Do you tend to exaggerate or underestimate child's milestones?

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1

So one of my daycare kids is a 10 month old little boy. And while I think he is right I track, I do not think he is the next einstein. His mother on the other hand told me today that he is now saying Mom, Dad, Hi and Cat. I watch this kid for 9.5 hours a day 4-5 days a week and have maybe heard 'Ma'...but don't necessarily think there is any meaning attached to the syllabol. She also insists he's almost walking, but I've never seen him stand without help yet. (I know it's possible at this age because my son did...I just don't think THIS boy will be for a while). I know she is a first-time mom, and I would NEVER burst her bubble. But I just don't think I was even this way with my kids. I think I tended to underestimate their acheivements until I KNEW they were saying the word or were definitely walking, not just a step. Not that I wasn't super excited at every little acheivement, I just didn't tell people they were doing more than they were...because no one likes THAT mom. Difference in our personalities I guess.

Funnier, more extreme: My dad's ex once told me that all 4 of HER kids were walking, talking and potty trained by 9 months of age. I just smiled and said well isn't that nice. .. Whatever makes her feel better at night lol.

I just don't get if some people feel like a failure if there kid isn't hitting milestones ahead of schedule. Or maybe some mommy guilt that they miss alot of new things (kid is in daycare 9.5 hrs) and have to make up new ones that they saw?
FYI - I NEVER tell a parent that their kid does something new here...only that we are working on walking, and if they actually do it on their own well the first time was with mommy.

Just wondering what all you momma's tend to do...is your kid 'talking' when they first utter a syllabol, or do you wait until they are speaking sentences before telling anyone they talk. (or probably somewhere inbetween, but you get the point ;) ) And do you think your attitude changed with multiple children or not?

ETA: Yup, I agree with most, I don't put much stock in milestones as long as they are 'normal'...and since I've seen quite a few kids now I know that normal varies. I just wish some of these momma's in my daycare would know that so I wouldn't have to bite my tongue so much lol. And yes, I had two early walkers and know that it SUCKS lol...sure it's cute to see them toddle...not so cute when they are reaching for everything off your tables. And I'm sure once they're way past the toddler stage I (& daycare momma) won't care when the kids learned to walk either.

@Patty W. - You're right, while I do try and give lots of attention (I watch 5 kids including my own)...I'm sure with that extra bit of encouragement and one-on-one from his parents he 'probably' does do more at home. However, if the kids won't do it ALL the time (for someone else) I tend not to count it...even for my own kids. But again, that's just me apparently.
@Hazel W. - I know EXACTLY what you mean when you get THAT question lol.
@Mandy B. - I'm laughing so hard because that is exactly what I was trying to say lol

@SuzanneL - It is wonderful and I know her to be a truly great and caring mom, didn't mean to diminish that at all. Unlike the dad of one of the kids that used to come here and would bring the girls without coats and shoes if the mom wouldn't set them out for him! Really?! I would absolutely much rather "deal with" this mom's comments anyday over a parent who can't be bothered to take the time to clothe their kids.

2

My 10 month old daughter is already doing calculus! LoL she is walking already and says mama,dada,bye and “kit” instead of cat. I also worked in childcare and saw these kinds of moms who kids were the next Einstein and I sat there as these sweet kids ate boogers and thought “yep that’s the next Einstein!” LoL

3

With all the kids around my house I have so much on my plate that I can’t even remember when the milestones are supposed to take place. Sometimes I even pray they don’t hit the crawling stage until I am rested enough to chase them so I would say I probably underestimate. I figure they will do what they do when they do it. They are all on their own schedule.

4

My oldest did walk at 10 months. Considering the outcome to hitting that milestone early I am not impressed. Did you know a walking child does not by proxy walk where you want them to? Lets not even get into running!

My second pulled herself up at 10 months, I sat her down…this went on for a month before she just stood up, flashed me a dirty look and walked away.

My kids just hit those mobility milestones early, near as I can tell they just don’t like my schedules so they needed to assert their individuality. :slight_smile:

Now talking, my oldest learned to talk along with my second so we had one developing a massive vocabulary early and one very late. We are talking three and a half to one and a half when I could say these kids could carry on a conversation.

I don’t know if you have noticed but I haven’t even mentioned three and four, poor dears, just too much to type.

If there weren’t funny stories attached to those milestones I wouldn’t remember them at all. Those two are 24 and 22 now, I assure you the ability to walk early has not shown up as a life skill. Don’t argue with the early talker mind you.

