My daughter is almost 5 1/2, and has been in Kindergarten this school year, her birthday is late November. My question is should I hold her back, the only issue is her age. She is meeting all the requirements, academically and socially. She is set on "going the 1st grade" and I don't know how to talk to her about this or who to talk to. My husband pretty much has left the dicision to me, but is leaning towards repeating, he wants her to be the "smartest" in the class, and not just on the line of average. Anyone have advice on what to do, have you been in the same situation. I don't want to move her on, and next year be lost, and end up not liking school. Help!
I don't see any reason for holding her back. I teach high school and their is a stigma that goes along with students that are held back. It should only be done when necessary. A student the other day was just making fun of a kid that was held back in 1st grade. It is not right to make fun of someone, but the reality is that it will happen. It is not something she will forget. Kindergarten is not really an academic year, but more for socializing and preparing for 1st grade. If you hold her back and she is still not the smartest in the class, then what? I think you and your husband can do a lot with her at home to help her learn and be an advanced student in the class.
When is your cutoff date? (Here it is Sept 1st so a Nov birthdate child would be at the top age-wise).
My son is at the tail end of his Kindergarten class with only 2 months of kids being younger than him and he is doing fine. He is one of the 3 tiny kids in the class, yet he reads so very well (3rd grade level!!!) so all in all, since he is not struggling, we will let him go on to 1st grade.
I dont see that there are any concerns (other than your wanting her to be "the smartest" instead of "just average" in the class) so would the advantages of staying behind to boost her confidence outweigh the disadvantages of missing her friends who do go on, knowing that she is being held back, and being the oldest in her class next year (and thereafter)?
The BEST way to help your child to not be lost in the class is to read with her daily, do things with her, talk to her about how and why you do things (I know, I know, I'm SICK of the word WHY?! LOL) and volunteer, if you can, to spend an hour or 2 in her class each week. Kids love it, and I love it too in that I can see how my son does among his peers. Each child is so unique and different from the next.
Another thought- I have noticed, by being small growing up, and having a small son, that people seem to expect more from bigger/older kids, so if your daughter was one of the older kids in the class, the teacher might(?) place some additional expectations on her to set a good example, get it right, etc.
Anyway, I would like to hear more about why you feel she needs to be held back. Your gut instinct as a mother for what is right for your daughter is more important than what all we moms here who dont know your child could say.
If she is doing fine academically and socially, then I would send her on to 1st grade. My grandpa is turning 90 this year and still talks about having had to repeat kindergarten. He tells it now as a funny anecdote, but I have a feeling that it must have made a deep impression on him. I wouldn't hold a child back unless it was totally obvious that they needed the extra time to mature or to catch up academically.
As for being the youngest in class, my Dec. birthdate was past the cut off date in California, but not where I started school, so they kept me in my same grade anyway. I was always the youngest in class, and turned out just fine. : ) But my mom was also always reading to me, playing games (like Scrabble), and otherwise engaging me in activities other than just TV, so I'm sure that helped.
Besides, being the "smartest" in class is not always the best thing--sometimes the smartest ones get bored, act up more, don't feel challenged, and get lazy. (I can tell you that from experience.) And being the oldest doesn't always equal being the smartest.
Hi Molly,
I would not hold your daughter back. She has already established relationships with others in her class and it could be detrimental to her later. Kids can be so mean. Also, if you are concerned that she is not the smartest in the class, that can be worked on. You can read with her more and there are great websites out there that can get worksheets for her to work on all summer.
The biggest difference between kids who excel and kids who don't are their parents. Your attitude will influence her success.
Dana
Dana
If she's mature for her age, there's no reason to hold her back. I was a mid-October baby and started kindergarten at age 4, and always did very well in school.
