We were talking about this at work this morning. One of the ladies was saying how she hates it when dinner guests don’t help clean up. She says it is bad manners not to automatically get up and clear the table, etc. (She specifically referred to the women, she wouldn’t expect a man to do this.) I hate it when dinner guests do clean up. When I invite guests over I intend to serve them and clean up after them. I don’t need the help cleaning up. I have a small kitchen, I like things done my way, and when guests try to help they just get in my way. I like to put the dishes in the kitchen and take care of them after my guests leave, so I can visit with my guests. By the same token, I do not help when I am a dinner guest. I will ask “is there anything I can do?”, and if so I will gladly do it, but I do not take the initiative to do anything. Do you expect your guests to clean up, or would you prefer they don’t?
Expect it? No way. Appreciate it? Of course. I always clear my own dishes at others’ homes, unless the dinner is so formal that to do so would be just plain awkward.
I dont like dinner guests to help. I have my routine, know how I want it done, and don’t want them putting dirty dishes anywhere… please- just leave them on the table and I will get them when I’m ready!.
It’s polite of them to offer but NO WAY do I want them to help. It would be RUDE to expect them to help.
I won’t let my dinner guests help. I don’t clean the dishes while they are there. This isn’t about dinner. It’s about fellowship. It’s about enjoying their company. I’ll clean the kitchen the next morning.
I don’t like your co-worker’s attitude, quite frankly, expecting a woman to help but giving a pass to a man. Ugh.
I ALWAYS try to help when someone else invites us over. So does my husband. If they accept the help, we get it done. If they won’t accept the help, I understand, because I am the same way.
Dawn
I would never expect a guest to clean up. They are a guest and are there to visit and have a good time, not to clean up. When I am at someone else’s house, I do ask if there is anything that I can do.
It really depends on region/culture as well.
In my city/State, guests DO help clean up.
It is largely a cultural thing and just what people do here.
I personally never “expect” a guest to help do that, but guests just do help and take the initiative to do so. Regardless of generation. It is socially and culturally, the thing we do here.
In fact, if a person does not do that, then it is seen as rude, or as a faux pas.
And any Host can say to their guests “just sit down and relax…” no need to help.
No way, I’m with you. I hate people in my kitchen. When we have people over, I just do a quick pile of dirty plates and put all the leftovers quickly in tupperware in the fridge and get back to my guests. I leave all the cleanup for after they leave or in the morning. When I go to peoples house, I don’t automatically jump up to help, I too ask if there is anything I can do or if they want me to help and see what they say. I assume most people are like me and either don’t want everyone in the kitchen or know I’m the guest and should be visiting. =)
Give the host the opportunity to say, “Thank you, but I can handle that. You don’t have to help clean up.” It’s always, always better to offer to help as a guest OR to automatically help clean up without being asked.
In other words, yes it’s bad manners if you don’t do one or the other.
I would prefer they don’t help with cleaning up. They are a guest in my home and I wouldnt’ want them to feel they are expected to clean up after themselves after I have invited them over, and also like you said I would feel like they just get in my way (not familiar with the kitchen ect.) I don’t think its rude to not clean up if you are the guest. Yes it is nice to ask if the host needs any help with anything… but most women I have come in contact with in this situation feel the same as I do.
I prefer the guests not help, but appreciate that they offer. It really just makes more work for me. They invariably stack the dishes so I have to then clean the bottoms as well as the tops!
I offer to help at others homes. I use to automatically do it at family and in-laws homes. But I noticed some of them never offer to help me. So, I stopped doing anything at those particular homes. It is so hard to sit there and do nothing!
Unless they are immediate family (lol) I wouldn’t expect guests to clean up. Would appreciate it if they did help, but not expected.
I prefer some help. I have at times found it rude when guests did not even offer to help.
Sherri,
I feel exactly the way you do! When I’m a guest, I will offer help because that’s the way I was raised. If the host/hostess says NO, I just enjoy myself!
I appreciate the offer, but prefer to do it myself. If we are having a team potluck or something of that nature at my house (we host alotn of those type things) then I do appreciate people helping cleaning up outside after their kids and helping bring things into the kitchen, but I do not expect nor do I ask that they do this. If they do it on their own or offer I gladly accept, a regular dinner party indoors with a few people I DO IT MYSELF
had to add my 2 cents,
Dh enjoys parties I loathe them,
there are 2 groups of his friends and our sisinlaw that will begin cleaning up with out asking me, I hate it.
then instead of it just getting done on my terms, they are rummaging through my cupboards for saran wrap, mixing up the good china that I would handwash with the regular stuff i want in the dishwasher, or else they are standing in my way holding a gravy boat asking me where i want it. --I want it where it was and would really like some alone time to try to compose myself so i can contnue dealing with you for the rest of the night.- get out! I obviously don’t say that but when i insist they go visit and leave it to me 
the look at me like Ihave 3 heads. nope only one and it is sick of visiting with you!
Once I invited a couple over and the woman laid out the plates and picked seats for everyone. I was affronted! I felt “this tall” in my own home.
The other weekend we invited family over for a cook out. My mom went around the house picking up dishes and I caught her in the kitchen rinsing them off. I scolded her, lol. Next time I’ll just have to beat her to it!
So, no I don’t expect a guest in my home to clean up after themselves. Their children, maybe. Depends on the mess. But I’m offering them dinner so I will clean up too. To me that is just what it means to be a hostess.
No, that’s what the kids are for. Duh 
Only during holidays when we host over 20 people… otherwise I am hosting the guest…which means I take car of things. If they ask to help multiple times I am pretty good with finding something for them to do…
No, and I don’t want any of us to spend time cleaning, mainly because our guests are over to visit & spend time with us, not watch me clean or vice versa.