Does my son need special ed?

Special Needs Other Special Needs
1

Dear Moms,

I have been struggling with this problem for some time now. It's sort of complicated, but please, please bear with me. I'd be so grateful for a bit of advice.

Seven months ago, my son, who is now 3, qualified for Early Intervention. His cognitive skills were up to date, but he was extremely, painfully afraid of other children and had a number of sensory sensitivities (fears of sand, snow, wind, and screamed terribly in the bath). He got OT both at home and in school for six months. During this time, my son made wonderful progress on the sensory stuff -- he how laughs and plays in the bath, has a wonderful time on the beach, and says things like "the wind is making me run fast, whee!" His social issues have also improved somewhat, but he's still very shy and frightened socially. His physical coordination (and possibly his muscle tone) are also delayed.

Okay. A few months ago, the OT who had been working with my son at home started working with him at school. Until that point, this OT had been giving me only positive feedback. However, when she saw him in a social setting she sort of reevaluated him and suddenly started calling me several times a week, telling me my son had serious problems and needed to be in a special ed setting asap. Nothing about my son had changed; this person just saw him in a different setting. This came as something of a splash of cold water for me, but I went ahead and scheduled an evaluation.

Well, at that evaluation there were about 8 adults present. The social worker with EI made a number of patently untrue statements about my son, and I had to struggle to get a word in edgewise. The speech therapist stated that my son had "major problems" because his voice was apparantly hypo-nasal. The head of the special ed program just used very negative language like "we're going to need to evaluate the extent of your son's delays." Now, my son's verbal comprehension skills are somewhere between age-level and exceptionally good. He didn't understand the social context of the evaluation, but he did understand, perfectly well, that a lot of important adults were sitting around saying negative things about him. He was devastated, and honestly, so was I.

Since then, the OT has continued to call me regularly to convince me that this program is what my son needs. Apparently, he wouldn't be in a class for children with cognitive delays; it'd be a group of children with isolated problems (lots of speech delays) and behavioral issues. I've also been getting regular calls from the school district about scheduling a follow-up evaluation.

I am hesitant to ignore the advice of experts or to let my emotions alone guide such an important decision. But would it really make sense for such a shy, sensitive little boy to be in a classroom with kids with all sorts of behavioral issues (in this age group, I can only assume this means, aggressive behavior, hitting, etc.)? The OT also insists that if they focus on my son's physical coordination, etc., this will improve his confidence. But does it really improve anyone's confidence to have people focus for six hours a day on something you're bad at? Wouldn't it be better for him to build skills in areas related to his strengths (my son is so musical, so logical/analytical, so curious and creative...)?

And finally, is it really THAT BAD to be a smart, shy, klutzy kid? To be ... well ... a geek? Does my son really need to be "fixed"?

Sorry. I know this is really long. But I'm nearly crying as I write this, and I'd be grateful for any and all advice. Thank you!

2

Miranda,

I am responding to you as a special education administrator and a mom. First, I am not sure where you stand in the process. It sounds like you went for the psychoeducational assessment, but have not yet had a Committee on Preschool Special Education meeting to review the results and write a program.

My recommendations, therefore, are based on that assumption.

First, you had faith in your OT when she was saying positive things, but sounds like you have started to question her judgment now that her concerns are more significant. You were not specific regarding her concerns and the behaviors that are socially impacting, but it sounds like your son is having a hard time generalizing his new strategies into a school setting. Talk with his teacher and the OT in a meeting, not over the phone. Find out what's going on SPECIFICALLY. Your son may be exhibiting significant behaviors in school that you may not see at home.

Second, preschool services focus on remediating delays so that children can be successful in Kindergarten. Many times therapists will request a full day program so that they can provide intensive support during the short time before a child enters school-age eligibility. Once a child enters Kindergarten, the criteria for help changes and it becomes much more difficult to access services.

Finally, you MUST observe the recommended program. You are making an assumption that may not be true. You are assuming that the children are all chair-throwers in the class and they may not be. The program director may be thinking of a class of children who are all bright, but who have social difficulties that are impacting their ability to progress in the preschool setting.