My daughter is a mid-September baby, and our school's cutoff is September 1 - however based on her readiness I pushed them to let her into Kinder this year and she has done very well. (We will definitely not be holding her back due to age!) I think I would have mutiny on my hands if I told her she had to repeat Kinder - all her friends will be going to first grade and she knows that she has done well on all her tests, is a good reader, etc. To tell her at this point that she had to repeat would make me the most hated mommy on earth, I'm sure of it!
The only reason to hold her back would be if the teacher recommended it, in my opinion.
Hi- I have two girls who are either the youngest or very near the youngest in their classes (now 4th and K). I worried a bit about my October birthday daughter when she started Kinder as it seems most people hold them back with the same idea your husband has. As time passes the age difference matters less and less. Kids end up where they are educationally, meaning that as they grow up the grades they've completed are the skills they've mastered. The developmental stuff that is so obvious in Kinder really fades after 2nd & 3rd grade. Both my girls have always done well in school (either right in the middle of the pack or above it) but I honestly don't think if I had started the older one a year later she would be the smartest in the class now, it just doesn't work that way. By repeating Kinder she will be re-learning what she has already mastered and I would think she would get bored not to mention a huge blow to her self esteem. I would only consider holding a child back under extreme circumstances where the teacher, school and both parents think it's absolutely necessary.
I'm not understanding why you are thinking of holding her back. If she has been in K all year and is meeting all of the requirements why would you even consider it? You already made the decision to start her young and she's been fine. If she is having social or academic struggles then I would consider it if the school felt it was appropriate but if not, I would send her on. If she is indeed doing just fine, the school won't hold her back due to her age (or they shouldn't).
I teach first grade and we do get young ones.....most do ok. The ones who struggle are the ones who struggled in K being so young. If it was last year, I would have advised holding her out until this year but it sounds like she's doing just fine.
As for your husbands desires....honestly, I don't know how to put this kindly but that's just silly. That is not a reason to hold a child back an entire year. There is a HUGE academic jump with more curriculum and a longer day so she may struggle a bit at first but many of them do for the first 6 weeks of the adjustment so don't be worried.
Good Luck!
One year does not make the difference between "smartest" and "average". Smart is smart, and average is average. Unless she is struggling now she won't get "lost" due to one year. You know your daughter -- if she seems smart enough, and is happy socially then let her go on. Ask her what she thinks. My daughter is a Nov. baby and is smart, but not brilliant. I started her early and let her continue. She just got straight A's with two honors classes.
If she is ready to go on to 1st and knows everyone else will go on, I think holding her back will hurt her. She may feel she isn't good enough no matter how hard she tries. Kids don't forget. I have a friend who held her son back in K because he was too immature and he still remembers and even though he gets A's and B's in 4th grade he feels he isn't good enough. Unless she is really immature and can't follow directions, I wouldn't do it.
My son is 11 years old and he is in 6th grade. He has an Aug. Birthday. He always did really well in school until 4th grade thats when the pace picked up, and is when he really started having problems. He has not been retained he is very bright, it just seems like he is always playing catch up. He makes Cs and a few Ds he tells me he has a hard time keeping up in his classes. We now have him going to a tutor and he will be going over the summer as well. I want to get him prepared as much as possible for middle school, (pre Algebra, writting SAs)So if I had to do it all over again I would of waited until the following year to start him in school, I tell my friends that all the time. I see where he seems to be more like the 5th graders and that he is forcing his self to act older like his class mates. So if you have any reservations about it I would hold her back.
Hope this helps,
Debbie
As a primary grade teacher, I recommend children start kindergarten late rather than early. The more mature children tend to be more successful as they continue on through school. Since she is already there, I would follow the recommendation of her teacher. If there are any concerns that she may be retained in future years, don't give it another thought...have her repeat kindergarten. It is better socially speaking to do it now than at a later date.
