Over the years I have seen my husband reach out to family members by visiting, sending cards, calling on phone, etc. He remembers birthdays and does things for their birthdays, and has our kids do things for them. What gets me is that he does all this for them, but I have never seen his dad, who lives nearby, reach out to him the same way. He is friendly to be around,but he never initiates a phone call,
never visits, etc. He will help out with things if we ask him to and he is able, but other than that, I’ve never seen him initiate anything with us. They (he and long-time wife) never invite us anywhere. I think they do quite a bit with her family, but I don’t see the same with us. It makes me kind of jealous, but I can’t prove a discrepancy. It makes me mad that my husband goes all out for them in all the ways that he does, but they don’t reach out in return. My husband has spent extra money to do things to make them feel included and has told me that if they don’t reach out to us, etc. that’s on them. I’ve asked him why he goes to so much effort to do things with and for them (like celebrate their birthdays with them, visit them, order things our kids have made through school,etc.), when I don’t know if they even care, but he says he does things because he WANTS to.
Sometimes I wish he would stop doing stuff (calling, visiting, celebrating their birthdays, etc.) just to see if his dad would make any effort towards him. I often think that if my husband didn’t do what he does he would never see his dad. But my husband continues.
Do I have a right to be a little mad. I’d like to know why this FIL doesn’t initiate things with us, and why it looks like he does more with his wife’s family, but it would feel awkward,and I don’t feel close enough to them to do that. Anybody got any different ways I could look at this? I’d like to stop thinking mean thoughts, but I still wonder why my husband has to put all the effort in. My MIL would say that it’s because of his wife and her being selfish (they know, but don’t like each other). With what I’ve seen I get inclined to believe her, but I hope he wouldn’t let her control him like this. She is sociable to us, but she doesn’t reach out to us either. My husband’s mom and dad seem totally opposite each other as far as reaching out. So I see a real discrepancy. I want to stop finding reason to be angry about this all. I’m sure my husband notices and doesn’t understand, but doesn’t seem to care–he just keeps on reaching out to them.
Any better ways of looking at this, since I doubt FIL will ever change?