Don't rule it out b/c of your emotional reaction. No one wants to hear something negative about their child, but keep in mind that it is very difficult for service providers to give you this information. Your son already has special education services in the form of OT. If he needs more or needs something different, explore it. The service providers have nothing to gain by giving your son additional support, believe me.

Good luck and feel free to message me if you need more information.

3

Now, if your son was older I'd push, but since he's only 3 I would be a little careful of any "labels" on him as of yet. His vocalization skills are just developing. Here is a perfect example...my neighbor's little boy (let's call him Sam for sake of argument) had a very difficult time at 3 speaking. I was around Sam quite a bit because he played with my son on a regular basis. His vocab was so bad that most of the time you could barely understand him. I would have to ask him several times to repeat himself. His speech was so difficult to understand that his mother was going to have him evaluated. Within a 6 mo period his language skills increased so well, that by the time he was evaluated he placed out, and didn't need any help. My point is, at this age they are just learning to speak well. The problem about labeling a kid "special ed" is that once they have that label it's almost impossible to overturn it. I'd say give it a few months. Don't let them push you into this. Have him evaluated again after x-mas. 6 mos can make a big difference for a kid this age. Especially if he just turned 3. My son spoke very clearly at 3, to the point people would ask me how old he was. But he's always been that way, so is my daughter for that matter. But give him some time, that may be all he really needs.

4

I am a mother of an 8 year old son who at age three was completely non-verbal. He was in Early interevention for speech and also for OT. When he turned three he aged into the Special Ed Preschool. I urge you to take a look at the program and to also look into private preschools for your son. My son did attend the Special Ed Preschool and is now in third grade, and speaks so well that people don't believe me when I tell them how delayed he was. He does still have some OT issues.

When you look into the preschool (special ed) make sure you know what your options are...

in our town, your child could attend for 1/2 day, full day, and full day with extended school year. The teachers for all of these programs are different. You want to evaluate all of these options to see what the children are like and what the teachers/aides are like and what the ciriculum is all about.

You should also contact your pediatrician and see if he/she recommends outside OT (which you could do through your insurance company). At one time, we had my son in Speech though early intervention and we also had 1x a week with a private speech therapist.

There are advocates that could probably help you as well Remember YOU ARE HIS PARENT AND YOU HAVE THE FINAL SAY. NOTHING CAN CHANGE WITHOUT YOUR AUTHORIZATION.

If you have any other questions, please don't hesitate to contact me directly.

5

Hello

My son is going for his first evaluation too but one thing that I noticed now is that since I put him in summer camp for 3 and 4 years old, he has improved his language skills a lot. He is also 3 and I think that at this age they still developing their verbal skills. Like I said perhaps he just need more time to develop and like my son, he just have a slower developing than other children their own age. Honestly I don't think that is wrong. Just follow your mother insticts if you think this program where your son needs special attentions is going to make things worst for him, then do not do it. Read to him, sing and perhaps let him interact more with other children so his speach improves. I am going to take my son still to his evaluation next week to see what they say, and I will let you know. BEST OF LUCK!!! I know how frustating it is for you specially cause we just want our sons to be happy and healthy and we will give away our own happines to change anything that will hurt them or make them unhappy. LOVE CHAQUIS

6

Oh Miranda,
broke my heart as I was reading you express your feelings. I had to go back a few times on your post to make sure i understood your son is 3. Do I have to stop thinking that he is only 3 and suggest something or do i stick to the fact that he is 3 and take it from there?
first, speech...i totally recommend speech therapy. My daughter, twin B, was delayed, some say very delayed, I say she was delayed. At two she had no words. At three she had some but still very unclear as to what she was saying. Now, at five you can tell she was a late talker. her vocabulary isn't where I think should be, especially compared to her twin sister, and her words are soo soft I have to ask her to repeat herself many times, on occasion.
Twin A is very uncomfortable around kids. I should say, was very uncomfortable around kids and strangers and even family members. I never had her 'evaluated; for that. I had her in preschool when she was 3 and she warmed up some but didn't totally let go of her shyness. She felt better off playing by herself or with her twin. I was and still am ok with that.