I don't think you should hold your child back. She has completed the year of Kindergarten with success and no setbacks, so move her along. She will miss her classmates and always see them as the kids she should be playing with. If you had held her back before starting Kindergarten that would be one thing. I debated holding my young November daughter back before Kindergarten this year, due to her age, and some immaturity (very sensitive, cries easily), but she was reading short chapter books before age 5. The Kindergarten teachers in my school insisted I start her in Kindergarten and she did great and she has matured a lot too. I was trying to think ahead, future years, but now I'm so glad I didn't hold her back. She did great, is reading at at least 2nd grade level. Dont' let her age determine your choices.
And one more thing to consider...if you hold her back, she could get bored, which could lead to mild behavioral problems at school.
What would your daughter learn next year if she repeated kindergarten? NOTHING.
Smartest in the class? my daughter is the smartest in 4th grade. She is constantly made fun of by jealous girls. Called names and for the spelling bee the thought of the class was anyone but her win. Not much fun.
Let her go on with her friends. This decision should have been made the last year if you wanted her older. Don't do it now.
Hi Molly,
I was always the youngest in my class, starting first grade at 5 with an early December birthday. It was never an issue for me, academically or otherwise. Because of my family stuff, I happened to be "old for my years." If her academic readiness is there, you would just want to make sure your daughter is socially ready. Her kinder teacher should be able to provide feedback on that if you aren't sure.
Good luck!
Laurie :)
Hi Molly
My son is also a November baby and is now 6 1/2. we DID choose to enter him in first grade , this despite the same concerns as you have.
However, we just felt like, we wanted to give it a try and he too wanted to move forward with his friends. well, turns out, he IS doing GREAT. he is at the top of his class for math and reading and has also adjusted socially. I think for each child it's a different experience, some are not ready. (the worse that can happen is , well you move them back) but it sounds like your daughter is ready to move on, so maybe give it a try. to this day, my son is still the youngest in his class and will probably be unless new students show up, but so far that hasn't matter in the least. I say go for it. however, whatever choice you make, best of luck :)
If she is ready then let her go forward to 1st grade. If she likes school she will do well even if she is average. You need only be concerned that she is learning on grade level not that she be the smartest in her class. You really don't want to put that kind of pressure on her as it will make her be too hard on herself.
If only we could have a glass ball to see what the future holds. This is a tough decision. My son was a late october b-day and by the end of kindergarten we had to make this choice. I wouldn't base it on smarts. kids tend to level out eventually. My son was very smart by the end of the year but he wasn't reading well. I made the decision based on two things. 1st I was concerned that in a short time he would be faced with star testing and I wasn't eager to have that put on him at a young age and 2nd his teacher said to really look ahead. Did I want him to be the 16 year old running with the 17 year olds or would I rather him be the older.She said all to often she see's parents have regrets and problems by 5th 6th grade when you really can't socially get away with keeping them back. Now you are faced with the diffucult dynamic of her class mates moving on with out her. We didn't have that because he was in a k-6 home school class. So only 2 days a week dose he go to school. I know kids can be harsh but I don't think you will find it as much in these lower grades. Plus so many schools have mixed classes she might find her self with former classmates in the years to come. Like another mom said take into consideration if a second year is going to be a bore for her. Been there done that already. See what her teacher has to say. And most of all trust your motherly intuition, it's a gift just for your child. Good luck
Hi,
I held my son back in kindergarten. He's birthday is in late Oct. But I kept him back because he wasnt ready at all social or academically. The person I would talk to is the teacher and ask what they think. I'm glad i held my son es doing so much better this year than having to strugle to get head. I wish you the best of luck.
Hi Molly,
My daughter is now in high school, but was always one of the youngest in her class (her birthday is late Sept). I was very involved in her school and knew the kids in her grade very well. I also worked in a first grade class room for three years. My observation, is that age does not make a difference in intellegence. The main reason to hold a child is if they are non-focused or unable to settle down and listen. To hold a child who is mature enough and bright enough to move on, can lead to boredom. Also, in my daughters class when they graduated 8th grade, the brightest girl in the class was the youngest, with a December birthday. The oldest girl (Oct one year older) struggled the most. Hope this helps.