So yeah, I don’t put much on milestones. In general I reply all normal when asked with the caveat that my boys were crazy late talking. Yeah, both of them, go figure. Oddly the one that talked last is the smartest of the lot.

I guess I just figure milestones mean little and it isn’t the number of children you have that makes a difference in attitude, it is the age of your children. I can assure you nowhere on their college applications did they ask about milestones, ya know? Employers don’t seem to care either. :stuck_out_tongue:

5

I don’t exaggerate, IMO, but when DD rolled out “a duck…yeah, a duck” at 8 months we counted it AND have it on video and other people agreed that there was a hard K at the end. It was April Fool’s Day so we needed evidence! And DD also tried to crawl off the exam table at her 2 mo. visit. The doctor was kind of “yeah, you have the smartest baby in the world” til she had to catch DD. So now it’s a joke between us. I’m realistic about DD. When I thought her speech was a problem, I had her evaluated. They said she was ahead on many things, average on many and slightly behind on things like blends. Being in preschool has really helped DD but I needed to know where she stood.

And sometimes it’s not such a great thing to have a kid ahead of the curve. SD crawled by 4 months and walked at 8 and got into everything long before she understood “no.” DH says it was a nightmare.

I would just smile and nod and if they are worried where there isn’t any need, tell them there’s a wide range of normal.

6

My attitude was probably formed by working with little ones long before I had my own. When documenting development, I knew that there had better be some actual manifestation of whatever milestone I was writing down, and I was always able to provide exact examples of little Suzy scooting before crawling or Harvey’s first babbling, then a few months later, moving on to a few simple words…which I had to hear or witness before declaring that Harvey was saying this or that.

Because of this, it gave me an informed perspective that developmental milestones happen not just in a small window of time, but that the window could be a four or five month ‘window’ for some things…longer for others.

My son was and still is a late bloomer in some areas. I didn’t stress about this, even when his ‘peer’ babies were crawling and he was just happy to sit and observe. So I never stated that he’d hit a milestone until I’d seen it with my own eyes–not once, but several times. When he started talking, I would give correct information “He has about three words” or "he can say “mama, dada, and ki-ki” (for Kitty).

I will say (though you didn’t ask) that the hardest part of all was the moms who did brag too early on and just keeping a straight face, esp. when they would turn to me and ask “Is YOUR son doing X?” I wanted to say “Oh, no… but neither is yours!”

7

I think I was pretty much on target, not exaggerating or downplaying. You might not hear the baby saying mama, dada or cat because you don’t have his dada or a cat at your house. He may say hi if his parents repeatedly say hi to him til he mimicks them, but you probably are not doing that. No, not every syllable is a word, but at that age my oldest was saying the cat’s name, mama, dada and pretzel. My daycare provider was shocked when my youngest was 7 months old and I came to pick him up one day, and he looked right at me and announced MAMA!
I didn’t consider them to be walking til they were actually taking steps without holding on. I didn’t consider them to be talking til they were using words to label objects, not just babbling nonsense.
I always wanted my daycare providers to tell me if the kids hit some milestone while they were together. I still remember our first provider getting my daughter on video holding her own bottle.

8

I think most people’s attitude changes as they mature and learn more. I’m sure that was true of me.

I do believe the baby could be more advanced at home than with you in school. A quieter setting with Mom and Dad’s encouragement could make a difference.

9

::giggle::

Okay. Under control.

From a neurological perspective… What a lot of -otherwise intelligent- people don’t GET, is that early is JUST as concerning as late. When its consistant.

NEARLY ALL babies are early, dead on, and late… In the NORMAL range. Because milestones happen at different rates. Being consistant early (abnormal) is usually a sign of a CNS disorder that is often lethal, or asychronistic development (bad), or one of several other life long disorders that will require a lot of sweat and tears.

Which is why docs are usually completely polite about “EARLY!!! WITH EVERYTHING!!!” Parents… When the child

A) Obviouslg isn’t (be ause they’re looking at 2 things instead of 80)

&

B) Is perfectly healthy (remember the terminal cases?), and far from deaths door.

As a new parent, and new to studying the brain… I wanted to claw my eyeballs out at people saying such obviously wrong things.

Later, as the parent of a kid with special needs… I’d get horribly disappointed when I realized the park moms had no idea what they were yammering on about (there tend to be locuses of special needs families in certain areas, SO disappointed when I thought we’d actually moved into one… Just to find out the parents were doting, not commiserating).

10 years later… I’ve descended to waving away a laugh and walking on.

