my mother in law recently moved out of state. she is remarried and has been for about five years. she married a man who seems to be nice. maybe too nice. he goes overboard in order to make us like him. my children are the only grandchildren so my husbands mother wants to see them often. now that she is out of state she likes to take them for the weekend. this should be every parents dream to have a break and be able to leave their kids with a family member. the catch is her husband. we have been very careful to leave the girls with only people we know, almost always strictly family members. we do not know much about this man and he is very into our kids. he enjoys having them around and planning things to do with them. he has never done anything that raises a red flag but, i am worried about them spending time alone with him because we don’t know him and it is always situations like this where you hear of children being abused. i completely trust my mother in law but, if they are there for the entire weekend she cannot be with them around the clock. what can i do, and what do i tell my mother in law when she asks if she can have them for the weekend? (which happens at least once a month) if i am not going to let them stay there is going to be a problem. thanks for your help!
the girls are two and five and we have talked about good touch and bad touch. it is just a gut feeling,something instinctual that makes me nervous about them staying with him.
I understand your concern's. But why just because someone is "too NIce" would they be a physical or sexual predator?
does your husbans feel this way too? how old are the girls?
not knowing the girls age's makes it diffcult to give advice.
you say there's no "red flags" how can you get to know your father n law better? can you, & your husband go with for weekend visits? so the kids can get acclaimated with grandma's house? her husband? she can learn the way you do things, and the order you do them? bath's? meals? did they keep the kids when they did live in the same state? seems sad that your girls could be missing out on a wonderful relationship/and adventures with Grandma and her husband.
You don't say how old the girls are. Have you had the talked with them about "good touch" "bad touch"? Have you showed them their body parts that should not be touched? Have you made it clear that no matter what someone tells you "you tell mommy and daddy what happens when your away? Have you let dad bathe them so they know how they should let someone touch them to clean them? Can they clean themselves? Can they dress themselves?
Talk to you mother-in-law about how you do things, like the girls bathe together and can clean themselves. They can dress and undress themselves. The first visit maybe you and your husband go with for the weekend but stay at a hotel and let the girls stay at grandma's to get used to it and you ask the girls how things went.
This man has been around for 5 years and you don't know him?? How long does it take for someone who is trying his hardest to make you like him to become a part of the family. I understand over caution but the truth is stop watching so many TV shows where the preadtor is "the nicest man I knew" and be grateful for parents who take an interest and want to keep your kids. My parents would not even keep mine overnight when I was giving birth to the next one. I agree with the posts that say educate your children abut good and bad touch but look at the statistics and know that keeping your kids away from even their relatives becasue of your own fear is just not right.
I would try to get to know the husband better. Can you spend a few weekends with your in-laws as a family, so you can see for yourself how the girls interact with the husband? He may truly just be a really nice man, but if your gut instinct is telling you otherwise, it is best to listen to it until you feel secure. Keeping your girls safe is the top priority, even if it hurts someone's feelings.
Do the girls enjoy his company? Have they ever been upset when with him? Often you can tell if something is wrong, just by how your girls act or what they say.
Good luck.
Hi. I just went through the Protecting god's children which was required if I wanted to be around kids in my child's preschool. Most people who are abusers are family and friends. Its pretty scary. I know you don't want to cause problems. Maybe tell her you're not ready yet. Did you have a talk with your children about the whole subject. If it were me I wouldn't. Today you just have to be very careful!