for more information:
SAMHSA - Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration
@Elayne_J thanks so much for your thoughts and for the website link. She recently drunk texted again and it made me really sad. I think you nailed part of it which is she recently retired from a very high powered job so has kind of lost her identity and has a lot more free time. Luckily she does not drive; she doesn’t even have a license. But I worry about her getting into a really bad spot. And it is affecting the friendship to the extent that I have started not wanting to take her calls because I just don’t want to have a drunk conversation.