10

I’m an underestimater(sp?) but I’m a " Debbie Downer" by nature.

Like someone else said, my middle son started walking at 9 mos. but severely speech delayed. So, I was convinced he had sensory issues, that caused the early walking. Instead , if being overjoyed about his accomplishment , I was a wreck.

11

But inspite of the exaggeration isn’t it great to see a mother who is proud of her child? So many aren’t. She’ll learn.

12

Well my son was walking, talking, buttering his bread, and day trading by 9 months.

But I pushed him hard because I wanted to keep up with your dad’s ex!

Thanks for a good laugh!

I think I downplayed milestones as they were happening. Since everyone’s kids go at a different pace, I tried not to brag in case other Moms would feel bad.

13

Actually, the milestones they missed were way more interesting to me. My oldest never rolled over. Never. Not at 3 months when she was “supposed” to, and not ever! She decided early on (as a newborn) that she HATED tummy time, and therefore, why would she roll from her back to her stomach? And if we put her on her stomach, clearly we were morons who didn’t understand her, so she would scream until she threw up. Oy vey. This trend continued with crawling - she refused - it was totally beneath her to travel in such fashion. She went straight to walking, very early. However, because she was terrified of falling, she would stand up, and then look around, worried that she would fall, afraid to take a step. And then start screaming. sigh

Fast forward 10 years, this same kid is stubborn, opinionated, holds herself to an impossible standard (to the point that she’s almost OCD - we are working on it). Basically, these quirks as a baby were not signals of some underlying problem, but the sign of an extremely strong personality. Of course, at the time it was concerning, but we had a good pediatrician who told us not to worry. In any case, when people would ask, “Is she crawling yet?” I would fess up that no, she wasn’t. These well-meaning people would nod their heads knowingly, and say how sad it was that the child of two athletes would end up so delayed. The last laugh is on them - this child, now 10, is in a pre-professional ballet program.

14

I knew a woman who insisted her son was fully potty trained at age two. She had to ask him every half hour if he had to go, then she had to take him to the bathroom, pull his pants down for him, put him on the toilet, wipe him, pull his pants up for him, help him wash his hands, and he still had accidents. He was three, and she still had to do all that for him, but she continued to insist he was fully potty trained!

As for my own kids, my older son was an early walker and an early talker, so when my younger son waited until he was 12 months to start walking I was worried, and I was really worried when he didn’t start talking until he was three!

15

Didn’t have to exaggerate the milestones for any of my 4 babies they (dad,grandparents,relatives,pediatrician,PAT) seen it happen..

16

With my first I did get spoiled. He did hit every milestone far in advance. He is “gifted”. Do I care. Nah… not anymore. Don’t get me wrong I’m happy for my son and glad that he is in gifted math and science class but so what. He has as many problems as he does gifts like any other child. I don’t brag about it to anyone. My daughter actually is just as smart I think but she was always behind on her milestones. Not because she isn’t smart as a whip it’s because she’s LAZY! She has been lazy since the day she was born. If something requires her to lift a finger she’d rather not. lmao… She’s been that way since the day she was born. Forget walking that means she had to exert energy. Now my youngest was born with a slew on problems. He had 3 surgeries to remove a tumor off his neck by the time he was 6 months old. By 8 months old he had open heart surgery to fix his heart defects. He’s never hit milestones really. Had failure to thrive. He’s THREE and just recently started to talk. He had his 3 year check up and he’s now up to 30 pounds! You have no idea how exciting that is. From constant visits to children’s hospital, so many hospitalizations, more tests than I could recall… to just being on the charts for weight and being removed from formula finally!

I trumpet the hell out of his accomplishments and people besides me get so excited. But I guess that is understandable. People want him to be ok. People went through this with me even though they weren’t his family or his mother. Everyone wants to know that Alexandre is going to be ok.

To be honest the first time I’ve ever seen people really care about milestones both in my friends and my own family is Alexandre. People will actually ask me how he’s doing, where he’s at developmentally, how his last appointment went, what his weight is up to. It’s kinda new and weird to me but it’s nice to know that so many people care about him and are pulling for him. So I think milestones do matter when it comes down to it… for kids like Alexandre though. All the other kids it was just a way for me to know they were developing normally. . . but until you’ve had a kid that isn’t and you don’t know what damage his conditions have caused you don’t understand how wonderful milestones are.

But as long as a child is hitting them on or before then who cares. It’s wonderful but doesn’t mean anything. My daughter like I said is bright, get’s straight a’s with little to no effort, but she most certainly never hit a single milestone early. lol