My children are about to start kindergarten. I suspect someone will suggest to me that twin B will need something, or start throwing 3 letter diagnoses at me about her. But I tell you now, there is no way I would put any of my children in a setting with other children that have either similar problems or different ones. I want them in mainstream schools. I am the mother and I decide. It is the only country in the world that we diagnose everything. I totally agree if a child needs speech, or physical therapy, or something of the sort, but because the child does not feel comfortable around peers, or is shy, or prefers to be alone, to take that child in a closed setting to try and 'fix' him/her? My God. Stuff like this makes me mad.
He is only 3. He's still in that 'I want my mom' stage. Difficult to let go. Some kids are ready to go run around and let go of the attachment, some kids need time to feel comfortable, especially those kids that don't have older siblings.
I am so sorry you're going through this. When the OT calls you again to stress out how important it is for your child to enter this thing tell her you need a face to face conversation because you want to understand what exactly is he lacking and how is this setting going to help him, and why not let nature take its course and give him a few years to outgrow it?
I hope you realize whatever you decide your son will be fine.
lots of hugs from a former geek.
:)

7

I'm sorry you had to endure this. Usually I say trust those that do these evaluations, but something doesn't sit well with me here. I cannot tell you what to do as a professional since I do not know your son. But what I can tell you as a mom is to trust your instincts. Not every district is looking out for what is best for your child. Talk to your pediatrician, or an independent evaluation. Schools can sometimes push towards these types of things, I am sorry to say, for control & money. You see, a spec ed. child receives much more $$ from certain state & fed. programs. Most are justified, some are not. The more kids in the program the less likely a job will be cut. Be an advocate for your child. You have legal rights. You do not have to do what they say. I wish you the best.

8

Amy J is right on target with her observations. My oldest daughter didn't talk for the longest time. I had her evaluated and they suggested putting her in an early intervention class 3 times a week. When I pressed for more info I found out that yes her speech was behind but the real reason they wanted to put her in the class was because she was well behaved and it would set an example for the other children. Needless to say we declined their offer and I worked with her at home.

Fast forward to kindergarden/1st grade and speech problem is still a little there. They decide to do speech at school 2 times a week but in reality it was once every other week because 'we're still trying to set a program that tailors to her needs'. When they didn't get funding to hire another therapist they decided that my daughter was cured. Guess those 3 sessions she actually had worked wonders. She's 26 now and NEVER SHUTS UP!

My son was language disabled. He couldn't read or write by the time he was going into 2nd grade. Their answer was to put him back in 1st grade. Mine was to press for a PPT and have him get help. Once again their set game plan vs what he actually recieved were totally different. I worked with him at home starting with basic books and by the end of the year he could read well. No thanks to the school system.

If you decide to get your son additional help just make sure that they are doing when they outlines and call the teachers to be filled in on how everything is going. Look at everything he brings home and question when needed.

My son was recieving additional help for 3 yrs. Right toward the end there was an important national standard test and they wanted to exclude him from taking it. I knew he could take it and do well so I said nope he takes the test. They hemed and hawed because under law they are able to exclude anyone recieving special help which assists in boosting up the scores. He took the test, he ranked in the top 3%, and I pulled him out of the special help program after signing a paper that said I was doing this when the experts recommended he stay. He's now 21 and a straight A college kid.

9

Hi. I’m not sure if anyone’s reading this, since it’s been a while, but I did want to say that I decided to go through with the evaluation process, since I felt like I owed it to my son to really get to the bottom of the OT’s concerns. I am still very much undecided about enrolling him in this program.

We had one OT evaluation, which in part involved puzzles. The OT (not the one we’d been working with before) wound up bringing out harder and harder puzzles, which my son kept completing. After a while, this OT was sort of leaning back in her chair with her eyes open wide, whispering “wow.” She said his eye-hand coordination is right on target, and his spatial/visual and reasoning skills are “way off the charts.”

At the end, this OT told me that it was very typical for children who are exceptionally bright to also miss significant milestones in one or two areas. She seemed to think this class might be good for my son, since she said it’d be a real shame for such an intelligent child to be too frightened to learn well in groups.

But I do feel like this one person was actually talking about my son here, and not making random, unfounded assumptions. So I feel much, much better.

Thanks so much to you all!